by T. R. Cupak
What the hell is wrong with me?
This is Griffin Sloan.
I never once looked at him this way in high school. Well, except for that one time when Kimberley had a pool party and he came out of the pool all drenched in water and he caught me looking then threw me in, much to Chase’s amusement.
“Still, okay?” He smirks, letting go.
“No. In fact, that probably turned me on so much that I could strip you down to nothing and take you right here. Though, you’ll have to whip out the badge because it would be official business.”
What the hell was that!
“Very bold of you, Addy. Didn’t know you had it in you.”
“There’s a lot you don’t know about me.”
“Oh really, like what?”
This is my moment. The moment to redeem myself.
“I love Oreos, like really love them. But I hate that they get stuck in my teeth so I never eat them. Instead, I eat all this organic shit to make myself look good for my employees and promote wellbeing, but each night after work, I hit up Five Guys.”
“I wouldn’t have pegged you for a closet Five Guys diner.”
“Yeah, the struggle is real.”
“What else?” he coerces, leaning forward and resting his elbows on the table.
“I had this ex-boyfriend. Sex was great. He could have been the one. Everything was great you know, but he just didn’t get me. He didn’t get my career and my goals. The sex was great and all but I didn’t want kids or to be that wife yet. God, I’m rambling. Did I just say the sex was great?”
“You did. Twice, actually.” He throws back a shot, eyeing me apprehensively. “It’s only as great as your sexual yardstick. And perhaps you’re carrying a small stick.”
“I think my stick is large. Wait…I’m not a whore or anything. No, that came out wrong. It was great…okay so yeah maybe not knock-your-socks-off but then again, like why would you be wearing socks during sex to knock them off, you know?”
Drunk Addison – 1
Redeeming Addison – 0
The crowd becomes even tighter, and somehow we find ourselves closer to one another and still forced to raise our voices due to the excessive noise.
“Maybe you need someone to knock your socks off, to make you think of him and only him,” he says slowly, his gaze lingering on my lips as I bite down.
“Or maybe, I’m drunk and have no clue what the hell this conversation is about.”
“Maybe this is your way of telling me that no man has ever pleasured you in a way that has made this sexy body of yours completely melt in his hands.”
Wow. He’s good.
“That’s a lot of maybes,” I respond, ignoring my skin flushing and raised temperature.
I think of something to add, but Chase comes in with a tray of something else and sets it on our table.
“Drink up. We’re going to honor Jones for the man he was.”
The three of us raise a shot in the air.
“For you, brother. Rest in peace.”
“I love you, Jonah!” I yell at the top of my lungs.
We throw the shots back on cue. It burns. I shake my head, scrunching up my face and reaching for another to wash down the burn with more burn.
“You know what, Addy?” Chase puts his arms around my waist from behind me, pulling my hips and rubbing his crotch against my ass. “Jonah would want us to hook up tonight. Like old times.”
I fall into a fit of laughter, coughing and almost choking on my own saliva.
“Jonah would have told you to leave me the fuck alone because you’re engaged to one hot model and I’m a fat blob who secretly eats Five Guys every night.”
“You eat five guys…like dicks?”
“What?” I shout, laughing even harder. “No, like the fast food!”
“Oh, good.” Chase grins. “I miss you.”
Griffin stares back at Chase, eyes wide with jealousy. The guilt begins to creep in, though I’m unsure why. Neither one of these men were available for me to screw around with. Chase was engaged and Griffin—he was Chase’s best friend.
Was—past tense.
STOP.
Chase’s lips touch the skin on my neck, his tongue rolling beneath my ear over a very sensitive part of my body.
I push him back, slightly. “C’mon Chase, people are watching and you are engaged.”
“So what?” he retorts angrily. “What if I don’t want that lifestyle?”
“And fucking me tonight would be the answer?”
“Yes,” he responds, licking his lips with a devilish grin. “We were so good together. Griff, remember the time I told you she sucked me off under the bleachers?”
Griff grits his teeth, turning his focus away from me. “Yes.”
“And that time we did it against Principal Benson’s car and I blew my load on his Honda badge?”
“Oh my God, Chase. Was nothing private?”
“Aww, c’mon, Addy. We were having fun.”
I’m aware of the growing tension among the three of us. I don’t want to look at Griffin, embarrassed that he knew such intimate details about me.
“Yeah, Addy, you like to have fun, don’t you?” Griffin asks with a raised brow.
“You know what? I’m going to the ladies’. When I get back, we can change subjects, please.”
Somehow I stumble my way to the ladies’ room, wait in line until my bladder was ready to explode, only to sit on the toilet and realize the stall had no paper and that my ass was against a public toilet seat. This couldn’t get any worse.
Then, my cell lights up in my purse and I pull it out quickly in case it was important.
There’s only one man going to be inside you tonight.
Take a guess who?
Griffin. I respond quickly with the first thing that comes to mind.
You.
There’s a bang on the stall door; some chick who needed to puke was my cue to get the hell out of there. Navigating back to the table is difficult. First, I couldn’t recall where the table was, and then I was this-close to starting a conga line with some random women at the bar.
