He looked at me and said nothing. I knew he wanted to say something, because he looked fit to burst. "So - his name is Manny," he finally said.
"Yes."
"And, according to you, it’s all a done deal because you hope that something will finally move and start happening by Sunday." He quoted my short message.
"True." I looked down.
"So, no matter what I want or think, according to you, on Sunday you’re moving to Manny’s.”
"I didn't say I'm moving to Manny’s on Sunday." The truth was that I hadn’t thought about what would happen after I got my divorce. Would Manny move here? Would I move with the girls to Manny’s? Maybe we’d find a new apartment? "I just hope that, next week, we’ll begin the legal process of separating."
"And if I'm not interested in separating?"
"Itay, I gave you a few days to think about the process, not about whether we’ll separate or not. We are definitely getting divorced."
As soon as I said what I said, and although we were careful to talk quietly and not speak up, Shira came into the room looking for a snack.
"Didn’t she eat at the mall?" I asked.
"She wolfed down her burger and even helped Yarden finish her fries."
We knew we had to be careful, because the last people to be hurt by all this mess should be our girls.
"Do you understand why I want mediation?” I whispered when Shira had gone back to her room. "I want to finish this nicely so that our girls won’t be scarred for life by this story.”
"A story you threw us into.”
"You need to stop with all this blaming!" I raised my voice and immediately dropped back to an angry whisper. "Okay, okay, I'm at fault. I'm the witch, so burn me at the stake! But let's do it in as civilized a way as possible - not for me and not for you, but for our two daughters."
He gave me an angry, hateful glare and finally muttered, "Okay," and went to rest.
Itay has an unlimited capacity for sleep. He can sleep for three hours in the afternoon and then another ten at night. Usually, I’d wake him up in the afternoon to help me, but this time, I let him rest. I knew he was angry enough with me already, even without me waking him up. I thought about how, in a few weeks, he’d be spending whole weekends alone with the girls. It wouldn’t hurt him to get a few hours’ sleep in advance.
He woke up a little after six. It was already dark outside. We were all invited to his parents’ to eat, and Itay asked me if I wanted to join them.
"While you were asleep, I thought about something."
"What?" I saw that he still had a glimmer of hope in his eye that this would all be called off and we’d go back to our lives.
"I thought this might be the last Saturday all of us are together before the girls know, and so, maybe we should make it a special weekend, give them something positive to remember.”
"So they’ll have something to miss?”
"Why do you always see the glass as half empty?" I scolded him and he smiled a sad smile, realizing that there was some truth in what I’d said.
We went to Itay’s parents’. His mother looked at us, smiling. She thought we’d made up. I asked Itay in advance that we not talk about the divorce until Sunday. I didn’t mind if Zehava thought we’d made up.
I wanted the girls to enjoy a perfect weekend.
The next morning, we took the girls for a walk. We went to eat at our favorite restaurant at the port in Tel Aviv. After we finished our meal, we sat on a bench and watched Shira and Yarden run and laugh as only two little girls could. I watched them with a sense of satisfaction. They were wonderful, bright little girls, and I knew I’d played a significant part in that. Itay put his arm around my shoulders. I didn't resist. I was a having a pleasant and relaxed time and didn't want to do something that would be perceived as odd by the girls. To an observer, we looked like the perfect family: father, mother and two happy little girls. If only that observer knew the truth...
Itay suddenly kissed me on the cheek.
I turned to look at him. He was very close to me and he smiled, pleased.
"What was that for?" I asked.
"I just felt like it."
"You know very well where we’ll be tomorrow. Today, we’re here for the girls. There’s no point in playing it fake."
"It wasn’t fake. Look what you’re ready to throw away.”
"I won’t go through entire days of bitterness for a few happy moments." I was starting to despair. How many times did I have to explain to him that it was over? "Itay, you must understand that our marriage is over for me. Tomorrow, we’ll set up a meeting with the mediator and we’ll close this business in the most respectable, sensible way, and quickly."
“Our family’s a business to you?"
I thought for a moment. I’d used the word ‘business,’ but when I thought about it, there were many analogies between a business and a family. "A family’s a kind of business. If you don't invest and work at it, a business will die in the end."
Shira and Yarden ran to us. Their requests for ice cream reminded us that this weekend was for them.
When we returned home in the evening, after eating pizza, and thus bending the unwritten rule that we only ate out once in a day, the girls were exhausted and happy. They fell asleep within seconds and Itay and I had the whole evening to talk quietly.
I told Itay about Hava, the lawyer I had engaged. Hava was not a mediator, but another lawyer from her office was, and she assured me that if we were interested, he would give us excellent service. Itay always trusted me when it came to legal matters. After all, I was a lawyer. When we bought the apartment, he didn't even bother to read the contract, he just signed where I told him to. The same applied to mortgage loans from the bank, and the employment contract he received from his employer, etc.
I was pleased that he trusted my judgment this time, too, and agreed to meet with the mediator that I’d chosen. I explained that I’d only known Hava a week and if he felt that the mediator wasn’t impartial, then we could try someone else.
