Lazy Blood: a powerful page-turning thriller

by Ross Greenwood

  23.00 hrs

  Will eventually found him watching a fire display on the beach talking to a young couple.

  ‘Here he is.’ Darren clapped him on the back as though he hadn’t seen him for months. ‘This is Jenny and John from Wisbech, small world eh?’

  Wisbech is a small market town near Peterborough in the Cambridgeshire fens famous for jokes about farmers with webbed feet. John looked very much like he belonged in these tales. He was built like an ox, powerful shoulders and heavy dark bearded face, sporting a pair of biceps that looked as though he spent his working day throwing hay bales around. Jenny on the other hand was as different as it is possible for two humans to be. She was lithe like a dancer with an open doe-like expression on her face. She was sporting a bikini, some artful body paint and a pair of flip flops. That was more or less it, except she was wearing a look of intense animal attraction that had alarm bells jarring in Will’s head as she stared at Darren as he spoke. It was the same meeting of souls as Darren and Freja all those years ago.

  Darren had his hand cupping her neck as he leant forward and whispered something in her ear. The same hands that not thirty minutes ago had almost beaten someone to death. She was dancing on the spot, clearly under the influence of a modern chemist and grinned widely. Will could hardly believe it. This bloke looked like he could pick Aiden up and twirl him round his head like a pizza chef. He caught Will’s eye and grunted, ‘She’s my sister.’

  Before he let out a sigh of relief it appeared to Will that that fact might actually be more dangerous. Trying to distract John from the mating display that was going on under his nose Will tried to engage him in conversation.

  ‘So what brings you to Thailand?’

  John involuntarily sneezed before he could answer. ‘Sorry, I feel like shit.’ It was a heavy, booming sneeze that had sprayed Will’s feet with snot. ‘I picked up this cold on the plane and all this drinking and whatnot has made it worse. Fucking typical, although we have only been here a few days.’

  ‘Just a holiday then?’ Will asked as he worked his feet into the sand.

  ‘No, we are travelling for a few months. I worked on the land but all those bloody immigrants arriving have ruined it. Sadly they work hard, undercut everyone and are more reliable to boot. I lost my job after having a load of time off for a car accident. I was struggling to get a new one, got some compo for whiplash and we decided to come and have a laugh and then look for new work when I get back.’

  ‘Get on well with your sister?’

  ‘Yeah, she’s great. She just came out of a shitty relationship with some prick and needed a pick up. So here we are.’

  It looked more like a prick up was on the cards. Will tried to carry the conversation but it was like cycling into a headwind. A lot of effort for minimal reward. He came to the conclusion fairly quickly that he didn’t need to be here. He had done more than his fair share of wing man duties for Darren tonight. He was about to make his excuses when John sneezed again. It was a huge affair that wracked his body. Through sore, grainy eyes he looked at Will.

  ‘Look, I’ve got to go back to the bungalow. She will want to stay out, so fucking look after her, or I will be mad.’ Even in his weakened state, Will could see that an angry John would be a terrible thing to behold.

  As John interrupted the kissing couple and informed her of his departure Will suddenly thought wait a minute. Why the hell was he looking after her? He hadn’t even spoken to her yet.

  As John clumped off barging his way through the crowds like a wrecking ball through an old warehouse Darren and his new friend came over to speak to him. Will watched Jenny’s ever faster spot dancing as Darren whispered in his ear.

  ‘Jackpot William, I’m going to fucking ruin her.’ The girl gave Will two peace signs and stuck her tongue out at him. She was smoking hot and mad as a March hare. Right up Darren’s street. As Darren stood back and gave him a wild eyed look Will could see flecks of blood on his head and a bruise beginning to form in his jawline. The pair of them staggered off in the direction of a nearby bar leaving Will shaking his head in bemusement.

