Hurting To Feel (Carpool Dolls)
Page 10
Winter was coming, and they needed all the donations they could get. While there, she'd check on Lilly.
"I'm ready." He followed her downstairs.
Outside the house, he took her keys from her and locked the door. She held out her hand for him to return them, and instead he slipped the keychain into his pocket. Then he took out his wallet, removed something out of one of the folds, pressed the hidden object into the slot where her key fit and turned around.
Halfway down the path to the street, she glanced at him. "What did you do?"
"A little insurance in case any of my friends think of returning, I'll know." He placed his hand on her back and guided her to the car.
At the passenger door, she stopped. "You don't trust them."
He motioned for her to get inside, and then leaned down and buckled her seatbelt. "I don't trust anyone."
The door slammed. She flinched. Okay. That wasn't a good thing to hear.
She slept with him. A lot. He asked her to rip away her soul, and she'd bared herself to him. And, he would never trust her. Shit.
Chapter Sixteen
Addison left the rundown building on First Street and instead of walking back to work, she headed in the opposite direction. Nathan slipped out of his car, and decided to follow her on foot. His growing concern that Addison withdrew from him concreted in his mind as he caught her lying.
She wasn't working.
The only thing ahead of her was the Columbia River and the unused road under the I-5 Bridge. He slowed his pace. No one, not even in the daylight, had any business walking into the homeless camp unless they were indeed homeless and wanted to risk their life.
Long time known for the makeshift shelters, questionable livelihood, and territorial thirst, the vagabonds who'd claimed the south side of the highway would not let just anyone wander into their encampment.
A young adult male flashed underneath the old Army tent. Nathan's skin prickled. In ten seconds, everyone would get word a stranger stepped over the boundary.
At one time, he'd had the job of alerting the others, as did his brother and any other young kid with good ears and a solid head on his shoulders not too filled with drugs or drink. He wouldn't expect Addison to know what was happening around her, but he also hadn't thought her a fool. Everyone in the Portland and Vancouver area knew you stayed away from the homeless camps.
Law enforcement ignored the non-tax payers of town for the most part. Legally unable to ask them to move, they stayed away unless an emergency happened or someone called in because another one died in their sleep. Although, even then, it was too easy to blame the lifestyle, the elements, the questionable cause of death on anything but hard living.
With no family and no name, an individual was carted away to be cremated on the states dime. No service provided for his or her friends, no gravesite, the person merely disappeared. Just like how they lived life. His gaze remained on Addison as he took in the rest of the occupants.
Addison hesitated at the edge of camp and lifted her hand to shade her eyes, trying to peer into the darker regions under the bridge. An old man approached her. Nathan forgot about keeping his distance, hurried toward her, looping into a jog when the man reached for her.
Too far away, he watched her follow the guy into the bowels of the camp. The silent alarm went off. Then the young man reappeared from inside the tent, a shiny blade clutched in his hand. A couple, he guessed in their thirties, approached from the other side of the street, and stood between him and Addison.
The shady eyes, hardened by life, warned him away without a word. He refused to listen. Addison was his main concern. These people struck no fear inside of him.
Living on the streets, protecting what was his was inbred in him from the time he was ten years old. He could never outrun his past. Once part of the family, the only way he'd leave was if he was dead.
He stopped in front of the three misfits. No match for his size or skill, he fell back on reputation.
"Fifth Street Raffy," he said, his voice barely above a whisper.
The young man's brows rose before he schooled his reaction to hearing the name Nathan went by so many years ago. The boy, really, probably wasn't around at the time, had heard the name before.
"We watch," the other man said, stepping back.
He dipped his chin and slipped past them. The knife, the weapons, the defensive stances were no match for his hands, but would kill Addison.
He weaved through trash, cardboard huts, and littered people still knocked out cold or merely sleeping during the day while it was safe, so they could remain alert at night when the real danger waited for them. He strained to see ahead of him. If he lost sight of Addison, he knew no one would help him find her.
At first glance, it seemed as if she'd disappeared. He jumped on top of a wooden crate, hoping it'd withstand his weight.
At the added height, a flash of red disappeared behind a large pillar. He jumped down and ran. Cussing his dress shoes and trousers, he caught Addison by the arm before she dipped her head below the tarp.
She froze and whipped her startled gaze at him. "Nathan," she said on an exhale.
"Come on." He tugged on her hand and dragged her two steps before she struggled. "Addison. Come with me now."
"No." She ripped out of his grasp and glared. "I have something to do."
"Not here you don't." He growled. "What the hell are you thinking? This isn't some place you go on a lunchtime walk. Do you have any idea what kind of a risk you've taken?"
"I know exactly what I'm doing." Her voice rose. "I have a right to be here."
The tarp moved and a woman, no more than twenty-five years old, stepped out and stood by Addison. Movement from behind the homeless woman grabbed his attention. He clamped his teeth.
No more than five or six, a dirty child, he couldn't guess the sex, slipped between the woman and Addison. He frowned as the kid raised her hand and clasped onto Addison's fingers.
