Saint or Sinner: A Contemporary Romance Novel

by Jolie Day

  “Unfortunately, it’s true. Connor Carmichael is back. Just like you.”

  Chapter 3

  The bath had done nothing to make Mira feel better. Instead it had just made her exhaustion even worse. The long flight and the emotional rollercoaster reunion with her sister had been extremely tiring. The news about Connor’s return, however, had really knocked her off her feet. With only a towel wrapped around her, she finally fell into bed and almost started to cry again. But then she found what her sister had left her. She saw a familiar furry leg sticking out from underneath her pillow.

  She pulled out Mister Knister. He looked old and worn in places, but he was still the most beautiful teddy bear in the world.

  His dark round eyes seemed to look at her tauntingly. “It’s okay,” she murmured softly and slipped under the covers. Without thinking, she placed Mister Knister to her right on her pillow, just like she had done every time all those years ago. Mira could have sworn that she caught the faintest smell of her mother’s perfume, but she also realized that after seventeen years, that would be rather impossible.

  When she woke up, the sun had already set a while ago. It was just after eight o’clock and from the smaller south-facing balcony, Mira could see all of the billions of colorful lights of the city glowing in the darkness. She felt numb. As if the chaotic feelings from just a couple of hours ago, had completely drained her emotional reservoir. Just as she remembered that Connor was back in L.A., her anger flared up again. With a vengeance. During these last few years, Mira hadn’t thought about him very much. He had merely become a very distant memory.

  She got up and padded to the bathroom, where she applied a little make-up and forcefully brushed her thick hair out of her face. Maybe her inner indifference wasn’t such a bad thing. After all, she planned to drive to Arcadia that night to see her mom. Mira picked up the phone and called the front desk of the hotel to order a cab. It was just after eight o’clock, so a visit should still be possible, she thought.

  When Mira arrived at Nightingale Manor, the house was mostly dark. Any random person walking by would have assumed that this place was just another home — just a very imposing one. There was no sign to let anybody know that this was, in fact, a sanatorium where numerous wealthy patients were housed for as long as their finances would allow it. Mira remembered those first very chaotic days after the death of her father, before Russell Forbes had taken over the company and assumed responsibility for the two girls — her and Suzanne. The shock of the violent murder of her husband had destroyed the already fragile mental state of their mother, which meant that she had been incapable of caring for herself — let alone for her children. Several doctors had recommended admitting her to a clinic, as she posed a risk to herself and her family. Since then, Suzanne had taken Mira to visit their mom in this place, only once. She had been so subdued, because they had her pumped full of sedatives and tranquilizers, that she was incapable of any kind of reaction towards her daughters. Shortly after that, they – Russell – had sent her to that boarding school in Switzerland.

  Mira rang the doorbell and waited patiently in front of the only dimly lit entrance. After what seemed like an eternity, the bored voice of the night nurse sounded on the intercom. Mira knew that there were supposed to be two security guards in the building, who would come and rescue this woman, should she need it. This arrangement wasn’t so much due to the people inside the house, but instead was due to the ever-increasing crime rate, which had made the two security guards a necessity. At least that was what Dr. Flinch had explained to her during her last visit. “Since we allow our patients to receive visitors around the clock, we have no other choice but to resort to such measures. The alternative would be regulated visiting hours, which would impinge on the privacy rights of a lot of people in here.” Mira had completely understood what the doctor had tried to explain to her: Basically, the families paid a lot of money for the privilege of coming and going as they pleased and whenever their stressful jobs might allow a random visit.

  Mira explained to the night nurse who she was and that she was here to see her mother. The door was buzzed open and one of the security guards came to greet her, before bringing her to the reception area. “Hello. I would like to see Mrs. Dumont. I am her daughter, Mira.” The night nurse didn’t wear a uniform and she seemed almost too young for such a responsible position, with her stripy shirt and loose sitting ponytail.

  “I will need to see an ID.”

  “Of course,” Mira replied calmly, handed the woman her identification card, and waited patiently. The nurse made a copy of her ID and then typed some stuff into the computer in front of her. She asked her some more security questions, such as her mother’s birthday and full name, and cross-checked those with the saved information, before Fabienne — as her name tag suggested — printed out a visitor’s tag.

  “Your mother is currently residing in the Rose Room,” the nurse explained. Even though Fabienne did not speak very loudly, her voice seemed to echo off the walls surrounding them. Mira felt slightly uncomfortable that she had turned up so late. “You go up the stairs to the first floor. It is the last room at the end of the hallway to your right. George can accompany you, if you like. And please – try not to be too noisy, as most of our patients are already sleeping.”

  “Of course,” Mira assured the woman and politely told the guard that she wouldn’t need his help. “Who would I need to talk to, if I want to discuss my mother’s health condition?” Fabienne raised her eyebrows curiously, but then caught herself quickly and resumed her professionality. “With me. Dr. Finch will be available from tomorrow morning at around seven-seven thirty. If you stay that long.” And if you are not satisfied with what I might say, Mira silently finished Fabienne’s sentence.

