Shades of Atlantis

by Carol Oates

  “How about you get me a beer to start?” By his bloodshot eyes, I guessed he had had enough already.

  “You’re under twenty-one.”

  “But the customer is always right,” he argued, flashing a smile that would probably have floored a lot of the girls in school but was wasted on me.

  I glared at him, disgruntled by his presence here, as if I wasn’t aggravated enough tonight. I’d missed out on a night out with my friends to work with Caleb, who’d ignored me all evening and left me sulking in the dining room alone. Now that I had to deal with being alone in the dining room with Chris, it occurred to me how much better being by myself was.

  “Okay, okay. I’ll have a steak—rare.”

  Okay, okay. I’ll have a steak rare.

  Any side?

  You pick, he suggested, grinning again.

  Okay, I said in a singsong voice, jotting his order onto my notepad and heading back to the counter.

  I don’t understand it.

  I jumped and spun around, dropping the notepad. Chris had moved next to me, his breath on my face reeking of beer and pot, and as soon as I turned, he pushed me back against the counter. I leaned my upper body as far back as I could and steadied my two hands on the edge. My heart didn’t seem to want to calm down. I sensed danger in the way Chris stood over me, not touching me but nevertheless blocking me from moving away. My arms tensed and my grip on the ledge of the counter intensified.

  Damn, Chris, I shouted, hoping Stephen was still listening. What are you trying to pull?

  His eyes roamed over my face. Why would you stand me up to come to work? he slurred. His bloodshot eyes lingered on my lips.

  I didn’t stand you up, I cancelled. Any louder and the snow on the tops of the trees outside would shake loose. He moved his head a little more forward, and I automatically attempted to move further back, but there wasn’t anywhere for me to go. I could scream, but I wasn’t sure the situation called for hysterics just yet. My knees locked in position when the material of his pants brushed one of them.

  Whatever. You know what the rumor is? He squinted at me.

  Enlighten me, I grumbled sarcastically, trying my best not to sound intimidated. I suspected that was just what he wanted.

  That you have a thing for your boss.

  I laughed nervously.

  And that you bailed on me to see him.

  My heart gave a start when Chris swayed a bit, and I thought for a fraction of a second he was about to kiss me. He grabbed my arm roughly to correct himself, making the flimsy material of the seam on my shoulder split, leaving a gaping hole.

  That’s c-crazy, I stammered. What’s the big deal? It was just a date, and I really don’t know why you even asked. My voice broke at the end.

  He stepped back a couple of inches, and a dubious expression crossed his face as he looked me up and down. I fumbled blindly behind me for the metal tray I knew was on the counter. My trembling hand found it and flipped it from the counter so it clattered to the floor, hoping it was enough to get Stephen’s attention. Chris’s eyes flashed to the floor and then back to my widened eyes. Suddenly his face became more serious, knowing we were about to be disturbed.

  He’s off the market anyway, he spat. You’re making a fool of yourself. I scowled at him. Takes one to know one, I thought. Chris moved nearer, and I felt the palm of his hand push against my hip. His stale breath blew in my face. I grimaced, closing my eyes and turning my head sideways, searching for some air not contaminated by him. His hand came up to my cheek, trying to turn my face back to him. I resisted, keeping my eyes shut tightly.

  My heart pounded in my ears. Chris applied more pressure, his fingertips roughly pressing into the flesh on my cheek. The kitchen door swung open so hard it banged off the wall. At last! I was beginning to wonder if Stephen had left the building. But just as quickly, without opening my eyes, I sensed him.

  Get your hands off her! Caleb roared furiously. Chris was pulled backward away from me, and I opened my eyes to see Caleb pressing Chris against the wall, his forearm locked across Chris’s chest. Chris glared at him defiantly. Caleb returned his stare, his expression livid. My lungs were working overtime; I couldn’t seem to take a full breath. Stephen had stopped at the kitchen door, his shoulders rigid with shock.

  Are you hurt? Caleb asked starkly, obviously trying to keep his voice controlled and failing miserably. I knew he was talking to me even though his eyes remained unblinking on Chris’s face.

  No, I’m fine, I croaked, patting myself down with the palms of my hands as if confirming my reply.

  Caleb’s eyes darted to me. His face was full of boiling rage, his chest heaving, but his eyes were desperately seeking another guarantee.

  I’m okay — really, I assured him, trying to smile and appear calm. Let him go; he’s just drunk.

  Stephen continued to watch the scene with wide eyes. Caleb glowered at Chris, who seemed to have trouble focusing. A low rumbling sound was coming from Caleb, a vibration in his throat. His free hand was now open wide and held back, his eyes focused on Chris. Then his hand abruptly dropped limply by his side, and in one smooth movement, Caleb dragged Chris by the front of his shirt and sat him forcefully onto a nearby chair.

  Chris slumped backward with his legs splayed in front of him.

