Confession of an Abandoned Wife - Box Set (Books 1-3)

by Hartstein, Michal

  "Both," Orit replied immediately. "Divorced, and divorced because of an affair, aren’t the same things. If you’d met Manny after the divorce, then, so be it, but to your daughters, you’ll always be the one who tore the family apart.”

  The truth was that she was right, but as long as I had my way, I had no intention of telling my girls I’d met Manny while I was still married to Itay, certainly not at this stage of their lives. "I really hope you're not going to tell them because I'm not going to tell them when I met Manny."

  "They still haven’t met him?" Tomer asked anxiously.

  "No." I smiled at Tomer. He may not have accepted my way, but it was obvious that he cared about me. "I'm going to do everything slowly. They’ll meet Manny only in another two or three weeks."

  "You plan on marrying him?" Tomer was interested again.

  "I don't know." I twisted the ring that Manny gave me around my finger. "I guess so."

  Orit again rolled her eyes and added an impatient toss of her head, like someone who refused to believe what she’d heard

  I couldn’t help saying to her, "Orit, you can be as shocked as you like. We are, indeed, parents, but we’re still human beings and everyone deserves to have their small share of happiness. I really wish you a good life, and since I know your husband pretty well, I can tell you that you’ve really lucked out, but we don't all have such luck. Besides, I don't ever remember making one single comment to you about how you bring up your children, and believe me, I care very much for my brother’s children, just as much as you care for my daughters, so I’d be really very, very grateful if you’d stop criticizing me.”

  I couldn’t hold back anymore. I ran to the bathroom in tears and shut myself away from them.

  When I came out a few minutes later, my mother was waiting for me. She said nothing, just reached out and gave me a warm hug, which mademe cry even more. This gesture touched me because I knew this was hardest on her, which is why she’d hardly spoken.

  When I broke away from her, wiping my eyes and runny nose with my hand, I thanked her and said that's exactly what I needed, that it really wasn’t easy for me to go through this. She assured me that from that moment on, I’d get nothing but support from my family. Those not able to give support, well, they couldn’t give it, but she wouldn’t allow anyone to bully me anymore.

  I went into the room next to the bathroom to get a tissue. Sagit was in there, nursing Moria.

  I sat down next to her and smiled at the baby, plump and pink, sucking away enthusiastically.

  "It’s hard for me that you and Tomer are angry with me."

  "We’re not angry," she smiled. "We just need some time to take it in. Your lifestyle’s completely different from ours, and we have to accept you as you are.”

  That was nice to hear. Suddenly, I felt at home again with my family. I sat with Sagit a few more minutes, talking about Moria and the other children.

  Before I got up and said goodbye to her, I told her, "You and Tomer are very lucky. I really don't know a lot of couples like you."

  Sagit smiled. "Thank you. I really thank God every day for sending me Tomer."

  Passover vacation was difficult. Itay moved house and didn’t help at all with the girls. Manny was free and wanted to meet, but I felt that it was too early for the girls to meet him.

  Itay took the girls to his new apartment on the Saturday after Passover. They were very excited. To them, it was like going to a hotel or B&B. Everything was new and unfamiliar. Yarden even told me with satisfaction that she now had two houses, which meant that she’d actually doubled up everything in life. Now she’d have twice as many friends, twice as many games and twice as many playgrounds. I smiled, even though I knew that, like everything else in life, the more she got used to it, the more the excitement would fade away.

  The next week, Itay didn't take the girls in the middle of the week. After moving to the apartment and all the vacations, work was “crazy,” and he wanted to take the girls on Saturday instead. I agreed, even though I didn't like these last minute changes. It was one thing when we were married, but now I felt I owedhim nothing.

  I agreed mainly because I'd barely seen Manny lately. When I lived with Itay, it was much easier, because while I was with Manny, Itay watched over the girls. Now, there was no one to take care of the girls, and I wasn’t ready yet for them to meet Manny and especially not ready for them to be exposed to situations when I might hold his hand or sleep with him in the same room.