  “Thank you,” Mira answered and turned around to walk away, just as the nurse started to say something. “I need to inform you that your mother has received several pain medications and therefore won’t be very responsive. However, please bear in mind that she can still hear, so you should be mindful about what is being said around her.”

  Mira stopped abruptly. “I don’t understand. Who would I be talking to, if my mother is asleep? And anyway, what are you insinuating – that I would say something to upset my mother?”

  Fabienne looked very ashamed, but she didn’t retract her statement. “Of course not, Miss Dumont. You and I want the same thing,” she said reassuringly. Her bright eyes remained steadfastly fixed on Mira’s face and Mira immediately had to admit that she had misjudged Fabienne quite a bit. “Mrs. Dumont should live out her last days in peace, and it is therefore best that upsetting conversations are avoided.”

  “I agree. My apologies.” Mira noticed a faint smile on Fabienne’s pink lips. “However, what I would really like to know is who else is visiting my mother at such a late hour? Is my sister here?” Mira pushed a loose strand of hair out of her face.

  “No. Mrs. Forbes likes to visit earlier in the day, usually around noon,” explained Fabienne. “It’s your brother-in-law.”

  “My brother-in-law?” Mira knew how surprised and also how sour her voice had sounded as she said that. This was not only literally unbelievable, but also extremely unlikely. “How often does he come to visit?” The nurse’s face remained blank, even though the question was saturated with sarcasm. It occurred to Mira that Fabienne would probably have had to deal with some weird and unnatural family situations on a regular basis, given where she worked and what this place entailed.

  “Is something wrong?” Mira was obviously tense, and she wasn’t very good at hiding her emotions at this point. Fabienne seemed concerned.

  “Oh. No. I am sorry. I am just very surprised. That’s all.” What did Russell want from her mother? Mira didn’t like him. She distrusted his motives and she very much resented his disregard for her. However, she did not think that he would do anything to harm her mom. After all, there had been plenty of opportunities, if he had his eye on the inheritance. Also,
he would not be so stupid as to sign in with his own name, if he were to plan some kind of murder.

  “Mr. Forbes has visited Mrs. Dumont three evenings in a row now. He usually arrives at around eight thirty in the evening…” The nurse looked at the visitor’s log on the computer. “… and he stays for around one hour.”

  “Thank you,” Mira said, and she made a mental note to leave Fabienne a nice tip when she left later. Was that something that she expected anyways? She nodded to the young woman and then walked past George, the guard, who had stood there silently the entire time.

  Mira walked up the stairs, turned right, and walked towards the last room in the hallway. The name of the room was painted onto the door and there was also a small window, through which Mira would be able to see her mother’s bed. Her heart pounded hard in her chest. She hadn’t seen her mommy for such a long time and right now she was overwhelmed with feelings of love, shame, guilt, and childish anger that she had abandoned her and Suzanne all those years ago. Mira breathed in deeply, rubbed her sweaty palms on her jeans, and looked through the small window.

  What she saw made her heart beat even faster.

  Next to her mother’s bed sat a man in a chair. He had his back to the door. His left hand held one of her mother’s hands, his right hand turned over a page in a book that lay on the bed in front of him. His head was lowered slightly. Mira hesitated for a split second, because this man couldn’t possibly be her brother-in-law. Despite the distance and the somewhat awkward angle, she was fairly certain that this wasn’t him. His shoulders were just too broad, the black shirt was cut a little too tight, and his long blonde hair almost reached his shoulders.

  Her heart skipped a beat when the man suddenly lifted his head as if he had felt that he was being watched. For a split second, the world stood still. Mira tried desperately to regain some kind of control over her wild and chaotic thoughts. What she saw and what she had been told, did not make any sense. The man then closed the book, released her mother’s hand from his, and gently put it back onto the blanket. There was a lot of tenderness in that one small gesture. He stood up and watched the sleeping woman in front of him for a moment, before grabbing the heavy chair with one hand and gently putting it back into the corner of the room.

  Mira’s heart seemed to want to burst out of her chest. She stepped back from the door and her first impulse was to just turn around and run down the hallway. To leave Nightingale Manor, before he did. Or at least to hide. Somewhere. But it was already too late. The door opened.

  And in front of her stood Connor Carmichael.

  Chapter 4

  His surprise was just as big as hers. Mira noticed how his eyes widened when he saw her. Did he recognize her? The last time he had seen her, Mira had been eight years old. Back then, she had been a frightened young girl. Today, she was a 25-year-old woman. And right now, not very much less frightened. Her heart raced, and her palms began to sweat once more. All that she saw was Connor Carmichael.

  The man who had killed her father.

  The man they had let go, due to a lack of evidence.

  The man who had ruined her entire life and that of her sister, and their mother, with just one tiny movement of his index finger, when he had pulled the trigger.

  Before she knew what happened next, she had lifted her hand and slapped him across his face so hard that the bones in her fingers trembled. She didn’t even realize just how much of her anger and despair she had put into it, because his head had barely moved, but even in this dim light she could clearly see the outline of her hand on his now reddened cheek.

