Hurting To Feel (Carpool Dolls)

by Abby Wood

  "I'm not jealous." His mouth tightened.

  She laughed. "Oh, my God. You so totally are."

  "Don't be cute." He shook his head and pulled into the underground parking garage below the Stewart building. "I take care of what's mine. You're mine. And, since we're on the subject, I don't want you hugging or kissing any of the men if you do have a working relationship with them."

  "Yes, sir." She giggled. "I'll try to control myself."

  He parked in the first open spot, slammed the car into park, and turned. He hooked her neck and hauled her toward him until the seat belt dug into her chest and before she could curb her amusement. The hold on her hair wiped all of the teasing out of her.

  "I'd kill anyone you touch," he said, between clenched teeth. "Think before you do something stupid."

  "I-I was joking," she said, hating the way her voice shook.

  "I'm not." He tugged her closer. "I told you there were parts of me you'd hate. This is one."

  She blinked, unable to look away because he was in her face. So close, he could kiss her, but he wasn't moving toward her and his eyes were cold.

  "Let me go," she said.

  He remained silent, and he continued holding her. "Don't push me, doll. You won't like the results."

  She pulled away, and he let her go. Her heart raced, and she rubbed the back of her neck. He didn't hurt her, but the vehemence of his actions scared her.

  He took the keys out of the ignition. "Are you ready to go in?"

  "No," she mumbled.

  He let his hands fall in his lap. She swallowed repeatedly to keep her emotions under control. Dealing with Nathan's wishes on top of the possibilities of running into her father threatened to undo her.

  She leaned forward. "I think I'm going to be sick."

  Nathan placed his hand on her back. She flinched. When he remained touching her, she closed her eyes. If it weren't for what they'd shared the last two days, she'd walk away. She wanted the tender man who held her at night. The one who saw to her pleasure before his own. The one who carried her from room to room and called her doll.

  Doll.

  Such a stupid name, but she loved when he called her that. She inhaled deeply through her nose and exhaled through her mouth. She could do this.

  After tonight, she'd be home and have time to understand why she was so indecisive about Nathan. She'd finally figure out what caused her to fear losing him.

  "I'm ready," she whispered.

  He undid her seatbelt and kissed her forehead. "Good girl."

  The pressure in her chest eased, and she waited for him to open her door and lead her into the building. In the elevator, she held his hand. On the fifth floor, she glanced at him and when he leaned over and kissed her forehead, she relaxed.

  Inside the conference room, she nodded politely and sat beside Nathan. While he talked, she took her chance and looked around at the other men who lined the table. When she completed the inspection, her whole body relaxed.

  Curt Steward was not in attendance.

  Maybe tonight's meeting would be the last one she had to attend in this building, and her worry over coming face to face with the man who denied her existence was for nothing. She gazed up at Nathan as he stood before the other men.

  He caught her looking and winked. The weight of the evening, the tense situation in the car, faded to the background. The way he conducted himself in business impressed her, and if she'd been in the right frame of mind, she'd have remembered everything he'd said. It was simple to forgive him for the few moments he pressed her into an area where she wasn't comfortable.

  But, she wasn't a fool. She clasped her hands in her lap. The problems they had weren't going to go away.

  She wouldn't change him. The security of knowing he would never leave outweighed his demands. So far.

  The reasons he appealed to her were also one of her biggest fears. How long she could balance her need for him versus common sense dangled in the air, threatening to fall at any moment.

  "Thank you for coming." Nathan looked at his watch. "I'll have my secretary fax the paperwork to you on Monday."

  Addison remained sitting as Nathan shook hands with everyone. Nathan never wandered far from her chair, and eventually he leaned over, kissed her, and helped her to her feet. She slipped her arm around his back and leaned into him.

  "Addison, this is Pierce Lowes of Lowes and Associates. He's also one of the men who I meet at the gym on Mondays for a scrap game of basketball." Nathan put his arm around her.