  Caleb left Chris there and rushed to my side, surprising me by how swiftly he moved. Wrapping one hand around my waist, he brushed the other across my forehead and down my reddened cheek, over the rip at my shoulder and down my arm as far as my elbow before returning his hand to my face with his palm curved against my skin. Shivers ran through my entire body. My heart, still pounding furiously, threatened to go AWOL.

  Staring into Caleb’s eyes reminded me of staring at the flames of Bunsen burners in school, fiery and dancing with blue light. His jaw clenched.

  Are you sure? His voice was dark and full of anguish. I was momentarily dumbstruck by his body so close to mine and realized I had my arm around his waist too, my hand resting at his lower back. Only when his stormy eyes narrowed at my lack of response did I manage to whisper.

  Yes.

  Chris stirred in his chair. Do you know who I am? he demanded venomously.

  Yes, you’re Chris Baxter. Caleb’s eyes didn’t stray from my face. The movement of his lips mesmerized me as he spoke, each word sending his warm breath over my face.

  I know you, and I know your father, Caleb continued, his tone calm and yet still frightening with choler.

  When I tell him what you just did Chris began.

  Good idea, Caleb cut in darkly, his eyes flickering to my shoulder. Let’s call him and tell him exactly what went on here tonight. His expression was bleak, guilty almost, and I could tell that he was blaming himself for a situation I created. My fingers flinched at his back in shame. Caleb caught his breath before continuing.

  While we’re at it, Caleb continued inexorably, we should let your school know. I’m sure it would interest your soccer coach to know about the alcohol and drugs you’ve been consuming. How did he know so much about Chris? I was unable to move my eyes from Caleb’s face, so I couldn’t see Chris’s reaction, but I heard him groan, heading toward a surrender. Caleb’s hand slid from my face and back down to my shoulder, leaving my skin tingling. He pulled gently at the rip to check the extent of the damage. Without another word, he took my hand to leave. Of course, embarrassingly, I couldn’t.

  A look of horror crossed his face. What’s wrong? How could I tell him the proximity of his body was making my limbs freeze? My face blushed deep scarlet, and I gulped, unable to get the words out. Caleb instantly began checking me for injuries, each touch making my knees weaker.

  I’m not hurt; it’s not him, I murmured, surprising myself with my honesty.

  It only took a fraction of a second for Caleb to understand. The horror slipped from his face, replaced by a short, startling smile. This didn’t help; now my heart started to miss beats completely, but he seemed pleased by my reaction ve
ry pleased. He gave me a minute to get myself together, then his brow creased in questioning.

  Ready now? The tone in his voice was surprisingly patient and tender.

  I wasn’t thinking clearly. I must be reading him wrong it wasn’t as if it would be the first time. I forced a smile and tried my hardest to make my legs cooperate in moving one foot in front of the other.

  Stephen, can you get him some coffee to sober him up please? I tore my eyes away from Caleb; it made it easier to walk. Stephen was still rooted to the same spot, looking utterly stunned. He nodded wordlessly. Caleb had built a reputation during his short time here of keeping to himself, being quiet and charming. Tonight he had exposed an unexpectedly ferocious temper.

  Chris scowled as Caleb and I walked past, side by side, each with an arm around the other’s waist. He probably believed he had confirmation of why I canceled on him.

  Sorry, Stephen, I whispered.

  Not your fault, he said kindly, his eyes falling on Chris in disgust. Obviously he blamed Chris, even though none of this would have happened if I wasn’t such a wimp, first agreeing to go to the dance with him when I really didn’t like the guy and then letting him down not so easily at the last minute.

  Caleb brought me to the office and then released me to go to a cupboard behind the glass desk facing the door. The office was darker than the dining room. Through the sloped skylight overhead, I could see that the sky had cleared and the stars were out. I noticed a large set of wireless headphones

  on the floor beside the black leather couch at the side wall. They appeared to be discarded in a rush; a low hum of music still reverberated around the room. Caleb must have been listening to music at a very high volume.

  He came back around the desk, flicking the power button on a sound system hung on the wall, and offered me a gray sweatshirt.

  You can put this on. His eyes flickered to the tear and back to my face.

  That shirt can go out with the trash.

  I took the sweatshirt; it was soft and probably expensive. That’s not necessary, really. I’m sure it can be

  Indulge me, please. I would rather not have a visual reminder of what just happened. He was smiling, but I got the distinct impression it wasn’t a request.

  Okay. I gave in easily.

  I’ll just be a couple of minutes, he promised, going out the door.

  I took off the shirt and put on the hooded sweatshirt Caleb had given me.