  24.00 hrs

  Bollocks, Will thought, where are those other two pecker-heads? Although it was not surprising he couldn’t find them as there must have been over ten thousand people wedged onto a small fire-lit beach. It dawned on him then though that he could just sneak off. He had looked for them so wouldn’t feel too guilty. Nice, he could get a tasty chicken burger from chicken corner and have an early night. He began to thread his way through the throng, looking forward to some peace and quiet when he felt someone tap him on the head.

  ‘Where have you been you numpty, we’ve looked all over for you.’

  Will turned round and looked at his two shiny faced friends. Carl seemed to be having trouble focusing and Aiden’s hair was matted with sweat.

  ‘That doesn’t look like all you’ve been doing,’ he replied, but he was pleased to see them.

  ‘Aiden’s in love.’

  ‘Shut up Carl. In fact Will, I have found the perfect girl for you. Tonight you will meet the girl of your dreams.’

  ‘Aiden’s in love too.’

  ‘Is that true?’

  ‘Well I have found something rather lovely as well and luckily she is here with your ideal woman. Come on before some other skunks snaffle them up.’

  For once, on matters of the heart, Aiden was correct. They were seated at a table surrounded by locals when they turned up which made Will’s flesh goose bump, but they left as they arrived. It didn’t take any guessing which one was Will’s. The girl on the left was average build with a pleasant face but even sitting down Will could see she had the most perfect pert pair of boobs he had ever seen. After a minute of conversation with Elaine he was smitten. She was quick to laugh and easy going but there was a keen intelligence in the background that Will found almost as attractive as her cleavage. Game on.

  36

  11th February 2009

  01.00 hrs

  A full hour went by before Will even looked at the other girl. When he did he wondered how the hell he hadn’t noticed. She was enormous. Not fat, just big boned. Her head came up to Aiden’s nose giving her many inches in height on Will. She caught his astonished look and offered her hand.

  ‘Hi, I’m Penny. Your friend’s telling me good things about you.’

  He shook her hand marvelling at how small his looked in comparison. She was pretty in a way that Shrek’s wife was and emanated the same sweet temperament and demeanour with a strong persona. The four of them chatted for a while. The girls lived in North London which Aiden declared with a lack of cool ‘Was only an hour away by train’.

  Will noticed that Aiden and Penny were holding hands and even in the dark he could see they fit together. It was only then that he remembered Carl.

  ‘Um, where’s Carl?’ he asked, suspecting Aiden would be as clueless as him.

  ‘Those two crazy Latvians came back, don’t you remember. Apparently he was going back to theirs as one of them had promised him it was his lucky night.’

  ‘What! No way,’ Will involuntarily slipped out.

  ‘Don’t let us keep you Will,’ Elaine said.

  ‘I’m sorry, I was just worried for my innocent friend.’

  He gave her his best smile whilst desperately straining to keep his eyes away from her bosom. It felt like he was caught in their tractor beam.

  02.00 hrs

  The four of them found a bar to dance in. It was the only kind of dancing Will liked. A floor so packed that everyone’s technique was restricted to unremarkable shuffles. Will and Elaine naturally danced opposite each other, being constantly jostled and manoeuvred into one another’s personal space as the crowd ebbed and flowed. When they came apart after touching she would give him an impish smile and he thought he had never been more turned on. Their thighs slipped between each other’s as they were next compressed together and this time they didn’t separate.

  He went to kiss her b
ut she moved her head next to his so his lips grazed her ear, but she immediately hugged him tight and ran her hand over his bum and it was possible to be more aroused. He pulled her in tight, feeling her curves and knowing she would be able to feel his hard edges and breathed her fragrance in deeply. He closed his eyes as they swayed together and contentment flowed through him.

  03.00 hrs

  When they finally separated Will felt like a bleary eyed Rip Van Winkle awoken after a hundred years. She conga’d after him as they both agreed a drink would be a good idea. They still hadn’t kissed yet, but it was in the post and that was an amazing feeling. Will ordered a beer for Elaine and a water for him. He was acutely aware of not wanting to mess this up by being all over the shop.

