‘Shit! Mack, are you sure…?’
I bow my head and rake a hand over my hair, breathing in deep. ‘All I know is I have to find her, Odi. I have to find her because she fucking killed me. She got inside my head and she never really left, she never let go, and I can’t live like this. I can’t.’
‘Mack Slayer letting a woman get to him, huh?’
I smile, because it’s fucking crazy, what’s happening here. But she won’t leave me alone, and when she asked if I’d ever been in love I wasn’t lying when I said I hadn’t. But I was close. Man, I was so fucking close, I must be, if she’s driving me to this.
‘D’you have any idea where she might be?’
I lean back against the wall and pull a cigarette from my cut pocket. ‘I’ve been asking around. And Sam, he left a few clues, that night. Clues I’ve tried to ignore, because I wanted to think they were too obvious. I mean, why would he make it so easy for me to at least hazard a guess as to where he was taking her? But I’m kinda banking on that being the case now.’
‘Clues?’ Odi frowns and accepts the cigarette I offer him.
I light up and blow smoke up into the clear blue sky. ‘Yeah. I noticed a card, in his pocket, the night he was here at the clubhouse. I remember it had a number on it, and I’m almost positive it was an Albuquerque area code.’
‘Sounds a bit too easy to me, bro.’
I shrug and take another drag on my cigarette. ‘Maybe. But right now it’s all I’ve got.’
‘So, all this time you’ve had an idea where she might be?’
I nod, but I don’t look at him. Because all this time I’ve been kinda lying to him, and this club, telling them I had no idea where she was, when I had some idea. And it was enough to get her into trouble. ‘I couldn’t say anything, Odi. I couldn’t. If Viper found out…’ I trail off and keep my eyes down on the ground, watching as ash from my cigarette falls onto the concrete. ‘I couldn’t say anything and I’m… I’m sorry, OK? I never wanted to lie to you or anyone in this club but…’
‘You still care about her, huh?’
I raise my gaze and throw him a weak smile. ‘Yeah. I guess. Too much to forget what I know.’
‘And you think they’ll still be there? I mean, it’s been almost six months now. Maybe they’ve moved on.’
I shrug again and take another drag. ‘Maybe. But I’ve gotta try, Odi.’
Odi leans back against his bike. ‘I think you’re crazy. And I dunno whether she’s worth all the crap, Mack, but…’
He don’t finish that sentence, and that’s wise. I don’t want his opinion.
‘When are you leaving?’
‘Right now. I’ve loaded the few things I need onto the bike and I’m outta here.’
‘You ain’t riding there, are you? Jesus, Mack, we’re talking New Mexico.’
‘It’ll take a couple of days, if I don’t stop too often. And I’m quite looking forward to the time alone. It’ll give me a chance to get my head together. To think straight.’
‘Could be a wasted journey. And even if she is there, how the hell are you gonna track her down?’
I throw my cigarette onto the ground and grind it into the concrete with the heel of my boot. ‘I’ll find her.’
‘You gonna be OK?’
I smile, because once more the loyalty of these brothers is unsurpassed, even if they don’t agree entirely with what I’m doing. And I know I’m crazy for leaving the only security; the only family I’ve ever known behind for something so uncertain, but I need to do this. I need to find her. I need to know. ‘I’m gonna be fine.’
‘Yeah.’ He moves forward and hugs me, and for a brief second I wonder what the hell I’m doing. But then I remember her face; the way she made me feel shit I’d never felt before. I remember I liked it. I never forgot that. So I’m going. ‘Yeah. I know you are.’
‘Look after this chapter, Odi. Please. It’s all I fucking know so – look after it.’
‘That’s a given, bro.’ I know he’s gonna run this place just fine. And I know that if Viper starts asking questions; if he starts digging, which he probably will, I know Odi can handle it. We look out for each other. It’s what we do.
‘I’ve walked away from this chapter, but I haven’t walked away from this club, Odi, you got that?’
He smiles, and he knows. He knows I’ll be back, somehow. Somewhere.
