Turning Point

by Georgia Hamilton

  I ease down in my chair as far as I can go without laying down. I kick my shoes off and tuck my legs under me. I try not to make a noise even though there’s purrs, and giggles and a whole lot more waiting to come out of me. I wish I was as brash as Leilani and kept a vibrator in my handbag. She brought us both little gold bullets a few years ago, they have our initials in them and come in cute little case, makes them look like a lipstick. Mine is tucked away in my top drawer with a few other bits and bobs. Leilani keeps her in her make up bag. Her excuse is dealing with sports stars means she is surrounded by testosterone every day, it gets the better of her at times and she has to “cum immediately” how she is still single I will never know.

  “Very sure of yourself there Connor, first time? What makes you so sure I would be back for seconds”

  He gives me a short laugh, before clearing his throat and putting me firmly in my place

  “before you regain feeling anywhere in your body, I will be back up and ready to go again, and again. The only limp mess in my bed with be you. So yes, I may embarrass myself with lack of stamina the first time, but every single time thereafter, you will never ever doubt it. Remember beautiful, you’ve been boneless my arms more than once, and I haven’t even begun to explore you the way I want to”

  “ok, so how long until Saturday?”

  “Too long beautiful, too long. What have you got planned anyway”

  “after what you just said, fuck spending 3 hours getting ready, going out in public for the sake of it, you just come around to mine and we’ll get started on the boneless banquet!”

  His laugh makes me jump. I wish I could see him. It was a proper laugh out loud rumble of thunder.

  “you’re classier than a KFC bargain bucket Rayne” He laughs before he finishes the sentence.

  “Nice to know. On serious note I don’t think I can make it through a date Connor, I might get arrested for indecent exposure or something equally embarrassing. I have never had someone in my life that makes me feel like this. It scares me”

  “Don’t be scared. I’m scared enough for the both of us. I don’t do emotions beautiful but the way you make me feel”

  I can’t help myself…

  “do I really turn you on”

  Without skipping a beat, he says

  “you knock me off of my feet”

  “No babe, you physically knocked me off my feet”

  “Yes, you corny thing, and I would do it over, and over again”

  I don’t think before I say the next line

  “corny? You love me really.”

  I stop once the words are out, shit shit shit. I didn’t mean to say it oh my god, I don’t expect him to love me, I don’t even want to discuss the L word. Panic sets in oh my god oh my god

  My heartbeat regulates the second he says

  “I wouldn’t have you any other way”

  “good to know”

  “You’ll always know, Rayne. Always”

  I wish he could see the smile, that’s all his doing. I take a deep breath. I need to change the subject otherwise the next two days will kill me.

  “So, I met my dad today”

  Connor is quiet, I think about his life, the fact that he will not ever meet his dad, he’s always told me to be honest with him, the last time I made froze after mentioning his family he shot me down. The time that elapses while I wait for him to reply is excruciating. My eyes wonder around my office, my space, my manicure, my desktop, my emails, everything to keep me occupied to stop me interrupting his thoughts.

  “how did it go? If you had waited I would have come with you”

  Where my heart broke a second ago, he’s just melted it back together

  “You can come with me another time”

  “Deal now tell me how it went”

  I love how he is, I love how he cares.

  “It was weird, you know? He was like a stranger but so familiar all at the same time. I look like him, that scared me, I have the same eyes as him.”

  “No one has your eyes beautiful. Why did it scare you? He didn’t scare you, did he?”

  Me still my beating hurt, a man ready to defend your honour.

  I laugh to let him know I am ok

  “No Connor, he didn’t. I promise I was just surprised at how familiar he was when he is a total stranger”

  “You wouldn’t just say that to make me feel better would you Rayne, promise me”

  This man! My uterus is doing a jive, the quick step and the electric slide

  “No Connor, I wouldn’t. I promise you”

  I mean it when I say it, I wouldn’t lie to him. Paige buzzes my intercom, I half want to ignore her, but I know she won’t stop. He can hear the intercom going in the background.

  “Beautiful. Get the phone and I will send you a message when I get home, if you’re up call me, if not I will speak to you tomorrow”

  I want to tell him I will still be up, he will be back in about 3 hours, but then he probably has to do some work. Like I should be now.

  “Ok. Hopefully speak to you later”

  “Sure, thing beautiful”

  With that he hangs up, Paige is relentless and back on my intercom.

  “yes Paige”

  “Sorry Rayne, Its Leilani, she said it was urgent”

  I know Leilani too well, the only thing that is urgent is her need to speak to me

  “put her through”

  “Sugar tits!!”

