Shades of Atlantis

by Carol Oates

  The few lights still lit on the deck caught his features. His dark hair and his impossibly long eye lashes against the gold of his skin made my stomach do somersaults. I attempted in vain to compose myself and steady my breathing.

  “Caleb, are you okay?” I asked meekly, not knowing exactly what I would to say if he answered no. I watched as his lips started to turn up at the side. His eyes opened, and his expression became warm.

  “I’m really not sure.”

  Confounded, I waited, but he said nothing. Was he waiting for me to speak? He had asked me out here, so I held back and instead studied his profile. Caleb’s angular jaw was tense, his straight nose curved in above full dark pink lips. My breath caught and came out as a muted gasp. He turned sideways toward me and dropped one hand by his side so we were once again mirroring each other. He blinked, caught off guard by the way we seemed to unconsciously reflect each other’s stance. A beam of moonlight flashed in his eyes, making them sparkle, and I looked away, the warmth spreading through my cheeks despite the cold night air.

  “I wanted to talk to you about last night,” he said softly. I could feel his gaze on me, but I refused to meet his eyes.

  “I’m sorry,” I muttered. “I didn’t mean to embarrass you or myself.” I peeked up for less than a second. Why wasn’t I capable of keeping my eyes off him for long?

  His face was glorious with concern. “No, I’m sorry,” he insisted. “I’m the one who embarrassed myself. I just wasn’t prepared…” His voice trailed off apologetically.

  I felt some relief that he apparently wasn’t intending to fire me for my outlandish behavior and lifted my eyes only to be bowled over by the full depth of his gaze. Again, I froze. Caleb’s eyes narrowed as he intently examined my stupefied features. Whatever it was he was searching for, he seemed to find it, and the straight line of his lips softened into an easy grin. The butterflies went wild, and I felt as if I must be glowing. I couldn’t help returning his smile.

  “That’s better. Smiling suits you.” His voice warmed my insides.

  “I—I better get home,” I stammered, pushing back from the rail.

  “Of course.” It thrilled me to see his eyes betraying his disappointment. “Are you working tomorrow?” he blurted out.

  My breathing staggered, and I had to avoid his eyes to keep my lungs going. He was trying to prolong the conversation.

  “No. Wednesday night,” I replied. Just breathe and walk, I thought to myself while still moving toward the door.

  “Goodnight, Triona,” he called after me.

  I was already at the door and able to breathe easily again.

  “Goodnight, Caleb,” I called back. I realized I was already looking forward to Wednesday.

  ***

  I woke up the next morning smiling to myself before snuggling back into the quilt, thinking about last night, thinking about Caleb’s eyes and the way they creased at the edges when he smiled and the way they lit up when he looked at me.

  “Yummy,” I said out loud.

  I showered and changed before going downstairs to the kitchen where Lewis, Carmel, and Ben were having breakfast. The kitchen was bright and airy with handmade, contemporary wooden cabinets that Lewis and Ben had built together and an oblong stripped pine table in the center. The terracotta floor tiles brought warmth into the room. I reached into the refrigerator and pulled out a small bottle of orange juice.

  “How was work, babes?” Lewis asked conversationally.

  “Fine,” I sighed happily, still grinning.

  He chewed slowly on a pancake he was eating and raised an eyebrow, shooting Carmel and Ben quizzical glances.

  “You want me to get you some breakfast, honey?” Carmel offered brightly.

  “No, thanks.” I spun around to the cabinet behind me, grabbed a granola bar, and turned back.

  “Do you know anything about this?” Carmel laughed, smiling questioningly at Ben.

  Ben shoveled a forkful of pancakes into his mouth, dripping syrup on his chin. “New boss,” he spluttered.

  Carmel handed him a paper napkin from a stack on the table before running her fingers through her highlighted blond hair. She looked over to Lewis, and her brow creased over her soft gray eyes. Carmel was an inch or two shorter than me, slim, and attractive. She worked in a bank in town and took time with her appearance, always looking groomed and effortlessly, timelessly elegant.

