Hearts of England

by Anthology

  "Brody? Is everything okay?"

  Slowly, he opened his eyes, blinked away the threatening tears, and turned around to face Jude. What must he think? "Yeah," he lied. "I'm fine."

  Jude didn't look convinced as he pushed Brody's pint glass toward him across the bar, and his gaze fell to Brody's cell phone. "Nuisance caller?"

  Brody gave a humourless laugh as he remembered his excuse from earlier. Turning his cell over in his hands, he briefly met Jude's concerned eyes. "It's nothing. Shall we get a seat?" He flashed Jude his most convincing smile.

  Though it was clear from the expression on Jude's face he wanted to ask more, he didn't press any further. "Sure," he said and guided Brody through the warren of tables and alcoves to the back of the pub. There they found a table, and Jude slid onto the chair so his back was to the wall. As Brody sat down, Jude met his eyes. He looked like he wanted to ask something.

  "What?" Brody said and shyly looked away.

  Glancing around the bar, Jude settled his gaze back on Brody and subtly moved his hand forward across the wooden table. He looked happy as his fingers brushed the back of Brody's hand in a feather-light touch. "So, there's no boyfriend?"

  Brody drew his lower lip between his teeth and watched Jude's fingers draw circles across his skin. "No." There was no boyfriend. There never has been. He swallowed nervously. He was so confused. His head and his heart were telling him different things, and he didn't know which he should follow.

  Jude looked at him through narrowed eyes and slowly pulled back his hand. "I haven't had many boyfriends. In fact, I've had two. The first when I was eighteen, but that only lasted a few weeks, and then last year there was Terry." Jude folded his arms and rested them on the edge of the table. He seemed to be waiting for Brody to share his own experiences.

  Brody cleared his throat and tried to ease the conversation away from him. "Did you always know you were gay?"

  The question made Jude smile. "I think so. Though I did kiss a girl this one time. I was fifteen and her name was Chelsea. Apparently, she's a lesbian now." Jude shrugged. "Not sure what that says about me, or her, but yeah, pretty much when the hormones kicked in so did the liking boys."

  "How did your parents take it?" Brody ran his hand over the condensation forming on the outside of his glass.

  "They were okay with it. Mum said she knew since I was little and liked dressing up in her heels and dresses." Jude laughed. "Dad was fine, too. He did this 'be careful out there' speech. It was pretty funny and we couldn't look at each other without going red for the week after." Sitting back in his seat, Jude continued, "My brother's reaction was the best. The first thing he said to me when he found out was 'you better not have been looking at my penis.'"

  Brody joined Jude in laughing, but his laughter faded as he thought of his own brother. Douglas hadn't taken it so well. He wasn't a complete homophobe; he just felt Brody should be exactly like him and their father—businessman first and family man second.

  "I take it that's not the case for you." Brody met Jude's eyes. It was clear Jude knew something was up. "I know not everyone has the same experience coming out. I was nineteen. I decided once I left school I'd do it and sod what anyone else might think. Of course I wanted my family to support me, but I was ready for them not to." He briefly reached out and touched Brody's hand, offering comfort. "I'm glad I told them. They just want me to be happy, and I want them to be proud of me."

  "I'm sure they are. The photographs you showed me are amazing." A warmth spread through Brody as Jude shyly lowered his head and blushed. "They really are. You capture people and their emotions really well."

  "Thanks," Jude said.

  "You're welcome." He was greeted by a bright smile from Jude. "I meant what I said. I'd love to see them."

  Jude rubbed a hand over his arm as he gave a slow nod. "Okay." He averted his gaze while he made a decision. "What are you doing tomorrow?" he asked. "Maybe I could come and see this cute house of yours."

  Watching the slow movement of Jude's hand, Brody thought about Jude's suggestion. It would be nice to spend more time together. He glanced at his watch and realised just how quickly the evening was passing. "How about now?" he said, not daring to think about what he'd just asked.

  "Now?" Jude looked surprised as he shifted in his seat, before leaning forward. He pursed his lips and eyed Brody. "Like, right now?"