  She rounded her shoulder and put her hand on Nathan's stomach, and smiled. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Lowes."

  A good-looking man with short blond hair and a fast smile, Pierce said, "Nate was right. You are an doll."

  She tilted her head back and looked at Nathan. "You call me doll…here?"

  Nathan rocked back on his heels, squeezing her to his side. "The day I met you, I was racing to beat Pierce on the Montgomery contract. I told him a doll helped me make it to the deadline on time."

  "He won…again," Pierce said, winking.

  Nathan pulled her to the side. "I better get her home. See you Monday, Pierce."

  "Later, Rafferty," Pierce said.

  As they walked out of the room, down the hallway, and stepped into the elevator, Addison smiled. She still held on to Nathan's middle, resting her head against the side of his chest. This was the first time they'd gone out in public as a couple and she rather enjoyed everyone knowing she belonged to him.

  "Happy?" He pushed the button for the first floor.

  She nodded against him. "I am. I'm proud of you."

  "Why?" he said.

  "Just seeing you leading the meeting and the respect in the other mens' faces. They like you. That's a huge compliment when you're the one in charge." She rubbed his stomach and tilted her head back. "And, I know how much work and time it takes to earn their confidence."

  The elevator dinged. She stepped forward with him when he pulled her over to the side. She looked up and her lungs collapsed.

  "Curt," Nathan said.

  "Evening, Nate," Curt Stewart stopped the elevator doors with his hand. "Late meeting?"

  Polished in a black suit, white shirt, and powerhouse red tie, Addison's father stood three feet away from her. She turned her head. Her heart raced and her body seized in an awkward, jerky motion as if seconds took a minute.

  "Yes. The monthly Bradbury meeting with corp." Nathan's hand pressed against her side as the elevator dinged and the doors swished open. "I'd like you to meet—"

  "I'm sorry. You'll have to excuse me." She broke away and hurried across the lobby.

  She heard Nathan excuse himself, and she kept going. The threat of having Nathan introduce her to her father overpowered whatever he would do to her for leaving his side. He could beat her, lock her in the house, refuse to take her home, and she'd count herself lucky if she escaped the Stewart building without a confrontation with the man she hated with all her heart.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Inside Addison's house, Nathan stood in the entryway. Angry over her actions, he refused to talk with her while he returned her home. He had a lot to say but if he started, he was afraid of going too far. Something was definitely wrong.

  For how much Addison loved to talk, she'd clammed up and the moment she unlocked the door, she rushed through the house and disappeared upstairs. He stalked through the living room, up the stairs, and hunted her down. Furious, he thought of many ways to punish her for running away from him after his meeting.

  Not only had she left his side while in public, but had entered a parking garage by herself, not even aware of the dangers that awaited her. Anything could've happened. He found her bedroom and walked inside.

  Where the hell did she go?

  A toilet flushed. He walked around the bed and stood in the opened doorway. He hurried inside, leaving his anger at the door.

  He wrapped an arm around her waist and gathered her hair behind her back.
"I've got you."

  Her slim body seized and Addison gagged. His chest tightened, and he took her weight as her body involuntarily fought against him and the contents of her stomach. He murmured words, but he put no thought into them. Utterly useless, he damned himself for not knowing what to do.

  "Sh. Breathe through your nose." He smoothed her hair back.

  Each one of her attempted swallows set a chain reaction off in her body. At least she hadn't lost more of her stomach. She only needed to calm herself and relax.

  Letting her hair go, he pulled the nearby hanging towel off the bar and stretched toward the sink without losing his hold on her. After wetting the corner, he pulled her back against his chest, and applied the wetness to her face. He dabbed her cheeks, her lips, and forehead, until he sensed her relaxing.

  When she no longer gagged, he carried her out into her room. He stripped her clothes off, pulled back the blankets on her bed, and settled her down. He sat on the edge of the mattress, his hand sprawled atop her stomach.

