Hurting To Feel (Carpool Dolls)

by Abby Wood

  "Where is he?" she whispered, afraid of his answer.

  "My brother? Around." He shrugged. "He keeps a low profile, content to live life the way he wants, which is surviving on minimal. He steals when he wants something, and uses people for entertainment when he's bored."

  "Okay, so how does that all add up to you telling me you need to beat people up to feel good about yourself?"

  The corner of his mouth twitched as he seemed to fight a grin. "That's just it, I'm not who you think I am. You see me as a businessman. It's a cover for what I really am."

  "You've lost me again," she said.

  His claim to enjoying living in poverty, fighting for survival, taking control of his life in the only way he knew how appealed to her far more than him wearing a Gucci suite and mixing with the other high end men after hours. She sagged against his chest. She'd never tell him her reasons for staying away from him had to do with his position and power.

  She'd be a hypocrite. Carpool Dolls brought her more money than she needed. No one knew the exact amount, except for the IRS. She carefully hid her money, and lived measly. It was one of the reasons why she only hired women who needed help. They knew how to keep secrets, and had her back.

  "I want to begin a relationship with you, Addy. But, I won't start with lies." He lowered his voice. "There will be times where you'll want to leave me. I'll be too possessive, too hard, and too raw. There will be things that I push the boundaries, and I will get my way no matter what. You'll feel like you're in jail compared to how you live your life now. I'll scare you, and you'll think there is no possible way I could even like you."

  She laughed out of nervousness. "Really, Nate. Most men use boring pickup lines to sweep me off my feet. You're going a little over the top with your threats."

  "Not putting on a show for your entertainment, doll." He picked her up and set her on her feet. "I'm holding back from telling you how it's going to be between us and letting you have a chance to walk out the door against my better judgment. I usually don't allow someone to stand up to me, and the only reason I am now is because there's something going on between us that I don't want to kill by under explaining."

  "Wait." She held up her hand, suddenly cold from the loss of his body next to hers. "You've had this same conversation with other women and it's worked for you?"

  Forgetting about the shock of information he'd thrown at her, she crossed her arms. Jealousy wasn't an issue, or so she told herself. The thought that he planned his own play date ticked her off. She'd slept with him, because she liked him.

  No one talked her into having sex. She'd gone to him on her own accord. To think that he orchestrated everything they'd experienced together sat wrong. In fact, her stomach hurt, because she'd sworn off men like him. Seeing him, sleeping with him, and planning to go home with him tonight was a mistake.

  "You're the first woman I've tried talking to before anything happened." He leaned against his desk and studied her. "Are you asking if I've entered into a relationship where I've wanted complete control? Then no. I've hidden that part of myself from them. I disappeared for days, lied, and coerced them into believing they were sleeping with Nate Rafferty, CEO. While away from the relationship, I took my pleasure the way I needed and wanted as Nathan. No one knows the real Nathan."

  "Who did I sleep with?" She glared. "Honestly."

  He remained looking at her. "Nate Rafferty."

  Her breath left her and she walked toward the door. She didn't want him to treat her like the rest of his women. She whirled around. "Okay, then why tell me the truth. What is there about me that makes you think I'd hand myself over to you to do whatever you want with me?"

  His gaze softened. She swallowed. Just because he was the sexiest man ever, and had her ready to fall into bed with him if he snapped his finger, didn't mean she was the type of woman to enter into any kind of agreement with him.

  She prided herself on being a strong woman. Despite her mother's best intentions or maybe because of them, she rebelled against latching on to someone wealthy and powerful. Instead, she started her own business and kept herself out of the limelight. Nate had no idea who he was messing with.

  "Come here," he whispered.

  She shook her head. "I can hear you fine from here."

  Come here," he lowered his voice.

  She rolled her eyes and walked toward him, stopping a foot away. "What?"

  With him leaning against the desk, she gazed across the empty space between them. He placed his feet on each side of her, spreading his legs, and pulled her by the hand closer, until she leaned into him.

