The Birthday Girl
Page 30
Seb reaches over and holds my hand, lifting it to his mouth and kissing it gently. ‘I love you, Carys.’
‘I know.’ I want to say I love him too but my feelings are weighed down by a blanket of sadness. It is hard to find the love when it is smothered by so much pain. I hope Seb understands.
He trades a resigned smile for an upbeat one. ‘Oh, I had a call from Andrea,’ he says. It seems Seb is now my unofficial PR officer.
‘What did she want?’
‘To say that she was thinking of you and when you’re back, ring her and you can take her out for a coffee. She said she was sure Colin would be driving her fucking nuts by then, especially all the time her leg is in plaster and she’s stuck in the sodding wheelchair. Her words, not mine.’
I give a small laugh. ‘Sounds like Andrea is on form,’ I say. ‘What you see is what you get, that’s for sure.’
‘I also have news on Tris. He’s being charged with perverting the course of justice. They were going to try for accessory to murder but there’s not enough evidence.’
‘Despite everything, I’m pleased. Ruby and her brother, Oliver, are going to need their dad even more right now.’
‘Poor kids. All that to deal with.’
When we arrive at the hotel, Mum is waiting in the foyer with two suitcases. One full of her clothes that she’s brought home from her holiday and the other with my clothes she picked up from the house earlier.
She had gone to see Alfie last night as I hadn’t been able to face it. I can see from her eyes she must have cried a lot in the night. The makeup can’t hide the puffiness of her eyelids or the dark circles underneath.
‘Hello, darling,’ she says, giving me a hug.
‘Hi, Mum.’
‘All set? The parking valet is bringing my car round. Oh, look, how’s that for timing?’
Mum’s silver Mercedes draws up outside the hotel steps and the porter takes the suitcases down to the car.
As Mum supervises the loading of our bags, I turn to Seb and hold him tight. ‘Thank you,’ I say, ‘and I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with all my shit. I wish things hadn’t turned out like this.’
‘Carys, you can’t change what happened. You’re not responsible.’
‘I wish I’d taken what Ruby said about Darren more seriously,’ I say. ‘I should have asked Darren more about why he was leaving Hammerton, but I took it all at face value. If I’d known or even suspected about Leah Hewitt, then maybe when all that came up about Ruby, I would have believed her and none of this would have happened.’
Seb holds my face in his hands and looks into my eyes. ‘You’re not to blame. You mustn’t torture yourself. Zoe is to blame. No one else. Zoe took the conscious decision to get her revenge. It was premeditated. When she found out Darren was dead and couldn’t be brought to justice, she came after you. Listen to me, you have done nothing wrong. Nothing whatsoever.’
I feel a traitor to Seb’s absolute belief and confidence in my innocence. I should have told him the whole truth earlier but I’m too far down the lie to do that now.
Images of Alfie and I struggling in the kayak play out before me. I will never forget the moment when I saw into my son’s soul and saw the tortured monster he’d become. As he swung the paddle down towards me, I knew at that point our lives were on another path. I realised that Ruby was never the ticking time-bomb, she was never the black hole in my night sky – Alfie was. He was the supernova of black holes. He sucked in all love and life around himself and squeezed it so tightly that nothing could possibly survive.
The force of the blow had knocked me out of the kayak. As I had struggled to get in, grasping at the sides, the kayak had tipped violently, sending Alfie flying into the river as well. The current was fast and had caught Alfie, dragging him under and spitting him up a few metres downstream. I had launched myself after him, swimming with the water, gaining ground on him, until finally I had managed to grab hold of his jacket. We were tossed and turned in the river, but eventually we made it through the rapids and out the other side into calmer waters, where exhausted, we had dragged ourselves on to the riverbank.
I don’t know how long I had lain there, coughing and spluttering as I got my breath back. It was not long after that I’d got the text message which I wrongly assumed was from Tris.
It’s academic now.
‘You’d better go. Your mum’s calling you.’ Seb’s voice brings me from my trance.
I give him one final hug and kiss goodbye.
Sitting in the passenger seat next to Mum, I take a long and lasting look at Seb. He’s a good man. He doesn’t deserve to be saddled with someone like me. If I can do one good thing with the rest of my life then it will be to let Seb go.
I can’t stop the tears that fall as we drive away from the hotel. I don’t know how I’m going to manage without him. If I was selfish, I wouldn’t be letting this happen, but Seb deserves so much more than a liar like me.
It wasn’t supposed to end like this. You weren’t supposed to walk away with just a few cuts and bruises and a sprained wrist. You were supposed to pay dearly for what you have done, for the pain and suffering you have inflicted upon me. You were supposed to drown in that river but you couldn’t even do that for me, could you?
But, then again, maybe it’s turned out for the best after all. I mean, I may spend the rest of my wretched life confined to this building, this room even, but to be honest, I don’t give a shit. Not any more. Maybe my revenge is knowing you will spend eternity in abject misery and suffocated by guilt.
Even if you can’t bring yourself to visit me, because you cannot bear the pain seeing me brings you, I am satisfied that you are suffering every day of your life knowing you did this to me. You put me here.
I didn’t see the rock in your hand, I was too busy enjoying the look of disbelief and horror on your face as I very slowly began squeezing your neck with my bare hands when we had finally dragged ourselves out of the water. I should have been more vigilant. I should have known you wouldn’t go that easily. I underestimated you. I didn’t think you had it in you to harm your own flesh and blood. It was a wrong call on my part.
And now here I am, trapped in this useless body of mine, with no means of communication. No one will ever know the truth but they don’t have to. Your ever-lasting remorse and anguish is my sweet revenge.
Acknowledgements
Without the eternal patience and support of all my family at home, I’m not sure I would have ever finished writing this book. Thank you, gang!
As always, both my agent and Commissioning Editor have been super supportive and I’m more than grateful for this.
Huge gratitude also to my two editors, Emily and Anne, who have worked so hard with me on this book. Their feedback has been invaluable, challenging and rewarding.
About the Author
Sue Fortin is a USA Today and #1 Kindle bestselling author.
Sue was born in Hertfordshire but had a nomadic childhood, moving often with her family, before eventually settling in West Sussex. She is married with four children, all of whom patiently give her the time to write but, when not behind the keyboard, she likes to spend time with them, enjoying both the coast and the South Downs between which the family is nestled.
Sue is a member of the Crime Writers’ Association.
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Also by Sue Fortin
SISTER SISTER
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