The Vlogger Diaries
Page 7
I noticed a few people glancing at us as we chatted and I felt like my coolness level was finally rising. Unfortunately, Sebastian came over to sit with us and sent it crashing right back down again.
He asked if we were talking about vlogging and if we needed his help. Emma switched to bitchy resting face and turned away. I should have at least said something to him, but I couldn’t help myself. I blanked him too.
I know, I know. I did exactly what the Swans did to me. I can’t complain about others being cliquey if I act the same given the first chance.
Now I’m convinced Sebastian is going to come up with a blackmail scheme. Any day now I’ll find him waiting at the school gates, demanding so much money that I’ll never be able to afford the school trip.
Please please please let him get distracted by a new game so he forgets all about us.
SATURDAY MAY 20TH
I knew something like this would happen. This morning Emma stepped out of her house to be greeted by a gang of rabid fans. It turns out the girls we saw on Monday followed her home and found out where she lived. This morning they came back with all their friends, assuming Destiny would want to hang out with them. But Emma was so freaked out she found it impossible to act friendly. She tried to get away from them, but they stalked after her.
The result was complete meltdown. She ended up yelling at them for being a bunch of creepy losers.
She was right, I guess. The fans were pretty creepy for going round to her house. But when you’ve watched someone speaking to you directly from your screen, it’s easy to forget you don’t know them.
If Emma could have kept calm and explained this in friendly Destiny mode, they might have been okay with it. As it is we could have a major backlash on our hands.
Soon after, Emma called me and said she was resigning from the vlog. I managed to talk her back round by saying it’s great training for when she’s a famous actress and the paparazzi come after her.
Now we need a new video to limit the damage before any of the fans she insulted can spread the word.
SUNDAY MAY 21ST
AN APOLOGY | THE DESTINY CHANNEL
Hey guys. I’ve got something to say to you all today, and it’s going to be difficult for me. That’s because it’s never easy to admit you’re wrong.
Yesterday morning I stepped out of my front door to be greeted by a large group of fans. Although it was wrong of them to find out my address and come to my house, I should still have taken the time to thank them for their support. Instead, I was rude to them.
It’s not like me to behave that way, and I’m very sorry. The last couple of days have been very difficult for me.
[Emma then picked up Loki, who squirmed against her and scowled. I turned the vacuum on just before recording the video to make sure he’d be in a foul mood.]
I had to take Loki to the vet on Friday to get tested for pneumonia. Luckily, he was fine, but he was pretty shaken by it as you can see. I was very stressed too, and that’s why I wasn’t acting like myself. I promise it won’t happen again.
[Emma added ‘but don’t ever come to my house again’, but I edited it out so the video ended on a positive note.]
I didn’t think this video would be as exciting as the Gale ones, but the view count leapt up to almost 20,000 right away. The hardcore fanbase would probably watch Destiny washing up right now.
And the comment section was as busy as ever:
My Life As Alex
We forgive you. It’s no wonder you were worried with poor Loki suffering like that.
Queen Ashley III
Who were these freaks turning up at your house anyway? That’s crossing a line.
Evil Liam 13
Don’t get a channel if you don’t want to become a famous vlogger.
Queen Ashley III
You have a channel. Would you like it if I turned up at your house?
Evil Liam 13
Sure. My address is Your Butt, 15 Your Butt Street, Your Buttchester.
Pixie Sunshine YAY
Name and shame those who didn’t respect your privacy.
Finn Funn
But that wouldn’t be respecting their privacy.
Planet Kate
#stillproudofdestiny
Crazy Life XD
You acted wrong but at least you have apologized so let’s move on. What is your home address please?
Aleksandra Love Heart
I know you’re stressed about Loki’s illness but don’t let it distract you from the truth about Gale. Please listen to us.
MONDAY MAY 22ND
A lot of fans are messaging Destiny and asking for her address. Weird that the thing they’re taking from the last video is that it’s fine to call round.
On the other hand, it should give us a really good excuse to end the Destiny vlog when we need to. She could announce in a final tearful video that too many fans have invaded her privacy, leaving her with no choice but to quit.
9PM
Mum burst into my room just now and demanded to know how her vlogs were doing. I said they were fine, but she insisted I check. I logged back on to the Chinese site and was astonished to see they actually were doing quite well. They’d both been viewed over 4000 times and had over 300 likes. There were a few comments too, but when I tried putting them through Google translate they all turned out to be fake handbag spam. Mum said they might be suggesting handbags to go with her outfit and that we should click the links. Ever wondered why spam still exists and who could possibly be stupid enough to fall for it? There’s your answer.
I genuinely can’t explain Mum’s Chinese fanbase. Maybe a teacher somewhere in China set her video as homework for an English lesson. But that wouldn’t explain why four thousand people would all subject themselves to her version of ‘I Feel Pretty’. Very strange.