  "Be quiet for a moment," he said.

  She sighed. Whatever he was doing wasn't going to work. He'd given his warning, and she'd take it home with her. She inhaled the slight musk she associated with him. It was so unfair that she'd wanted to sleep with him again. All week, she'd thought of nothing else.

  He raised his hand and cupped the back of her head. She stiffened and when he curled his fingers in her hair, her stomach fluttered.

  "Please, don't," she said.

  Not moving any closer, he used his hand to nudge her forward. Her hands came up and she braced herself on his chest.

  Her mouth grew dry. "This is stupid."

  His left brow lifted and he brought her closer, until she fell against his chest. She stared at his mouth, not wanting to look him in the eyes. Except, he parted his lips and she whimpered before she could catch herself. He played unfairly.

  "I want to—"

  "Quiet," he murmured.

  His breath brushed her face. Her neck arched and she closed her eyes. In the most tender touch imaginable, he skimmed his lips against hers. Her legs trembled, and she was suddenly glad for the hold he had on her hair, or she would've crumbled at his feet, making a fool of herself.

  "You want me. You want this." He nibbled her bottom lip, speaking against her mouth. "You kiss me. It's your decision, doll. What you do for me, what I can do for you, can't be shared in a story. I have to show you. I'm done talking."

  "Please," she whispered. This time she begged him to continue, not to stop.

  "I don't know what makes you feed off me. But, I'll find out." He whispered back, not taking his mouth away. "I want no secrets between us, so open your eyes. Look at me and show me you want what I can give you."

  For a split second, fear paralyzed her, and she believed she wouldn't be able to do what he asked. Her nipples peaked and she shuddered. Opening her eyes took all the strength she could muster, and when she gazed into his eyes, she sobbed in relief.

  His gaze heated. "All you have to do is kiss me."

  And, she did.

  As if he supplied her next breath, she opened her mouth and kissed him. Relief left her weak and when Nate picked her up, she wrapped her arms around his neck, securing her to him.

  She lifted her mouth. "Don't get rid of me."

  He laid his cheek against hers. "Never. I promise."

  It was only with his word, she let the distress over what she'd agreed to go. Excitement, trepidation and if she was honest, a small amount of reluctance remained. Yet there was no denying if he hurt her while giving her everything, it'd be worth the pain and suffering if he kept his promise and never walked away from her.

  Chapter Ten

  Nate took control of the kiss after Addison offered herself to him. She moaned. Her thoughts wandered over what had happened, but she couldn't categorize what everything meant. Had she agreed to a relationship where he dominated everything she did?

  What about Carpool Dolls? She grabbed his shirt, needing to find out what he planned. Never, not in her lifetime, would she walk away from her girls.

  She pulled her head back. "Nate. W-we have to talk."

  "Too late." He laid her on the bed. "Afterward, we'll discuss what is going on. Right now, I want deep inside of you."

  He pulled his shirt out of his trousers. She sat up on the bed. He went too fast for her to figure out a way to slow him down.


  "Isn't there a safe word or something that you people use? What if I don't want to do what you ask?" She scooted farther back on the bed.

  He paused. "I don't play games. No club scenes, no safe words, no compromise. It's my way and you'll do what I ask of you."

  "But what if I don't want to?" She raised her chin, bringing her knees to her chest. "I have to have a way to say no, or its rape."

  He growled. "It's not fucking rape when you want me to fuck you. I will make sure you are enjoying yourself."

  She wrapped her arms around her legs, pulling her dress down to cover her calves. "We need rules."

  "No rules." He planted his knee on the mattress, stretched toward her, and grabbed her ankle. "I told you how it would be between us. I proved how I knew you were the one, the only fucking way I know how. I don't take this lightly. You are the one who gets to see the real me and you agreed."

  Okay, she did agree. "But, I—"

  "I will punish you if you want to argue instead of me shoving my cock inside of you and making you come until you have no more questions left." He hovered over her, and yanked up her dress. "Understand?"