  They joined Aiden and Penny who were both enjoying a chocolate pancake they had bought from a street vendor. As they ate in silent contented unison Will thought they already looked like they had been together for years.

  ‘Having a nice time are we?’ Will said.

  They both just grinned.

  ‘Do you want one?’ Elaine asked.

  Will guessed some food would be a good idea.

  ‘Sure I’ll get it.’

  ‘No, it’s my treat. Penny can give me a hand.’

  The two girls walked to the cart giggling to each other.

  ‘Penny says she has had enough of this madness,’ Aiden said to him when they were out of earshot. At Will’s horrified face at the thought of his night ending abruptly he continued quickly. ‘She thought that all of us should go. Get a few drinks to take with us and play cards on their deck. She is asking Elaine now to see if she wants to bring you. That’s if your Vor Sprung Durch poor dancing Technique hasn’t put her off.’

  ‘I’ll have you know my silky moves have had her trembling in my hands.’

  ‘I suspect that’s your breath, as it often has the same effect on me.’

  No more discussion was needed as they returned, handed Will his pancake and began to walk away from the beach. They bumped into Darren and Jenny in the street, both looking decidedly worse for wear. Jenny in particular looked remarkably unsteady and had the rolling gait of a lifelong mariner who was experiencing a brief walk on land.

  ‘Where are you guys off to?’ Darren asked.

  Will really didn’t want to tell him. Experience had taught him adding Darren to an experience like this was like pouring petrol on a barbecue. He fought an internal battle for a few seconds, also feeling bad for considering lying to a friend. His loins won out.

  ‘We are just going for a wander, you know, clearing our heads. Where are you two going?’

  ‘She wants to do some more dancing, then we are going to find a quiet spot to get properly acquainted.’ He spoke as if Jenny wasn’t standing next to him. Will looked at her face and noted in some sense she wasn’t. Her pupils were hugely dilated and her face wore the wasted, tired expression of someone who had given their all at the end of a particularly arduous marathon.

  ‘OK mate, that’s cool.’ Remembering her brother’s warning he added, ‘Look after her eh, she looks like she is on her last legs.’

  ‘I’ll look after her alright.’ He gave Will a cold wink and then put his arm round her shoulders and escorted her back towards the sea front. Will shivered and not for the first time since his thinking time in prison came to the conclusion that Darren was damaged goods. He looked up the mud path and saw the others had continued but in a slow amble, waiting for him to catch up. All other concerns were forgotten as he jogged after those breasts.

  Will would never have guessed it would be eighteen months before he clapped eyes on Darren again.

  04.00 hrs

  The two girls were staying in a line of chalets in the opposite direction of the nightlife from theirs. When they arrived Aiden and Penny went into one without saying a word. Will and Elaine took a seat each on their porch. There was a flimsy table outside with four chairs ideal for cards. They both smoked a cigarette in easy silence. However after a couple of minutes they looked at each other and smiled. It was plainly clear from the creaking bed and chuckling that was emanating from inside that the others weren’t coming back out.

  ‘Come on, let’s sit outside mine.’

  She got up and went to the hut next door and disappeared inside. Will sat on a chair in the identical layout at hers and she soon joined him bringing two glasses and her mobile phone with some small speakers attached to it. She put the music on fairly quietly, just enough so they wouldn’t have to hear the rutting beasts next door.

  ‘Nice that you two have separate chalets. Looks like two weasels came on holiday hoping to get lucky.’

  ‘Pot and kettle springs to mind. I hear that you boys have a similar set up.’

  ‘That’s purely because we all snore and sleep is very important for your mental health.’

  ‘Judging by the state of you lot I suspect your mental health is way down your list of priorities. Beer?’

  ‘Sure, I’ll try one. People rave about this stuff, but I’m more a camomile tea man myself.’

