Escaping the Edge

by H. M. Sholander

“Well, do some laps around the pool. I’m not stopping you.” I put on my sunglasses and lean back in the chair. I think I’ll lie here and enjoy the sun before I'm engulfed into another world.

  I hear Ryan rise from his chair and assume he’s getting in the pool. Instead, he lifts me in the air.

  “Ryan, what are you doing?”

  He grins at me mischievously and rushes toward the pool.

  “Ryan, don’t!” I scream. I squirm and try to get out of his grasp. “Rya—”

  I’m engulfed under the water before I can protest further. I push off the bottom of the pool, and my head emerges from the water. “I can’t believe you did that.” I wipe the chlorine water out of my eyes and glance around the pool. He’s nowhere to be seen. What the hell? He pops up in front of me, which elicits a yelp from me. I playfully slap him on the shoulder.

  “That was priceless,” he says, grinning from ear to ear while shaking water out of his hair.

  “What if I didn’t know how to swim, asshole?” I jab him sternly in the chest while looking around for my sunglasses. They sit at the bottom of the pool. I duck under the water and grab them, throwing them on the side of the pool.

  “You obviously do,” he counters with a smirk.

  I groan out load and splash him in the face. Which, of course, is the wrong thing to do. He splashes water back in my face and pulls me under the water with him. I gasp for air when I reach the surface.

  “Okay, I give.” I throw my hands up in surrender. I swim toward the steps to get out of the water, but Ryan grabs onto my ankle.

  “Where are you going?” he asks, laughing.

  “To dry off.” I roll my eyes and attempt to yank my ankle free.

  “Oh come on, stay in the water with me. It’ll be way more fun than whatever you were planning,”

  “I was going to read.”

  “Exactly. Booorrring.”

  “It is not,” I say, offended.

  “Let’s make a deal. Stay in the water with me for ten minutes and then you can go about your boring day,” he says, trying not to crack a smile.

  “Fine, but no more pushing me under the water.”

  “Deal.” He sticks out his hand for me to shake like we made a business transaction. I shake his hand to appease him and find it hard not smile. “Look at you having fun,” he teases, “Get on my shoulders.”

  “What?” I look at him like he’s crazy.

  “I’ll go under the water, and you put your feet on my shoulders. When I come up, you’ll jump.”

  “Five year olds do that.” I cross my arms, even though he can’t see it.

  “So,” he challenges.

  “Ugh, fine.” I'm such a sucker.

  I unsteadily stand on his shoulders and try to find my balance when he stands. I spring from his shoulders and land in the water. I will admit it was fun even though I gave him a hard time.

  I come up laughing and push my hair out of my face. “Again.”

  Ryan smiles and immediately ducks under the water, waiting for me to stand on his shoulders. This time I jump with more force, throwing myself further into the pool. While it was fun, I instantly regret it when the clasp on my bathing suit comes undone. When I reach the surface, I frantically grab the front of my bathing suit.

  “Don’t you want to go again?” Ryan asks, swimming up next to me.

  “Go back on the other side of the pool for a minute,” I say hurriedly.

  “Why?” He tries to swim around to face me, but I turn around before he can. “What’s wrong?”

  “My…my bathing suit came undone,” I say, my cheeks burning bright red.

  He chuckles, “Let me help.”

  “I can get it.”

  “Don’t be so stubborn, Avery. Let me help you.”

  It would be easier if he did it. I’m terrible at getting the stupid clasp done when I can’t see it. I always have to put my bras on backwards, so I can see before turning it the right way. “Okay.”

  He comes closer and places all of my hair over my left shoulder. He takes both sides of the top and clasps them together in no time, but his hand lingers longer than necessary. I do nothing to stop him because his touch has me completely frozen. His hand leaves a trail of heat on my back just below my top. It travels further down my back, following the length of my spine until he reaches my bottoms. I bite my lip to keep from letting out a sigh of contentment. His hand moves around my hip and rests on my stomach.

  He takes a step closer to me and dips his head to my neck. I involuntarily roll my head to the side, and he grazes his nose down my neck. I wait for him to take the next step and kiss me, but water rushes around me from him backing away.

