Of all the possibilities, he wanted their relationship to be more than lust. If he had dreamed up their love and believed in a hallucination…
Just the thought cracked his heart.
"Halataldris, look at me."
Tash obeyed, peering at Armamae from beneath the folds of his veil.
"You cannot read Emeraliss's mind, nor can you read the energy of love. You can only feel it and see the result. Everything else is instinct and raw emotion." Perched on the edge of his cushion, Armamae tapped Tash's knuckles. "The why of your relationship is not important; taking care of one another is. For all the control we strive to harness, fear taunts us. It is love's darker twin. The key is to not let fear overcome love. Hiding in the shadows is no safer than dancing in the light."
Armamae stretched with a groan before he stood. "If you take anything from our discussion, it is this: your relationship is experiencing growing pains. Like Mayr, you are obstinate, loyal, and dutiful. Yet you are loving and protective, particularly towards each other." He offered his open hand to Tash. "The day will come when you will never doubt your connection again."
Nodding, Tash accepted Armamae's hand and stood. If only he could accept everything else with that much ease.
Chapter Twelve
Nothing gave Tash relief like the estate's foyer. Its familiarity was a welcome mercy after spending the day in a carriage on snow-covered roads, tucked beneath a blanket and fighting to stay awake.
Tash sighed and rolled his neck, pushing the front door closed behind him. They had left the Sanctum after breakfast but traveled slow with several stops to stretch and give the horses rest. For most of the trip, he had been cramped in a corner with Adren and Ress beside him, across from Pellon and Armamae. Midnight had come and gone by the time they reached Dahena. He wanted rest and warmth, both of them better with companions.
If he only knew where Mayr and Arieve were.
Tash frowned at the staircase. While Ress and Adren went off with Pellon, Tash had hurried into the house, hoping someone would greet him.
There was no one, not even the household steward, Haydin. The spacious foyer was well-lit by torches, but he stood alone at the double doors, dripping snow all over the floor.
Disappointment pooled in his chest, spreading an uncomfortable heat through his gnawing aches. With another sigh, Tash unwound his red scarf, unbuckled his long coat, and unbuttoned his short coat. After hanging them on the wooden garment stand to the right of the entrance, he started for the stairs.
Doors slammed. Metal clinked. The click of heels accompanied voices. A blur of dark fabric burst into the hall left of the staircase. Arieve barreled up the corridor from the kitchen, running as if a vicious beast pursued her. Mayr followed, yanked along by Arieve, his hand in hers.
Tash barely saw her face as she threw herself at him. They crashed together, knocking him back several steps. Unable to balance on the slippery floor, Tash swerved and slammed his hand against the wall, then curled into Arieve to keep from falling and taking her with him. Pain seared his cold fingers as they burned with tingling numbness.
"You're home!" Arieve all but shouted. "Goddesses, I missed you." Her arms locked around his waist, tight and fast, jerking him forward.
He returned her embrace, burying his face in her warmth. She smelled of soap and a touch of perfume, combined with her own scent that he wanted to lick and taste…
Fingers crept between Tash's cheek and Arieve, calloused and doused in the scent of metal and leather. Mayr's touch slipped down his jaw, lifting his face.
In a breath, Mayr's lips were on his. Soft and seeking, Mayr took the kiss deeper, staking his claim with undeniable seriousness. Even as Tash's tongue sought his, he refused to play. Mayr pressed harder, overcoming Tash's advances for anything else.
Tash's emotions melted around his insides. Had he pulled away, he was certain he would find the rest of himself in a viscous puddle on the floor.
Beneath his heavy arms, Arieve shifted to nuzzle his neck. Her hands traveled over his back, keeping him close. When Mayr's mouth left his, Tash's desperation screamed to continue tasting and teasing. His gaze followed Mayr's swollen lips, joined by his fingertips. He needed to touch, worship…
Arieve nipped his throat and giggled, shattering what remained of his thoughts. As she stood on her toes, Tash tilted her chin up, meeting her partway with a kiss. A quiet fire greeted him, her sweet sensuality a perfect complement to the intensity of Mayr's passion. The vibrant memories of both tangled together in an exquisite dance.
She parted from him slowly. "Welcome home," Arieve said, her voice husky. "We've been waiting."