  Lewis, however, was a big man and would be intimidating if it weren’t for the huge, gentle smile constantly on his face. Like Ben, he was protective of me and loved to tease, getting a wicked glint in his eye when he did. Carmel struggled with his attachment to checkered shirts and steel-toed boots, and he grumbled endlessly whenever Carmel tried to get him into a shirt and tie for any occasion. But then he always wrapped her small frame in a bear hug and picked her up from the ground before he eventually gave in and plodded off to change. Both she and Lewis were in their mid-forties. Lewis was our father’s only brother, and he and Carmel never had children of their own, until Ben and I came to live with them when our parents died almost twelve years ago.

  “Isn’t he a bit old?” she inquired.

  Lewis flashed me an unconcerned smile and winked. “You know our girl doesn’t have the time of day for any young suitors.”

  “Not what I hear,” Ben muttered under his breath, grinning teasingly. Both Lewis and Carmel looked in his direction, surprised. I walked behind his seat, hitting him playfully on the back of his head as I passed.

  “What would you know?”

  Ben smiled cheekily and stuck his tongue out at me.

  “Gross.” I made a disgusted face at the half-masticated pancake still attached to his tongue.

  Carmel rolled her eyes.

  “He’s twenty-one, as a matter of fact,” I declared trying to appear disinterested in the conversation. “And there’s nothing going on between Caleb Wallace and me.” Despite my efforts, a smile was creeping across my face at the sound of his name.

  “Hmm,” Carmel mumbled with tight eyes, not convinced.

  “I’m going to Amanda’s. I’ll be back for dinner.”

  “Six,” Carmel reminded me.

  Lewis was already back to shuffling the Sunday paper. I headed to the door and grabbed my parka from the end of the stairs.

  The air outside was sharp and clean. I pulled my jacket on as I walked past Lewis’s blue pickup in the driveway. Looking down the street, I saw the dead leaves shed from the trees and bushes in the gardens being blown around by the light wind. One of the things I would miss most about Camden, after my family and friends, was the colors. I could never get used to them. Every color that existed, existed in Maine. In the fall, the colors of the leaves varied from green to russet, copper, gold, dark red, and burgundy to name but a very few. They would soon give way to the white of winter, the flashing lights of Christmas mixed with dark green Christmas trees, and the blinding blue light of the winter sky on a clear day. On darker days there were gray and sometimes even black clouds. In the spring, the trees, parks, and mountain shrubs began to grow again. The gardens would be full of budding flower beds, and then summer had the hanging baskets of Main Street, the gardens full of blooms, and the pale brown of the trails on the mountains. Of course, all year we had the deep blue of the ocean, and every day we had sunrise and sunset in shades of red, orange, pink, blue, and white. I loved the colors. Sometimes I even dreamed of them, waking up restless but exhausted with colors still swirling around in my head.

  Jen was already in Amanda’s room when I got there, sitting on the carpeted floor. Amanda’s bed was unmade behind them, and lots of different colored swatches of fabric hung off the rail at the end. There were pictures, diagrams, and room plans propped up all around the room, and a paint chart, scraps of paper, and yet more swatches of fabric covered her desk. I grabbed a pillow from the bed and sat down with them. Placing the pillow across my lap, I played distractedly with the corner. They were both wide-eyed and grinning silently at m
e.

  “Well?” Jen exclaimed excitedly. “Are you going to tell us, or are we going to have to torture you?” She looked like she was ready to carry out that threat. “The garbled text you sent us wasn’t very clear—except for all the ‘yummy’s.”

  “Yeah…we got that part,” Amanda added.

  I couldn’t think which part to tell first—the looks, what happened on the deck, or Caleb’s face when I was leaving. I quietly picked at an imaginary thread on the pillow while I deliberated. Amanda leaned in under my downturned face, scrutinized my expression, and sat back looking flabbergasted.

  “Are you serious?” Her forehead wrinkled skeptically. “I’ve never seen you like this—you’re blushing.”