I’ll be back.
But I gotta find Izzi first…
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Izzi
I hear them talking, in the kitchen, and I know I shouldn’t listen in but I can’t help myself. I’m curious. Sam’s been acting kind of weird lately and I’m a little nervous about what the reason for that might be. I mean, what if Viper’s found out where I am? I’m not stupid, I know he isn’t going to forget what I was planning to do, even after all these months. Men like him don’t forget, especially when it was a woman who was planning to cut him down. So if I’m in some kind of danger don’t I have a right to know?
‘If you’re starting to feel anything for her, Zeb…’
I frown and lean back against the wall beside the slightly open kitchen door. I’m not sure this was the conversation I was expecting to hear.
‘Of course I feel something for her. I ain’t made of stone…’
‘That’s not what I mean. Come on, Zeb, don’t play dumb. You know what I’m talking about. And I’m worried. About what this shift in your relationship with Izzi might mean.’
What shift in our relationship? What are they talking about? And then the reality hits me, and I close my eyes for a second and breathe in deep.
‘She needs someone to take care of her, Sam. She ain’t as tough as she thinks she is…’
‘I know. But she’s quite capable of looking after herself, she doesn’t need a bodyguard.’
‘I don’t want to be her fucking bodyguard, Sam.’
‘Then what do you want?’
I feel my heart start to race and I place a hand on my chest as my breath catches in my throat.
‘I’m not fucking doing this, OK?’
There’s an edge to Zeb’s voice now, and it does nothing to calm me.
‘You’re reading shit into something that ain’t happening, Sam.’
‘Am I? You’ve just told me you don’t want to be her bodyguard anymore, so, if that’s the case, why do we need you around?’
‘Don’t play that fucking game, all right? I know you were hoping he was gonna follow her, that he was gonna turn up here and everything’d work out just how you wanted it to, but it just don’t seem to be happening, because I ain’t seen any sign that he’s even looking for her. Have you?’
‘Mack may have made his choice, Zeb, but that…’
‘You don’t think I’m good enough for her, is that it? You ain’t her father, so I guess you don’t get to have a say...’
‘I care about her.’
‘So do I.’
I don’t know what to do. Do I go in there? Do I try and diffuse something I still don’t fully understand? I just know that I don’t want these two to fight. They’re my stability. I need them to work together.
‘I care about her too, Sam. Don’t think for one second I don’t.’
‘I’m worried you’ll hurt her, Zeb, can’t you see that?’
‘My reputation goes before me, huh?’
‘You’re forty-seven years old. She’s twenty-six. She’s a child compared to you…’
‘She’s all grown up. She ain’t no kid, and she don’t need you fighting her battles no more.’
No. I don’t. And I’m suddenly starting to feel a little claustrophobic; a little smothered. What I’m hearing, it’s making me nervous.
I run back to my room and pull my holdall out from under the bed, and then I sit down and clasp my hands between my knees as I take a second to think about what I’m doing; what’s happening. What did I actually hear in there? Am I in over my head here?
I get up and walk
over to the window, crossing my arms against myself as I look out. It’s a beautiful day, the sun is shining, and I’m supposed to be going for a ride with Zeb in a little while. Just me, him and his Harley, tearing up the roads, something so familiar to me. Aiden and I, we’d used to ride all the time. Different kinds of bikes, of course, what with Aiden being a Superbike champion, but it still felt the same – that sense of freedom. Yeah. Freedom. Do I really have any?
‘Izzi?’
I don’t turn around. I don’t want to face him right now. But that doesn’t stop him coming over to me, and I react only slightly when I feel his hand rest lightly on my hip, his mouth gently brushing the side of my neck.
‘You OK, princess?’
‘I heard you talking to Sam.’ I turn around and look at him, and his hand remains on my hip. ‘What’s happening here, Zeb?’
He cups my face, his thumb stroking my cheek and he smiles, well, it’s a sort-of sideways smirk, but it’s him. That’s Zeb.
‘You told Sam he was reading shit into something that wasn’t happening. What do you mean by that?’