  Then she turned on her heel and ran down the hallway towards the stairs. Her breathing came in short and rapid bursts as she tried to overcome the incredible chaos inside of her. She ran blindly past Fabienne and noticed, with relief, that George had opened the door for her. For an early autumn night, the California air was surprisingly cool, and Mira was grateful for the refreshing breeze outside the house. She took a deep breath and held on to a street light. Her entire body was shaking almost violently.

  She had run away. Just like she had done all those years ago.

  The sound of steps came from behind her, and when she turned around in panic, she saw that Connor had followed her. He walked slowly and made no attempt to hide his presence from her. Her entire body was shivering so badly that it literally paralyzed her to the point where she couldn’t walk away from this situation. Memories of this man back then, when he had lifted her up, pressed her against him and carried her back to bed, blended into what she was looking at right now.

  As he came closer, the light of the lamps above him brightened his face a little, before plunging it back into the dark and then lighting it up again.

  When Connor Carmichael came to a stop right in front of her, Mira was so scared that she thought she would pass out. He lifted both of his hands in a calming and soothing manner, but she didn’t understand that.

  “Mira,” he said with a low voice and right then something inside her snapped.

  Her eyes filled with tears and she could not stop them. His betrayal was so very painful and still so fresh, as if it had happened only yesterday. First mom and then dad — they had both trusted him. And how had he repaid them?

  “Please let me explain…”

  “No,” Mira interrupted him rudely and stumbled away from him. The heel of her shoe got stuck somewhere and she almost fell, but she managed to catch herself and kept running. Away from him. Away from this man. The tears in her eyes made it difficult to see, especially in those darker areas between the sparsely located street lights that were not very bright to begin with. She ran into something and screamed in pain. He caught her and held her, subduing her tears, pressing her head close to his chest just like he had done all these years ago. He even smelled like he had back then!

  “Please, Mira. Calm down. I won’t hurt you.”

  She lifted her head away from him and pushed against him as hard as she could. Her breasts were heaving because she was so out of breath. Connor reached his hand out to her, half pleading and also a little demanding. “At least let me explain why I visited your mother.”

  Mira’s reaction was something she had no control over. She burst out laughing. It was in the middle of the night, they stood in a wealthy part of town in a street lined with upper class houses, and the man who had destroyed her entire family, had come to visit her dying mother. What was there to explain? What could he possibly want to explain?

  “Leave us alone!” Mira’s voice was soaked with disgust for him. “And do not dare to come near my mother ever again. Why did you come here? Did you need to see how much you have broken her, one last time? Did you need to rub it in her face, just how wrong she had been about you?”

  For a split second, Mira noticed a look of impatience on his face. The light around them was only faint, but he seemed a little agitated. She saw his jaw muscles clench and his blue eyes narrowed ever so slightly. She immediately took a step back. He reminded her of a hawk, fixated on its prey and ready to catch it any second now. Mira felt like a mouse, paralyzed and staring into the eyes of death. At this point, all she could hope for was that it would be quick and painless.

  “I did not kill your father.” He spoke quietly while watching her face carefully for any kind of reaction or answer. He didn’t find any. The hand he had stretched out towards her, fell to his side. “I could never hurt your mother. I would rip my own heart out of my chest before I’d do that.”

  “I do not believe you!” She spat her words out in utter disgust, and Mira felt her self-confidence slowly creeping back into her veins. She realized two things: For one, they were standing in a street lined with houses full of people. If she was to scream for help, she would be heard. She was sure of that. And even if nobody came to her rescue, they would certainly call the police. The other thing was — if Connor really did want to do her harm, he would have done it by now. How much time had passed already, since they had been standing here? />
  She pulled her shoulders back and defiantly wiped her tears from her face. “What is it that you want? Why did you visit my mother?”

  “Don’t you know?” He silently moved towards her. Connor Carmichael was a muscular man. That much was obvious, even though his body was covered by all of his clothes. And yet, he moved as smoothly as a predator, with a quiet elegance that seemed to belie the sheer mass of his muscles. When her heart skipped a beat, Mira realized there and then that he had made no attempt to hide his footsteps as he had followed her — just like he had allowed her to slap him straight across the face. This man seemed dangerous. Fast and silent, just like that hawk he reminded her of.

  “I wanted to see her one last time before she dies,” he said brutally and without hesitation. Mira stared speechlessly at his face and for a short moment she saw a darkness in his eyes before it disappeared again.

  “You are lying,” replied Mira angrily. “Just like you have been lying all this time. Let me go. And do not dare to try and see my mother again. I will inform the house about your false identity and I will also let the police and our lawyer know about this. I will get an order of protection against you for my entire family, and if that includes getting a restraining order, then I will do that too. Do you understand me?”

  He lifted his head and stared at her with an unimpressed look. His lips curled into a mocking smile. “The little girl has grown up, I see.” He shrugged his shoulders. “A little fighter. Fine by me. Go ahead. Get your lawyers involved. I’m looking forward to that hearing.”