  Itay took the girls a few days later to celebrate Independence Day with him. It was the first time I’d celebrated Independence Day without Itay and the girls. It was hard, but Manny comforted me. We sat in his house, watching good old Israeli movies until the early morning. We woke up almost at noon and drove to my parents’.

  Every Independence Day since my parents bought their big house, a spacious duplex in a residential building in Givatayim, they hosted a barbecue on Independence Day. In the past, my cousins would come too, but now that they all had children, they rarely came.

  This time, I knew that, apart from my brothers, only one of my cousins would come, a cousin who had moved to Ramat Gan to study at Bar Ilan University.

  I thought it was a great opportunity to introduce Manny to everyone without the girls, of course. I didn't want them to be exposed to all kinds of unwanted slips of the tongue, mostly from Orit.

  To my great surprise, my mom agreed immediately. I didn’t even need to move to the ‘threat phase’ of “If Manny isn’t welcome, I won’t come.” Maybe it was curiosity, or maybe my mom really had decided to support me.

  We arrived a little late. Everyone was already up on the terrace. My father was standing by the grill and waving at the coals. Elroy, my cousin, was standing next to him and they were talking animatedly about the stock market.

  I stopped by them. Elroy didn't catch on at first who my companion was, and it was clear that my father was completely embarrassed about the situation. Everyone shook hands, and I guided Manny toward the buffet table. I’d explained to Manny in advance that it’s not customary among religious people for men to shake hands with women.

  My mother got up first. "Dr. Michaeli, welcome," she said, holding out her hand. Manny was a little confused, but finally shook her hand.

  After my mom, Tomer got up, shook his hand and introduced himself and Sagit. Sagit nodded, and Manny was careful not to reach out his hand to her.

  Finally, Oded also got up, shook Manny’s hand and introduced himself and Orit. Orit didn't bother to get up or shake Manny’s hand, even though I knew for sure that she was fine with touching men. She’d always hugged Itay happily enough.

  I pointed out the children running around. Talley, Oded and Orit’s eldest daughter, had retreated downstairs to the computer, but Manny got to see the rest of my nieces and nephews. It stung a bit in my heart that he met my nephews before he met my daughters, but I realized there was no choice.

  Meyer, Tomer and Sagit’s third son, went up to Manny and asked him who he was.

  "I’m Manny, and I’m a friend of your Aunt Sharon."

  "And where’s Uncle Itay?"

  "He’s playing with Shira and Yarden," I explained.

  "Why aren’t they playing with us?"

  "Because they wanted to go and play with friends of Itay’s." I thought Hila must have been brainwashing my daughters right now.

  "How old are you?" Manny changed the subject.

  "Four," Meyer said with satisfaction.

  "He’s four and a half," Sagit corrected.

  "Tall boy!" Manny said, stroking Meyer’s head, then the child, tired of conversation, ran off to play with his brothers and cousins.

  Throughout the entire occasion, I tried hard not to touch Manny too much. I felt that our gestures of mutual affection were a bit too much for my family, who tried to act as normal as possible. The only problem was that I knew them a little too well, and everything was forced and unnatural. Orit tried to have a conversation about medi
cal matters with Manny, but the conversation didn't flow.

  Despite our efforts, occasionally Manny held my hand or patted my thigh. We didn't do it on purpose. We were just so used to touching each other. With every touch, I noticed the watchful eyes of my mother or Orit and would immediately change my position in order to separate us.

  After two forced hours and lots of skewers of meat and kebabs, we bade them goodbye.

  When I was in the car, I got a text message from Sagit: He’s adorable! Your love is so beautiful, I wish you the best of luck. Sagit.

  Out of all of them, my sister-in-law, who was the most religious of them all, knew best how to wholeheartedly encourage me.

  In the afternoon, Itay returned the girls. This was not just an average afternoon.

  It was the afternoon I planned on introducing Manny to my daughters.

  CHAPTER 30

  According to our divorce agreement, in the first month after the agreement was signed, I was not to bring Manny to our house while the girls were at home. There was no impediment to Shira and Yarden meeting Manny outside the house, but I felt that they needed a little time to settle down after the divorce before I brought a new man into their lives.