  Oh. My. God. She nodded.

  "Perfect." He slid her panties down. "I've thought of nothing else but having my mouth on you for days. Don't deny me what I want."

  In fascinated shock, she watched his head go down and the wet warmth of his tongue settled between her legs. She fell back on the bed, paralyzed and quivering.

  His tongue thrust inside of her…in, out, in, out. She clutched at the bedspread, afraid she'd come up off the bed and afraid she'd miss one touch of his amazing mouth.

  Pleasure curled around her insides and spread out to warm her body. She moaned, wanting to hold him, touch him, and knowing if she asked, she'd lose what he was doing to her.

  Nate lifted his head, raining kisses on her sex. She reached for him, and encountered his hair.

  "Put your hands out to the sides, doll." He moved up between her legs, taking her dress with him until he told her to lift her head, and she slipped her arms out of the material.

  He unhooked her bra and had her upper body naked in seconds. She moved to cover her breasts, and he stopped her. His gaze heated, and she tightened her legs around his thighs as he cupped the undersides of her breasts and lowered his head to capture one of her hardened nipples in his mouth. She arched her back. As if his mouth pulled pleasure from the center of her body, she writhed underneath him wanting more.

  "Nate…"

  He stopped, rising up onto his knees. "Nathan. I'm Nathan."

  As if saying the name ripped a hole in his armor, he braced above her, denying her everything while he waited. She licked her lips and nodded. "Nathan," she whispered.

  "Do you need me to use a condom?" He unbuckled his belt. "I've got a clean record and haven't been with anyone, but you, since I was tested last month."

  She shook her head. "I take shots, and I've never had unprotected sex."

  "Good." He locked his gaze on her, while he undid his zipper. "I like knowing there's nothing between us."

  His engorged cock stood ready and waiting. Her knees fell open and he braced himself on his arms. She arched against him. With more patience than she had, he teased her opening and slowly sank into her. A sigh of relief came out of her mouth, and her pussy convulsed around him, taking his size.

  "Brace yourself on my arms." He held himself deep inside of her. "Eyes on me. Do not take them off me."

  She followed his directions, wrapping her legs around his hips, her arms hooked around his forearms. Then he proceeded to stroke her from the inside in almost unbearable torture, drawing out every feeling of emptiness into something so special tears filled her eyes. Not once did he retreat from her body, but built her up until she gasped, the air stolen from her lungs.

  Connected and taken care of, she moved her hips in time. All her nerves extra sensitive, her pussy convulsed, and she strained for release. Nate dropped to his elbows, and kissed her neck. "Hold on."

  He thrust. She held on. His body grazed her clit every time he pounded into her.

  Pleasure swirled in her womb, climbing, reaching for the euphoria she knew waited at the end. Her mouth opened. The scream burst from her chest. Her thighs clamped down on his hips. Her body seized in an explosion of sensations.

  Nate grunted, thrusting again and again, moving her across the bed until her head hung over the side and only when she had no more room, he groaned his release on one last push.

  He wrapped his arms around her, rolled her to the middle of the bed, and cradled her to his body. She nestled against his chest, secure and fulfilled. She closed her eyes, thankful for the state of her body. Relaxed and spent, she could no longer dwell on what Nate—she inhaled deeply—spoke to her about.

  There was no denying he connected to her on a level she was unable to comprehend. Moments ago, he'd known exactly what she needed. He'd forced her to accept him, and though she was expecting him to show her how rough he enjoyed sex, he took his time. As if she needed his body part inside her to climax.

  That wasn't necessary. She'd gone months, years, without a man in her life. She'd perfected the art of bringing herself relief to a few short minutes every night to put her to sleep. What Nate brought her was something she failed to recognize. Something about him filled a hollowness inside of her she didn't know existed until he pointed it out, tempted her, and left her addicted.

  "You're a drug," she whispered.

