by Carys Jones
Reaching for the gearstick, Shane pushed the car into reverse.
‘Shane, please,’ Amanda reached for his hand, holding it against the gearstick. Her pulse quickened. Whether it was out of fear or something else she couldn’t tell. ‘I have to help him.’
‘But why?’
‘Because,’ Amanda looked into the eyes of the boy she’d once loved more than anything. He was so grown-up behind the wheel of a car, dressed in a crumpled shirt with shadows stretching across his handsome face. But the boy was still there. He looked back at Amanda through adult eyes, but they still held the same hope and kindness as they’d once done.
‘Because it’s the right thing to do,’ Amanda squeezed his hand as it lay beneath hers.
‘Argh, Amanda.’
She could see him folding. His shoulders dropped and his head tilted to the left just like it always did when she was about to beat him at a computer game or a particularly heated session of Risk or Monopoly. Shane hated to lose but he was always gracious in defeat.
‘I’ll get you next time,’ he’d promise. And to his credit he certainly tried.
‘The whole reason you became a cop is to help people.’
‘That and bragging rights,’ Shane offered her the whisper of a cheeky smile.
‘Help me help my husband and then we’ll head home, I promise.’
‘And what? Be one big happy family?’ Shane was teasing, but Amanda released his hand and turned away. She thought of Evangeline, the urban warrior princess striding through the streets of Glasgow with her buoyant little boy by her side. Amanda already knew that whatever happened, Jake wasn’t going to be coming home with her. Will Thorn was gone.
*
An hour passed. It slid by as effortlessly as the darkened Scottish landscape. And with each passing minute Amanda fell deeper into a pit of her own despair.
‘What if he took the motorway?’
‘What if he isn’t heading for the mansion?’
‘What if we’re already too late?’
She kept firing questions at Shane. Questions he couldn’t possibly answer.
‘We just have to keep going.’ Somehow he still managed to sound vaguely positive, keeping his mood up for her benefit.
‘It’s been an hour.’ Amanda kept scanning the roadside, praying she’d see Jake’s car up against it after suffering from a flat tyre or some other misfortune. But she had no such luck. The roadside was empty save for shadows.
‘We must be close to him.’
‘What if he went back to the cottage?’
‘Then we’ll find him when we eventually go back. But first we check the roads.’
They approached a petrol station. The first one they’d seen in miles. It shone like a Christmas tree against the bleakness of the empty road. Amanda gazed out at its bright neon lights, at the three cars pulled up at its pumps.
Three seemed like a lot for such a late hour on such a quiet road. Amanda dropped her eyes to check the time on her laptop.
Four a.m.
Then her eyes snapped back to the petrol station and she gasped. Her hands were instantly against her window, banging and pointing.
‘That’s… that’s his car.’
‘You sure?’
‘Yes, that’s it.’
Shane was almost past the petrol station but the road was quiet enough to enable him to stop and reverse back towards the artificial glow of the petrol station. ‘Want me to pull in?’
Amanda was bounding out of the car, Shane’s question following on the air after her. She ran, moving on impulse not logic towards the parked up silver car which was beside a pump. And there, stood beside it in a lumberjack shirt and jeans was Jake, head bowed, a bright red baseball cap pulled low, shielding his eyes.
‘What the hell is this?’ she demanded breathlessly as Jake straightened. His expression flickered between surprise and anger as he looked at her.
‘Get back in the car with your little cop friend and forget you ever saw me. Forget you ever knew me.’
Amanda felt her knees buckle but she stayed standing.
Forget you ever knew me.
Was that what he was doing? Was their love so easy for him to shake off?
‘I want to help you.’ She spoke slowly. Forcefully. She glanced nervously at Jake, towards his back. Was the gun with him? If he dared to fire it here the whole place risked going up. Surely he’d retained enough of his senses to know better than to do that?
‘You’ve helped enough. This is on me now.’ Jake looked towards the numbers slowly ticking over on the petrol pump, refusing to meet Amanda’s gaze.
