And then I feel his breath on my neck, and he’s whispering the darkest, dirtiest things to me and I feel my body start to convulse as those waves of pleasure and pain return with a vengeance. My hips jerk upwards, and his hand is still deep inside me and just knowing that pulls another almighty orgasm out of me, and I cry out so loud they probably heard me in the next town. And he’s still whispering to me, and I need to hear him say those things; I’m living those things, we’re doing all that shit. And I’ve never felt so alive. He kick-starts my days and winds me down at night, and I still need him. Maybe I’ll always need him, I don’t know. But this almost emotionless connection we have, I still need it, even after all this time. I’m still not ready for anything more. Anything real. I can’t go there.
My fingers loosen their grip on the pillows and I keep my eyes closed as everything starts to slow down, and I try to steady my breathing because, right now, it’s almost painful, my chest is so tight. And then he slowly pulls his hand out of me, and I bite down on my lip as he frees himself, and the sudden emptiness I feel is slightly overwhelming. For a few minutes he was a part of me, and I liked the feeling. I liked the safety.
He rolls over onto his back, but I keep my eyes closed for a few seconds more. And then he gets up and goes into the bathroom, and I open my eyes and stare up at the ceiling as my breathing finally starts to steady itself. My entire body feels incredible. He put himself in me, and in doing that he gave me the strength and the power I need to get through another day. But if I need an extra jump-start at any point; if I start to flag or fall foul of the memories that still won’t leave me alone, he’ll be there to give me what I need. He’s my drug, my safety net. He’s my necessary evil. And I know that Mack – he was my Zeb substitute. I needed that escape; the sex, the games, I needed all of that, because, when I was with Mack Zeb wasn’t there, like he had been before. Had I really become that dependent on him? Am I still that dependent on him now? Am I quite happy to stay here, and live this life, because he keeps me in this bubble of masked reality? I’d started to feel something for Mack. I can admit that now, I know those feelings were real. They were happening, and that’s why I’d had to walk away. I’d started to feel. And I don’t want to do that. I don’t want to feel anything, not anymore.
I close my eyes again and stretch out, the heat from the slightly open window burning my skin and I wonder what time it is.
‘It’s a travesty that body should ever be covered by clothes.’
I open my eyes and smile as I watch him pull on jeans and a black T-shirt and rake his hands through his dark, messed-up hair. ‘Why don’t you just tie me up and leave me like this, huh? Then you can take me whenever you feel like it.’
He walks over to the side of the bed and leans over me, kissing me deep and dirty and I feel my thighs start to ache all over again. ‘Don’t think I haven’t thought about it, princess.’
I smile again, and in an action I have no control over my hand drops and I touch myself, flinching slightly because but I’m still sensitive down there. And he’s watching me, his eyes following my every move.
‘How’d you fancy getting some more ink done?’ he asks as he finally walks away from the bed and over to the sideboard where he gathers up his gun and his knife, tucking them away in his belt. And none of this fazes me. This is my normal now. ‘I’m not going to the studio today. Jay can handle things over there.’ He turns back to face me, and the corner of his mouth twists up into a smirk as he notices I’m still touching myself. I need to. He did this to me. He makes me do this. ‘I can do you something kick-ass on that beautiful shoulder blade of yours. You up for that?’
Zeb did all of my tattoos. Every single one of them. He’s a great artist, I trust him, with a tattoo gun. With any gun. But he’s only using one kind on me.
‘I don’t know…’ I gasp as I feel another, albeit smaller rush start to build.
‘Ink looks good on you. And it turns me the hell on.’
I close my eyes and let a softer, almost languid wave wash right over me. And then I feel him pull me up and my legs are wrapped around him before I’ve got time to take another breath. He pushes me back against the wall, and he’s back inside me within seconds, and I cling onto him as he fucks me fast and hard, this is nothing more than a release of frustration. And it’s over in minutes, and his eyes meet mine and he smiles, and we laugh, and for a tiny fraction of time things feel normal. But then my leg catches the gun he’s tucked away in his belt and my new reality crashes forward once more.
