by Carys Jones
‘Or you could just burst your way in,’ Amanda said with a roll of her eyes. ‘Let’s just add breaking and entering to child-snatching on our daily list of misdemeanours.’
‘He’s my son,’ Jake snapped defensively as he stalked towards the stairwell. ‘Besides,’ he glanced back, one hand on the stair rail, ‘Evie would want me to keep him safe.’
Amanda followed him up three flights. They didn’t pass a single soul. The building was oddly still around them. People were tucked up in their beds lost to distant dreams. When dawn fully arrived, alarms would shriek and chime, shattering the tranquillity.
Jake took the stairs two at a time, leaving Amanda struggling to keep up. Her lungs were burning in her chest as she staggered towards the third floor. Jake was already ahead of her, moving down the corridor and eyeing the numbers on the doors. He stopped abruptly halfway down the corridor and when Amanda reached him she bent her knees and lowered her head to catch her breath.
‘This is it.’ Jake didn’t sound quite as certain as he had back in the car.
Straightening, Amanda looked at the faded brass number on the door; 328. This was it all right.
‘Is your plan just to burst your way in or do you at least intend on knocking?’
‘I have a key.’ Jake briefly fumbled in his pocket before producing a single silver key. Amanda stared at it like it were a dagger which had been pulled from her own back.
‘You have a… key?’
Where had it been in their home? Tucked up in a box somewhere? Hidden in the garage? In his car? If Amanda had discovered it, she truly would have found the key to Pandora’s box and opening the door it led to would have reigned chaos over her life, just as it was doing now.
‘I kept it for emergencies,’ Jake told her simply as he placed it in the lock and turned. He said it so casually, as if the key didn’t indicate some great betrayal in their marriage.
Amanda was so busy reeling over the key’s existence that she almost didn’t notice Jake open the door and slip inside the apartment. She followed after him, stepping into her husband’s former life.
The door led directly into the lounge, which had an open-plan kitchen integrated into it. The room was simply furnished with a fresh vase of flowers on a distant windowsill and toys scattered across the floor.
Two doors led off either side of the room and Jake was making for the one in the far left-hand corner which had a Spiderman poster on it. Amanda wanted to follow but her eyes were drawn to a framed picture beside the modest-sized television. It was slightly faded and had a crease down the centre as if it had once been folded beneath a pillow or against someone’s chest, concealed in a pocket.
Jake and Evangeline, arms wound around each other. They both looked so young. So innocent. So happy. They were smiling for the camera and Evangeline’s belly was swollen. Amanda couldn’t stop staring at it. It was like driving by a particularly brutal car accident, knowing you shouldn’t look at the more gruesome elements but being powerless to tear your eyes away.
‘Okay, we have to go.’ Jake was back in the room, a sleepy boy in blue pyjamas hauled over one shoulder.
‘Jesus, Jake,’ Amanda’s entire body tightened when she saw him with the boy. ‘Where’s his mother?’
‘Mummy’s at work,’ Ewan grumbled sleepily.
‘At work?’
‘Reserve your judgement,’ Jake whispered fiercely. ‘Evie doesn’t have anyone to rely on. She must be working nights to take care of Ewan. Slipping out when he’s asleep.’
‘He’s just a boy.’
‘She’s doing her best.’ Jake looked at the boy in his arms and then briefly closed his eyes and released a pained breath. ‘I didn’t know she’d struggle this much,’ he admitted softly. Then his entire posture stiffened and he stared back towards the door they’d just come through.
‘Argh!’ Ewan screamed, his eyes wide, suddenly completely awake. He thrashed against Jake, his cheeks turning crimson. ‘Where’s my Mummy? Argh!’
His screams were shrill, like a cat fighting. Amanda was at his side, keeping her voice low and soothing.
‘Hey, hey, it’s okay—’
‘Mummy!’ Ewan demanded at the top of his lungs.
‘Hey,’ Jake gripped the boy beneath the shoulders and held him at eye level. ‘You know me, from the pictures, aye wee lad?’
Ewan’s chest was heaving, his eyes bulging out of his head. He stared at the man gripping him and nodded breathlessly.