"I apologize. We took extra time to make it back safely." Tash drew the back of his hand down her cheek. He could get used to having someone wait for him at home, wanting him there. The only thing more breathtaking was having two someones.
Arieve squeezed him in another hug. "You made it, that's all that matters."
"Absolutely." Mayr wrapped his arm around Tash's back and pressed his forehead to Tash's temple. "Alive. Safe," he whispered.
Turning into Mayr's touch, chasing Mayr's mouth with his, Tash moaned at the effect his homecoming had on everything below his waist. Sleep could wait. He needed to make up for lost time.
Before he could say as much, Arieve moved away. "Thank you for the gift. It's gorgeous." She raised her left arm, the bracelet of beads tied around her wrist. "I've been wearing it ever since that nice priest delivered it last night." Arieve laughed and bounced on her toes, leaning into Tash. "I can't stop playing with it. It's been such a long day."
Her laughter stopped short, cut-off by her sobered expression. Arieve's eyes glistened with unshed tears. "It's beautiful. Perfect. So is Mayr's, even if he's not wearing it."
"Hey!" Mayr glowered at Arieve. "Stop getting me into trouble." He jerked up his left sleeve. "Especially," he grumbled while he loosened the laces of his bracer, "when it isn't true." After digging under his bracer, he shoved the black leather upwards, revealing the swirled red-brown roots of the tree tattooed into his forearm. The plaited yarn bracelet slid down his wrist, its various green and brown hues rich on his tan skin.
Just seeing the bracelets was enough to drown Tash's worries. A piece of him was on them, close to their hands, small enough to carry in their palm.
Arieve threw her arms around Mayr's waist. "I'm sorry. You said you put it somewhere safe, and I thought you meant something else. Forgive me?"
"I suppose." Mayr sighed dramatically and wrapped his other arm around her shoulders. "I'll let you know when I finally grow a spine where you're concerned."
"Last I checked," Arieve murmured, drawing her hand down Mayr's back, "it was right here and—" Mayr yelped and jolted from whatever her fingers did "—perfectly functioning."
"Dearest, you are cruel." Mayr pressed closer to Tash.
"No, cruel would be finding all the ways to keep you from coming till your balls bust." The mischief in Arieve's deep laugh was difficult to miss. "But we're getting off-plan, and we're making our poor boy stand here." Arieve clasped Tash's hand. "We need to feed you. I put aside a plate, all the fixings, the way you like it. Although wait…" She cupped his cheek and frowned. "You're freezing. You need a hot drink and rest and to warm up. Let's get you—" Tugging his hand, she stepped towards the kitchen.
Tash resisted and pulled her into him, laughing softly. "Honestly? I just want to lie down and stretch out, sweet one." He toyed with the thickest of the dark curls around her face. "The Sanctum sent us home with enough things to feed us for two days. Right now, I'd like to enjoy being home."
"We can do something about that," Mayr said.
There was no hesitation, only Mayr's grip on Tash's hand as he led Tash and Arieve upstairs. The fervent glances between Arieve and Mayr spurred Tash to match their pace all the way to the bedroom. He saw the door open and close, but his head spun as determined hands dragged him into the fire-lit room. Needy kisses attacked him just as qu
ickly.
"I've missed you," Mayr muttered before nipping his way down Tash's throat, one hand around the back of Tash's neck. He sucked at the hollow of Tash's throat, his other hand heavy on Tash's hip.
Tash trembled and glided one hand over Mayr's thick braid. Frustrated he could not rake his fingers through Mayr's hair, Tash yanked off the tie keeping the braid together. The plaits loosened into ebony waves beneath his touch. Sinking his fingers into the cascade was like stroking silk doused in the scent of spiced honey fruit.
They groaned together as Tash traced the curves of Mayr's body with both hands, down Mayr's spine, over the small of his back, and around his hips. When Tash's thumbs brushed Mayr's hardened cock, Mayr cursed and claimed Tash's mouth with his, demanding more than a kiss.
"We both missed you," Arieve said, turning Tash towards her, one hand on his elbow. The next moment, her lips were on his, both of her hands around his neck.