  He stiffened. She pulled her head back and looked up at him. "What?"

  His eyes flicked from left to right and back again, studying her gaze. She sighed deeply.

  "I could seriously become addicted to you." She bent her elbow and propped her head on her hand. "I can't seem to say no or stop myself around you. Then when we're having sex, it's like you read my mind, and know exactly what I want. It's crazy."

  He stared at her, until she grew self-conscious and shifted away from him. Had she said something wrong?

  "That's a compliment, if you can't tell." She peeked over her shoulder.

  Still, he laid there looking at her, not saying a word in reply. She pushed herself off the bed. "Can you point me to the little girl's room?"

  So not to panic, she searched for her panties Nate pulled off her earlier and found them at the foot of the bed. Instead of putting them on, she bunched the material in her hand.

  Nate clasped his hands behind his head and watched her. She hesitated. He wasn't mad. Usually the skin at the corner of his eyes crinkled when his temper flared. No, he simply studied her, which left her confused. The feeling wasn't good after coming down from having fantastic sex minutes ago.

  She walked across the room, opened a door, and found a large walk in closet. She wanted to make a face at him, but instead walked back across the room and opened the other door. She surged inside and shut the door. Because she didn't want him to come in while she cleaned herself, she locked the door. Instead of moving toward the toilet, she leaned against the counter.

  Her whole body shook. What was she doing?

  Nate Rafferty lay in the other room, ignoring her after testing her with a story meant to scare her away. And, she stayed. Not only had she stayed, she loved what he did for her. Sick, sick, sick.

  Obviously, her independence flew right out of her body when Nate was around. He probably got a big kick out of knowing he could bend her to his will.

  "Come here," she whispered, screwing up her mouth as she mimicked him. "God, I'm so stupid."

  She pushed away from the counter, found a washcloth in the tall cabinet at the end of the bathroom, and washed any evidence of her lack of sanity off. After she deemed herself clean of Nate, she pulled on her panties, washed her hands, and walked out into the room. She had no idea where Nate lived, only that they were above Portland.

  Nate remained on the bed in the same position, same look on his face, same nonjudgmental attitude directed at her. She slipped on her shoes. Hopefully, it
wouldn't take a taxi long to come pick her up.

  "Okay, so, um, I'm going to call a cab." She shrugged as she gave him a sarcastic smile that probably appeared more grimace than happiness.

  When he refused to respond, she pursed her lips. She didn't get him. Whatever.

  She was seriously messed up in the head, but he was an even bigger mess. She walked toward the door.

  "Addy," he murmured.

  She stopped. Talking with him took every miniscule of patience. She rather yell and throw something at him. The cold indifferent Nate drove her crazy.

  She turned around. "What?"

  "You're not going anywhere, but back in bed with me," he said. "I made a promise."

  "I don't remember what that was." Ha! Take that Mr. Stonewall Rafferty.

  "Don't be ridiculous." He moved off the bed and stood in front of her before she even thought of running out of the room. "We're together. I want you in my bed, in my house, and with me when I'm not working."

  She laughed, because what he wanted could never happen. "I have to work."

  "Not tomorrow or the next day. Carpool Dolls is only open Monday through Friday. Two hours in the morning and two hours in the evening. All the rest of the time is mine." He framed her face with his hands. "You agreed."

  "You're changing the rules," she whispered. "You said nothing about where I'd be staying or how I would fit in working while dating you. I own a company. I'm responsible for other people's livelihood. You have no idea—"

  "I do." His thumb covered her lips. "I'm being considerate. You're allowed to work, and I'll set limits if you need extra time after hours to deal with your business. For now, all you need to know is you're in my bed tonight…I'm not done with you yet."

  "But, you showed me what you want," she said.

  He stared down into her eyes. "Not at all. You have no clue, but you will."

  His hand tugged at her hair and she leaned into him. She could agree with the last part. She had two full days with him before she had to return to work, and by then she could let him know that her job came first.