  “bitch face”

  “I have missed you Ray Ray! Urgh this whole situ is bullshit. I need nipple rubs and booby squishes soon”

  She always makes me laugh, any man on the street sees her and they instantly fall in love, Leilani is at last 5” taller than me, her body looks like she lives in the gym, she’s got the best set of fake tits I have ever seen (not that I have seen any other than hers, but they are so good) her hair is almost waist length poker straight black hair and the bluest of blue eyes. The eyes are natural, the hair is not. Leilani has naturally mousey hair, she used to be flat chested, as did I. Mother Nature took over when I was about 14, the surgeon took over for Leilani when she was 16 (her dad had connections) After her boobs were pumped up, she decided mousey wasn’t her anymore, so we got a pack of purple hair dye, and Leilani Barros II was born. The purple, went to blue, then to navy and has been black for what seems like forever now. We were both ugly ducklings at school, boys are so fickle, we did a tally a few months ago to see how many of our old school mates have ‘been in touch’ its laughable. Some of them are ‘happily’ married to former school mates, shame they haven’t aged as well as us. Call me big headed but those bastards made our lives hell. Look who’s laughing now.

  “soon soon”

  I give Leilani the scoop on my coffee with Mack. She’s not her typical supportive self, the ooh’ and the aaaah’s are in the right place, but somethings wrong, she’s distracted

  “dead in the eyes, what’s up Lei?”

  “Nothing” she snaps back super-fast. I hear her stifle a laugh, the she moves the phone away from her mouth as she talks to someone in the room. I very clearly hear a male groan, then a door slam.

  “Please tell me you did not call me mid shag? Have you used me as an excuse to get rid of an afternoon fumble” She’s done it before. Leilani face timed me once whilst coping off with one of her clients, he was single and its perfectly legit. The only problem was he couldn’t say cunnilingus, much less know what it was. She switched her phone around, so I could see the meal he was making of it and not in a good way. He kept licking her belly button we thought it because his eyes were so squeezed shut so tightly. We found out shortly after that he was told as a kid by his mum that cunnilingus was belly button licking and woman loved it. He thought it was his secret weapon… BLEURGH.

  Nobody before Leilani had the balls to tell him.

  “No, I didn’t call you mid shag, I called you post shag”

  “That’s better than during I suppose, hope the poor sod has a
t least left you alone now. Where are you anyway?”

  “Still in Liverpool. Should be coming back Friday/ Saturday,”

  “Is Guy still with you? That’s not like you to pull a random, I thought you were back home. Where did you meet him, is it someone I know? Does he play for Anfield Town?”

  “Yes, Guy is still up here with me, I didn’t pull a random, no I am not back home, can’t remember where we met, no he doesn’t play for Anfield Town, he is not a footballer, oh and before you ask – best sex ever”

  I can hear a male voice, clearly in the background, he obviously loves the fact that she rates him so highly. She dismisses him swiftly.

  “I have to finish this call in private, are you ok to see yourself out?”

  I can vaguely make him out in the background, it sounds like he kisses her, then she squeals like a giddy girl before the door shuts

  “Sorry sugar tits, so tell me, how’s it going my babe? How’s hot stuff? Has he rocked your world again, I would have been begging for details an hour ago, but since my axis have just been suitably locked and tilted, a simple yes or no will suffice.

  That ladies and gentlemen is why Leilani Angela Barros is the greatest. It doesn’t even make sense but it’s all in the delivery. I suddenly want Connor to lick my axis.

  “It’s going ok, Connor is still fucking amazing – he’s back home tonight and I am seeing him on Saturday, I can’t wait Lei, I am gagging for him, believe me!”

  “You dirty dirty dirty biatch… have you not met Sir P Dicky yet?”

  “We have had an informal introduction, but I can’t wait to get properly acquainted, I have never lusted after someone, the way I am lusting after him Lei, it scares me! I am always in control and he makes me lose control, can you believe I got J-E-A-L-O-U-S when a waitress starting flirting with him the other day, I lost my shit in public?”

  “Shut up”

  Leilani knows how out of character that was for me, neither of us do jealous. It is such a hideous trait. We spent most of our time at school being jealous of the other girls who “seemed” to have it all. Once we found our own self-worth, and embraced what we had, we evolved. I used to say we Swanned until Leilani told me to stop saying that as it means attack someone. In all fairness we attacked life, but meh, I get her point.

  We both realised that the energy we wasted on being jealous of someone could not be recharged or regained, it was lost forever. More importantly what we thought we were jealous of, nine times out of ten didn’t even exist. Our school was like real life Instagram, all smoke and mirrors, look at my perfect life, meanwhile daddy is screwing his PA (male pa) and mother is sleeping with the gay tennis coach – fucked up nightmare.

  The amount of likes you had denoted whether you were left alone or bullied. Thankfully Leilani has got 4 brothers – older brothers, being that the Barros Boys were a thing that every girl wanted to do or be done by, we had an easy ride. We stuck together from the start, I was being bullied because I didn’t ‘deserve to be at the school, I was only there according to the female contingent in our year because my mum was clearly blowing Trent Fitzgerald’ I might have commented that Ma must have been a bloody pro the amount of time and money he spent on us, I then perhaps mentioned that she offered coaching classes for those whose only option to get by in life was on their back or their knees… I got suspended but it was SOOO worth it.

  It wasn’t just the girls either some of the mothers were worse I remember one telling me at a party (yes with Trent present) that he felt guilty that was why he married Ma. Bitch. We never saw her again at the house, funny that.

  Any who, we said jealousy was to never exist in life, we have spent the last 8 or 9 years being there for one another, building each other up and helping each other to grow.