‘You’re going to get yourself killed,’ she hissed at him, feeling a heat start to rise in her cheeks.
Jake was throwing away everything. And for what? A fear over something that might not even happen?
‘Just leave me be,’ he growled the order through clenched teeth.
‘I made a promise to you,’ Amanda pulled in a long breath, taking any tears she might shed down to the pit of her stomach. ‘For better or worse. And this is way, way worse than I ever imagined. But I’m not giving up on you, Will. I’ll always help you.’
‘Jake,’ he grumbled his true name with scary clarity. Amanda scratched at her bare arms. It truly was like Will Thorn had never even existed. But then what did that mean for her, Amanda Thorn? Had she become some barely stable thing which could be scattered against the wind and banished from memory? ‘Look, Amanda,’ he slotted the pump back into its stand and reached for her. His hands were warm as they connected with her lower arms and protectively rubbed her goose-pimpled skin. ‘I know I’m not the man you married, but I still care about you. I still want you to be safe. Go back home. I’ll make sure that my past never troubles you again.’
Amanda remembered the first time Will had touched her. Really touched her. There had been three dates. Numerous occasions of grazed hands and feet meeting beneath a table, but no full-on touching. By their fourth date Amanda was going wild with desire. She wanted Will’s strong hands all over her, to feel his lips against hers. But he was always such a gentleman. Always picking up the bill, holding a door open for her. Then, at the end of their fourth date, he leaned in to kiss her goodnight on the cheek as they sat outside her apartment building in his car and everything changed.
He kissed her cheek and lingered close to her. So close. Amanda could hear herself panting, could feel her body trembling. It happened quickly. Will’s lips found hers and then she melted against him. They were kissing as though it had just been invented. His hands were exploring every curve they could access. And as they kissed Amanda knew that Will’s touch had definitely been worth the wait.
‘Jake… Jake Burton?’
Amanda snapped back into the moment as two men strode over to her and Jake. She watched her husband’s face harden as though he’d suddenly been turned to stone.
‘Jake? It is you, isn’t it?’
25
‘Jake Burton as I live and breathe.’
Amanda sucked in the crisp early morning air, filling her lungs until they might burst and doing everything she could to keep her hands from shaking. Her mind was screaming at her that this was no coincidence, that these men had been lying in wait at this petrol station for God knows how long. Had she just walked straight into a carefully laid trap set for Jake?
The taller man sauntered towards them, both hands thrust deep into his pockets. He was long and willowy like a reed, with a crop of fire red curls sat atop his aging face. When he smiled, his dark eyes crinkled menacingly.
‘You know, we’ve been running up and down these back roads for days now. Looking for you.’
Whilst the tall man tried to adopt something of a casual demeanour, his stocky companion shadowed his every move with his thick hands balled into fists.
‘How opportune to find you here,’ the redhead released a hand from his pocket to gesture grandly at the surrounding petrol station. Glancing towards the glass-fronted store, Am
anda saw that the clerk had gone, the counter was empty. She lifted her gaze to Jake, searching his expression for some sign of how he was going to react.
His features remained set in stone, his head still bowed beneath his cap.
The gun.
Amanda’s eyes briefly betrayed her as they flickered towards Jake’s waist. Was it still there? How long would it take him to grab it and arm himself? A few seconds? Less? And what then? Amanda imagined the staccato bursts of gunfire disturbing the peace of the night. The sickening sound of a bullet piercing a chest, tearing through precious organs.
But Jake could feel just as easily as these strangers. If he was concealing a weapon, chances were that they were too.
‘I’m sorry, I think you’ve made a mistake.’ Amanda applied her sweetest smile and laced her fingers through Jake’s. She could feel the tension in his hand, but she kept smiling, leaned against him and traced her other hand up his arm. ‘This is my husband, Will. We’re up here on vacation.’
The redheaded man’s eyes narrowed into suspicious slits as he stared at her. Whilst the stocky man’s nostrils flared like a bull waiting to charge.