  My cheeks flushed even deeper, and I looked up at them, unable to keep the smile from my face. “I don’t know how to explain it…” I looked down again. The things I felt around Caleb were so strong, the emotions so intense, it embarrassed me to admit them even to my best friends. “He barely even spoke to me last night, but this morning I woke up feeling amazing. He takes my breath away,” I finished, feeling my face on fire.

  “Jeez, Triona, you’re glowing!” Jen exclaimed, sounding breathless with excitement.

  I started pulling at the corner of the pillow again, and when I glanced up, Amanda was shaking her head side to side slowly.

  “That’s one for the books. Everyone’s been saying they’re very handsome—but I hadn’t heard that one.” She paused and tilted her head the way she always did when considering something. Then she straightened up again, her eyes narrowing, making a line between her eyebrows. “What happened? Exactly,” she asked, speaking each word slowly and deliberately.

  I inhaled deeply, giddy just thinking about it. “He apologized for my behavior.” I chuckled at how ridiculous it sounded now, Caleb thinking it was his behavior that was inappropriate.

  “And?” they shouted in unison, leaning toward me with their hands on their knees, the curiosity plainly evident in their expressions. I paused for just a moment longer, letting them stew for a little; their faces were too amusing not to. When the usually placid Amanda looked like she was ready to hold me down while Jen did the torturing, I finally put them out of their misery.

  “It really is hard to explain…but it’s like we move together, you know?”

  Judging from the blank stares I was faced with, they clearly didn’t.

  “Okay,” I started, trying to put it another way. “He moves, I move, and vice versa. Like we’re so hyper-aware of each other that we’re connected. I don’t know…I just react different, physically, when he’s around and…I think he’s doing the same thing.”

  Still, their faces were blank, and then Amanda’s head tilted again. I spoke slower this time. “I think he likes me. He said smiling suits me.”

  They both eased back, having almost stood over me to get an answer. “Aww…so romantic,” they both sighed with scrunched up faces, looking at me and then each other before erupting into giggles. I didn’t think “aww” quite covered it.

  ***

  The rest of the weekend was over in a flash, but the first half of the week dragged by excruciatingly slowly. Each class seemed to take forever. I concentrated on my homework for hours each evening, much longer than necessary to distract myself. It delighted Carmel and Lewis to see me tackle the dreaded college essays and forms at last. Anything to keep busy, but it was still a waste of time. Every now and then I blushed just imagining Caleb standing in the moonlight on the deck, remembering his deep voice. As much as I tried not to think about it, Wednesday couldn’t come soon enough.

  I pulled up to the restaurant and parked beside Caleb’s Porsche. Inside, I passed Jen sitting on the couch, flipping the pages of a fashion magazine. Jonathan drove her this evening. I grinned sheepishly at her, and immediately she dropped the magazine beside her.

  “Triona—” she started.

  “Just one second.” I cut her off and headed to the mirror in the ladies room. One final check. The butterflies twisted in my stomach. I took extra care to fix my hair tonight, and although I didn’t normally wear much makeup, tonight I carefully applied dark mascara to make the green in my eyes even more defined.

  “Ready?” I asked Jen excitedly, heading back past her. My heart rate increased with each step. She stood up to follow me.

  “Hey, Triona, I need to tell you…”

  Just then the door opened. It was Joshua.

  “Hi.” I was sure the disappointment that was already threatening was clear on my face.

  “It’s been busy all day,” he told us. “We expect a big crowd tonight, so you should both just dive right in.”

  I looked to Jen, her eyes were cast downward and she was frowning. “I tried to tell you.”

  My stomach knotted. Of course she was trying to tell me something, but I didn’t listen. I suspected I knew what it was she was trying to say. Joshua held the door for us.

  “Isn’t that Caleb’s car outside? Is he working tonight too?” I tried to keep my voice breezy, but the disappointment was building, about to overflow into tears, and I noticed Joshua’s smell for the first time. Similar to Caleb’s, not as strong, but it made my heart thud.