I thought that as adults, mature and educated, we could sit down and have a civilized conversation about the continuation of the process. In terms of property, it was clear to both of us that there would be no problem. We both came from affluent homes, and we both had higher than average incomes. I told Itay in advance that I waived my own right to alimony and only asked for child support for the girls.
When I talked about support for the girls, I realized that Itay was thinking about winning custody of the girls.
"Be serious," I said. "Are you trying to punish me for betraying you?"
"Not at all," he said at once.
"So why do you need custody of the girls?"
"I didn't say full custody. Half and half.”
"Why? Do we provide equal care for them now, half and half?" I asked.
Itay looked down. This was the starting point. This was, in fact, the basic reason why I’d felt so alone until I went and grazed in foreign lands.
"You're right," he said at last. Itay was a fair man. "But I want them to be with me at least once a week."
"Of course." I smiled. It was our current arrangement: I was with them during the week, and Itay spent time with them mostly on the weekends.
I felt that the mediator would have an easy job. In fact, we'd lived apart for a long time, just under one roof. The roof was the most problematic issue. Economically, we had no problem buying another apartment, but we hadn’t yet discussed the issue of who would move out. It was clear to me that, since we agreed that the girls would stay with me most of the week, the three of us would continue to live in our apartment. To Itay, it was a little less clear because he was thinking about something we were careful to avoid mentioning.
In fact, we didn't talk at all about Manny.
"I won’t have another man living in this house."
"Who said he’s going to live with me?" I asked innocently, fully aware that Manny had already proposed to me.
&nbs
p; "So, if you want to move in with Manny or with any other man, it would have to be in another apartment."
"So you want us to sell the apartment?"
"It seems the best solution. This way, there can also be an equal division of property.”
The truth was that there was justice and reason in his words, but I was afraid to sell the apartment for less than it was worth just because of pressure to sell.
"We’ll put the apartment up for sale," I suggested, "but do it calmly and split the money evenly. As long as I live in this apartment, Manny and I won’t move in together.”
Itay realized that living together with Manny was something that had already come up and panicked. "I don't know that it's such a good idea that you move in with someone. What will the girls say?"
"Don’t worry, I won’t move in with him the minute you leave. We’ll take our time to prepare them well.”
"I won’t have a man I don't know living with my girls. I want to meet this Manny before he meets the girls.”
"You have met him," I surprised him.
"Really?" He was shocked. “When?"
"Manny’s just a nickname. You know him as Dr. Menachem Michaeli."
"The surgeon?" Itay knew him because he’d been to his office three years earlier when he’d had an unexplained pain in his ribs.
"Yes."
"Are you kidding me?"
"No.”
"You're leaving me for Dr. Menachem Michaeli?”
"Not only because of him, but basically, yes.”
"He could be your father.”
"Not exactly. He’s only fifteen years older than me.”
"Only?" Itay was unable to remove the stunned look from his face.
"It's not that big of a gap.”
"And what does his wife say about the whole thing? Or doesn’t she know?"
"His wife died a year ago."
"How convenient," he sighed.
"Believe me, there’s nothing convenient about it."
"It actually sounds very convenient." Itay was on a roll. "He rubs his hands all over the girls’ breasts and gets paid for it, and then manages to catch himself a young goldfish!" I didn't like to think about Manny massaging so many women’s breasts, but I knew that it was part of his work.
"I’m not a goldfish and nobody’s caught me." I was on a roll too. "And if you’d bothered to rub my tits every once in a while, I would’ve never run into Manny’s arms or anyone else’s!”
Itay fumed. "I'm tired of you always accusing me of ignoring you. It's not true. You're talking as if I've been gone from home for three years and when I returned I found out that I have a replacement."
"No need to even leave the house to ignore someone!" I was sick of going round in circles. "For years, I wanted a little more attention. How much more could I take?"
Itay was also tired of talking. He went to our room and angrily packed a few pieces of clothing. I tried to calm him. I wanted him to stay, because I didn't want Shira and Yarden to realize that something had happened before we sat and talked with them, but he couldn’t stay with me one more minute. As long as the image of my lover was an abstract figure, he was probably able to handle the situation, but once that figure became real, it was very difficult for him to bear the humiliation.
Finally, he realized I was serious.
I’d fantasized that everything would be simple and pleasant, that we’d stay together another week or two until we signed the divorce agreement, and only then, just before Itay left, would we sit with the girls and explain to them that Mom and Dad wouldn't be living together anymore, but everything would stay the same otherwise, because nothing would actually change. But now that my lover had a name and a face and Itay really understood that our relationship was over, he couldn’t live with me one more minute.
I knew it wouldn’t be easy.
The weekend came to an end, along with my marriage.
CHAPTER 27
After Itay left, I really wanted to see Manny. My body ached with longing.
I was alone with the girls, and I couldn’t leave them on their own. I didn't want to invite Manny over, not knowing whether or not Itay would come back. On the one hand, he’d packed a bag, but on the other, only three days ago, when I’d first confessed to having an affair, he’d gone and come back after only a few hours.
