Lazy Blood: a powerful page-turning thriller

by Ross Greenwood

  ‘What are you doing here? Have they finally found your porn stash?’

  ‘Very amusing William. I came to offer my support.’

  ‘Who told you?’

  He saw an almost imperceptible move of his head towards Darren but he recovered quickly. ‘A bloke I knew well was here for non-payment of council tax a few weeks back and saw you.’

  ‘Yeah, who?’

  ‘Does it matter? Look, here is some money.’ He gave Will fifty quid in five ten pound notes. Will was stunned; Will had never received anything off his brother except Chinese wrist burns and dead arms.

  ‘What’s this for?’

  ‘If you get jailed today you go straight away. No popping out to get some cash to pay for concrete pants to safely shower in.’ He looked well chuffed with his little joke, but Will didn’t have a penny on him.

  ‘Won’t they just take my money off me when I arrive and give it back when I get out?’

  ‘If you turned up with a grand they might do, but if it’s just a hundred they put it in your private jail account and put some in your spending account straight away. It means you can buy tobacco and sweets on the canteen straight away otherwise you have the ball-ache of having to get money sent in, or worse earning it. That can take weeks and you are going to have some long nights of chain smoking in the beginning. Here, put this in your bag too.’

  He handed him a plastic Sainsbury’s bag which Will opened to find contained four packs of Haribo’s and five packs of Benson and Hedges Gold.

  ‘You always did like your chewy gooeys.’

  ‘I’ll be able to keep these too?’ He looked for confirmation from the others. His barrister gave him a guilty nod and Darren shrugged.

  ‘You get given a tobacco pack when you arrive if you smoke,’ he said.

  ‘Jesus, that’s hardly likely to last me two weeks, didn’t you dinkers think to mention any of this before?’ He included his barrister on his sweep of dirty looks and looked up at his brother in a new light.

  ‘Thanks.’ He stood up and offered his hand.

  ‘No problem, it’s what any brother would do. It’s the easiest thing to get into debt over tobacco when you arrive. You can get it on tick, but its double bubble and it soon adds up.’

  ‘What’s tick and what’s double bubble. How do you know all this?’ Aiden said suspiciously.

  ‘I did some time a few years back. Just a few weeks for drink driving ironically. We didn’t tell anyone. You’ve always been the golden boy Will.’

  Some of the old Nathan shone through as he condescendingly replied to Aiden, speaking more slowly than was necessary.

  ‘Tick is where one packet of tobacco is lent to you. Double bubble means you have to give two packets back on your next canteen, or it doubles again.’

  It was all a lot to take in. His friends reached into their pockets and gave him all the notes they had. Darren even gave him his three remaining Mayfair cigarettes. Nathan handed him a condom.

  ‘You may find it beneficial for your sexual health to use this when your new gentlemen friends come calling.’

  ‘I think I’ll give that a pass actually. All I need is for that to drop out my bag in a busy shower and they will think my ass is open for business.’ Will looked at Nathan and unexpectedly found he wished his parents were there all of a sudden.

  ‘All I need now is Sara to show up, maybe my parents, couple of my teachers from school and my current boss,’ he said to distract himself.

  They all laughed. Darren tapped him on the leg.

  ‘I saw Sara.’

  ‘Brilliant. I don’t want to know thanks.’

  ‘She was walking through the shopping centre here.’

  ‘Don’t tell me.’

  ‘She was pushing a double buggy thing, with some tall prosperous looking handsome dude, probably called Rich Rupert. She looked really good too, really happy.’ Darren roared with laughter.

  ‘Cheers you git. What a brilliant thought to take with me to prison. It’s a shame you didn’t take a photo, I could have pinned it on my cell wall.’

  ‘Heh, they probably haven’t had sex since the kids were born, not with each other anyway,’ Carl said when he had stopped laughing. ‘He will be snorting coke in the train toilets on the daily commute to London just to get going and she will be downing a bottle of red wine just so she can face the school run. He’ll have spent every posh holiday glued to his lap top trying and failing to maintain his finances, which have become a house of cards the current economic malaise will bring crashing down.’