  She laughed and passed him a glass, touching his hand unnecessarily after he accepted it. He noticed as he took a sip that there were plenty of mosquitoes in the air around them and slapped a particularly juicy one resting on his knee.

  ‘I know, there are tonnes round here for some reason. They didn’t put anything about that on their website.’

  ‘Sometimes it puts people off. Air con, hot water, double room, nice view, bring your blood type as any transfusions necessary are all inclusive.’

  ‘Free Wi-Fi, linen and quinine.’

  He quietly laughed. It felt good to banter again.

  ‘We allegedly have hot water but I’ve yet to see any.’

  ‘Our water is fine, but our air con doesn’t work properly. It’s about as strong and refreshing as someone breathing on you after sucking on a mint imperial.’

  ‘You’re lucky. Ours is totally boom or bust. It only has two settings. One is off or possibly broken and the other is nuclear winter. If you have it on for more than twenty minutes the temperature drops so fast that drinks freeze, your breath steams in the air and frost appears in your hair. But I’ve paid for it right, so I’m having it on.

  Admittedly I have to wear all of my clothes at once, but at least the mozzies can’t stand it. And I’ve always felt sexy wearing both pairs of my holiday pants.’

  ‘Silver linings eh?’ She giggled a sexy laugh.

  ‘Yes. In the morning I get a certain satisfied pleasure from it. It’s like walking on broken glass as I crunch their frozen bodies under foot.’

  They sat in companionable silence for a minute, giving each other the odd little look whilst they savoured their cold beers. He slapped another mosquito on his neck and looked around him in the air for more, like a crazy man hearing voices.

  She got up out of her seat and took him by the hand pulling him up.

  ‘Looks like we will have to go inside. So I can bite you.’

  05.00 hrs

  As they lay there breathing heavily afterwards Will estimated he had lasted around seven minutes. That would usually have been a problem but she had lasted for only about four minutes and if he wasn’t wrong had orgasmed again when he did. Her breasts were all they had threatened to be and they had fit together like precision engineered equipment.

  Will thought what a way to break his post prison duck. She kissed him on the shoulder and snuggled into him as their laboured breathing subsided. He knew he was on holiday, he knew he was half cut and he knew he had only just met her, but he had the most incredible warm feeling. He really liked this girl. His mum always said when you meet her you will know. He felt a bit bad now for giving her grief all these years about her ridiculous Mills and Boon ideas about love.

  He felt like he was in paradise. It was crazy but he already could see himself being with this sexy, clever girl for the rest of his life and raising a family. They would grow old together, still having a joke with a glint i
n their eyes all those years later. As they chatted in the afterglow, that brilliant heavenly feeling also lasted about seven minutes.

  ‘So what job do you do?’

  ‘I’m between jobs at the moment. I worked in insurance and, well, it’s a treadmill. I got the opportunity to take some time out, get my head together. I want to do something different, something I enjoy. You know, find a job you love and you never have to work.’ As he spoke he felt increasingly lame. He sounded like a dreamy naïve eighteen year old who hadn’t comprehended dreams don’t pay the bills.

  ‘Good luck with that,’ she whispered. ‘All that work nastiness seems a long way from here right now and to be honest completely irrelevant.’

  He loved her saying that and felt another rush of warmth. She was smart enough to know he sounded flaky but had chosen not to joke about it. Definitely a keeper.

  ‘How about you, what do you do?’

  ‘Well, it’s all change for me.’ She exhaled deeply. ‘I’ve been working for a solicitors ever since I left Uni. It’s a good job but it’s full on. Long hours and I’m tired of London. Anyway, it’s a global company, offices all over the world. So I have taken a secondment to the Australian branch, in Melbourne. I start in two weeks. I fly straight from Bangkok a week today. All my stuff has gone ahead of me and I can stay as long as I like. If I love it and they love me, they will sponsor me and I can stay.’

  And just like that Will’s vision of nirvana faded like the smoke from a snuffed out candle. She felt him stiffen and rolled on top of him.