His eyes bore into mine, and I feel his hand press a little harder against my hip. ‘I’m tired of the bullshit, Izzi.’
I cock my head a touch, and he continues to stroke my cheek; continues to look right into me.
‘I’ve been with you too long, taught you too much; spent way too much time inside you not to feel this way, darlin’.’
My stomach contracts, and I suddenly realize it’s with excitement. Really? I can go from scared to excited just like that and still not know why?
‘So what you heard…’ He edges closer, his mouth resting against my ear as he speaks, ‘was me telling your surrogate dad in there how I really feel about you.’
My breath hitches as his hand sweeps around to cup my bottom, his fingers tangling in my hair as he pulls my head back and kisses me and my stomach, Jesus, it’s doing something I can’t get my head around. I’m kind of lost here. But the confusion, it’s nice.
‘You don’t want to be my bodyguard anymore, huh?’ I smile, and he flashes me that smirk again, squeezing my bottom as he pushes me against him.
‘Well, that body of yours does need some guarding…’
I laugh out loud, and it lifts the intensity slightly, which is good. Because I’m still not entirely sure where this is heading. ‘That’s so lame, Zeb.’
He laughs too as he leans in to kiss me again, and I wrap my arms around his neck and hold him as the kiss grows deeper and harder; until our bodies are molded so close together there feels like there isn’t an inch of space between us.
‘Things’ve changed, Izzi,’ he whispers, and his mouth remains on mine, resting lightly against it and I close my eyes and breathe him in. He makes me strong. He gives me hope that, one day, I’ll finally forget the shit that happened; the life that was cruelly ripped from me. He masks my pain and he gives me the escape I need. He could do that forever, and maybe that’s what I need – a permanent escape.
‘And what if I don’t want them to change?’
He pulls back slightly, and his eyes once more burn into mine, and I feel my chest tighten and my breath catch again. ‘It makes sense, baby.’
I take his hand and pull it away from my face, and his fingers curl around mine and I like the feeling. But am I relying on this man just a little too much now? Maybe it’s time I really did start to stand on my own two feet. It’s not like him and Sam didn’t prepare me for that.
He looks over at the holdall I threw onto the bed, and then back at me. ‘Going somewhere?’
‘I panicked.’
He raises an eyebrow. ‘You want to get away from me that bad, huh?’
‘I don’t want to get away from anybody, Zeb. But you know how I feel about…’ I take a deep breath and drop my gaze, but he tucks a finger under my chin and lifts my head back up. ‘I’m terrified, Zeb. To feel anything for anybody. I’m terrified, because I can’t lose them the way I lost Aiden. And you and Mack you…’
‘Mack?’
He frowns, and I reach out to touch his cheek, trailing my fingers down over his rough skin, running my thumb along his lower lip. ‘I was starting to feel things for Mack, you knew that. That’s why I had to walk away, because I don’t want to feel anything. That’s the only way I can protect myself from that pain, Zeb.’
He squeezes my hand and I look up into his eyes. This man is dangerous. Unpredictable. And I can stand here and claim that my attempt at blocking out feelings is working great, but it isn’t. I’d like it to, but it isn’t. I still feel something for Mack Slayer. But I can’t have him. He doesn’t want me. He’d have come looking for me if he did. Do I feel something for this man here with me now? Yes. I feel something. I just don’t know what, and it’s confusing.
‘We could be good together, princess.’
I smile, I can’t help it, it was a reflex action I couldn’t stop from happening. ‘Maybe… Zeb, I’m scared.’
He kisses me again and I fall against him; let his arms wrap around me and hold me so close I can barely breathe. And he doesn’t have to say anything. His kiss is telling me all I need to know. I don’t have to be scared anymore…
Mack
I slowly open my eyes and squint slightly at the bright sunshine filtering in through the gap in the drapes. I must’ve slept for way longer than I intended to, but I guess I put in a few too many hours on the road yesterday.