  Right now sounded good. If he had time to think about it, Brody would likely change his mind. He looked at Jude. What the hell was he thinking? "I didn't mean…" He lowered his head.

  "Hey," Jude said in a soothing voice. "It's fine, and really I'd love to, but…"

  "Oh." There was a but. Maybe Brody had gotten it wrong. Maybe Jude wasn't interested in him that way.

  "I have an early lesson tomorrow." Jude laughed. "It's at nine, and then I have a meeting with my tutor at two." He reached forward and took Brody's hand in his. "But later. Are you free in the evening? About six?" He gently caressed the back of Brody's hand. "I could pick some food up on the way. Do you like Chinese?"

  Yes, he liked Chinese. Brody nodded and slowly turned over his hand to wrap it around Jude's. He met Jude's eyes as he gently ran his thumb over the pale skin of Jude's wrist. He was so soft and warm. "Thank you," Brody said.

  "For what?"

  Brody wrapped both his hands around Jude's. He wanted to say something ridiculous about feeling like himself around Jude, and how he made Brody feel comfortable in his own skin. Instead, he kept it simple. "For your company," he said and breathed in deeply. "It means a lot." He squeezed Jude's hand before releasing it, and then sat back in his seat. He watched Jude take a drink and smiled inwardly. He felt lucky to have found Jude.

  "How about a toast?" Jude suggested as he held up his glass. "To excellent company."

  He'd drink to that. Brody raised his glass and gently knocked it against Jude's with a clink. "To excellent company." He looked at Jude and made himself a promise. He was going to enjoy tonight and be damned what his brother, or anyone else for that matter, thought about it. "And to a great evening."

  Jude nodded and knocked their drinks together for a second time. "A great evening."

  Chapter 3

  Jude tapped his pen on the edge of his notebook and subtly twisted his arm. The meeting with his tutor had started late and they had been going for forty minutes. He hoped it would be over soon. His evening with Brody was something he had been looking forward to all day, and currently it was all he seemed able to think about.

  Focusing back on his tutor, Jude listened to the guy's latest suggestion for his final project—architecture, buildings, and skylines. Jude was grateful his tutor was throwing ideas out there, but brick, wood, and metal were not really his thing. To him they were cold and unmoving, and even set up with the most beautiful lighting they would never touch him the way people did. Jude pressed his lips in a thin line as he tried not to laugh. The image that popped into his head of people queuing to touch him was not funny. It wasn't. It really wasn't.

  Jude cleared his throat and slid a little lower in the leather armchair. He needed to pay attention. He glanced down at his notepad and the empty page. Shit, was he supposed to take notes?

  "The river can look sublime in the spring," his tutor continued. "Greys, purples, and greens. The light and flare from the water are magnificent."

  Okay, so his tutor had some good points. Nature was kind of nice with its fields, trees, rivers, and horizons, but where was the emotion? You never saw a tree happy when a kid climbed it, or a rainy puddle excited to be jumped into by a girl wearing yellow wellingtons. It was human emotion that made those inanimate things sublime and magnificent. "I'll have to have a look sometime," Jude said and shifted in his seat.

  The armchair was slippery but bloody cosy, and the room was small and stuffy. He could quite easily nod off. Jude looked at his tutor, the short, round, and balding Mr Beckett. He must really like that river. He needed to get out of here and get some fresh air.
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  "Sir?" Jude politely interrupted. "I wanted to ask. Can I leave my proposal with you now?"

  Mr Beckett raised a bushy, grey eyebrow. "You can. But you have a week to go away and take from this conversation options and ideas, and then submit your form when you have a solid plan."

  Jude gave a slow nod. He already knew what he wanted to do. "Thank you. But I already made up my mind. So, I can leave it here if I want to?"

  "You can. If you really are sure?"

  Jude moistened his lip with his tongue as he looked down at his notepad. Slowly, he flicked through the pages until he came to the completed proposal sheet. "I'm sure." He was happy with his decision, and he'd already selected some of his shots to use.

  "You don't want to think on it some more?"

  "No," Jude said, and in a decisive moment, thrust the sheet of paper in the direction of his tutor. "I know what I want to do," he said confidently.