  ‘Yes Will,’ Aiden added. ‘You will be safe and sound with three square meals and the local armed robber doing your laundry for you.’

  ‘That’s better,’ Will laughed. ‘Just throw in a particularly nasty gardening accident involving a strimmer and Rupert’s genitalia and I’ll sleep like a baby. Maybe Darren could have been helping him at the time and been de-nutted as well.’

  Their laughter was interrupted by Will’s name being called. He took a deep breath, picked up his bag and nodded to his mates. Darren got up and shook his hand.

  ‘If you do go down, don’t worry, I know a lot of people in there, you will be fine.’ Not particularly reassured Will strode through the doors to an echo of ‘Good lucks’ from everyone.

  As he walked into the court he was directed into the dock. This time there was already a heavy set security officer standing in there who sized him up like a tailor would a client. As Will turned round to face the room he heard the dock door being locked. His bag slipped out of his hands, both of which were now sweating freely. He didn’t want to look over at his friends, so he faced the front where the judge was already sitting. He confirmed his details in a croaky voice and was told to remain standing for sentencing. The judge seemed to be in a poor mood and spoke in a rapid clipped fashion with flowery language that was hard to follow.

  ‘Mr Reynolds. The report has come back indicating you are a law abiding citizen who has lived a crime-free life. You are a professional businessman and have no end of character references confirming your noble endeavours. I have taken this all into account.

  However I cannot get away from the seriousness of that day’s behaviour. The flagrant disregard for the law and lack of mitigating factors exacerbates your predicament. Untold damage could have been done to any number of innocent bystanders. It is a wonder no-one was incapacitated or killed. The aggravating aspects of the poor condition of your vehicle and your outrageous attempt to escape justice have led me to only one conclusion.

  A short sharp shock is needed in this case. We cannot have people thinking it is acceptable to run away from the law. I am therefore sentencing you to six months in jail. You will receive credit for your full admission and early guilty plea, so this is reduced to four months. Of this you will serve two. If you commit further crimes in the following two months you will be returned to jail to serve the remainder.

  I hope I do not need to state that if I ever see you again for something similar I shall not be so lenient. Send him down.’

  Will had tried to prepare himself for this, but he was still shell shocked. He wasn’t really sure what all that meant. The security guard handcuffing him immediately though left him in no doubt. He looked over at his shit barrister who was intently focusing on his nails. He scanned to his friends, who looked shocked and visibly upset. The last face he saw as the door opened behind the dock and he was dragged into the darkness beyond, was that of his brother Nathan. He was grinning like a Cheshire cat.

  33

  29th October 2008

  It was the cell door being unlocked and pushed slightly ajar that finally woke Will. He just about caught the word breakfast being barked into the cell and opened his eyes. His first sensation was of feeling refreshed. Yesterday had been an insanely long day. His belongings had been taken off him and he had spent the next nine hours in a waiting cell under the court with a guy who looked and smelt like if he pissed himself it would be the first wash he had experi
enced this year. This tramp had woken up once when the sandwiches came round stating ‘Gotta eat, who knows when the next meal is coming’ before going back to sleep. At least that was all he said, although no-one else had talked to Will either.

  Time had dragged like waiting for a delayed flight in an airport. Weird slow time in a strange environment. No communication of what was happening, or when. The transfer had been a blur. The thing he remembered clearly was holding his breath as he entered his cell, wondering what horror may be lurking in there, but it was a single and relatively clean. The officer called Duke had been pretty reasonable throughout the whole searching, stripping, and questioning routine since he arrived and gave him a smile.

  ‘Don’t get used to being on your own. We have no PNC’s for you so we can’t risk assess you for cell sharing.’ Will had given him a blank stare so he had explained.

  ‘PNC, Police National Computer. Before we put you in with someone we need to make sure you didn’t strangle your last cell-mate with your shoelaces whilst he was watching TV. You have probably got two days at most.’