Addison's anger toward him forgotten, she kneeled on the ground, ignoring the dirty street with discarded cigarette butts, filth, and debris. The child threw her arms around Addison's neck and she lifted the kid up as she stood.
His gaze flashed between the child's face and Addison's eyes. His chest tightened as he tried to understand what was going on in front of him. All he could absorb was the strange attentiveness radiating from Addison.
She literally discounted him, her focus so intent on the child.
"Hey, Princess Lilly," she whispered, a gentle but genuine smile on her face. "Did you see the Stern Wheeler go by yesterday?"
Lilly shook her head, the motion created a deep hacking cough. Addison's gaze lifted to the woman. "In my purse, there's a bottle of Penicillin. Make sure she takes all of the medicine, even if she starts to feel better."
The woman drew closer. Addison shifted, allowing the woman to search in her purse hanging off her shoulder. She wasn't concerned about the woman stealing from her, but he watched. Years ago, an opportunity like the one Addison presented him, would mean he'd filch every dime from her.
However, the woman only removed the bottle filled with pink liquid. Confused and fascinated, he rocked back on his heels. The whole scene left him uncomfortable as if his clothes were too small and constricted his breathing.
He'd experienced the same thing on his first boardroom meeting. The first time Professor Frank gave him a suit to wear. The first time he put a down payment on the apartment when he left the streets. Yet, here, these people were familiar to him.
Even the sick kid, the hungry woman, the desolate stench in the air comforted him.
Addison standing in a red dress, holding a dirty child, mumbling comforting words, and taking care of someone designated an emotion in him that was foreign to him. He wanted to admit he enjoyed the feelings Addison pulled from him, but it hurt.
"I'll come back in a few days." Addison shifted Lilly to her other hip. "You know where to find me…"
"Thank you," the woman whispered.
Addison's appearance here shocked him, but when she pulled Lilly's head down to her shoulder, kissed her filthy hair, and handed the child back to the woman was his undoing. He grabbed her hand, and pulled her through the encampment. Not stopping for anyone, he wanted her far away from here.
Then he was going to beat her to forget what seeing her here did to him.
Not waiting around to get any answers, he hustled her to his car, and drove away. He focused on the road ahead of him, not even tempted to peer into the rearview mirror behind him. He'd never survive if he looked back to the familiar, to the comfort, to his past life.
"Nathan, slow down!" Addison clutched his arm.
He eased off the accelerator and downshifted. "I'll drop you off at work, and I expect you waiting for me at seven. Do not give me any reason to doubt you."
"Nathan, you can't–"
"Don't fuck with me, Addy." He pulled to the curb and stopped the car in front of Car Pools. "I'm this close to dragging your ass home and showing you exactly how pissed I am that I found you under the bridge…with that child."
"W-what? Lilly?" Her face transformed from confusion to anger. "She's sick. Bad sick. Do you know what happens to a baby with strep throat that goes untreated? She could die or get scarlet fever. I will not let that happen."
He turned his head. "Be here at seven."
The door opened and slammed. Only then did he turn to make sure she entered the office building. Now that she was out of sight, he closed his eyes and let the anger rage inside of him. He welcomed the tension, the coil spiraling inside of him, feeding him.
Several minutes later, he'd checked himself enough to drive. He wanted to linger behind, luxuriating in the one emotion that completed him but knowing he'd have to wait.
Entering the highway, he inhaled deeply. He admitted one good thing that happened today. Addison continued to push the boundaries.
He hadn't dictated what she could do while she was working. On a whim, he'd decided to cut his day in half and surprise her for lunch. When he arrived and spotted her hurrying down the sidewalk, he thought to watch her and learn what kind of day she typically had when she was away from him.
Never had he thought she'd step into his world. Never would he want her near the lifestyle of those living on the streets. Never in his thoughts of what today would be like did he believe she'd give him a reason to let go so soon after last night.
He'd been willing to wait. Asking her to deal with him after he'd hurt her last night would be inconsiderate. She denied the level of pain he'd laid on her.
But, he missed none of it. The stiffness when she walked. The bruises, hidden from the eyes of others, but he knew they were there. He'd marked her.
Without explaining himself, he wanted her to know whom she belonged to and what she could have. His dick hardened. He wanted to give everything to her.
Even his pain.
Never had he met a woman strong enough to handle him. He rested his wrist on the steering wheel. The mix of anger and lust burned deep within him.
Until he picked up Addison tonight, he'd simmer in the pleasure of knowing that tonight, he'd have her again. And, she'd be thankful for what he could do for her.
Chapter Seventeen
If Nathan wanted to prove what an asshole he was, he'd succeeded. Addison tapped her foot and watched the clock strike seven. Messing with her was one thing. Screw with a child's health and wellbeing crossed the line.
Out of sorts all day over what went on between them last night, she'd snapped out of questioning her sanity when Nathan hauled her away as if she'd done something wrong. He, of all people, had to understand the plights that affected homeless families.
The lack of medical and dental care, an inadequate diet, and exposure to the elements killed people every day. A child's fragile state took the worst of the dangers.
She grabbed her purse, shut down the computer, closed the blinds, and looked at the clock again. Five after seven.
