The Unseen

by Nanni Balestrini

  I gather up my things scattered all over the floor I do it all so slowly I still don’t understand what they’re after I think that now they could at least tell me something but I avoid asking questions I take my time getting dressed again and then I sit down on a chair I look out of the window even though there was nothing to see because it was the second floor and there was just a grey sky outside the window I was looking out into the grey sky so as not to look at those guys who appeared relaxed now too and weren’t bothering much with me any more one had sat down on the desk and was dangling his legs backwards and forwards while he fiddled with the things that had been in my pockets and now formed a little heap on the desk

  I had the shit behind me I couldn’t see him but I was sure he’d placed himself there deliberately to make me insecure for I couldn’t take my mind off the thought that I was about to be struck until a few minutes later the one who’d gone out reappears and they ask him if the chief’s arrived just imagine I think to myself they really do call him the chief and the guy answers he’s on his way in I know who he is this chief I’ve already seen him every time we’ve had a demonstration he was always there in the cream double-breasted raincoat behind the window of an unmarked car holding the radio transmitter up to his mouth and giving orders to his boys because that’s just what he calls them my boys and they call him the chief what kind of people are these cops they really do act and talk like the cops you see in the movies

  16

  There was a long long moment of silence after these guys stopped throwing bombs down from the roof until they began climbing down the spiral staircase climbing down the spiral staircase from the roof to the second floor rotunda crossing the length of the corridor and entering this dormitory cell where we all were is ordinarily a matter of seconds but they took a full minute to do it and get there because they were coming down very cautiously they were coming down all kitted out in their bullet-proof vests in their all-in-one helmets and when they finally got down into the rotunda first thing they started spraying sub-machine gun fire randomly into the corridors they were firing like madmen pointing the sub-machine guns round in every direction and all of us were shouting we surrender we surrender don’t fire

  the scene I saw was that I saw one of these guys all kitted out coming in but in no hurry he stepped inside the dormitory cell he saw everyone at the back crouched on the ground and the first thing he did was blast a volley from his sub-machine gun at the ceiling then he threw a grenade inside inside the dormitory a non-explosive grenade a grenade of the type meant to blind you the type used by those commandos what the hell are they called and the fact is it stuns you because it produces an incredible blaze of light a tremendous bang that deafens you and at the same time a blaze I mean a blaze that really does blind you and what happens is that you close your eyes but then afterwards you’ve got this light still in your eyes it’s still there even if you close your eyes it stays for several seconds and you’re dazed you’re left utterly stunned

  they hurled one of these grenades into the dormitory where we were and then the sensation I felt was that one of the guards had got himself under my legs and was gripping me tightly as he clung to me because by now we’d all lost control of our reactions we were all sitting with our backs against the wall and then these guys at the door started firing submachine-gun volleys less than two feet above our heads then of course everyone’s instinct was to lie flat on the ground as low as possible because these guys were firing and screaming abuse bastards we’ll murder the lot of you and that kind of thing and they went on firing just above people’s heads then they started making us all turn over kicking us down with our faces flat against the ground

  everybody got the point at once and they all turned face down on their own even without too many invitations even the hostage guards who were there who’d taken a few kicks in the face even the ones who’d tried to say they were guards we all had our faces pressing on the ground so that you couldn’t see a thing any more then they started taking out the people in the dormitory one at a time they started taking them out into the corridor I couldn’t see a thing any more but I could hear the sub-machine gun volleys they kept firing at the walls the screams the abuse the sound of kicks being delivered to the ones who were being taken outside they were screaming red swine scum bastards we’ll murder the lot of you at the same time down below you could hear terrible explosions because at the same time they’d also burst in below and some coffee machines had been thrown

  they were taking people out of the dormitory one at a time I was the last since everyone was in a row along the wall and they started at the other end from mine I was the last the very last and I could only hear sounds for I couldn’t see a thing any more I had my face to the ground I could see hardly anything all I could hear the gunfire and abuse from these guys they were high on amphetamines they were shouting really as if they were crazy they were firing non-stop then they were taking people out into the corridor I could hear the beatings they were giving them as they took them outside they took them out into the corridor and then I heard there were no more volleys just single shots they were saying get on your knees I could hear them saying get on the ground kneel put your hands on your head and then I’d hear two single shots being fired

  there and then I said these guys are killing them they’re killing all of them I swear to you now it’s some time ago I swear to you I was perfectly convinced they were killing everyone that they were taking us out one at a time to kill us all one at a time in the corridor and all of us there were convinced of this we would hear those isolated shots out there in the corridor and then they would come in again to take out someone else I don’t know how long this went on there I was with my face down I hadn’t a clue how many were left before me I expected it to be my turn any minute I was convinced they were really killing us all also because it was that kind of situation I told myself if they come in like this it’s because they’re going to kill you if they throw bombs like that it means they’ve come here to kill us all