  I try not to feel disappointed, but I am. Until, Grayson’s face flashes through my head. Then I feel nothing but guilt all over again.

  TWELVE

  Ryan and I spend the rest of the afternoon apart, neither of us wanting to acknowledge what happened in the pool.

  I let my guard down with him and began feeling things I haven’t in such a long time. It has to be because I’m around him all the time. We see each other seven days a week, so it’s possible I’m feeling things that aren’t real. Maybe I just need the comfort or the feeling that someone understands me, which he does. I’ve never met someone who can relate to me and know what I’m feeling. He doesn’t look down on me because of my addictions. He sees through them. He sees the person I really am.

  When we make our journey home, Ryan volunteers to drive. I’m grateful because I couldn’t concentrate on the road even if I wanted to. My head is drowning in thoughts of Grayson and Ryan. My mind won’t stop comparing them to each other.

  I spent five years with Grayson, and I thought I would spend the rest of my life with him. He knew everything about me. He knew the good and the bad. Although, the bad is what tore us apart. I like to think that we would have ended up back together, but I’m not sure if it would have been a good idea. In the end, we were toxic together. We did bring out the good in each other, but we also brought out the bad. And when it was bad, we were explosive.

  Ryan has been nothing but a friend to me. He has guided me through the worst part of my withdrawals and encouraged me every step of the way. He never pushes me to tell him more than I’m ready to, and I’m secretly grateful for that. I don’t know where I would be without him, but I know for a fact I wouldn’t still be clean.

  The car hits a pothole which drags me out of my thoughts. It’s raining buckets outside. I was so far inside my head, I didn’t notice the downpour. The windshield wipers are on the fastest speed, but even they can’t clear the rain off the windshield quickly enough. The road signs aren’t visible much less the lines on the road.

  Headlights appear out of nowhere, and an oncoming car slams into us. Ryan tries to control the car when it swerves off the road from all the rain, but it has a mind of its own. I latch onto the “oh, shit” handle above my head as the passenger side of the car slams into the metal guardrail and ricochets. The back end of the car fishtails into the same guardrail jerking the car to a stop.

  Pain radiates from my ankle all the way up my leg from the passenger side door that's smashed into my side. I wiggle my foot, attempting to pull it free from the crushed metal. I succeed but lose my shoe in the process. Wiggling my toes and slowly flexing my foot, I test the damage. It’s not too bad, but I’m not sure it'll hold my weight.

  Ryan jerks off his seatbelt and moves my face to him. “Avery, are you okay? Shit, of course you’re not. Are you hurt?”

  “I’m fine,” I lie, trying to hide the pain on my face.

  He scans me from head to toe, assessing the damage. He appears completely freaked out that I might be hurt, so I don’t bother telling him the truth. He brushes his thumb across my cheek and places a light kiss on my forehead. “I need to make sure the other driver isn’t hurt. I’ll be right back.”

  I slightly nod my head and watch him open the door and head out into the onslaught of rain that pounds him as
soon as he’s out of the car. I inspect my leg, sensing that it's fine, but my ankle is already starting to swell. Fucking fantastic.

  The driver’s side door cracks open as Ryan appears with water running down his face. “The other driver must've driven away. I don’t see their car anywhere. We need to call the police,” he shouts over the rain.

  “Get in the car,” I tell him not understanding why he hasn’t yet.

  “I’ll ruin the inside. I’m soaked.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous. Get in the car, Ryan. You’ll get sick.” The car was just in a wreck how much worse can it get? A little water won't make that much of a difference.

  He hesitates for a minute before he rushes in the car and slams the door behind him. Reaching over him, I start the car and blast the heat, directing all the vents at him. I pull my phone from my pocket and attempt to dial 911. The call never goes through because I have no signal. Great, we can’t even call a tow truck.

  “No signal," I say, waving my phone out in front of me.

  Ryan grabs his phone out of his pocket, and it comes out with water streaming out of the cracks. I try not to laugh but fail. It’s not funny by any means, but it’s one of those anything that can go wrong will go wrong situations.