Do they even have vlogs in China? Mum might be the only Western vlogger they know. What if she becomes a social media superstar and we’re besieged by coach parties demanding autographs and selfies? At least I’ll find out if it’s possible to die of embarrassment.
TUESDAY MAY 23RD
BLINDFOLD MAKEUP CHALLENGE | THE DESTINY CHANNEL
Hey guys! Gale’s in for a treat, because I’m doing his makeup today. And I’ll be wearing a blindfold just to pile on the agony. You agreed to this, Galey. You’ve only got yourself to blame.
[I then cut to Emma wearing the blindfold and groping around on the desk. She grabbed a tube of lipstick and daubed it around Callum’s mouth in a wide circle. She added layer after layer of makeup until he looked like something drawn by a child after too many sugary drinks.]
How is he looking? I think he needs just a touch more mascara. Don’t forget to leave a comment and let me know what you thought.
[At this point I went outside and rang Callum. He said he couldn’t talk, ended the call and shot a quick guilty look at the camera. Emma kept on daubing makeup on his face and laughing, but Callum looked much more shifty and serious.]
After this, pretty much the entire fandom was against Gale:
Poppy M
Listen to the call from 5:23 to 5:30. If you turn the volume up you can hear a girl saying, ‘Hi it’s me, just wondering what time you’d be back.’ This must be Megan.
Crazy Kaitlin 2001
You need to get rid of Gale. Pls reply to this Destiny we need to know you are reading.
Isabella365
OMG did he just? Sorry, I can’t.
Chloe C
I was team Gale but I was wrong. Sorry.
WEDNESDAY MAY 24TH
Destiny got a message from someone called Emily today. She said she was a researcher, so I guessed she had another dodgy product to promote. I was about to delete it when I saw Emily worked for a television show called Talking Point that features discussions of hot topics with expert guests and a studio audience. This week they’re discussing vloggers, and they want Destiny and some of her biggest fans to go on.
At first I was worried
about Emma appearing on TV as Destiny, but when I Googled the show I saw it was just on a local station, so it’s not like millions of people would see her. But it would make a good subject for a vlog and if it goes well I can upload it as a bonus video. I’ll see what Emma thinks.
9PM
I heard the same piece of weird music playing over and over again this evening. I guessed Charlie had found a new video to add to his favourites.
Then half an hour ago, Mum came in and announced she’d made a new video especially for her Chinese fans.
She’d found a video called ‘Chinese Umbrella Dance’ and decided to recreate it. It might have helped if she’d used a pretty, colourful dance umbrella rather than the broken grey one from under the stairs. It might also have helped if Charlie hadn’t been pointing and giggling in the background. But nothing could have helped it really.
I think those sort of dances are meant to feature lots of people in perfect sync. Ten people tiptoeing and twirling umbrellas on stage is impressive. One person doing it in their living room looks insane.
Mum should have taken a hint from my facepalm reaction. But no, she insisted I upload it to PowerVideoTube. I just hope China doesn’t think she was mocking their traditions and launch a cyberattack on us.
THURSDAY MAY 25TH
I sat next to Emma at lunch today and told her all about the TV show. Right away, she said she wanted to do it. She’s always wanted to be on TV, and you’d think she’d been offered the leading role in an international drama series from the way she was squealing. It’s a step up from nasty health-shake commercials, I suppose.
She promised she could stay in character the whole time, even when I warned her that the interviewer might give her a tough time.
I just messaged Emily back and accepted. I’m still not 100% sure it’s going to work, but at least we’ve got the rest of the week to prepare.
8PM
Mum’s dance video has already had a thousand views and it’s even generated a response video. It features a middle-aged woman talking really quickly for five minutes. I can’t work out if she’s angry or happy. But let’s just assume she’s accusing Mum of insulting her nation and forbidding her from making a video ever again.
FRIDAY MAY 26TH
The TV show goes out live from noon on Sunday. Destiny’s segment will be last, and she’ll be on for ten minutes. The interviewer is called Seema Osman, and she doesn’t seem too fearsome from what I could find of her online. She’ll probably ask Emma if vlogs are warping the minds of innocent young people, because that’s the sort of stupid thing they ask on those shows.
Emily asked if Destiny could recommend some superfans to be in the audience for the show, so I gave my own name and said I’d put out a call in the vlog’s comments section to find the others. I really hope none of the ones Emma was rude to turn up.
I can’t believe I’ve just volunteered to go on TV. I must be one of the only people in the world who’s never wanted to. I couldn’t even watch back my one attempt at recording myself for a vlog. The idea of having my face beamed into living rooms makes me feel queasy.
But I’ve got to be there for Emma’s interview. After Seema Osman has spoken to her, she wants the fans to ask questions. If I’m one of them, we can prepare in advance and there’s less chance things will go wrong.
