by S M Mala
‘I doubt so very much,’ she said, glancing away. ‘I should go. We’ll rearrange later on, Justin. Is that okay?’
‘I need to speak to you,’ Kit said, seeing she still didn’t make eye contact. ‘I really want you to listen to me.’
‘Kit,’ she sighed, looking up at him and he noticed the sheer disappointment in her eyes.
It hurt.
‘You were right to be cautious,’ Sasha continued. ‘I’ve thought about it long and hard. I know it would never have worked. I was hoping it would. We’re not suited.’
‘You’re wrong!’ he said, half shouting, making the other two jump. ‘We’re perfect for each other. I knew it from the very beginning but your situation isn’t normal, the whole set up isn’t something you find in day to day life. It’s hard to understand what was going on.’ Kit took a deep breath. ‘I’m a reasonable man. If you tell me you don’t love me, I’ll understand but then I’ll have to convince you otherwise.’
‘That’s you being reasonable?’ whispered Justin. ‘God help us all.’
‘I was in the wrong. I shouldn’t have questioned you. I would have pulled the trigger, I would have done it if he’d hurt Grace.’
‘Just talk,’ said Justin, stepping forward, looking at the pair of them.
‘It’s about trust,’ she whispered, glancing at Kit. ‘And the lack of it.’
‘Just spare me five minutes, that’s all I ask,’ Kit begged, the fear of losing her getting bigger by the second. ‘And I’ll listen to everything you say. I won’t judge or jump to conclusions. Please Sasha, I know I’ve turned you away when you needed me, I realise that. I understand if you want to do the same thing but hear me out.’
‘I have to go,’ she said, kicking off her shoes, removing her socks and slipping her sandals on. ‘You were right Kit. I did kill Cameron, in a roundabout way, by finding out what he did and telling him something he didn’t really want to hear. So I am a murderer. Happy now?’
‘Sasha!’
… he shouted, following her all the way down the road. She was walking at high speed. ‘Please stop!’
‘Go away!’ she shouted back. ‘We’ve said all we had to!’
‘I love you!’ he screamed out. ‘I don’t know what to do.’ She stopped as he fell to the ground on his knees, giving up. ‘You don’t know how it’s been for me. I’m at a loss. I can’t function without you.’
Sasha turned around clutching her bag to her stomach and stood there, open mouthed.
‘What do you want from me?’ she asked quietly, stepping closer.
‘I want you to love me like I love you, that’s what I want.’
‘For weeks you never told me how you felt. I thought you didn’t care and now you change your mind?’ She started to get angry. ‘I kept telling you over and over again but you never said it back. It was like banging my head against a brick wall and now I walk away, you declare your love. It is love or do you just want a leg over?’
He sat back on his heels, astonished she’d even ask that question.
‘Oh, you look shocked! I had to throw that in because you never know,’ sighed Sasha. ‘Get off the floor and I’ll spare you five minutes then you can leave me alone for good.’
‘I’m not going to.’
‘You don’t think?’ she replied, walking off in the direction of the Vietnamese café.
He followed, watching her stomp to the door and walk in. She went to their usual place but this time, she sat by the wall so she could look out onto the restaurant.
Kit sat opposite her, realising she might not want him to get too close. He watched her fold the cardigan tightly around her body and stared at him.
‘Speak,’ Sasha said.
‘I love you,’ he replied mournfully. ‘I’m totally and desperately in love with you.’
She shook her head before glancing down at the menu.
‘And that’s it? Not long ago you thought I was a murderer related to a criminal mastermind. Now you think it’s okay to say you love me, is that right? I went to you thinking, in my stupid way, that you wanted me. You did want me for sex and probably for the money but not for keeps. When I turned up at your home I thought it would be forever and you asked me to go. Do you know how that felt?’
‘Don’t,’ he said, looking away and feeling a sharp pain of shame in his chest.
‘And I went. I told you I wouldn’t come back and I didn’t. You should leave.’
‘You must have known I’d find out about you going to lessons with Justin.’
‘I’ve been going to lessons with Justin since January and he kept his mouth shut.’
The gasp from Kit’s mouth was very loud and he noticed she smiled at his expression.
‘That lying two faced shit said it was five weeks! Why didn’t he tell me?’
‘Why should he? How was he to know you were using me to get over your flaccid dick problem,’ she said quietly, looking around.
‘You think I used you for that?’ he said, starting to get upset. ‘It was just sex to me?’
‘It doesn’t matter what it was,’ she said, rubbing her forehead. ‘It’s irrelevant.’