  and the guards too suffered the same treatment because these guys couldn’t sort out the hostage guards from the convicts they were shouting we’re the guards we’re the guards but these guys took no notice of them they gave them the same treatment just the same for them as well they hit them they kicked them too as they dragged them outside they took them out into the corridor as well and they too were absolutely sure they’d be killed as well they were convinced like the rest of us they took them into the corridor they made them kneel and they fired over their heads and left it to another time to identify them because after they took the ground floor as well a commandant of the guards who did know them came upstairs but before that they suffered just the same treatment

  anyway the strangest thing to my mind was the way time went on and on it was endless for I was the last then and I could hear everyone being taken away one at a time before me and I was saying to myself they’re going to kill me right now the weird thing was I was really convinced that they were going to kill me so I was telling myself it’s all over it’s all over any time now they’re going to kill me like all the others but the weird thing was I was utterly calm about this I didn’t lose control and then I saw that none of the other comrades had lost control either they’d all been quite calm as they waited their turn to be taken outside I don’t know maybe because all of them had come round to accepting this as inevitable I don’t know

  then when they got to me they grabbed me by the hair a few kicks some verbal abuse a bit of a beating that I didn’t even feel just think whether you feel a beating at a time like that the beating was something you didn’t feel at all because all you had on your mind was the fact they were going to kill you but even then I was perfectly calm and when I got to the corridor they struck me a blow with what I don’t know a blow as if with the butt-end of the sub-machine gun I think they threw me on the ground and then I had time to see that everyone was there on the
ground in a heap there bleeding but they were all alive they hadn’t killed anyone they were all injured bleeding but every one of them was moving as they lay there on the ground faces to the ground

  and then at that moment I saw one of these guys in their commando outfits lifting up grabbing a comrade by the hair he lifted his head and asked him what’s your name and the guy told him his name then the other one struck him a terrible blow here with a pistol butt I mean a really hard hard blow right here between the eyes and it smashed him all up here and all the blood was pouring down and then one by one they started with torches they started pulling them up by the hair and asking them with torches asking them their names because by now it was dark and among the shadows you could see these huge looming figures moving about for incidentally they were all huge very big and their bulk was exaggerated by those outfits

  maybe also exaggerated by this psychological situation you found yourself in with these huge great shoes these camouflage fatigues these bullet-proof vests with these grotesque outfits with these heavy boots kicking everybody screaming abuse as if they were demented and then picking you out with a torch there was one with a great big torch he pulled you up by the hair he lifted your face and shone the torch dazzling in your eyes and he asked you your name he asked me my name and he put the gun he put the gun in my mouth and he asked me I told him and this guy said to me are you scared I nodded yes I nodded yes that I was scared but I swear to you that at that moment I realized he wouldn’t fire I was sure he wouldn’t fire

  17

  The door opens and Dottor Donnola enters the room he comes towards me his manner thoughtful his expression concerned but relaxed he asks the others if they’ve searched me and then he tells them to leave because he wants to have a few words with me the shit asks him if he should handcuff me oh no goes Donnola and then he looks at me and says we’ve already met and the others hurry out of the room leaving the door ajar the chief moves round the desk and sits down on the other side with the tips of his fingers he brushes aside my things that are still there he seems in no hurry then at last he gets started his manner paternal and confiding listen I know you’re a good lad you’re the kind that speaks at public meetings and goes on demonstrations but I know you’re not the kind that shoots I wait for him to go on and say something else instead he stops and I’m left with him staring straight at me from behind his square glasses without another word

  so it’s my turn to talk I don’t really know what to say and the only thing I can think to say is why have you brought me here no no this isn’t an interrogation says Donnala at once I can’t do that the law doesn’t allow it don’t you see that we’re here just the two of us and that I’m not writing anything down I only want to have a few words with you if there’s something you want to tell me I was bewildered and I chip in but what am I supposed to tell you you’re the ones who should be telling me you’re the ones who’ve brought me here it’s not as if I came here myself did I in short you’ve got nothing to tell me goes Donnola nothing about what I ask why about your friends about where you live no this guy was really doing it the slow way he was playing cat and mouse which friends how do you mean where I live I go and Donnola smiles ironically how do I mean I mean your home I mean the house you live in

  but for a while now I haven’t had anywhere permanent to live I reply at once I live in different places here and there I get friends to let me stay with them sometimes I stay the night with my family Donnola’s still smiling but aren’t you the tenant of the place in such and such a street isn’t the tenancy in your name yes I am why and Donnola sighs and says all of a sudden staring straight at me we’ve searched your place and we’ve discovered arms I didn’t believe him I swear I didn’t believe him this guy’s bluffing I thought and not bluffing that seriously either and then I shot him a smile listen Dottor Donnola I told him listen that’s not on but Donnola remained thoughtful too thoughtful there was a pause then Donnola starts all over again then you’ve got nothing to tell me nothing at all no I say if you’ve got questions to ask me I want a lawyer saying this because I didn’t really know what to say