‘I’m Daddy, right?’ Jake spun around to nod at the framed picture of happiness where he held Evie in his arms. Sniffling softly, Ewan nodded again. ‘So you don’t need to be scared, little man.’ Jake clutched the boy against his chest and kissed the top of his head. ‘I promise that I’m not here to hurt you. I’m here to keep you safe.’
Amanda turned away, feeling like she was intruding upon some tender moment.
‘McAllister’s men could show up at any minute. We need to get out of here.’ Jake was addressing her directly, all softness gone from his voice. There was only urgency in his words now.
‘Okay, well,’ Amanda looked at the boy. He was so small. So vulnerable in his pyjamas, his dark hair still wild from sleep. ‘You can’t take him like that.’ She was hurrying in the direction of Ewan’s bedroom, fighting against the sensation that she had become the grossest of intruders. This was Evie’s home. Jake’s other wife. His first wife. Which made Amanda the imposter.
‘He’ll need clothes, and maybe some toys.’
‘We don’t have time for this,’ Jake growled at her.
‘Daddy is Mummy coming too?’ Ewan wondered innocently. He rubbed a hand against his runny nose as he looked up at the man from the photograph who he knew to be his father. Were there other such pictures? Did Evangeline sit with Ewan on rain-soaked afternoons turning the pages of a large photo album explaining to him who his father was? And all the while Amanda had been safe in her lie, happy and oblivious down south.
‘Mummy will come later,’ Jake softly reassured the boy.
‘Okay,’ Amanda hurried into the bedroom and spun around, searching for something she could grab. There was a Paws Petrol backpack slumped in one corner. She picked it up and then began opening drawers, reaching for anything that might be useful. Jumpers. Jeans. T-shirts. Pants. Socks. Shoes. What sorts of things did little boys even need? Shouldering the bag, Amanda returned to the main living room.
‘Ewan, do you have a… um… favourite toy you want to bring?’ she asked gently. Against his father’s shoulder, Ewan rubbed at his green eyes.
‘Woody.’
‘Huh?’
‘Woody.’ He pointed to a stubby finger towards a toy on the floor. Amanda recognized the Stetson-wearing Sherriff from a Disney movie.
‘Okay then, let’s take Woody.’ Amanda bent down and scooped up the toy.
‘And Spiderman.’ Ewan’s little hand gestured to another figure on the floor.
‘Okay, Spiderman too.’ Amanda grabbed him with her other hand.
‘That’s enough toys,’ Jake marched out of the flat and Amanda hurried after him.
‘Should we leave a note or something?’ Looking over her shoulder, she glanced back at the door to flat 328. ‘I mean, won’t his mother be panic-stricken when she comes home and realizes he’s gone?’
‘She’ll know it was me,’ Jake stated with confidence as he approached the stairwell.
‘She will?’
Did Jake and Evangeline have a bond that went beyond words? Would she just sense that he’d been there, that he’d taken their son? Because when Will had left, Amanda had no such feelings. She just felt fear, shock and abandonment.
‘She’ll think it was me or McAllister. And if the place isn’t turned over, she’ll know it was me. Besides,’ he hung his head, looking guilty, ‘I put a fifty pence on her pillow. It’s something we always used to do.’
Amanda didn’t have time to dwell on the significance of that. How such a seemingly innocent gesture coul
d have so much meaning. Jake was already powering down the stairs, carrying Ewan with ease.
When Amanda stepped back onto the car park, the first soft rays of sunlight had warmed the tarmac. It looked like it was going to be a nice day.
After tucking Ewan into the back seat, Jake climbed in behind the wheel but he didn’t start the engine. Instead he stared at Amanda as she buckled herself into the passenger seat.
‘Can you ride in the back with him?’ he wondered, sounding a little sheepish.
‘In the back?’ Amanda turned round to see Ewan furiously rubbing at his eyes and struggling to stay awake.
‘If he gets scared I’d rather he had someone with him.’
‘Okay, sure,’ Amanda unclipped her belt and did as Jake asked. She settled herself next to Ewan as the car drove out of the car park and began heading back towards the cottage. Back towards Shane.
The flats were still towering ominously in the background when Ewan nudged his way towards Amanda and rested his head against her arm. Then he promptly fell fast asleep.