Tash surrendered completely. Hesitations aside, he unlaced her bodice, the ribbons easily undone. Behind him, Mayr's body pressed to his, a hint of a caress while he removed Tash's veil. A nudge at his ankle warned of Mayr's intentions. Tash complied, lifting one foot then the other to allow Mayr to tear off his boots and stockings. Where they landed, he could not tell, though he heard them as he shoved Arieve's bodice down her arms and to the floor. More dull thuds followed, accompanied by the clink of belt buckles.
Mayr returned to their sides. His hands slid over Arieve's waist while he kissed a path up her jaw. Without waiting for Tash and Arieve to part, Mayr's lips met the corners of theirs and eased into their kiss, the tip of his tongue teasing theirs.
How easy it had become, finding the angles that allowed them to share a moment as equals, entwined as three, not simply two.
There would be more time for that later, Tash decided, withdrawing to allow Mayr to finish the kiss with Arieve. He started on Mayr's pants, untying them with Arieve's assistance. Together, they stripped Mayr of vest, long-sleeved shirt, and lightweight shirt, stealing kisses between efforts.
Before they could remove Mayr's pants, Mayr grinned and sank to his knees. Expecting Mayr's attention to be on Arieve, Tash sucked on her bottom lip, resuming the kiss he had abandoned. Firm hands slid up Tash's legs, urging his robes upwards. Lips followed the path, up the inside of his calves and over his thighs, coaxing Tash to moan and shudder. Mayr worked the tie of Tash's pants, slow as he tugged the fabric down.
In an instant, the pants pooled around Tash's ankles and Mayr's mouth was around his cock, taking his length to the hilt. Tash choked on a cry, hand fisted in Mayr's hair. He clawed Arieve's back with his other hand, in need of an anchor to keep from coming. She laughed and kissed him harder, swallowing every gasp.
Caught in an aching wave of want, Tash tore Arieve's dress and under dress from her then tossed them with a growl. Completely bare, she pressed against his side, her fingers interlaced with his where they cupped Mayr's neck. Mayr played Tash's cock with every trick, his teeth, tongue, lips, and fingers working in perfect strategy. Release was near, rattling Tash's insides, ready to burst.
Relief was denied. Mayr pulled away with a cruel smile and stood, condemning Tash to shiver and hiss. While Mayr stripped Tash of his robes, Arieve kneeled to rid them both of their pants. More than once she teased their readied cocks, swirling her tongue around their leaking tips.
By the time all of them were naked, Tash wanted to defy nature and pound into them both at the same time, splitting himself in two if that was what it took. As Mayr's lips crushed his once more, his salty essence on Mayr's tongue, Tash urged him as deep as they could go without wrenching their jaws apart.
A tug on his left bracer stopped him. Tash squeezed his eyes shut against the sensation of Arieve's fingers on the laces. He clenched her wrist, halting her. Never had she forced the issue of why he wore his bracers, nor had she demanded their removal. Her sudden focus on them baffled him.
It also made him wonder if.
If he took them off, would she curl her lip and walk away? Would she laugh or shame him or consider him a lesser person? If he trusted her with that truth, would she still want him? Or would she stop caring because they proved he was a mess?
If he were honest, would she be kind?
I don't want to keep hiding. I want to trust her. I want… Tash opened his eyes to find Mayr's gaze on him, their lips still pressed together. He wanted what he had with Mayr: full disclosure, even if it took time. Mayr already had that with Arieve. If he trusts her that much…
Maybe it was time to try.
She's seen the rest of the damage, and she's still here. All she's said is…
He could tell her when he was ready.
"I don't need to know, not until you want me to," she had said.
Maybe he wanted her to, in little bits at a time. For now…
Tash released Arieve's wrist. Diving into another kiss with Mayr, Tash turned his forearm upwards and stroked Arieve's hand. Distracted, he barely felt the laces loosen.
He did feel her ease the bracer off. With a muted whimper, he broke from Mayr to watch Arieve's face. She held his hand while she noted the marks: a series of dark horizontal and diagonal lines around his forearm, a mix of shallow and deep scars that started from his wrist and ended past his elbow. His left arm bore four thick scars more pronounced than all the others because of their depth. There was one puckered line for each love he had lost. The longest, deepest scar was from the day he told Mayr they could never be together.