I called Manny and explained what had happened. He asked me to be reasonable and forgiving to the girls. He was right. I promised him we'd see each other soon.
The next day, I called Itay in the morning. I wanted to know where he’d slept, if he was coming home and when we were to meet, as we agreed, with the mediator. He’d slept at his parents’. They knew everything. He had no intention of returning home, and he still had to think about the mediation. I reminded him that we’d already agreed on everything and that it was only a case of meeting with the mediator and signing the divorce agreement. He said he remembered all that, but had yet to digest it all. I made him swear that he wouldn’t take any legal action without telling me. He promised, and I believed him.
I was just a wreck. I didn't know what would happen to us. When would it all be over? Just yesterday, he’d sat quietly next to me on the bench in the port area, kissed me on the cheek and agreed with me on just about everything, and now suddenly he was treating me so coldly and impersonally.
What bothered him so much about Manny that madehim go crazy? To this day, I have no idea. I guess it was the realization that I really did have a lover, and it was not a fantasy, madehim crazy.
That evening, Manny was treating patients at his clinic near my house. I begged him to come over. He didn't want to because he feared Itay would come home, but I calmed him down and told him that Itay specifically said that he had no intention of returning home.
He finished his clinic about an hour after Shira and Yarden had gone to bed. I was not yet prepared to have Manny meet the girls, because, to them, Itay and I were still together. They were already used to going for days, or even weeks, without seeing Itay because he was working late, or was abroad on reserve duty. I planned to tell them that Manny was a friend from work if they woke up. I only hoped I'd be able to keep my ‘friend from work’ dressed because I was already burning with passion.
At nine-thirty, Manny knocked gently on my door. He was afraid to wake the girls. I opened the door in excitement, and Manny entered my home for the first time since we’d met. He walked around and was impressed by the original design. My innovative designer apartment had nothing in common with his warm, homely house. He peered into Shira and Yarden’s room, where they slept soundly, and I saw his face filled with love and softness. I was so jealous at that moment that Batya had raised her children with this man.
From the girls’ room, we moved to Itay’s and my bedroom. Manny was embarrassed and looked at me guiltily. We both thought the same thing, but we knew it was just not possible under the current circumstances, while my two girls were sleeping in the next room. Manny smiled politely, said the room was very spacious and turned to leave. At the last second, I grabbed his hand and pulled him to me. Manny’s a big man. I can't believe my pull could, indeed, move him, but he was biddable, unable to resist. I gave him a juicy kiss on the mouth and he kissed me back, wetly and passionately. We fell on the bed and were writhing with unbridled passion, when suddenly I heard Yarden crying. I almost flung Manny off me. I have no idea where I got the power. I ran to the girls' room. On the way I fixed my shirt and wild hair as well as I could. Shira and Yarden were both sleeping peacefully. Yarden must have said something in her sleep. Maybe she’d been told off at kindergarten that day and was agitated.
I was glad it had happened because we’d gone too far, and it's actually what kept Itay from catching Manny and me in the act. Because about a quarter of an hour after Yarden’s cry, as we sat cuddled in the living room watching TV, I heard the rattle of keys in the door. I jumped up in alarm as Itay came in and stood in front of us, stunned.
"What are you doing
here?" I asked.
Itay was red with anger. "What am I doing here?" he almost shouted. "What’s he doing here?" He pointed at Manny, ignoring him, despite the fact that he was a third person in the room.
"Don’t shout," I whispered. "You'll wake the girls."
"I came to pick up a few things," he said, digging agitatedly in our closet, "and I wanted to see the girls.’ He went into their room, spent several seconds and left.
He came back and looked at Manny angrily. I approached him, intending to calm him down. "You promised me he wouldn’t move in here," he hissed at me.
"You think he moved in?" I was shocked.
He didn't answer me, just angrily grabbed the keys he’d left on the table and ran out. I watched Manny helplessly.
"Go after him," he told me. "I'm here, it’s fine." I couldn’t think of a more perfect babysitter than Manny and ran out. Itay had just gotten in the elevator, and I went in with him.
"You’ve left the girls alone?" he asked, almost hysterical.
"They’re not alone. Manny’s with them."
"Oh, that makes me feel much better!" he said sarcastically.
"You can be super relaxed. Manny’s a great dad.”
The elevator opened three floors below us, and we were silent all the way to the parking lot.
"What do you think you're doing?" he asked me when I got into the car.
"I want to talk to you a second.”
"We no longer have anything to talk about.”
"You have to believe me, nothing happened.”
"Absolutely nothing. Just a six-month affair.”
"I meant tonight.”
"We said that he wouldn’t come to our house.”
"Not true - we said he wouldn’t move in.”
"Maybe, but you still didn't wait too long! Just yesterday I left home, and already you’re bringing your lover to the house, while our girls, who know nothing, are asleep in the next room!" There was nothing to say. He was right.
"I'm sorry. I was so lonely and sad. Really, we didn’t do anything," I lied. "Nor were we planning on doing anything." Truthfully, I didn’t plan it. "I just wanted some comfort."
Confession of an Abandoned Wife - Box Set (Books 1-3) Page 21