I pull back the covers and swing my legs over the edge of the bed, dragging my hands back over my hair as I try to get my head together. I’ve never been much of a morning person. Usually takes me a while to get going, but I have a reason to get the hell outta this rough motel room as soon as I can and get back on the road, just me and the bike and a head full of confusion. I have a reason.
I don’t think I’m that far from New Mexico now. And as I take a piss and brush my teeth I wonder, for the first time, if coming here; if looking for her was the right thing to do. I mean, I find her, and that means I find Sam and that fucking cousin of mine, too. A man who seems to think he has some kinda hold over Izzi. What the fuck is that all about?
I hurl my toothbrush back into my rucksack and stare into the mirror. I look like crap, but that’s what two days on the road and very little food does for you. And the heat, man, it’s freakin’ exhausting! But I’m almost there…
Heading back into the bedroom I pull on my clothes and shove the last of what little I’ve brought with me into the rucksack and sling it over my shoulder. I’m wasting no more time. I gotta get to her before that prick lays any more of his weird shit on her. What do I do about him and Sam, if I do happen to find them all? I have no fucking idea. No clue. All I’m seeing is Izzi. She’s the only target on my radar. Everyone else can fucking wait.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Izzi
‘You don’t approve, do you?’
Sam looks up from his laptop and peers at me over the rim of his reading glasses. ‘Of what?’
‘You know what.’ I lean back against his desk and fold my arms.
He closes his laptop and removes his glasses, laying them down on the desk. ‘It just all seems a bit sudden, Izzi. That’s all.’
‘You really think me and Zeb is sudden? Because the more I think about it, the more I actually think it’s been happening for a long time. Even before I met Mack.’
Sam’s eyes lock on mine as I mention Mack’s name. ‘I’d hoped he’d come for you, Izzi.’
‘I know.’
He frowns. ‘You’d hoped for that, too?’
I nod, and briefly look down. I had hoped, for a little while, in the beginning. I’d let myself hope, and then felt an all-too-familiar stab of pain hit when I realized he wasn’t coming, and that’s when I had to draw back. That’s when I think, subconsciously, I started gravitating more towards Zeb.
I hear Sam sigh and I raise my gaze. ‘I left enough clues to almost lead him to us, Izzi.’ He notices the expression on my face chang
e, and he reaches out to take my hand, squeezing it gently. ‘Nobody else will have noticed those clues, I promise you that. They were for him and him only, I was very careful about that. Nobody else will know where you are. But Mack – he would’ve noticed the clues. I may not have been around to see him grow up, but, I know my son, Izzi.’
‘So he really didn’t want to find me – find us, then.’ I phrase that as a statement rather than a question. ‘If you really did make it that easy for him to pick up on those clues.’ I turn my head to glance out of the window. Zeb’s sitting on the porch steps checking over his gun, a cigarette hanging from the corner of his mouth, his dark hair falling down over his eyes and I watch as he raises a hand and pushes it back off his face. ‘And maybe that’s for the best.’ I turn back to look at Sam. ‘That he never came. Mack was never meant to be my future, you told me that yourself, Sam.’
‘Things can change, Izzi.’
I shake my head and glance back outside. ‘Mack was never meant to be my future. But maybe Zeb was.’
‘Izzi…’
I let go of his hand and walk over to the window, watching as Zeb tilts back his head and blows smoke up into the air, the cigarette still hanging from his mouth; everything I never wanted in a man is now the kind of man I think I need.
I turn around and I look at Sam and then a pang of guilt swamps me. ‘I’m sorry, Sam. I know you really hoped he’d want to get to know you, but maybe it was all just a little too late, huh?’
He gets up from behind the desk and walks out front, leaning back against it, his eyes locking on mine. ‘Maybe… Look, Izzi, you’re still my family. You know that, don’t you? That’s how I think of you now; how I’ll always think of you.’
I smile, and I don’t even know why he feels the need to question that. I have a lot to thank this man for. Without him I don’t know where I’d be now. ‘Yeah. I know.’
Broken (Soldiers of Darkness MC Book 1) Page 26