His right arm fared no better except for the faint fourth scar. After the damage to his left arm, severing things that never should have been touched, he had been unable to finish the last line. The knife had slipped from his fingers faster than he could regain his grip. That night, misery made it clear what he had with Mayr differed from his love for Inesta, Naliss, and Erithe. If he had continued harming himself, he would have caused worse damage than the persistent numbness in his left arm.
"Hey." Mayr turned Tash's face to his and pawed his cheek. "Where did you go?" He leaned his forehead against Tash's. "We're here, Halataldris. We're good." Subtle panic flashed across his face as he glanced at Arieve. "Maybe don't do that," he said, clutching her hand. "A different time, when he's—"
"It's fine." Tash grasped their hands. "I just needed a moment. Please, don't…"
He gnawed on patience while Arieve's caress flitted over the damaged skin as though it were delicate parchment.
"When you're ready, you tell me," Arieve said, kissing his wrist. "For now, we just touch. Good touch. Words can wait. Sometimes they need a little help, and that's all right too."
Had Tash swallowed back his relief, he would have missed the words I love you dancing over the tip of his tongue.
None of them were ready for that. Not yet.
Instead, he helped Arieve remove his second bracer and surrendered. The passion in her kiss seared his fears before she pulled him flush against her. As Mayr wrapped around him from behind, he was at perfect balance between them. What battles raged inside him reached ceasefire. He was exactly where he needed to be and wanted nothing more…
Until Arieve guided him back to the bed and pushed him onto the end of the mattress. Once she fell to her knees and sucked down his cock, the twisted claws of need returned with a vengeance, ready to shred balance into delirious joy.
Watching her only made matters worse. Settled between his knees, she slid one hand between her legs and moaned. Vibrations rippled through him while she rocked on her fingers.
The sound of her pleasing herself nearly undid him. He had always loved the wet, primal sounds of sex. Wet meant an essence he could taste. Touch. He craved both.
Tash fell back, groaning as Mayr caught him.
"Yeah, I know you like that," Mayr whispered. On his knees behind Tash, Mayr shifted on the bed and pressed his chest to Tash's back. "I know what else you like." Slipping his arms beneath Tash's, Mayr bent his arms up and back to rake his fingers throug
h Tash's hair. He gripped Tash close to the scalp and forced his head back, pinning Tash against him. "You two together, I want to see that." Mayr pushed Tash's head back further, craning Tash's neck and straining the muscles in his shoulders. "Show me she's yours."
Between the pain from Mayr's fists and the pleasure of Arieve opening his legs wide, Tash was split down the middle, one cry from begging for someone to take him. Either. Both. Any way they wanted.
Arieve laughed as she glided her fingers over the juncture between his hips and legs, down the inside of his thighs. Her lips crept up his stomach and chest, his scent accompanying her mouth to his exposed neck. Her own musky scent wafted around him as she tweaked his nipple.
Torture. This is torture.
A torment he would endure gladly.
"You want me?" Arieve raked her nail down his throat.
Tash shuddered and nodded as much as Mayr's grip allowed.
"You've been riding in a carriage all day," she murmured. Her tongue passed over his collarbone, slow, hot, and full of promise. "Perhaps I should ride you?"
"Any…way…" Tash whispered, struggling with each syllable. Words were pointless. They had him pushed to an edge he wanted help jumping over, not talking his way through.
Actions were a different story. He managed those, fast and effortless. In moments, he was lying on his back, Arieve's moist heat sinking down on his cock. She was a perfect image of raw beauty, settled upright with her palms flat on his stomach, the bounty of her breasts cradled in both his hands and Mayr's. With Mayr on his knees behind her, they touched her together, through the valley between her breasts to her stomach and further to the damp curls between her legs. Their reward was a series of moans in time with the rise and fall of her hips, pressing Tash deeper into the bed.
When Mayr drew away, Tash cursed the lack until he noticed a vial in Mayr's hands. The vial hit the blankets before Mayr's oil-coated fingers disappeared behind Arieve. Her insides clenched tight around Tash. She rose into Mayr's touch then let out a long breath and rolled her hips. Tash felt the flicker of Mayr's fingers between them, a rough caress that teased his cock without any measure of mercy. He bit back his cries, battling his release despite how much he had to come.
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