  “Well, that’s not going to work,” Ryan says stating the obvious as he shakes the remaining water out of his phone.

  I lean my head back on the seat and close my eyes, listening to the rain slowing down its assault. “When the rain stops, we can walk to the closest pay phone.”

  “Do they still have pay phones?”

  “Sure.” I think about it for a minute, attempting to recall the last time I saw one. “Or maybe we can stop at a store and use their phone.”

  “Shouldn’t be too much longer before the rain stops.” He leans into the back seat and grabs his bag, dropping it into his lap. He pulls out a shirt and pair of shorts before throwing his bag in the backseat. “Listen,” dragging a hand through his wet hair, he sighs and brings his eyes to mine, “I’m sorry about your car. I’ll pay for the damages.”

  That’s the last thing on my mind right now. I hardly ever drive my car. The only time it gets any use is when I visit Emily. “There’s no need for that, Ryan. All that matters is we’re both okay.” For the most part.

  He smiles weakly at me in a thank you. He moves his hand to the back of his neck and grabs the collar of his shirt. He yanks it over his head in one swift movement, and I have trouble ripping my eyes from his exposed torso. Droplets of water travel down his abdomen and stop above his jeans. Averting my gaze to the passenger side window, I clear my throat.

  “What are you doing?” I ask, trying not to look at him again because this time I wouldn’t be able to avert my eyes.

  “I’m changing. If we are going to walk to the nearest phone, I need dry clothes. Have you ever tried walking any sort of distance in sopping wet clothes? It’s not a pleasant experience,” he assures me.

  I stare out the window as I hear him exchange his soaked pants for dry shorts. I watch as the rain disappears, and the sun shines brightly through the remaining clouds.

  “Alright, let’s get going.” He opens his car door with ease and steps out into the sun.

  After grabbing my discarded shoe, I kick my door several times with my good foot until it gives way and flies open. The guardrail is attached to the back end of my car, and I know there's no hope for it. It will most likely be totaled as soon as the insurance agent takes one look at it. Tentatively, I place my hurt foot on the ground after putting my shoe on and cautiously put pressure on it. It seems to be holding up well, until I close my door and take a step forward.

  I scream out in pain and fall to the ground as my ankle gives out from under me. I vaguely hear Ryan yell my name as I tumble down the slope and stop just before I crash into a tree. I roll to my back and grit my teeth in pain.

  “What happened?” Ryan asks, kneeling next to me.

  I don’t lie this time. I can’t. “My ankle.”

  “Shit, Avery. It’s swollen and bruised. This is from the wreck, isn’t it?”

  “Yes,” I breathe out through clenched teeth.

  “Why did you lie to me? You could’ve gotten hurt even worse.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  Ryan helps me sit up and situates my back on the tree trunk behind me. “Stay here, I’ll be right back.”

  Not like I could move even if I wanted to.

  He returns with his wet shirt and a handful of clothes. “I’m going to get you cleaned up, and then we're stopping at the first store we come across.”

  It’s then I notice I’m covered in mud. I was too focused on my ankle to realize that I am a complete mess. Damn rain. Ryan uses his wet shirt to wipe the mud off my face and arms.

  “I need you to stand, so I can get the mud off your legs. I’m going to lift you by the hips, so put all your weight on your good leg and use my shoulders to lean on if you need to.”

  “Okay.”

  Ryan places his hands on my hips, and I shimmy up the tree and attempt to stay standing. He gently wipes all the mud from my legs and throws his shirt to the side.

  “Your clothes are ruined. You need to change, otherwise the mud will dry, and you will smell so bad that I won’t be able to stand being near you,” he says with a small smile attempting to lighten the mood.

  “Haha.” I stick out my tongue. “How do you propose I do that when I can barely stay on my feet?”

  “I’ll help.” He looks me in the eyes, all hints of a smile gone. “I won’t let you fall.”

  I nod, lost in his gaze. I know he wouldn’t let anything happen to me. He would put himself in harm’s way before he would ever let me get hurt. The realization slams into me like a freight train. I see it in his eyes as he stares through me. I’m more than a friend to him, and along the way he’s become something more to me.