26
The sun was shining when they arrived back at the little cottage, this time parking on the driveway. Shane’s car was there too, glistening in the sunlight. She’d barely climbed out of the car when she heard the front door open and Shane’s footsteps crunch against the gravel path which led to the driveway.
‘Thank God you’re back.’
And then his arms were around her, pressing her against his chest. Amanda hugged him back, breathed in the now familiar scent of his cologne. She didn’t want to let go. She bunched his shirt in her hands, holding on tightly. Shane was safety. Stability. Shane was home.
‘Who are you?’ Ewan’s inquisitive voice piped up, ending their embrace. Amanda stepped back from Shane, suddenly feeling self-conscious, like a kid who’d been caught kissing behind the bike sheds at school.
‘This is Shane.’
Ewan was out of the car. He cocked his head and looked first at Amanda and then at Shane. Both Woody and Spiderman were clutched against his chest.
‘It’s okay,.’ Jake came round the other side of the car, stretching out his arms. Watching him reminded Amanda of the ache in her own limbs. She’d spent so many long hours cramped up inside a car that she longed to run free across the Scottish headlands, to feel the wind whip through her hair and scrape against her cheeks. She wanted to breathe in fresh, clean air and listen to the distant rumble of the ocean.
‘Is this your house?’ Ewan asked Shane, still possessively holding his toys close as though he feared one of the adults might snatch them away from him.
‘Um…’ Shane massaged his neck and glanced at Amanda for support.
‘This is Shane’s house,’ Amanda started, guiding the little boy towards the single-storey building. ‘We’re going to stay here. Just for a little while.’
‘Where’s the rest of it?’ Ewan wondered as he was ushered inside. ‘And where are all the other houses?’
The boy was full of questions, each one tumbling into the next.
Where’s Mummy?
Where are we?
What time is dinner?
Am I going to school today?
Who wants to play with Woody and me?
Amanda admired his curious nature. And his brazen attitude. He wasn’t fearful in their presence. He just seamlessly adapted to his new surroundings. As soon as Amanda placed him in the living room, he started playing with his toys, perfectly content. Change was clearly something of a constant in the little boy’s life.
‘He seems happy enough.’ Jake came and stood beside her as Amanda watched Ewan play.
‘You can’t keep him here. You know that, don’t you?’
‘He’s safer here than being back home.’
‘He should be with his mother, Jake. He should be at school.’
‘And he’ll go back to all that. When it’s safe.’
‘And when will that be?’ Amanda spun around to face him. There was so much anger flooding her system. She was angry at him for leaving. Angry at him for lying. ‘You’ve been out of his life for years, Will. You can’t just waltz back in and pick up where you left off.’
Jake was looking at her through sad eyes.
‘What?’
‘You called me Will.’
‘Wasn’t so long ago that was your name.’ Amanda could feel herself pouting. She wished she was strong enough to stop caring, wished she could just roll with the punches like Ewan was.
‘I wish I could have stayed as Will Thorn for you.’ Jake placed his hands on her shoulders and Amanda tried not to cry. ‘This could have been our future. A nice cottage by the sea. A family.’
‘If it weren’t for all the lies.’ Knocking his hands away, Amanda turned before he could see the first of her tears fall. She quickly smeared it away with the back of her hand.
‘Hey, Amanda?’ Shane was in the doorway. He’d got changed and seemed freshly showered. Instead of a shirt he wore a long sleeved T-shirt and jeans. His hair was still damp, his cheeks flushed. Amanda looked at him, grateful that he was here. He anchored the whole warped situation with a comforting sense of normality. She’d known Shane all her life. Their histories were forever intertwined.
‘Yeah?’
‘Why don’t you take Ewan for a little walk to get some air? Maybe show him the sea?’
Jake instantly made a grunt of disapproval.
‘They’ll be safe enough,’ Shane insisted. ‘There’s no one around here for miles. Besides, you and I need to have a little chat.’
‘I don’t kn—’ Amanda was about to protest when Ewan came barrelling over. He threw himself against her legs and locked on tight.