SATURDAY MAY 27TH
TV NERVES | THE DESTINY CHANNEL
Hey guys. I’m feeling very nervous today and the reason is because … wait for it … I’m going on Talking Point tomorrow. Squee!
I know, I know. What I’m doing right now isn’t so different from being on TV. I’m sure some of you watch this channel through your smart TVs anyway. But when I record this, I feel like I’m chatting with a friend. And I am. You’re all my best friend, like I’ve said.
Tomorrow I’ll be in a studio with an audience and cameras and lights and microphones. It’s giving me butterflies just thinking about it.
So keep your fingers crossed for me. Wish me luck in the comments, watch the show if you can, and thanks so much to all the superfans who are coming along tomorrow to support me.
[Emma lifted her hands to the camera to show her fingers were crossed and made a squealing noise.]
After we posted the video, I made Emma answer some questions that might come up tomorrow:
Why is vlogging so popular right now?
How did you get started?
What advice would you give to someone setting up their own vlog?
What is the best type of video to make?
Do you think vlogs will turn your generation into dribbling zombies who can only express themselves in emojis?
I’m glad we practised. At first Emma treated it like a drama-class exercise and invented a silly backstory about Destiny being imprisoned in an attic by her evil stepmother, discovering an ancient camcorder and learning to express herself through video diaries. Everyone will realize Destiny’s a fake character if she comes out with nonsense like that on TV.
I helped Emma prepare some sensible answers, and we went through them over and over again like they were lines from a play.
When she’d gone I read the comments on today’s video. Unsurprisingly, most of the fans still wanted to talk about Gale rather than the show:
Crazy Kaitlin 2001
Sorry did you even see my comment on the last video? You say you read every single comment. What will you do about Gale?
Aleksandra Love Heart
Good luck <3 <3 <3
Poppy M
I don’t care about your TV show, what is happening with Gale? Did you even listen back to the call in your last video yet?
Finn Funn
When is this show on? I need to make absolutely, positively sure I don’t see it.
Queen Ashley III
Dump Gale or I am done with this fandom.
Chloe C
OMG that is so disrespectful. NONE of us know what she is really going through. She should dump Gale tho.
Tonight I prepared my question for the show. Instead of just asking one thing about Gale, I’m going to confront Emma with all the evidence about Gale – the phone call, the perfume, the word association game. She’ll pretend to be upset and refuse to answer.
It will make sure the video is popular with the fans when I upload it to the channel, it will be a good ad for any TV viewers who’ve never seen the vlog and it will mean we can take up most of the question time with stuff we’ve prepared.
9PM
Destiny’s account just received a new message:
Hi Destiny you don’t know me but I live not far from you. Although I have never seen you I saw Gale in town today with another girl and he kissed her on the lips. I shot footage on my phone. My camera is no good because Mum won’t let me upgrade, but I promise it was him. I’m sorry you have to find out like this and I did consider not telling you. But I don’t think it was right to hold it back and that’s why I’m sending it, not to stir. Now you have the evidence you should get rid of him. I don’t mind if you use this footage in your vlog. Thanks, Natasha G.
The attached video was shot from the balcony in the shopping centre. It showed Callum greeting his girlfriend Megan with a kiss before queuing at the coffee stand. I’m sure it was him, but the video was grainy enough and the camera unsteady enough that it might just possibly have been someone else.
I’ll definitely take Natasha up on her offer to use it in the vlog. Destiny can introduce it and say she’s not sure if the footage is really Gale and ask the fans to give their opinion. The comments will go crazy and the view count will rocket again, I’m sure.
SUNDAY MAY 28TH
I got home from the TV studio at three. The first thing I did was delete Destiny’s channel. Then I went to bed, pulled the covers over my head and tried not to think about what happened. It’s seven now and I’m still too scared to look at my phone or computer. I can’t deal with it yet.
I had to be quiet on the bus to the studio so Emma could get hers
elf into character. I felt like I should be getting into character as a superfan too, but I was so nervous about going on TV I couldn’t think straight. I was really starting to regret giving myself such a long question to remember.
We checked into reception and they gave us name badges and told us to go up to the green room at the end of the corridor. The room at the end wasn’t green, but it was full of sofas, snacks and other people with name badges, so we knew it was the right place.
Emma was taken to makeup while I examined the snacks. I couldn’t believe I was surrounded by free crisps, chocolates and sandwiches when I was too nervous to eat them. Just my luck.
A woman with a clipboard asked if I wanted to sit in the audience with the rest of the superfans, but I said I’d rather wait with Destiny. She said I was very lucky to be friends with a celebrity and I had this mad moment where I wanted to tell her I’d written all the words to the vlog and I was as much Destiny as Emma was. Luckily, it passed. I don’t know what came over me.