  “Be real now Ray, was he encouraging her?”

  I know where this is going, and I want to run and hide

  “No, Lei, no he did nothing but be polite, ignoring her rack as she wiped the table with it, literally. It was embarrassing”

  “Her tits could not have been as amazing as yours, and if they were they were fake”

  She laughs, and I hear her drag on a cigarette.

  “I didn’t look and neither did he, it doesn’t matter anyway, I am over it”

  She pulls on the cigarette again, heavier this time.

  “I thought you had quit Lei? What has got you so stressed out that you’re back on the sticks?”

  “it’s a vape, I know yes it’s just as bad, let’s just leave the entire convo there for now yeah?”

  It is obviously about Malachi, as much I want to push her to see if she tells me anything, I know that it is still taboo, and I am ok with that. I think.

  “we can leave it, but can you promise me that if there is anything that you find out that you think I should know will you tell me?”

  She drags again, and I hear her breath out, heavily

  “Sugar tits, I love you more than my own blood, I will tell you anything that you need to know I promise you, right now, there is nothing you need to know ok bubba?”

  “Yes. Love you Lei”

  “Love you more.”

  With the handset held to my chest I stare out my window at London looking her finest. It makes me happy. I am happy. Everything is looking up for me.

  Connor

  Heading back to London is bittersweet. I am looking forward to seeing Rayne, if I didn’t have other things to deal with I would be heading there right now. My head is spinning with the events of the last 24 hours. Work is looking up, everything is going to plan, I should feel on top of the world, but I don’t. Madders is there taunting me. He has sent me a few messages. None of them physically saying anything too sinister, in fact to Joe Bloggs they look like innocent lad messages, a bit of banter, you know. But I know M, I know what lies beneath the surface. They are a warning. I have to meet him tonight. He said in his last message that he was going away for a while, said I was a shit friend as I abandoned him at the airport last time, he then ends with, I will forgive you though if you help me pack for this trip, got a new female in my life and plan on taking on the trip of a lifetime.

  It freaks me out what he is saying, me helping him pack means he wants me to do a drop for him, one last drop and then he is gone. Gone. That’s it. One last job. The devil on my shoulder is telling me to do it, be untied from him forever, be free. But then there is Rayne, my angel, she’s begging me not to be stupid, telling me there is another way. She’s crying as she talks. Banging on my car window shakes me from my thoughts. I don’t remember pulling into my parking lot at home I am so exhausted I am on autopilot.

  My anxiety turns into sheer fear when I notice who is actually trying to get my attention. Madders.

  “Rise and sunshine… we’ve got a conversation to be had! Have at it” I cringe when I hear him say that, it’s one of the few things he always used to say that I latched onto.

  Every time it comes out of my mouth I shudder.

  “What the hell man! I have been on the road for hours” My heart is racing, my senses heighten. I know better than to let him see the fear that he sends through me. I am grateful in that exact moment for the training Aaron has made me do with him. I am aware of everything around me, I don’t think Madders would have me ambushed, that’s not his style but I don’t know him anymore, it’s like trying to read a book without any words.

  “Rest will come later, think about how great you are going to sleep when I am no longer in the back of your mind “He’s standing close to me as he says it, he’s much shorter than me but that doesn’t stop him being a threat. Don’t get me wrong, I could take him out in a heartbeat, but it’s never straight forward with Madders. If I knocked him out, beat him lifeless, he would find another way to get to me. He is conniving, mind as sharp as a knife, that’s what scares me.

  “You’re not going to leave me alone, now are you? Fuck sake man. Let me drop my stuff upstairs and meet you in a bit” I grab my case out the boot, its
then I wish the boot wasn’t remote access, I could do with slamming something. My phone is going off in my pocket, there is no way I am answering it, it might be Rayne and there is no way I am giving this dickhead any ammunition.

  Madders is standing by my driver’s door, thinking hard, like he is trying to work out whether or not to comply,

  He pulls of my car – prat! If he has scratched it, I will be pissed. “alright” he says with a sly smile. “You’ve got 15 minutes, meet me at Habib’s, he was only saying yesterday that he hasn’t seen you in a minute, you should support your friends Connor, you never know when you might need them” He looks me up and down as he stalks off to the main road.

  “FUCK!” I need to punch something. The anger and frustration that consumes me takes me back to being a teenage boy, to the dark hole I have fought to crawl out of. It’s that drug thing again. His going to pull me back in, I can feel it. When I am safely in my house, I throw my bag on the bed and check my phone. Rayne is in amongst my messages –

  Hey…Hope you’re back safely? Guess what? Met my dad today and it was good. Really good. Oh, and I spoke to Leilani too YAY! Give me a call when you can, I need my hattrick of happiness xx

  I strip out of my jeans and shirt, throwing some trackies and a hoodie. If I am going into the Lion’s Den, I need to be prepared. Comfortable, unrestricted. Just in case.

  I put Raynes call on loudspeaker

  The noise when she answers, tells me that she is out somewhere, her voice when she answers tell me she’s had one or two champagnes

  “Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!!! OMG are you back??”

  I fall back on my bed, she always relaxes me.