  So Will had climbed fully clothed under his ancient looking duvet, pulled his thick towel from home on top for warmth and slept. Maybe it was the fear of going to prison had gone as he was already here. Maybe it was the fact that the horrific foreign psychopathic cell-mate who liked to watch you sleep hadn’t materialised. Probably a combo of those two things and the sleep deprivation he had been experiencing these last few months, but he slept like a baby.

  When he woke though, his imagination ran riot. His mind began to process where he was and he could feel the wretched thing start to create unpleasant scenario’s waiting for him as soon as he stepped out of his cell.

  Before he could force himself to get up and face whatever reality was out there, which was never going to be worse than the things his mind was creating, his door was gingerly pushed open and Will had his first encounter with a greasy smack head.

  ‘Just got here have you Bruv? Don’t worry, it’s not too bad here. You haven’t got any burn have you?’

  Will followed his longing gaze which had focused on Will’s two remaining Mayfair on the cell floor. He then looked at Will’s towel, his pupils expanding and contracting as though they were electronic. Will knew well enough to say ‘No’ but didn’t want to make any enemies at the same time. Shame they had not let him keep his sweets. Not that this guy looked like he had the dental capabilities to tackle a cola bottle. He doubted he would be much of an enemy either. He looked so sickly and yellow that a slight cold would be enough to carry him across the River Styx.

  Before he had to deny him a smoke they were joined by another prisoner. He shoved the junkie into the corner and he collapsed cowering onto another seatless toilet. ‘Surely there is a whole in the market there’ he strangely thought.

  ‘Get the fuck out. If I find you anywhere near him again the next cigarette you smoke will be in the infirmary.’

  He slung him out as though he was a flatulent dog needing its morning constitutional and turned to regard Will with a cold but vaguely familiar look.

  It wasn’t until the man’s face creased into a grin and he spoke that he recognised him.

  ‘Fancy us sharing the same hotel,’ said Dean, from all those years ago. Will couldn’t have been happier than if his suitcase had been the first one out of the conveyor belt at the arrivals terminal. He jumped to shake hands, but Dean hugged him as if he was a long lost brother.

  ‘Shit man, it’s good to see you. I got a letter from Darren saying that you might be coming.’

  Will stared again at Dean and felt another rush of relief to see a friendly face.

  ‘It’s good to see you. Did you just arrive here as well?’

  ‘I’ve been here long enough to be a wing worker on this wing which is one of the better jobs here. This is the induction wing where everyone comes through, so I knew I would see you if you arrived. The screws are pretty sound on here, they are always looking for normal people to be wing workers, you know, the ones who aren’t going to sell the toilet paper and make spears out of the mop heads. I’ll get you a job on here. How long did you get?’

  ‘Six months. But as I went guilty I think I got it lowered to four months, but I think I might have to serve two. Maybe, it was all a bit confusing.’

  ‘I know, it’s a head fuck, you are whisked away and no-one explains anything. I thought I had a whole bloody year to do, no-one said anything about doing half. Thank the lord I won’t have to be here at Christmas. You will get a sheet of paper slid under your door in a few days telling you what day you will be released.’

  As he said, that his demeanour changed and he gave Will a serious look.

  ‘My wife got me sent here if you can believe it. We had a few drunken rows and she got a restraining order on me. I couldn’t go within two hundred metres of my own house and my own son if you can believe that either. Anyway, she rings me up, drunk, come over, have a few drinks, see your boy, he misses you. So I do. I turn up and it’s all good, same as before. I stay over. The crazy cow rings the police while I’m asleep, says I wouldn’t leave and before I know it I’m in here. Absolute joke.’

  Will nodded in agreement but suspected there was a whole lifetime of issues in play and his wife would have a very different version of events.

  ‘I’m starving.’

  ‘Come on then Will, I’ll introduce you to the boys. Cornflakes today, do you like cornflakes?’ Will shrugged.

  ‘Good,’ Dean laughed, ‘Cos it’s always bloody cornflakes, or rice crispies. I hate rice crispies.’

  The wing was quieter than he was expecting; a more subdued vibe to it than an atmosphere of suppressed violence. They took their breakfast back to Dean’s room and ate it companionably on the bed. Dean’s room was spotless, the floor shining. One wall was covered with pictures of what he guessed was his wife and a little lad who was his spitting image.