By the time I’m back at the table, I’m distracted by Chase. He brought some people to hang with us, making the space even tighter. I squeezed my way to stand next to an attractive woman trying to score on Griffin. He seems to enjoy the attention, but what he seems to enjoy more is watching my reaction, which is jealousy. I remember that my cell is in my hand and his unread text is sitting on my home screen.
I’ve been waiting ten years. Saddle up, baby.
My legs begin to quiver, and the rest of my body reacts to the fantasy of being touched by Griffin Sloan. There was no way we could slip out. Chase was still hovering over me and demanding that I come back with him to his hotel room.
Griffin continues to eye me from across the table until his cell lights up and his expression switches to worry.
“Shit.” He texts back furiously then downs the bottle of water that sat in the middle of the table. “I have to go.”
“Wha…why?” Chase and I sputter in unison.
“There’s an emergency downtown. Shit.”
He doesn’t say another word, not even goodbye, before racing out of the bar in a mad rush.
Chase and I stand here, unsure of what to say or do. We had no idea what all that meant and Griffin leaving us behind wasn’t how we wanted to spend the night. It was bad enough that Kimberley couldn’t make it and now, we just lost another one.
“C’mon, Addy. It’s just you and me. Let’s go dance.”
Chase pulls me to the middle of the dancefloor. Even though he laughed and performed his usual moves that made it all the more fun, I couldn’t stop thinking about Griffin.
He was all I could think about.
Chapter Six
I knock on the door.
I’m trying to piece together the words together to express my thoughts but they’re just one big jumble and the more I think about the sit
uation, the more I begin to sweat.
With one hand, I’m holding a tray with two coffees, while my other hand is tucked into my pale pink winter coat. Beneath it I’m wearing a white tee and jeans. It was early on a Saturday morning and I had barely slept. The bags under my eyes were heavy, and likely Patrón induced, but it was this worry over Griffin that kept me awake.
The door creaks open. Griffin stands on the other side still dressed in his uniform.
He looks exhausted. His normally exuberant green eyes are ringed with dark circles and his hair is a beautiful mess. Having watched the news, I knew why. A guy in an unmarked van rammed pedestrians downtown. According to the media, five pedestrians were struck by the van and are in critical but stable condition. The driver, only twenty-five, had his apartment raided and it was found that he had planned to carry out several more attacks which would have killed many people.
“Hey,” Griffin says faintly, clearly tired but offering me a small smile. “Come in.”
I step in, stopping for a moment to look at the surroundings. It was a typical bachelor pad: simple black leather sofa and large flat screen facing it. There’s a gym bench in the corner and the kitchen on the left. It’s slightly larger than a studio apartment in an older style building. It’s neat, nothing like I expected from a man living alone. Wait, unless he didn’t live alone and he had a partner, which I should have asked but never thought to. Oh my God. What if I’m a hussy on the side?
Okay, stop, brain.
First of all, Griffin and I hadn’t crossed lines, so kindly shut the hell up. Secondly, I would never be a hussy on the side. That’s not cool.
There’s a small coffee table centered on a circle rug. I place the tray down and remove my coat since the apartment temperature is reasonably warm.
Griffin has already sat down and, without thinking, I sit beside him, keeping my distance yet desperate to throw my hands around him and hug him tight.
“I heard—well, no, I watched and read. Are you okay?”
He bends his head down and buries his face in his hands as he shakes his head. “No. I’m not okay.”
“Griff.” My hand rests on his knee, rubbing it slightly to let him know I care. It was awful seeing him so sad. “It’s okay not to be okay. Does that make sense? What you do is amazing. You put your life at risk for other people. I saw the news—you saved the little girl who was wedged underneath the van. You laid beside her and kept her calm while they lifted the van.”
“I know what happened, Addy. The nightmare was mine to live.”
“You saved her life.” Biting my lip, I do my best to hold back my tears. The footage on TV was compelling. I could never begin to understand how terrifying that would have been for him and I didn’t know how else to tell him how much I want to be here for him.
“Tell me what you need. What can I do for you? Do you need something to eat or do you want to get out and walk? Just tell me, Griff.”
He raises his head and I see the pain and sorrow etched all over his beautiful face and deep within his bloodshot eyes. Griffin has always had this big heart. He never had to speak many words as his actions always spoke louder.
“All the time I was laying there, I kept thinking, this bomb could go off at any minute. I wasn’t even in the bomb squad. I just ran in and saw her and refused to let her go. They kept telling me to get the hell out of there but I couldn’t leave her alone. She cried out to me, begged me to save her.” He pauses, looking down at his hands. “Her hand was so small.” Emotion makes him choke up and he shakes his head then takes a deep swallow to continue. “She had no idea that van was a ticking time bomb. No idea that at any minute, we could have been blown to pieces.”
A tear escapes, falling down my cheek. He continues and the emotions are red raw.
“I didn’t care about me; I just wanted her to live. And when they lifted the van and she escaped, I swear she had this aura around her. Like, I saw something—a hand or something—resting on her shoulder. By that point, I was emotionally and physically a wreck.”