‘Ooh, the sea,’ he cooed as he looked up at her, eyes bright. ‘I’d love to go and see it. Take me. Take me.’
‘Okay, okay.’ Amanda reached for the little boy’s hand and held it in her own. It felt strangely comforting to feel his small palm against her own. ‘We’ll be thirty minutes, no more.’ She should fight Shane on his order to leave but the lure of stretching her legs was too enticing to ignore.
She looked back at the two men who’d had such an impact on her life. They both looked uneasy being so close to one another. She hoped that when she came back to the cottage they were both still there.
‘Come on then, Ewan.’ He happily bounced along at her side. Since arriving at the cottage, she’d changed him out of his pyjamas into a bright yellow sweatshirt and jeans.
‘I’m bringing Woody,’ he told her boldly, quickly grabbing one of his toys as they left the lounge.
‘Okay, sure, Woody can come.’
‘He’s a Sherriff so he loves the outdoors.’
‘Uh-huh.’
‘And he has a horse. Do you have a horse?’
And the barrage of questions continued.
*
Despite the presence of the sun it was cold out on the rugged hills which bordered the cottage. Amanda picked her way along a trodden path with Ewan loyally remaining by her side.
‘Do you come here a lot?’ he asked as Amanda led him up towards the crest of a hill. The wind buffeted them both and it felt good. Amanda wanted to extend her arms, to spread them like wings and feel the full embrace of nature.
‘Not really.’
The ground was thick with heather. Amanda surveyed the landscape around them. From her vantage point she could see the cottage which had been reduced to a tiny dot. South from the cottage were the rooftops of the little village where she’d previously searched for Jake. It crossed her mind that she could take Ewan there to get some sweets at some point. But when? Surely the little boy would be heading back home soon. How long were they supposed to keep him hidden away in the highlands?
‘Is that the sea?’ Ewan was pointing at the turquoise crest which met the sky on the horizon.
‘Yep, that’s it.’
He became the leader, pulling Amanda down the hill closer to the sea. She started to hear the distant tumble of its waves
, taste the salt carried on the breeze. It didn’t take them long to reach the cliffside and an impressive vista of the sea. Where the land fell away, the water took up residence, sweeping away for miles and glistening majestically beneath the afternoon sun. Amanda tried to suppress the swirling sensation in her stomach which started to build up like a brewing storm. Her palms became slick with sweat. Her body always went into flight mode whenever she was near a cliffside.
‘I’ve never been in the sea.’ Ewan’s eyes were wide as he took it in, moving his head left to right as he greedily absorbed all of the beauty. His wonderment helped to disperse her mounting anxiety.
‘You haven’t?’ This surprised Amanda. To her the sea had been such a huge part of everyday life throughout her childhood. She couldn’t imagine growing up without it’s infinite presence stretching out towards the horizon.
‘No.’ Ewan looked down at his red trainers.
‘I grew up right by the sea,’ Amanda recalled fondly. ‘I’d spend hours exploring the coastline or playing in the waves. I’d try and jump them as they came in.’
‘You did that with my dad?’ Ewan peered up at her, squinting against the sunlight.
‘No… with, with Shane.’
Ewan looked back at the sea, at the waves gently crashing against the beach which was somewhere below them. ‘I bet when my dad was in the sea he was the fastest swimmer.’
‘Yeah, I bet.’
‘Mummy always says he’s the strongest man in the world. And the fastest.’
‘She makes him sound like a real hero.’
‘He is. He went away to protect us.’
‘What?’ Amanda crouched down to the boy’s level. ‘Didn’t your Mummy ever think…’ she needed to choose her words carefully. Saying didn’t your Mummy ever think your Daddy was dead to a child felt too harsh. ‘Didn’t she wonder why he went away?’
‘To save us,’ Ewan replied simply. ‘Because he’s our hero.’
‘Okay,’ Amanda stood back up while Ewan started playing with Woody, showing off the beauty of the ocean to his toy.
Amanda kept one eye on the boy and another on the path which they’d just walked. It made no sense that Evangeline thought Jake was still alive. How could she have known? Had he reached out to her at some point? But surely to do so would be too dangerous. Everyone back in Scotland had to believe that Jake Burton had died.