  Throughout everything, Addison kept her face averted and her eyes closed. He gave her time, not wanting her to talk in case her stomach rebelled again. Instead, he cussed himself out for jumping to conclusions.

  She wasn't running away from him on purpose. In the car, she wasn't ignoring him. He closed his eyes for a moment. He'd assumed the worst and treated her badly for her decision. And the whole time she probably fought to keep from getting sick in front of him.

  He had to remember everything was new and fresh between them. Although he required her to act and mind him, the truth was she barely knew him. Their relationship required him to keep a tight rein on her. She had to trust him to make sure he took them in the right direction. He'd fallen down on the job.

  "Doll," he whispered.

  She continued to keep her head turned. "Sick," she mumbled.

  "I know." He rubbed her stomach, hoping the action would permeate the blankets covering her and ease her troubled insides. "What can I do for you?"

  "Leave me alone," she spoke to the wall. "Sleep."

  He frowned. "I'll stay."

  She rolled her head against the pillow. "No. I'm fine. Just want to sleep. Please…let me."

  He sighed. Also one who preferred to hide in a darkened room when sick and ignore the outside world, he understood her need to be by herself. However, he hated to go. What if she needed help during the night, or ended up getting sicker and he wasn't here to help her?

  No, he had to stay. Growing up, he only left Donny when he was sick if it meant getting them something to eat or filching medicine for him out of someone's house or the corner store. He hated those times.

  He wasn't his brother's mother. The stone-hard fact that he was not the person who was responsible for his younger brother made his hatred toward his mother burn in his soul. Luckily, when he was old enough to do something about the piece of shit he'd called mom at one time, or he assumed he had, Professor Frank came to the street with news that his mother had passed away two years earlier.

  He hoped Jeana Rafferty rotted in hell.

  His hand had fisted, and he forced himself to open his fingers to concentrate on Addison needing him. "I'll have one of my boys bring my clothes for tomorrow."

  "No." Her nose wrinkled and she peered at him from underneath her lashes. "I'm okay. Probably a twenty-four hour bug or something I ate. I don't want you to get sick. Go home."

  "Do you want to go to the emergency room? Maybe they have something they can give you to help you rest and settle your stomach," he said.

  "No, I'm fine. Really." She sighed on a shudder. "I just want to sleep."

  "Doll," he said on an exhale. "I don't want to argue when you're not feeling well."

  "Then don't." She closed her eyes.

  Torn in two, he bowed to her wishes. "I'll be right back."

  He hurried out of her room, down the stairs, and found her purse lying in the foyer on the floor. He took liberties and opened her bag, found her cell phone, scrolled through her contact list until he found his phone number, and called it. Then he hung up.

  He took the stairs three at a time, and returned to her side. "I'm putting your phone on your nightstand. Hit redial if you start getting sicker, okay?"

  She nodded.

  He felt her forehead, which was cool and dry. Good, no fever. He'd hate to make her take an aspirin when her stomach was upset.

  "Promise you'll call me if you need me. For anything," he said.

  She nodded.

  He pressed his lips to her forehead. "Sleep. I'll lock the door behind me. Call me first thing in the morning."

  She nodded again without opening her eyes. "Bye, Nathan," she whispered, barely loud enough for him to hear.

  With one last kiss to her forehead, he walked silently out of her room. He locked the front door, and strolled out to his car. He glanced back at the house. God, he hated leaving her.

  Tomorrow, they'd have to talk about their personal likes and dislikes when situations out of their control arose. Sickness put his needs on the back burner, and he found himself being okay with that.

  He started the car and pulled away from the curb. If another circumstance like tonight happened again, he wanted to handle it better.

  He took the exit, and accelerated onto I-5. He'd be the first to admit, he had no understanding of what she expected of him when she wasn't feeling well. Sexually, he was confident in his ability to keep her content and satisfied. Financially, he could support her. Hell, she wouldn't even need to work. Emotionally, he'd see to her sexually and leave her fulfilled. That's the most he could do. He'd show her that she needed nothing when he was involved in her life.