‘It’s not. It’s real and you know it. Don’t you know how many times I wanted to tell you how I felt? I was scared about getting hurt so I didn’t say anything,’ he announced loudly. ‘And I love you Sasha, I love you so much it hurts.’ Kit bit his bottom lip, realising he was going to get upset. ‘I just want to be happy with you and Grace, that’s all.’
Sasha closed her eyes and sat there. Kit’s eyes travelled across her face and he was willing to do anything she wanted.
‘Do you want me to dance for you, here and now, to show you how I feel?’ he asked, her eyes springing open.
‘If you start tap dancing then I’ll know for certain you don’t love me,’ she said seriously. ‘It will never be just us three, you know that.’
‘I don’t care about what your mother does.’
‘And the three geriatric ninjas that broke into Jeremy’s house to kidnap me. What about them?’ Sasha then laughed out loudly. ‘They came to see me, after they took you out for coffee, begging that I speak to you. They said they were pissing money up the wall as your lessons had got so bad they had to take over.’
‘I’ve been distracted.’
‘And then my hard arsed mother joined in, saying I was a stubborn cow. She quoted all the things I’ve done to her to wind her up. God, that woman keeps a list! And she then said you made a mistake and were scared, confused, basically a whole list of things to make me reconsider.’
‘Why didn’t you?’
‘I told you, once you told me to go I wouldn’t come back. You told me at the train station and I didn’t listen but I’m listening now. I recall when I asked you then if you loved me, you said no.’
‘I was thinking!’
‘By shaking your head from side to side?’
‘I was going to tell you I loved you but then you ran off. Right,’ he said, standing up. ‘I’m going to dance.’
‘Jesus,’ she replied. ‘You’re expressing yourself through dance. Don’t blame me if they call the ambulance and accuse you of having an epileptic fit.’
Kit starting tap dancing, pirouetting as she sat there, emotionless and watched. Some of the waitresses stopped and he saw Sasha shrug her shoulders.
‘Okay, you made your point, Kit. Now will you sit down?’
He stopped and looked at her.
‘Do you still love me?’ he said, sitting beside her. It felt like his heart was in his throat. ‘Because I love you and I won’t take ‘no’ for an answer.’
‘We need to talk,’ she said quietly, turning to look at him. ‘Seriously talk.’
‘I love you and want to be with you for the rest of my life.’
‘I told Cameron something that night which might have sent him overboard.’
‘I don’t care,’ he said, knowing what Estella did.
‘I was protecting a few people incl
uding you. I was worried he’d hurt you through a jealous spat especially when he found out we’d slept together.’
Kit wasn’t listening.
He stroked her face, taking his finger and following the line of her jaw.
‘I needed him to know the truth, to see if he’d let me be happy,’ she gasped. ‘He was really upset. Said I betrayed him. Next thing I know, I was taken away and …’ Sasha’s eyes filled with tears. ‘He did what he had to do, the honourable thing.’
‘What did you say?’ he asked, moving closer. Then he placed his lips against her cheek. She closed her eyes. ‘Sasha, come live with me. I’ve finished decorating and it’s perfect for us, it really is. Grace is coming to stay now and we’ll be so happy, I’ll make sure of that.’
‘I can’t,’ she said and his heart started to crumble. ‘We can’t live there.’
‘But I want to be with you. I don’t want to waste another second.’
‘Kit, listen to me,’ she said, looking straight into his eyes.
‘Don’t you love me?’
‘Arsehole.’
‘Pardon?’
‘You’re an arsehole, I thought you needed to know that.’
‘I see,’ he said, mulling over the response. ‘You don’t want to be with me?’
‘A big arsehole,’ she whispered before kissing him gently on the lips. His heart felt like it was going to explode. Sasha opened her bag and handed him an envelope shoved in the side pocket. ‘It’s the same one I wanted to give you weeks ago but you weren’t interested. The content is what I told Cameron about which made him deeply unhappy. He needed to know.’
‘What is it?’
Kit opened it and did a double take.
At the same time, she grabbed his hand and put it against her swollen tummy.
He looked at the scan in utter disbelief.
She was pregnant.
He screamed.
‘What’s wrong?’ the waitress asked, jumping out of her skin. ‘Is he alright or do you want me to call the police?’
‘It’s my baby!’
‘Jesus,’ Sasha mumbled, shaking her head then looked up at him. ‘It’s certainly not Captain’s as it’s not wearing a wig or kitten heels.’
Kit jumped up and punched the air before throwing himself back onto the chair.