But I need this.
Until I can struggle to remember the life I once had, I still need this…
Mack
‘You seen Viper lately?’
I look up to see Odi helping himself to a shot of bourbon. ‘It’s nine in the morning.’
He shrugs and knocks the shot back in one. ‘We imposing drinking time curfews round here or something?’
I throw the paper I was reading down onto the bar and drag my hands back over my hair. It was a late one last night, and I’m kinda wishing I’d had a few more hours sleep.
‘So?’
I look back up at Odi. ‘What?’
‘You seen Viper? Only, he’s gone off the radar these past few days and…’
‘No, I ain’t seen him. But I know he’s in Vegas.’
‘Vegas? What the fuck’s he doing in Vegas?’
‘How the hell should I know? I’m not his fucking bodyguard.’
Odi leans over the bar and fixes me with a look he’s been giving me for months now. ‘Where do we stand with him and his crew, Mack? I mean, I know things are OK now, after all the shit that went down, but does he really trust us like he used to?’
‘He wouldn’t be working with us if he didn’t. You know that.’
‘Keep your enemies closer, you ever heard of that one?’
I throw him a look right back. ‘We’re OK, Odi. All right? All that crap happened months ago. We’re back to normal, things are good. So quit with the paranoid shit.’
‘Yeah, well, maybe I don’t trust him, you ever thought of that?’
‘Huh?’
‘How do we know Viper’s crew still aren’t gonna dole out some form of retaliation.’
‘Jesus Christ, will you just let it go? They won’t. They don’t play the long game. If they were gonna do anything it would’ve happened a long time ago.’
‘You seem pretty confident about that.’
I fix him with a stare that tells him I ain’t in the mood for this. ‘He knows it wasn’t us, Odi. I was working with him, for Christ’s sake. I was willing to let him gun her down for the sake of this club…’ That realization still causes bile to rise in my throat and I reach for the bourbon, slugging a mouthful straight from the bottle. ‘Viper and me, we were working together, remember? And it was fucking months ago, so can we just drop it now?’
Odi takes the bottle from me. ‘It’s nine in the morning, boss.’
I throw him another look then rest my elbows on the bar and drop my head into my hands. I really could’ve done with sleeping more last night. I’m freakin’ wrecked! I sigh heavily as I look up, and the fact Odi’s expression is one of concern now really pisses me off. ‘It ain’t us he’s gunning for, OK? It’s Izzi. He ain’t gonna forget what she’s done – what she was gonna do.’
Odi frowns. ‘He’s still looking for her?’
I shrug. Because I don’t know. I know he’s still pissed that a girl had a gun up in his face. A man like Odi don’t forget shit like that. And I know there’s still talk, even months after Izzi skipped town, of how he ain’t gonna be happy until he’s found her. Until he’s sought his own kinda revenge, for her making him look like an asshole – his words, not mine. ‘If he is, I ain’t getting involved.’ I can’t go there. I made my choice, and that choice was to put this club first. Before anything. Izzi – she’s history.
‘And you’re OK with that, are you?’
I narrow my eyes as I stare back at him. �
�You got something you want to say to me, Odi?’
He leans back against the counter behind him and folds his arms. ‘If he wanted your help to track her down, to finish her off, would you be up for that, Mack?’
Yeah. I’m really not in the mood for this. ‘What Viper does is his own business. And I told you, I ain’t getting involved in shit that don’t concern us no more.’
‘That don’t answer my question.’
I look at him, but I ain’t getting into this. ‘Izzi’s gone, and I have no idea where she is. If Viper wants to track her down that’s up to him, I’m done with that crap now.’
Odi raises an eyebrow, but like I said, I’m done with this. So I pull myself away from the bar and head down to my room at the back of the clubhouse, kicking open the door with probably more force than was necessary. And that wakes the pretty, dark-haired girl I spent most of last night fucking just to take my mind off all that crap I just told Odi I’m done with.
‘Jesus, Mack, come in why don’t you?’