‘Will, is it?’ the tall man turned his head to stare back at Jake. ‘Well, a rose by any other name—’
‘If you gentlemen don’t mind, we really need to be getting on our way.’ Amanda’s cheeks ached from forcing such a saccharine smile, but she had to keep up the façade. She tugged on Jake’s hand, urging him back towards his car, away from the petrol pumps.
‘Actually, Miss…’ the red-haired man furrowed his brow at her.
‘Mrs. Thorn.’
‘Actually Mrs… Thorn,’ he seemed amused by her surname, ‘we have some mighty important business with your husband that we need to attend to.’
‘And I’ve been travelling for the better part of four hours and really need to lay my head down at our hotel.’ Amanda dropped a hand to her hip.
‘Look, Mrs Thorn—’
‘You’ve if you don’t mind I’m exhausted and really don’t have time for this.’
‘We just need a quick—’
‘I’ll advise you gentlemen not to come between a pregnant lady and her sleep.’ Amanda moved her hand to delicately rest it on her stomach. The redhead threw an uneasy glance towards his companion.
‘Yes, come on sweetheart,’ Jake was finally playing along, helping her into his car, ‘we’ll have you at the hotel in no time. Then you can rest.’ He slammed the door shut and paced around to the driver’s side.
‘This isn’t over,’ the redhead called after him. ‘We know you’re back, Jakey boy.’
‘My name is Will.’
He said it with such conviction that for a moment Amanda wondered if it had somehow become true again, if he was once again Will Thorn. Her Will Thorn. But as he turned on the engine and drove the car away from the petrol station, his hard expression returned. Jake was back.
‘You shouldn’t have done that,’ he told her tightly as Amanda watched the fading lights of the petrol station in the rear-view mirror.
She wondered what Shane thought was going on? Wringing her hands together, she suddenly overwhelmed with an uneasy sense of betrayal. But Jake was still her husband, wasn’t he? She had every right to hold his hand, to introduce herself as his wife.
‘Are you really pregnant?’ Jake asked as they kept driving. His tone was flat. Devoid of excitement, joy, anything.
‘Would it matter if I was?’ Amanda countered.
‘Well, are you?’
‘No.’ She clasped her hands over her stomach as the lights from the petrol station were absorbed by the night. ‘But I thought saying it might deter them from pushing things.’
‘What made you think that?’
‘Because maybe they’re fathers too. And fathers will do anything to protect their children.’
Jake’s jaw tightened but he said nothing. They rounded a corner and Amanda’s phone came to life in her pocket, vibrating against her leg. She’d almost forgotten that she had it. Quickly snatching, it she saw Shane’s name flashing on the screen.
‘Hey.’
‘Where the hell are you?’ she heard his pain. His despair. His panic. ‘What was that back there? Why are you in the car with Jake? Am I supposed to be following you? What’s happening?’
‘It was…’ Amanda paused, gathering her thoughts. ‘Those men recognized him.’
‘They did? Shit. Well, they drove off in the opposite direction to you guys, so they can’t be following you. Amanda, you need to turn around and come back. You’re not safe with him.’
‘Jake?’ Amanda inched the phone away from her ear. ‘Shane says those guys took off in the opposite direction so we can go back now.’
‘We’re not going back.’
‘What did he say?’ Shane raged through the phone.
‘I said we’re not going back,’ Jake pressed down harder on the accelerator and the car sped down darkened roads.
‘You need to take me back!’ Amanda demanded. ‘Enough of this bullshit, Jake. Take me back right now. Shane says it’s safe and he’s a cop. We need his help.’
‘No!’
‘Jake?’
‘We’re going to get my son.’
Amanda felt sick as Jake navigated yet another tight corner.
‘Hey, what the hell? You need to get back here,’ Shane was shouting down the phone.
‘Shane,’ Amanda wilted against her seat and squeezed her eyes shut. ‘He wants to go and get Ewan.’