  Freaking Emily. I don’t know how she does it, but she knew. She saw it before I was willing to accept it. But here I am, a hot mess, feeling something I haven’t in a while. I tried to ignore it, but my heart wouldn’t let me deny it a second longer.

  Ryan crouches down in front of me and gently runs his hand over my swollen ankle. He takes my foot in his hand and lightly kisses my ankle. My eyes involuntarily close, and a sigh escapes my lips.

  “Avery, is this okay?” he asks hesitantly as my eyes fly open.

  His hands are resting on the button of my shorts. He’s asking if he can undress me. I nod my head because I wouldn’t have much luck on my own. It’s not at all because a small part of me wants to finish what happened earlier today. Nope, not at all.

  That’s a wholehearted lie, though.

  He undoes the button on my shorts and glides them down my legs. Grabbing his shoulders for balance, I step out of the muddy shorts and into the clean ones. He slowly slips them up my legs as his hands leave a trail of heat the whole way. I forgot I’m wearing a thong, and my cheeks turn a slight shade of pink as his hand trails over my bare ass. I visibly see him swallow and take a deep breath as he feels my exposed skin. He quickly buttons my shorts and gets to his feet.

  “I’ll umm…” He looks away from me, composing himself, “hold you, so you can change your shirt.”

  “Okay,” I agree until I remember I’m not wearing a bra. I’m wearing a tank top that has one of those built-in bras since I gave Emily mine to wear under her wedding dress. Yes, I am the goober who only brought one bra. “Actually, Ryan, I can’t.” I bite on my lip nervously.

  “Why? Are you hurt somewhere else?” He frantically appraises my arms for any signs that I’ve been hurt further.

  “No, no. It’s just that…I’m not wearing a bra.”

  He glances at me, and I know my cheeks are on fire. “I won’t look. I promise. I’ll close my eyes while I’m holding you.”

  I take a deep breath and enfold my fingers at the bottom of my shirt. Ryan grasps my hips in his hands and closes his eyes. He turns his head to the side, and I slip
my shirt over my head. I grab the clean shirt from his shoulder and throw it over my head. The baggy t-shirt falls to my waist, hiding my chest. Ryan leans his forehead on mine as he holds my hips in his hands.

  The tension is palpable between us, so I make a bold move. I loosen his right hand from my hip and slowly guide it up my side under my shirt. His eyes open, and he stares intently at me. I drag his hand higher, and my eyes drift to his mouth. I stop both of our hands as I reach the underside of my breast. I drop my hand, and his stays in place.

  “Avery,” he whispers as his breath falls over my face.

  I lean into him, and my nose grazes his. I wait for him to make a move, but I assume he won’t until I move things further. My lips graze his without kissing him, and his hand resting under my shirt, gently brushes the underside of my breast, eliciting a breathy moan to slip through my lips.

  His lips finally seal to mine.

  The kiss starts out innocently but quickly escalates. His tongue opens my mouth to him, and they dance together perfectly. I become breathless as he kisses down my neck and back up to attach himself to my lips, assaulting my mouth all over again. His hand never moves from the spot I left it under my shirt, but I so wish it would.

  I get lost in his kiss, forgetting all about my hurt ankle. Big mistake. “Oww,” I say as my weight lands on my bad leg. I quickly pick it up off the ground, taking the ache away.

  Ryan removes his hand from under my shirt and places it on my face. “What happened? Did I hurt you?”

  “No, my ankle.”

  “We need to go, so I can get you taken care of.” He looks up at my car and a frown appears on his face.

  “How am I going to get anywhere? There’s no way my car is drivable.” No phone, also means, no cab. The way I see it nature was against us today, or maybe it was trying to push us together. Yep, I’m going with that because it’s the only way to describe the horrible events we have experienced today. Nature, one. Avery and Ryan, zero.

  “I’m going to carry you.”

  “What? You can’t carry me.”

  “Yes, I can.” He turns around, so his back is facing me. “Get on my back.”