  I was very surprised by their response to our separation. I was sure they’d take it much harder. Maybe they didn't understand the significance and the finality of the step we’d taken. Perhaps the fact that there were other children with divorced parents in her class made it easier on Shira. I personally think that Shira said it herself: not that much had changed in her life. Even before our divorce, she hardly saw her father.

  I decided that after the Independence Day lunch would the best time to introduce Manny to the girls. I had no intention of moving in with Manny so fast, mainly because of the girls and especially since the divorce agreement restricted me in the first three months. So, for the first step, I decided that Manny should be introduced to the girls as a ’friend’ of Mom's, and not as Mom’s ‘partner.’ I wanted to see how they’d all get along. I was very, very nervous. I was afraid that if they didn’t get along with him, it would have one result: I'd have to break up with Manny because, even with all the love that I had for Manny, a choice between him and the girls wasn’t really a choice at all.

  I shared this with Itay and told him I was going to bring Manny to meet the girls. He obviously didn't like it, but he knew he had no choice. A friend at work warned me to be careful that Itay didn’t poison the girls against Manny, but I knew that, even with all the hostility and anger he harbored for Manny and I, Itay would never do that. Itay was reasonable.

  Itay brought the girls back in the afternoon after attending a barbecue at the house of his friends, Hila and Oren. I figured I was the talk of the barbecue.

  "How was it?" I asked Itay while I unstrapped Yarden from her booster seat. I went down to collect the kids because I knew Itay wouldn’t like seeing Manny upstairs.

  "Okay."

  "Just okay?"

  "It wasn’t much fun – a bit of a depressing atmosphere, really.”

  I was surprised that our separation had affected Hila and Oren’s barbecue so much. I was sure Hila would be celebrating our separation since we’d never gotten along and be working, even as we spoke, on finding an alternative bride ‘more worthy’ of Itay.

  "Because of me?" I asked hesitantly.

  Itay looked at me angrily. "No, Sharon," he said shortly, careful not to lose his temper in front of Shira and Yarden. "Not everything’s about you."

  "Then what happened?" I was curious.

  "Oren's dad’s in a difficult situation."

  "What happened to him?"

  "I told you long ago that he had liver cancer."

  "I thought he was over it."

  "Everyone thought so, but it didn't go away, and now he’s in a critical condition."

  "Oh, I’m so sorry." It pained me to hear it. I knew Oren’s parents, especially his mother, who was an interior designer. Actually, she designed our apartment. I didn't have anything against Oren, unlike Hila, and I was really sad to hear about his father.

  I went up with the girls. Manny was waiting for all of us on the couch.

  "Hello," he said with a broad smile when the girls came in.

  They both froze. Yarden looked up at me uncertainly and asked, "Who’s this?"

  "Girls, meet Manny," I said as I brought them both to the sofa. "He’s a good friend of Mom’s."

  "Hello," they said in a whisper and settled shyly on the vacant couch.

  "Can we watch the Barbie of Swan Lake movie?" Yarden asked. It was clear that Manny didn't interest them too much. He was just a friend of their mother’s, not a friend for them to play with.

  "Later," I promised. "We’re all going out together to have some fun in Tel Aviv. What do you say?"

  "I’m tired," Shira answered like an old woman.

  "That’s too bad," I replied. "I wanted to go and hang out and eat pizza and ice cream.”

  Yarden woke up and shot up. "Yessss!!!" she smiled.

  Shira sat with her arms crossed and a sour face. Maybe she knew a lot more than I thought. Finally, she was convinced, with a bribe, of course.

  Despite my concerns, it was very nice. Manny was used to children as well as adults. He simply had a natural approach to humans. The bribe promised to Shira, he bought himself, and the girls were happy and satisfied.

  After gorging on Tony Vespa's pizza and licking our delicious ice creams, we walked toward the car. Shira and Yarden were walking a few steps ahead of us, skipping and singing, and Manny instinctively cupped my hand in his.