  He set the cruise control on the car, and took his foot off the pedal. Professor Frank would know what to do. Compassion, while Professor Franks forte', wasn't set high on Nathan's list of skills he acquired.

  Twenty minutes later, he pulled into his garage. Restless, he sat in the car wondering how he'd gone from living a life alone to worrying about Addison being by herself in her own house. His discontent bothered him, and he had an urge to call Donny.

  He removed his cell phone and called. One of the first things he did when money started rolling in was to purchase a cell for his brother. He paid the upkeep for a promise that Donny wouldn't pawn or bargain his only link to contacting his brother when he wanted to check in, or Donny needed help.

  "Yo," Donny said.

  "Hey," he said.

  In the background, the faint slapping of bare skin against bare skin came across the line. "Hang on," Donny said.

  The phone clattered, and the noises came clearer. Nathan closed his eyes and let his head fall back on the seat. Occasionally, a grunt from Donny and a ragged pant from whatever female his brother fucked tonight came across the line. His cock hardened and he thought of Addison. She should be here, in his bed, in his house, in his life.

  The noises grew more impatient, needier, hurried. His hand tightened around the steering wheel. The line between needing to violently vent his frustrations and wanting Addison's mouth around his cock blurred. One didn't win out over the other. Both relieved the tension, and allowed him more control.

  He wanted to share this part of his life with Addison. For her to understand what drove him. Words, explaining, demonstrating wasn't enough. He needed her inside his soul to view the darkness that consumed him. Maybe then, she'd understand.

  Or, she'd disappear from his life out of fear.

  "Hey. You still there?" Donny asked.

  "Yeah." He cleared his throat. "Still using women, I see."

  He didn't agree on Donny's motive to go through life one cheap thrill at a time, never caring what tomorrow brought him. Whether he died from overdosing or between the legs of a woman whose name he didn't ask, his brother was happy with his life from what he knew. He never was a serious person, even as a child.

  No doubt that was his fault too.

  "I'm sure you called for more than hearing me get my n
ut off, bro." Donny chuckled. "What day is it?"

  "Sunday," he said.

  "Jesus." Donny sniffed. "You in trouble?"

  "Nah…" He stared into the darkness of the garage. "Met someone."

  "Yeah?"

  "Told her. Explained some things to her. She's still around." Even to his own ears, he sounded mystified, as if he hadn't grasped the reality of asking Addison into his life.

  "No shit? You backing out and going straight?"

  "No." His voice lowered. "She knows. I'll make her understand. I can't outrun my demons."

  They both lapsed into silence. Thirty seconds or so went by. He said, "I'll let you go. Just wanted to check in. Stop by the house this week. I have a job for you."

  "I don't want your fucking job," Donny said.

  "Stop by the house," he said. Then he disconnected the call.

  Donny would come to him, because he always came when he took away his brother's choices. That was the rules. He was in charge.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Addison kept her back toward Gee, one of her favorite dolls. A single mother, Gee had enough problems trying to get a fair pre-school education for her autistic son. Explaining her current problems with Nathan would only add to her stress load.

  Her rule of never sharing her personal life with her employees flew out the window when Gee went into labor the first week after Addison hired her. She pulled her coat out of the closet. From then on, she claimed Gee as a true friend.

  "Nothing's wrong. I was sick last night, so I'm probably still hanging on to whatever bug hit me after dinner." She slipped her arms into the sleeves of her coat and turned around. "You're sticking around late today. Don't you have to pick Lincoln up at the babysitters?"

  Gee brushed her hands off and threw away the baggie that held the half a sandwich she'd consumed. Impeccable in a blue suit with a lavender silk blouse, Gee was also her most requested doll. All the guys loved her, and she suspected Gee's five foot eleven inch stature and to-die-for body helped too.