  “Yeah, nice isn’t it? I borrowed it, since my jeep is in the shop. Caleb’s in New York for a few days,” he replied casually, oblivious to my strained expression.

  “Oh,” I murmured weakly, walking past.

  “Sorry,” Jen muttered.

  Chapter 3

  Excuses

  The next five weeks passed far too slowly. Caleb returned after a week, and I decided in my humiliation that graduation couldn’t come quickly enough. It was bad enough that my friends knew I had entertained the notion that Caleb Wallace was remotely interested in me, but my aunt and uncle knew, too. Caleb’s brother, who also happened to be my boss, also knew, and I was sure it was blatantly obvious to Caleb. The only other time we worked together, we again spent the whole evening at opposite ends of the dining room—that was, when he found himself in the dining room at all. I presumed this was his way of politely keeping an already uncomfortable situation from becoming completely unbearable. For me it was basic survival instinct; I still found it hard to breathe when Caleb was near me. I thought about getting another job, but the money there was good, and I needed it for London. At least that was my justification. It may have had a little more to do with the hope that I would run into Caleb than I wanted to admit to myself. The winter formal was fast approaching and I reluctantly agreed to go with Chris, but that was the extent of my preparation for it.

  The Wednesday of the week before the formal, I was in the locker room of the restaurant straightening myself up before starting my shift. The weather was warmer than usual for the time of year but still cold, and I’d gotten blown about a bit between my car and the staff entrance.

  “Hi, Triona. Can I have a quick word?”

  I turned to see Seth standing at the table, but I hadn’t heard him come in. He was looking at a sheet of paper in his hand, the staff work rotation.

  “Sure,” I replied casually, closing the door of my locker.

  Seth was as tall as Caleb and also had dark hair and dazzling blue eyes, although Seth’s had a sparkle of green to them, making them change color depending on the light. Today they were green. He thoughtfully tapped a pen against his straight bottom lip, his mouth slightly open. He was paler than Caleb and Joshua, too, but like them he always seemed to have a glow about him, like he radiated a warm light from within.

  “Is there any chance you were considering not going to the winter formal at your school?” he asked doubtfully. Even his voice was suave; Seth exuded charm.

  “I am going, actually,” I admitted, almost embarrassed. I found myself blushing at the prospect of a whole evening with Chris trying to paw at me.

  “Oh, right.” He frowned. His eyes flickered at me, sparkling. “Any chance you’ll change your mind?”

  Seth’s voice was oddly potent, as if t
here was something underlying it. I’d seen him do this to Jen when he wanted her to change shifts and to some of the customers. It was almost like he was sending them subliminal messages. I didn’t get it, and it seemed to frustrate him when I didn’t instantly agree.

  “I can’t, really.” However appealing the idea of standing Chris up was, Amanda would probably lose it if I backed out now.

  “Hmm.” Seth pouted as he eyed the schedule again, rubbing his thumb and forefinger down the razor sharp line of his jaw toward his squared chin. “That leaves Caleb with absolutely no servers on that night.” He glanced at me again persuasively. “Are you sure?”

  Caleb was working. I flew through the list of likely outcomes for the night of the dance in my head. There was the possibility of being mauled by Chris, since I knew he would try. I shuddered. Seth’s eyes tightened as he watched me. Either Ben or I would end up in trouble for inevitably kicking Chris’s ass. I could cancel on Chris and stay home. Amanda would kill me, but this close to the dance it was looking much more appealing than outcome number one. The third outcome was even more appealing—namely, that I could work, telling Amanda it was that or lose the job and money that I so badly needed. I could spend the evening working with Caleb. He’d have to stay out in the dining room if we were short-staffed. I could be near him… I’m pathetic. Would I really go to those extremes just to spend an evening in the same room as the guy?

  “Okay then,” I whined slowly. “You’ve convinced me. I’m not about to let you down when everyone else already has.” I faked my best resigned expression and sighed, trying not to smile.

  “Great,” he exclaimed putting his arm around my shoulder triumphantly. “I knew I could count on you.”