  all right says Donnola then after a pause you’ve got nothing to tell me at all a pity and he’s still sitting there not moving watching me waiting but I don’t move either and I don’t speak until Donnola gets up he calls the other three who were there outside waiting in the corridor and he tells them go to his parents’ house and then he turns to me and he says look there’s a warrant now we have to make a search of your family’s house then we’re taking you before the judge who has to question you I said all right but my only concern was to call a lawyer and I told Donnola all right but now I have to call the lawyer let me call him from here and Donnola without turning a hair no you’re not calling him from here later from your place if you want

  then they put the handcuffs back on me this time though they put them on in front and when I went down the stairs they didn’t push me at all we got downstairs and there were two unmarked cars already waiting sitting in one of them were four plain-clothes men they gave me the once over and I was put in the other one in the back between two of the ones that arrested me but the shit was left outside in the front seats there were two new ones I hadn’t seen before and we set off for the village I was very worried about how my father and mother would take it there was no doubt they’d be frightened and I went on thinking about what to do so as not to frighten them to calm them down the police were calm enough and the only sound you could hear was the crackling of the radio in contact with the station

  they stayed in contact and every so often they indicated their position they indicated their whereabouts as they drove through each of the villages they hadn’t pulled out the guns to point them at me and the one who was in front and who I hadn’t seen before at one point turned round and asked me if I want a cigarette I’m dying for a smoke but I tell him no it’s instinctive to say no though I’d like to say yes then after a bit more driving round we get to my house the cars stop in front of the gate without the slightest hesitation clearly everything had already been under surveillance and the one who offered me the cigarette must have been the sergeant in charge of the raid because he gave orders for my handcuffs to be removed and he asked me straight out if I had any arms in the house of course not I answered

  the two drivers stayed in the cars and all the others went up the stairs into the courtyard I went in first and I spoke at once to my father and mother who’d come out to meet me surprised at all those strange people I told them keep calm don’t worry these are police who have to carry out a search it’s nothing serious nothing has happened now I’m calling the lawyer the sergeant interrupts me in a pleasant enough manner he says no look there’s no need to put the lawyer to any bother we’ll only be a minute not even that if you’ve got any arms in the house tell us right now and that way we’ll all avoid wasting time my mother turns pale when she hears the word arms I say no there are no arms of any kind here but I do want to call the lawyer all the same nah go all the cops in a languid chorus

  in the end the sergeant asks me where the lawyer lives and I say nearby here in the village nearby I’d just thought of the name of a lawyer I knew defended the local low life I didn’t know him but I’d heard of him from someone I look up his name in the telephone directory and I find the number the lawyer’s there but he makes excuses it’s supper time and he says he’d prefer not to come but I insist I tell him that he really must come and so we all settle down to wait for the lawyer in silence the police follow every move I make and they don’t take their eyes off me I’m only worried that my mother doesn’t suddenly get the idea of offering the police something to drink out of politeness my father is clearly upset hunched in his chair he stares at me wide-eyed

  time is going by and the lawyer hasn’t turned up the police start complaining because it’s getting late and they’re doing overtime we meet half-way I tell them they can start the search while we’re
waiting for the lawyer but one room at a time and in my presence I don’t want them to spread out through the rooms so that I can’t make sure they don’t plant something that wasn’t there before I wasn’t worried about the search because I knew there was nothing incriminating in the house the only thing that could interest them was in the cellar my records of the movement all the newspapers the magazines the leaflets of these past years I was jealous of my archive I’d spent hours organizing it but it was all perfectly legal and so I wasn’t at all worried about keeping it in the house

  the lawyer arrived shortly before the police went down to search the cellar a fine lawyer I’d picked myself a real mafioso pimp to start with hearty handshakes with the police with whom he was clearly on intimate terms and when he found out it was political he said straight away that he never handled that kind of thing it took some effort to persuade him to stay a bit longer now that the whole thing was nearly done with he did it reluctantly but the whole time he didn’t stop talking and joking with the police and then down in the cellar when they opened the cupboard the sergeant wiped his brow dejectedly and now what do we do it would take us two days to go through it all no what we’ll do is we’ll confiscate the lot and then the magistrates can put their minds to it

  and so they started the gradual removal from the cupboard to the boots of the cars I was wretched I knew I’d never see my archive again it would rot in the cellars of some police station or court house it would vanish just as in years to come all the comrades’ archives would vanish deliberately destroyed by them all the newspapers all the magazines all the leaflets all the documents all the posters all the publications of the movement destroyed vanished all bundled in cardboard boxes and plastic rubbish bags and burned or thrown on rubbish tips tons of printed matter the written history of the movement its memory dumped among refuse consigned to the flames through the fear of repression a fear well justified because all it took then was a leaflet found in a search to put you in prison for a year or two