“I’ve heard of that,” I speak quietly. “Just someone watching over her. It’s not her time. She’s here for a reason and so are you.”
“All these years, I fought to be alone. I didn’t want to inflict pain on anyone. Then, Jonah takes his own life. He had all the money in the world but the loneliness was one of the triggers for his anxiety. I knew that; we often talked about it. I guess it was what we bonded over these last few years.”
Griffin turns to face me, eyes wide and full of desperation.
“I didn’t just have a crush on you in high school, I was in love with you. God, it killed me to see you with him every day. In college, I got shit-faced drunk all the time, trying to forget about you, which I admit I eventually did. But then, I saw you yesterday and it all came flooding back. Every single thing I loved about you is still the same.”
I’m speechless, wracking my brain to recall the times we hung out and if there had been any signs of Griffin being in love with me. I’m coming up with nothing. High school seems like a lifetime ago.
“I had no idea,” I begin, nervously wringing my hands while stalling. “You looked so in love with Kimberley…I just didn’t see it.”
“I put on a good show.”
I’m scared to look into his eyes, scared to want him so deeply that I wouldn’t be able to tear myself away. He wears his honesty as proudly as the badge that makes him the person who he is.
“I need you, Addy.”
“I’m here. I promise, I’m not going anywhere,” I reassure him, “I even saw a Five Guys down the block so I’m really not going anywhere.”
“No.” He raises his hand and caresses my cheek. I close my eyes and bask in his touch, feeling this warmth and safety that deepens into an intense mix of emotions. Is this possible? Can I possibly be feeling what I’m feeling for this man so quickly?
Slowly, I open my eyes to meet his. There’s a magnetic force between us. And suddenly, when I think back to all those days in senior year, I realize there always was this pull between us. I just never knew what it was, chalking it up to an awkward friendship that felt forced at times because he was Chase’s best friend and Kimberley’s boyfriend.
“I want you. All of you. I’m not wasting another moment of my life without you. I fought this connection for years and refuse to do it anymore. I don’t care about Chase or Kimberley. It’s you. It’s always been you.”
His hands suddenly grips my face; his lips press firmly against mine as he leans forward and pins my body against the couch. His tongue rolls against mine, hard and forcefully, sending a stream of sensations to every part of my body and making me ache everywhere for him.
My hands move towards the back of his head, clutching his hair in my fists as we fight to get closer to one another.
I pull away, out of breath. “Griffin, take me now. Please.”
He scoops me into his arms, carries me into his bedroom and lays me flat on his bed. In a slow, agonizing pace, he unbuttons my jeans and pulls them down my legs. Since I’m in a hurry, I remove my shirt, leaving me only in my bra and panties.
The desire in his eyes, the raw animalistic hunger, is staring back at me. God, I wanted to combust laying here as I stare back at this gorgeous man in his uniform. It was so much more than his attire, it was the man underneath it. This beautiful, kind-hearted man that dedicated his life to protecting. I almost hated myself for wasting years on idiots when all along he was there.
I sit up, pulling him close to me as he leans down and places his mouth on mine. Every kiss becomes harder, more aggressive and demanding. He wants to own me—now, here, in this moment. He commands me to lie down and watch him pleasure me like no other man has before.
I crumple beneath his touch. Every sordid lick and caress of my heated skin causes me to moan louder. He breathes my name, each syllable dragging against his lips with a raw growl that lingers as he kisses the sweet spot between my thighs. Slowly, he pulls down my
panties and runs his nose along my pubic bone, eyes fluttering as a deep moan escapes.
I wait with bated breath, anticipating his next move, his next touch. He lays down on the bed, rolling me to the side and positioning himself behind me, grazing his palms against my backside and tracing the contours like a map, which makes me moan in delight. Impatiently, I push back and grind myself against him. He is hard, so rock hard that I’m scared he’ll break me.
I’m coming undone, desperate to have him inside me. I turn around so our bodies are facing, owning his lips and begging him to enter me. The clasps of my bra unravel, and his eyes widen as my breasts are exposed.
“You’re still so beautiful, just like when I saw your tits accidently fall out of your bikini top at Brittany Banes’ Fourth of July party.”
My heavy breathing becomes a laugh. “You saw that?!”
He responds with a grin, burying his head between my breasts before circling his tongue around my nipple. My back arches, the sensation so unbearable I’m ready to just jump him myself.
“I did,” he breathes against my skin, “You were so goddamn hot. I remember it clearly, a red and white striped bikini top and navy bottoms. You wore your hair in two braids and had these huge white sunglasses.”
“Wow, I can’t believe you remember that.”
“Tell me,” he questions with a smirk, “are you ready?”
I nod, in love with the way his eyes speak more than his words. His lips crash against mine, kissing me deeply before he pulls back and stares at my face. He doesn’t move, taking shallow breaths and maintaining his steady gaze.
“Why are you looking at me this way?” I keep my voice low, conscious of the fact that his eyes haven’t left mine.
“Because once I’m inside you, I’ll never be able to leave.”