  Mr Beckett eyed the sheet, before finally taking it. "Would you like me to read over it now?"

  "Please." Better to be told now if his idea sucked than next week once he started putting things together. Jude waited as his tutor skimmed over his proposed project. He just hoped the idea excited and interested his tutor as much as it did him.

  "Okay," Mr Beckett finally said. "You have six weeks to submit your images." He smiled as he rested the form on his raised knee. He was happy with it. "Good luck and I will see you then."

  Jude returned the smile and got to his feet, quickly turning on his heel to leave the office. Stepping out into the corridor, he pulled his phone from his jacket pocket and scrolled through his contacts. He suddenly had a renewed sense of excitement and enthusiasm about his images from yesterday. He found Brody's number and excitedly typed a brief message.

  He wondered if it was weird he wanted to tell Brody his proposal was accepted. Sure he'd only known the guy a day, but he was incredibly comfortable showing and talking about his photos. That wasn't something that came easy, and yet with Brody it had. Brody had seemed genuinely interested in what Jude was doing and just seemed to get him. Happy, Jude hit send. Brody had been interested in more than just photos, he was sure of that.

  Almost instantly, his phone rang loudly, playing the intro from "Single Ladies." He needed to get himself a less gay ringtone. "Brody," he said as he answered the call. "You okay?"

  "Yeah, I just wanted to say well done."

  "Thanks. It's what I do with the idea that matters though."

  "You'll do great," Brody said enthusiastically. "It'll be brilliant."

  Jude couldn't help but grin. Brody's enthusiasm was infectious and Jude had to stop himself from bouncing on the spot. This was going to be great.

  "We still on for tonight?"

  "Totally," Jude said. "Is there anything you don't like from the Chinese?"

  There was a short pause. "I don't think so. I like things spicy but not too spicy."

  His kind of guy. "Sounds good. I'll be with you in a couple of hours."

  "See you soon."

  Jude ended the call, before making his way along the corridor. He breathed in deeply, and could almost imagine the spring in his step. Today was turning out to be a great day.

  * * * *

  Jude felt like a game of Buckaroo. He wasn't sure how he had managed to get in or out the taxi with his laptop, camera, a large bag of takeaway, and two bottles of wine. He stopped at the end of the gravel driveway and watched the taxi pull away.

  Grunting, he awkwardly juggled his belongings, and tried to shake back the sleeve of his jacket to see his hand. Burford, he made out in his scribbled handwriting. He gave a relieved sigh as he found he had told the taxi driver the correct address.

  He looked at the row of terraced cottages and decided Brody had been right. They were kind of cute. The buildings were quite modern, built from brown-orange bricks and each had a dark, slate roof. The doors and windows were framed in what looked like dark wood, and several newly-planted flowerpots stood on either side of the short path down to the cottage.

  "Jude," Brody called through an open window in the end cottage. "I'll be right out." He waved emphatically, before disappearing.

  Jude gave a bright smile as Brody quickly reappeared in the doorway of the cottage. "Hi," he said and held out the carrier bags as Brody came out to help. "I hope I'm not too early." He'd gotten a little anxious about getting food and finding the cottage, so had left himself plenty of time.

  "God, no." Brody insisted and took the food and wine. "You need help with anything else?"

  Shifting his laptop bag higher on his shoulder, Jude freed his neck from the twisted camera strap. "I'm good."

  "Well, come inside. I'll get us some plates." Brody nodded toward the cottage and led the way. "Just watch yourself. I think it was built for Grumpy, Sleepy, Sneezy and company." Brody ducked as he went into the cottage.

  Following Brody inside, Jude laughed. "Wow," he said and reached up his hand, surprised to find he could run his fingers over the fake, painted beams in the ceiling.

  "I guess it's part of the charm," Brody said and put the bags on the small wooden dining table. "Do you want a drink?"

  "Sure." Jude shrugged. "The wine's fine," he said and lowered his laptop bag to the floor beside the small, leather sofa.

  "Coming right up," Brody said and picked up the bag of wine. "Make yourself comfortable."