‘You’re moving in now,’ he said, his whole head buzzing. ‘We’ll sort it all out. I can get a conversion for the roof to be changed to a loft. It’ll be fine. You’re well, are you? You’re drinking milk and taking supplements? How far gone are you and when’s the baby, my baby, I mean our baby due? Do you know the sex? Do we want to know and-’
Sasha put her hand over his mouth as his head vibrated with excitement.
‘Slow down. I’m not sure if this is going to work,’ she said, pursing her lips tightly. ‘It’s all happened quite quickly and I’ve had a lot of things to deal with. I’m not sure how I feel. I was happy now I’m scared of losing it and …’ Sasha grimaced. ‘If they look like my babies, how would I feel?’
He kissed her fingers and held her hand tightly.
‘Can’t you see? The road to true love is a rocky one and we’ve had our fair share of it.’
‘Kit, what if you get scared, decide you don’t want to get involved with someone who has connections to people who are a little bit dubious?’ she quietly asked. ‘I thought long and hard about what you said. I realise what I want can’t happen because you won’t be happy.’
Kit glanced at the waitresses pretending not to look at them. He thought quickly about what he was going to say.
‘You trust me. I’ve been a prick a few times but you know what? I started to like you a long time before we took you away.’
‘Kidnapped,’ she added with a frown.
‘Put you somewhere safe and it was the best time of my life, being with you,’ he said, pointing to her and then him. ‘I never used you. I just wanted you and was scared I’d fail, emotionally and physically.’
‘Physically you’re perky as ever,’ she frowned. ‘Are you seeing someone? Anyone?’
‘Now you’re the arsehole,’ he grinned, pushing her falling hair onto her face. ‘This baby, you and me, it’s a good thing. It’s a brand new start for us and it’ll change everything, for the best.’
‘I couldn’t cope if you turn around and tell me my family aren’t good enough. You’re scared for Grace, Justin, your mother, your nephew, everyone!’ she gasped. ‘I’d rather do this alone so you can be happy. Find someone else to start a life with. You’re a good man and I know this isn’t what you really want.’
‘You’re all I want,’ he said, grabbing her face with his hands. ‘You’re everything I’ve ever wanted, you really are. I love you so much. I’ll make you trust me. Believe me, I’d do anything for you. I’m a coward, that’s my problem. I’ve not manned up enough to deal with shit things and when I couldn’t cope, I found hope in a white line.’ Kit moved his face closer to hers. He could feel the air from her nostrils on his face. ‘I’m not letting you go again and I don’t care if you don’t love me. I’ll convince you I’m worth loving.’
‘I know you’re worth loving,’ she said, closing her eyes.
They flung their arms around each other and kissed. He didn’t care who was watching.
Kit just wanted her.
Pulling away, they both smiled.
‘You’ll move in with me?’ he asked. She nodded frantically. ‘We need to get your things and-.’
‘Are you ready for this? To be a family again? I’m scared it will be taken away from me.’
‘You’re with me, there’s nothing to be scared of,’ he said, starting to laugh. ‘We can tap to our hearts content as the place is sound proof from the bar and we’ll be happy. You have to meet Grace, who I know will love you. And the added bonus is you’ve met my deceitful older brother, who I will punch later, and my erotic writing mother.’
‘And you’ve met my mother,’ she smiled, cupping his cheek with her hand. ‘You’re not scared about what she does? She’s hidden me pretty well to date.’
‘I don’t care,’ he said, the memory of knowing she killed Cameron flashing into his head. ‘She loves you and would do anything to protect her family. That counts for everything.’
‘If you upset me again you know what my mum’s like.’ Sasha laughed. ‘You don’t want to mess with her.’
‘I’ll make sure I have a good pair of lethal tap shoes on hand, just in case.’
Published by S M Mala
Copyright © S M Mala 2014
All rights reserved. No part of this publication is to be reproduced, distributed or transmitted in any forms or by any means, including photocopying, recording or any other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher/author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other non-commercial uses permitted by copyright law.
All characters in this book are fictitious and any resemblance to any persons living or dead is purely coincidental.
Visit my website: www.smmala.com to see other titles.
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Books to look out for by S M Mala:
My Mother in Law’s Lover
What he did to her
The problem of getting Rich Quik … part one
The problem of getting Rich Quik … part two
Relative Strangers
The Secret History of Hatty Ha Ha … begins
The Secret History of Hatty Ha Ha … ends
Pushing over 40
Good Vibration
Bad Advice
Hot Flush
Tap Dance Kidnap