He could wait until she was ready to deal with him. Deliberately stalling to tick him off, she took the stairs. Then she watered the Fuchsia's in the corner of the lobby. When she no longer could find anything else for her to do, she walked out the door and locked the building.
Nathan leaned against his car, arms crossed, ankles crossed, his mood crossed. Yeah, she'd won.
In her anger, she'd forgotten how scary he could look in person. She also ignored how she reacted to him when he terrified her, which made her hate herself. Her nipples peaked and she pulled all her disgust to the surface. This time, she would not cower to him.
She stood in the middle of the sidewalk. "I did nothing wrong. Lilly is just a baby, and whatever you want to do to me, do it. Nothing will stop me from going back there in a few days to check on her. Even when she's better, I'll continue to check up on her mother. I hope to one day have her working for me, and I won't give up until that baby has a roof over her head and a soft place to lay down when she has a sore throat. So, if you want to fuck me, push me around, and take everything I got, go ahead."
He continued to stare. Her whole body shook. Refusing to back down on this one subject, she glared back at him.
"Say something, dammit," she said.
Still, he stood there without a care in the world, not concerned if he'd hurt her or ruined what they'd started. She marched to him and poked him in the chest. "If you're mad, then tell me. I hate when you do this. Do you hear me? Hate you!"
She hadn't even known she was crying until the salty taste of tears flowed on her lips. She grabbed his shirt and shook him. "She's a baby—she sobbed—I hate you, hate you, hate you."
Exhausted, she laid her forehead on his chest. Her cries continued after her feet left the ground, and even afterward when he set her in his car and buckled the seatbelt. Desperation for him to understand her motives with Lilly mixed with her extreme fright over him walking away from her.
By the time Nathan pulled the BMW into his garage, she'd calmed. Content to sit with her arms around her waist and not think, she stayed where she was.
Nathan opened her door, undid her seatbelt, and picked her up. She buried her head into his shoulder and closed her eyes. The need to know what he was thinking and why he disapproved of her no longer concerned her.
When he laid her on the bed and stepped away, she shot up. Her whole body constricted, and she scrambled off the bed and lunged at him.
He held her away from him, his hands on her shoulders. "Stop."
"Please, don't leave," she said, hating the whine in her voice.
"Doll, I'm going to get you some Tylenol." He turned her around and pushed her toward the bed.
She whirled around and grabbed him. "No. Don't go."
The raw panic building inside of her burst out. She fought the hands that grabbed her. Blinded to what he was doing, she reeled at the sudden pain at the back of her head.
He fisted her hair, holding her in place away from him, and pushed her down on her knees. "Got your attention now?"
Her body hummed. She wanted to beg and scream, but all her attention went to the front of his trousers where he was undoing his belt with his free hand.
"You're not going anywhere." He pulled the leather out of the loops on his pants and ran the end under her chin. "I'm going to take my hand off you. Don't move or you'll feel the edge of my belt on your skin."
Her vision clouded. "Nathan, I—"
"Don't talk." His fingers let go.
Her scalp prickled as the strands fell back into place sending a shiver down her spine. She held her breath as he walked behind her. His hands stroked her arms, pulling them back until her wrists crossed. Her chin dropped to her chest when she realized he bound her arms behind her to her ankles.
She tugged, and Nathan grabbed her hair to keep her from falling forward. "Don't move."
He walked around her, twisting her hair, immobilizing her. Standing in front of her, he undid the zipper of his slacks, freeing his erection.
"Look at me." He tapped her cheek with the edge of his sex.
She'd barely opened her eyes when he took his hardness and slapped her with it again. Her pussy spasmed and she widened her knees, tilting her head up higher and gazed into his face.
Stern and unforgiving, he watched her intently while rubbing his dick along the length of her neck. "If I ever catch you talking, walking, looking at the people on the street, I will beat you until you're too sore to walk out the door."
She bit her lip to keep her teeth from chattering. Although her body warmed when he'd pushed her to her knees, the fear of what he could do left her trembling. The thrill of what he could make her do overpowered everything else happening, and she opened herself to anything he gave her.
He pulled on her hair, and when she cried out from the startling pain, he stuck his cock in her mouth. She sucked greedily, pulling on his hold, needing him to fill her.
His hips thrust forward. She gagged, but went right back to taking his length into her mouth. She closed her eyes and moaned low in her throat.
"No." He removed his cock. "Look. At. Me."
She shook her head, or as much as she could with him pinning her to the spot with his hand. "Please…"
Pain radiated up her cheek. She blinked in time to watch his hand come back and swing toward her again. She steeled herself against the pain, but it never came.
"I will prove to you as many times as you need, until you understand, I will not leave you," he said, letting his motion continue.
Her head snapped to the left on a shudder. The air in her lungs whooshed out, and she stared at the carpet. A calm she'd missed all day swept over her.
"You will learn that only I can truly care for you." He yanked her head.
He stroked his length viciously, almost painful for her to watch. His fist moved fast, coming to the end of his cock, and brushed her cheek with each pump. Her panties grew damp and she sat back on her ankles.