  Jude looked around the cottage. The room was made up of a strange mix of new and old furniture and decoration, but in a way that just added to the mismatched charm of the place. "Is there anyone in the other cottages?" Jude asked as he sat down.

  "I know there's a couple next door on their honeymoon and then a family in the one at the far end. I think they said they were here for two weeks. I'm not sure about the other two. I haven't seen anyone around this last week," Brody called through from the kitchen. "Would you like a small or a large glass?"

  Pulling up his feet, Jude curled against the arm of the sofa. "I don't mind. Surprise me."

  "Okay, one surprise coming up."

  Resting his head in his hand, Jude stared at the fireplace. The faux log fire had a gorgeous, orange glow. He watched the flutter of the fake flames and sighed inwardly. He felt peaceful.

  "Here," Brody said as he appeared beside the sofa. "I decided on big." He held out the large glass of wine.

  Jude took the glass, but noticed Brody only had a small one. "You don't like wine?" Maybe he should have bought some other drinks.

  "Oh, I do. I just thought I could drive you back and save you another taxi fare."

  Shaking his head, Jude slid his glass onto the coffee table. "It was like nine quid. Don't worry about it." He looked at Brody. "Seriously, it's fine."

  "If you're sure."

  "Of course. Now where are those plates? I'm starving."

  * * * *

  "And this is your grandmother?"

  Jude looked at the picture Brody was pointing to. "Yeah. She retired down to Cornwall about twelve years ago with her friend. They have this beautiful apartment, and if you lean just right out of the front bedroom window, you can see the sea."

  He smiled fondly and ran his finger over the image on the laptop screen. The photograph was taken during a lazy day at the beach, where she had fallen asleep in the sun with an ice cream in her hand. He clicked through the collection of family portraits. It must have been almost two years since he last looked at the photographs. He'd just bought his first proper camera as he liked to call it.

  "Oh, and that's my brother," he said and stopped at a photograph of his brother crossing a finish line. He wasn't sure what the race was—100 metres, 200 metres, hurdles? He just knew it was something that involved running really fast. "He's doing a PhD in something to do with physical education. He got the brains and the sporty gene."

  Giving a low laugh, Jude took a sip of his wine. They were already nearing the bottom of the second bottle and despite the Chinese food, he felt a little lightheaded. Sighing, he leaned back
against the sofa and slid a little lower as he got comfortable on the varnished wooden floor. It was kind of nice to just relax and curl up on the floor with Brody and look at photographs together. He looked at the laptop on the low coffee table in front of them. They had spent the last hour browsing Jude's photos.

  "You said you had a brother?" Jude asked. He brushed the back of his hand comfortingly against Brody's shoulder. There was hesitation in Brody's eyes and a tension that made Jude curious about Brody's relationship with his family.

  "Yeah," Brody said and rested his head in his hand. "Doug. He…" Brody didn't seem to know what to say as he sighed and stared at the laptop. "Works real hard."

  Would he ever get to know Brody? Jude pushed his wine glass back onto the coffee table and leaned forward. He moved his finger across the mouse pad and selected various folders until he found what he wanted.

  "What's this?" Brody asked as he stared at the image of himself on the screen.

  "The reason I came over." Jude gave a low laugh and rested his head on the couch. Smiling, he turned to Brody and said, "The photos I took yesterday. These are the ones I've edited so far." He turned away, embarrassed as Brody looked at him with inquisitive eyes.

  Jude thoughtfully chewed on his lip, before sitting up and shuffling a little closer to the laptop. "So, this one is actually one of my favourites." The image encapsulated everything he considered Brody to be about. The man's beauty was obvious—flawless skin, gorgeous green eyes, full lips, and high cheekbones. Brody was stunning. But it was the beauty within Jude wished to convey through his photography.

  The image was one he had taken after Brody had introduced himself, when he was spread out on the grass and didn't seem to have a care in the world. The image of Brody was exquisitely serene and restful, a very gentle scene, and yet, deep down, something still seemed to haunt him.

  Brody lowered his eyes, sighed, and picked up his wine glass. He took a long drink as he glanced back at the laptop over the top of his glass. He appeared uncomfortable as his jaw tensed.