  Shira turned to us to say something about the new toy that Manny had bought her. She looked at me in amazement and asked why Manny was holding my hand. I pulled my hand away from his hand and told her we were friends, and friends hold hands. Yarden was very excited, ran to Manny and told him she was also his friend and held out her tiny hand to him. Shira smiled awkwardly, standing between us, and held out her hands. We walked that way almost all the way to the car - Yarden holding Manny's right hand, Shira holding his left, and her other hand in mine.

  On the one hand, I was happy that the girls accepted Manny with such warmth. On the other hand, I had an overwhelming sense that Shira understood a lot more than I would like and was actually being rather protective of me.

  Yarden fell asleep on the way home, and Manny helped me carry her up to bed. While assisting Shira, who was tired, in the shower, I realized that she was very busy thinking about Manny’s status. She said she didn't want Manny to replace her father. I asked her why she thought he’d replace him, and she said that up until now, we’d only gone to Tel Aviv like that with Dad. I reminded her that sometimes just the three of us would go, and sometimes we went with friends. She said that Dad always picked up Yarden and carried her home, so I explained that as Daddy wasn’t here, so Manny helped, but if Manny hadn’t been with us, then I would have picked Yarden up to carry her home.

  I promised her that no one would replace her father, that Manny was a friend of Mom’s and that I'd love for her to try to get to know him because Mom thought he was a great friend.

  I asked if she’d enjoyed herself, and she admitted she’d had fun with Manny, but the most fun for her was when we all went out with Dad. My heart contracted. I promised her that in a few days, she’d be with her dad.

  Promises were one thing and actions were another.

  The girls ended up with Zehava, my mother-in-law.

  Itay was supposed to pick up the girls from home at five o'clock. Ahuva picked them up from kindergarten and from school, but had to leave early. I knew that Itay was supposed to take them, so I made appointments for the afternoon, right up until my belly dancing class. After that, I planned to go to see Manny, whom I had not seen for several days.

  At three-thirty or so, Itay called me, said that there was a crisis at work and asked if I could switch with Ahuva until he came. I explained to him that I had appointments and that the girls, especially S
hira, were dying to see him. He asked me to talk with Ahuva and ask if she could stay a little longer. I remembered all those years during which he’d failed to pull his weight raising the girls, when I did everything alone, even coordinate with his mother.

  That’s exactly why I’d left him.

  I reminded him of our home phone number, I gave him Ahuva’s cell number since, oddly enough, the number wasn’t listed in his cell phone contacts, although she’d worked for us for a while now, and I explained to him that he should talk to Ahuva directly, and that I shouldn’t be just another part of this broken chain.

  In the end, Ahuva couldn’t stay and Itay sent his mother to pick up the children and take them home with her. Because he knew that the girls were in good hands, he relaxed and didn’t rush round to his mother’s.

  I called Zehava at nine in the evening to ask how they were doing and she told me that Itay had called at seven, talked with the girls and apologized for not being there yet, and said that they’d spend time together on Saturday. Shira tried to stay awake, but had fallen asleep, finally, at a quarter to nine. The next morning, I spoke to Itay as he took the kids to school and kindergarten and found out that he didn’t get there till almost midnight.

  I didn't have too much to do with Zehava after I broke up with Itay. She may not have been nice to me, but she didn’t treat me unkindly. She’d been cool to me, but fair. Now, for the first time, I felt her warmth and understanding. She seemed to suddenly understand my leaving her son.

  I do believe it was a work emergency, but graveyards are full of indispensable men. How could he give up the few hours he had a week with his children? I thought, or at least hoped, especially for the girls’ sake, that he’d ask to take them on a different day that week to make up for it, but he didn't even ask. I was hoping this would be a one-time thing, but those hopes were quickly dashed.

  A week later, came Lag B'Omer. A few parents from Shira’s class organized a bonfire. Since these were young children, they started early, when it was still light out. While not all children came with both parents, I was hoping that, because of the delicate situation, Itay would find the time to come. But I guess that, for Itay, work was more important.