  Will noticed a picture of two squaddies in maroon berets. He got up and went over, bending down to see it on eye level in the gloomy light. As he suspected it was Darren and Dean. They looked so young and vibrant. He turned to look at Dean and smiled, but inside he was thinking ‘Look at the state of him’. He could pass for fifty. Whereas before he had been whippet thin and sleek he was now chunky and jowly.

  ‘I know, look at us.’ Dean held his stare. ‘What happened eh? I don’t even know where I’ll go when I get out. I can’t believe I’m homeless.’

  ‘Can’t you go back to your parents?’

  ‘No, my dad is long gone and my mum’s old now. We had a few fallings out when I first got out too. It’s not really fair on her at her age.’

  Will wasn’t sure he definitely wanted to know but in the end he asked.

  ‘Why did you leave the army?’

  Dean stopped eating his cornflakes and put his Tupperware bowl down on the floor next to his plastic stool and looked out the barred window.

  ‘I lost it man. A lot of us did. We were exposed to enemy fire almost daily and even though I seemed to cope out there, I couldn’t back here. I’d have flashbacks and night sweats, that’s if I slept. I had huge mood swings and the only thing that seemed to make it better was drugs and alcohol. My missus took it for a long time, bless her.’ Dean stopped talking and turned to look at Will. ‘You can only take so much you know.’

  ‘Have you thought about seeing if Darren can help you out?’

  ‘Do you still see much of him? How is he?’

  ‘He’s fine, a little highly strung these days. Not seeing his kid hasn’t helped.’ Will found he was going through the usual platitudes but knew he was covering up for Darren. He wasn’t sure why as he could see by the look on Dean’s face that he knew what was going on.

  ‘Don’t tell him this please Will, but I don’t want to see him. We did a lot of things you know. I know they were orders, but in the light of day I can’t seem to live with the fact I did them. I don’t think Darren can either and when we meet, well it�
�s immediately brought straight to the surface.

  There are a lot of us here Will, ex-forces. We get burnt up and burnt out. You were scared to death sometimes but you felt alive, throbbing almost, a real buzz.

  Then you are out, discarded. Unwanted and useless. There aren’t many job adverts for past-their-best assassins with an unpredictable temper and penchant for mind subduing substances. Not long after you’re discharged you are sat on a cheap sofa staring at a shit television, day in day out. You were Special Forces, now you are a nobody, in a small dirty terrace in Huntingdon next to a virtual stranger, watching bloody Countdown.’ He took a huge breath.

  ‘Bet you glad you asked eh?’

  ‘Still,’ he said recovering. ‘We have got your back here.’ He tried his best at the smile that used to animate his face but failed miserably. ‘You’ll be fine here mate.’

  Worryingly, he was right.

  34

  24th December 2008

  The holding cell was packed. Will doubted it was supposed to hold fifteen people but there was little prospect of trouble today. He looked at his watch and grinned. Six forty-five a.m. There had been no trouble waking everyone up and getting them out of bed this morning. Prison rules state that if your release date was on a Saturday or Sunday, you went on the Friday before as they didn’t release at the weekend. They also stated you could not be released on a bank holiday, you went the day before. Will was due to be released on the 28th of December, a Sunday. So he would then normally have gone the Friday before, but that was Boxing Day. So here he was, with four times the usual releases, on Wednesday, Christmas Eve, like a child waiting for Santa.

  He could hear varied bursts of conversation and laughter in many different languages, but you didn’t need to be a linguist to know what was being said. For most, it was all they talked about whilst they were banged up and there seemed to be a clear division. For short termers and first timers it was all about where and what they were going to eat when they got out, how pissed they were going to get and what they were going to do to their missus. KFC was a popular choice, as was a blow job in the prison car park. As Darren was picking him up he would do without the latter. The thought of a proper chicken burger though had him drooling despite the early hour. The prison kitchens were still some way off cracking Colonel Sander’s recipe.