‘Like fuck he does! He just wants to put you in more danger! Tell that asshole to let you go!’
‘Shane—’
‘I’m coming after you and God help him when I catch up with you. Gun or no gun, I’m taking him down. This has gone too far.’
‘Tell him to go and wait at the cottage.’ Jake sounded calmer but still eerily in control.
‘What?’ Amanda heard Shane’s voice echo her own through the phone.
‘If he goes there and waits, I’ll take you back there. I swear.’
‘I’m not going to just go back and wait while you—’
‘I’ll bring her back to you,’ Jake cut in, reaching across and plucking the phone out of Amanda’s grasp. ‘And she’ll come to no harm. You have my word.’
He ended the call before Shane could protest further.
‘We really should just go back,’ she said delicately.
‘We can’t,’ Jake gave a brisk shake of his head. ‘Those men have seen me. They’ll report straight back to McAllister and then they’ll go straight for Ewan.’
‘So shouldn’t we just go back to the cottage, lay low? Isn’t this what they’ll expect you to do?’
‘Yes. That’s why we have to get to him first.’
*
In the grey light of dawn the dual blocks of flats didn’t look any more appealing than they had during Amanda’s first visit. Jake parked up in the central car park and peered out at the tall building ahead of him.
‘So this is where you used to live?’ Amanda kept her tone light, almost flippant.
Jake just scratched his chin and continued to stare at the drab structure. Amanda wondered if he was being overwhelmed by a floor of memories. Were they all precious and joyful? Were he and Evangeline love’s young dream until it all went horribly wrong for them?
‘Not like our home, is it?’
Our home.
Amanda nearly choked on a sob. So he still regarded something as being theirs. ‘It… um,’ she gestured up towards the flats, ‘I suppose it’s urban living, which is going to be different to being near the woodlands.’
‘You gave me a better life.’ Jake was still looking at the flats, not at her. ‘A life I never deserved.’
‘That’s not true,’ Amanda insisted, reaching for his arm.
‘Yes, it is,’ Jake peered at her from the corner of his eye and appeared almost shy. Will had never been shy. He always possessed an easy confidence which Amanda had envied from the moment
she met him. ‘And this is how I repay you.’ He hung his head. ‘You were my dream, Amanda. But this,’ he slowly raised a hand to point out at the flats, ‘this was always my reality. This was where I belonged.’
‘Something tells me that both you and Evangeline are better than this place.’
‘You saw her?’
‘She’s stunning.’
This made Jake laugh.
‘What?’
‘You truly don’t see yourself how other people do,’ he kept laughing as he rubbed his jawline. ‘I guess that’s why it was so easy to fall so hard for you.’
Amanda froze. Such a large part of her had started to doubt if anything she had with Will had been real. But here was Jake admitting that it had been.
‘You don’t make letting go easy, you know that?’ Jake was sliding out of the car, so Amanda quickly did the same. He was striding over towards the flat, head bowed beneath the baseball cap he was still wearing.
‘What do you mean?’
‘When Evie thought I was gone, she’d have just got on with her life. She’d gotten used to saying goodbye to people. We’d both had tough childhoods. But you…’ He turned to face Amanda. They were almost at the entrance to the flats. ‘You wouldn’t give up on me. Not even now.’
‘Well,’ it was Amanda’s turn to be shy. She looked down at her feet and chewed her lip. ‘I guess I took my vows seriously.’
‘It’s because you’re a good person, Amanda. Right down to your core. That’s why I never deserved you.’
He pushed against the metal door which guarded the stairwell which led up into the building. It rattled in its hinges but didn’t budge.
‘I guess we need to wait until someone has to get in,’ Amanda looked around. The place was deserted. It’d be a good few hours until people started to seep out of the flats heading out to work.
Jake leaned all his weight against the door and pushed it hard.
Nothing.
He shoved it again. The door rattled uncertainly but didn’t open. He pushed again and this time it burst open, clattering loudly against the wall.