She sits up and the sheet falls down to her waist, exposing her pert tits, and the sight of them stirs my frustrated cock and, come on, I can’t ignore that, can I? I might be pissed but I’m not made of fucking stone.
She smiles as I unzip my jeans and stride over to her, pushing her back into the mattress, spreading her legs with my knee. ‘Time to say good morning, darlin’.’
She takes me willingly, and as soon as I sink into her warm pussy I breathe a sigh of relief. This ain’t gonna take long, and I don’t want her hanging around here any longer than she has to. I just need to get my frustration out then she can fuck off and go join the rest of the biker whores who frequent this place, all hoping I’m gonna choose them to be my old lady. Ain’t gonna happen. But, hey, I’ll happily give them a little bit of what Mack Slayer has to offer.
My whole body tenses up as I feel the climax take hold, and within seconds I’m coming, and she’s gripping me like a freakin’ vice, which just causes more spasms and I shoot more out into her, Jesus! I needed this!
I’m done. I pull out and zip myself back up, turning away from her without another glance.
‘Is that it?’
I can do without her whining. She should think herself lucky she got in my bed at all never mind stayed the night. Sleepovers aren’t really my thing, I can do without the mixed signals it sends to those mamas who want in big time.
‘Get dressed and get outta here, darlin’. I’ve got work to do.’
‘You doing anything tonight?’
I turn around, and she’s kneeling up on the bed, all naked and pretty but it’s doing shit for me now. I’m feeling nothing. ‘I’m busy, sweetheart.’ I pick up her T-shirt that’s lying on the chair by the door and throw it at her. ‘Come on. I ain’t got time for this. Put your clothes on and get outta here.’
She pulls the T-shirt on and walks over to me, reaching out to run her fingers over my chin but I grab hold of her wrist to stop her, my eyes burning into hers; she needs to get the message.
‘Didn’t you hear me, darlin’?’
She smiles, and then she backs away because they all get the message in the end. Mack Slayer dropped the ball for a while. He got distracted. But he’s back now. He’s back…
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Izzi
‘All done, princess.’
I wince slightly as Zeb wipes the last of the excess ink from my brand new tattoo – a skull and thorns that covers my left shoulder blade. It’s taken two days to complete and my skin feels raw with fresh pain but it’s worth it. It’s another badge to mark my new existence. I’m slowly but surely branding myself with more of these designs; covering my skin with ink to show the world who I am now.
He leans forward and gently kisses just to the right of my tattoo, and I shiver as his hands rest on my hips. The sun is just about to set but it’s still warm here out in the front yard of the place I now call home; a modest-sized, fairly secluded one-storey house. I don’t know where we are, exactly, I mean, I’m still getting my bearings in a country that continues to be alien to me. But I know we’re somewhere just outside of Albuquerque, New Mexico. And I know I’m safe. Sam’s assured me of that, and I trust him. I trust Zeb – with my life.
‘You OK?’ Zeb asks, and his hands remain on my hips, his fingers lightly stroking my skin.
I nod, and I lean back against him, and then I remember the fresh tattoo and I jump forward, and he laughs. ‘Bastard.’ I can’t help laughing, too. ‘I’ll be sleeping on my stomach again tonight, then.’
He moves his mouth up next to my ear and his laugh turns low and dirty. ‘Taking you from behind is fine by me, darlin’.’
Another shiver wracks my body and I turn around and kiss him, our fingers sliding together as they rest on my thigh. ‘Thank you,’ I whisper, and he touches my face, his thumb lightly stroking my cheek.
‘For what?’
‘I dunno.’ I cover his hand with mine, and I look up into his dark, almost black eyes. ‘For everything.’
He smiles, and it’s a wide and beautiful smile that changes his entire face from cold and hard to something completely different; something even I never get to see that often in him. I don’t think it’s a side of himself he likes showing. ‘We ain’t done yet, Izzi.’
I squeeze his hand and return his smile. ‘No. I don’t think we are.’
He kisses the tip of my nose and lets go of my hand. ‘I’ve gotta go make a few calls. I’ll bring beer.’ He climbs off his stool and winks at me before retreating back into the house. I contemplate following him, because I’d quite like to get a look at my new ink and I kind of need a mirror to do that, but the appearance of Sam stops me from heading inside just yet.
‘All done?’ he asks, sitting himself down on Zeb’s recently vacated stool.
‘Yeah. All done.’ I twist my shoulder round slightly so he can check out my tattoo, and he smiles his approval.
‘Looks good on you.’
I turn to face him, crossing my legs up underneath myself. ‘Everything all right?’
He says nothing for a second or two, he just looks at me, and that makes me slightly nervous. I’ve spent too much time with this man not to recognize when he’s got something on his mind.
‘Sam? Is everything all right?’
‘Do you think about him, Izzi? Do you think about Mack?’
I’m slightly startled by his question, but not completely surprised. Sam might come across as a dangerous man who’s lived the kind of life I only ever thought existed in movies, but I know he regrets not having Mack in his life. I know he wanted that. And I miss him, too. I’m just not letting myself dwell on what could have been. It’s pointless. ‘Sometimes.’
I watch as he bows his head, and I think it’s the first time I’ve sensed any vulnerability in him. And it’s a touch unnerving. Things seem to be shifting; changing. And I’m not sure I’m all that comfortable with it. ‘You and Zeb…’ He trails off and raises his gaze, his eyes meeting mine, and when they do there’s no vulnerability there now. That’s just disappeared. It’s gone.
‘What about us?’
He looks at me, and I’m confused by this whole conversation but I’m not going to push it. And then he shakes his head and stands up, throwing me a smile that I know means he doesn’t want to continue this. Neither do I. My shoulder’s really beginning to sting now and all I want to do is drink that beer Zeb promised he’d bring me and chill out here on the lawn.
‘You hungry?’ he asks in a major conversation shift.
‘Not at the minute.’ I jerk my head back, indicating my tattoo, and he smiles again.
‘Well, just let me know when you are. I’ll order some take-out.’
I watch as he returns to the house. And I wish with all my heart he hadn’t mentioned Mack.
Mack
I can’t do it. I thought I could, I thought I could just go back to how it was before but I can’t do it. It’s been almost six months and I still can�
�t get her out of my head. I still can’t stop the sick feeling in my stomach at the thought of something happening to her, that I could prevent. And I hate myself for putting her before this club, but that’s exactly what I’m doing now. Because I have no choice.
‘Odi. Can I have a word?’
Odi’s working on his bike but he looks up as I approach, placing the wrench he’s holding down on the leather seat. ‘Sure. What’s up?’
I reach into my pocket and he watches as I lay the President’s rocker in his hand.
‘What the fuck…?’
He looks at me, but he already knows what’s happening.
‘Jesus, Mack…’ he sighs, his fingers closing in around the rocker.
‘I’ve gotta do it, Odi. I can’t get her out of my head, and if Viper really is looking for her… I can’t let anything happen to her. I can’t.’
‘Do you know what you’re doing, bro?’
I shake my head, because I have no fucking clue, not really. But for once in my sorry fucking life I’m following my heart, and just the thought of that makes me smile, because I can’t believe I’m even thinking about shit like that. What the hell is wrong with me? Mack Slayer – the man with the cold heart and the hard cock, letting himself be swayed by a woman.
‘Look, Mack… what about…?’
‘I can’t let Viper know I’m leaving to look for her, Odi, you know that. If he thinks that’s what I’ve done all kinds of shit’ll kick off. So I need you to take over, and I need you to tell everyone that I’ve left because I just need to get my head together; because Sam turning up like that fucked with it big time. Let them think I’m weak, just for a little while. I got friends in Washington State, and as far as everyone else is concerned that’s where I’m heading. I’ve left leads, briefed a few guys over that neck of the woods, just in case Viper wants to check my story out. Because he might. You know he probably will. But I’ve got it covered.’
Broken (Soldiers of Darkness MC Book 1) Page 25