  It was far too big, but it felt like velvet against my skin. I went over to the couch to sit down and wait for him to come back, almost sinking straight back into it. My legs flew into the air like some contrived comedy sketch. I suddenly felt constricted and uncomfortable in my black work skirt. I knew there was a pair of jeans in my locker for weather emergencies. Would I have time to change before Caleb came back? I shifted uncomfortably on the couch and decided jeans would feel much better. I went through the kitchen into the locker room to retrieve them, taking out the old sneakers that were there too. I also had a sweater I could change into but decided Caleb’s sweatshirt was staying right where it was.

  I changed in the restroom and came out to meet Caleb’s concerned face.

  There you are. Doesn’t stay here mean anything to you? he teased. I flushed, not used to this new relaxed Caleb.

  Well? I asked, not sure what I was asking about, but I thought well probably covered everything.

  He appeared to understand. I couldn’t tell what was going on with him; his face was lit up in a way I hadn’t seen before. The barrier that had been between us had all but vanished. My stomach flipped as I made an effort to keep breathing, although it was so much easier to relax when Caleb relaxed.

  I’m going to take you home.

  My car, I can’t leave it here, I cut in. My voice was a little high and excited, and I coughed to cover it.

  Caleb continued as if he hadn’t heard me. Stephen is going to pump coffee into Chris, then lock up and take him home. He’s much more agreeable. His eyebrow rose as if he’d just informed a subordinate of some diabolical plan.

  My car?

  It will be fine here. You are my responsibility.

  I can take responsibility for myself, thanks all the same, I countered a bit too strongly, leaving him looking hurt.

  It took me a minute to figure out that Caleb wanted to be alone with me a bit longer. This was big, a total turnaround from what I had become used to over the last weeks.

  Okay, then. Again I gave in easily, wondering why, if Caleb was so in love with his girlfriend, he would look so pleased that I agreed to go with him. I pursed my lips and eyed him skeptically. He smiled again, giving me the most delicious chill.

  Wait right here, he instructed, this time lifting his hands with his palms toward me and backing out slowly, emphasizing the point as if he was talking to a naughty child. I scowled, and in the half minute before he returned, got my parka from my locker and put it on. Caleb came back in, looking pleased to see me where he left me, and took me by the arm, holding his hand under my elbow.

  The fresh white powder crunched under my feet in the parking lot. I had noticed earlier that instead of Caleb’s Porsche there was a black jeep in his space. He held the door open for me.

  The Porsche’s been retired for the winter, he told me, guessing what I was thinking and gently kicking some snow at his feet. His lips pulled back in a half smile. Not exactly the weather for it. This is much more sensible, don’t you think?

  I suspected it was a rhetorical question, so I just shrugged and climbed into the cab. He closed the door and got in the other side, flashing me another beaming smile and making my heartbeat quicken before the engine roared to life.

  I’m sorry about that.

  You have nothing to be sorry about, he assured me. His voice filled the cab, and the strangely beautiful scent he seemed to emit was much stronger, concentrated in the small space.

  Well, really I do, I admitted, shyly rubbing my palm along my thigh.

  I cancelled on Chris at short notice for tonight, and he wasn’t very pleased.

  Caleb’s eyes flickered to my leg. I stopped instantly.

  Well, his fingers flexed on the rim of the steering wheel, I’m glad you did. I dread to think what he would have tried if you had gone with him. It pleased me to see his genuine concern. He didn’t like the idea of Chris near me. I turned my head so he wouldn’t catch me smiling.

  So why did you agree to go with him?

  I continued to look out the window, not watching anything in particular, but I could hear the confusion in his voice. No one else asked.

  What? Caleb scoffed, making me turn back to him. No one else asked? Again it was rhetorical. He was shaking his head and grinning like I’d just said something extremely funny. I sat quietly just trying to concentrate on breathing, until I noticed we were on Route One.

  This isn’t the way to my house. I couldn’t believe I didn’t notice it earlier, but we were going the wrong way.

  I know. I thought since it was early you might like to go somewhere with me.

  This was very strange. It couldn’t be about Chris, could it? I was more surprised to see where we were headed. Driving up Mount Battie in the snow at night probably wasn’t a good idea.

  I don’t think we should be going up there, I started to warn him.

  It’s fine, trust me, Caleb interrupted and then winked at me. I almost lost consciousness I stopped breathing for so long, then gasped, sucking in the fragrant air around me.

  Are you okay? he asked, glancing at me as we made our way up the curving road with tall snow-covered trees on either side of us.

  Yes, I sighed, hesitant to admit I found it hard to breathe so close to him. Just delayed shock maybe. I instantly wished I hadn’t volunteered that when his anxious sapphire eyes darted to my face. I’m kidding. I’m okay, really, I promised.

  Not very amusing, Caleb grumbled bleakly.

  So why here? I asked in an attempt to change the subject and lighten t
he mood.

  Caleb sighed, thinking deeply about something, and then grinned to himself. I like it up here. He paused. I’ve been coming up here to think.

  Think about what? It might have been a personal question, but I was curious. Caleb glanced at me again with a wistful expression but didn’t answer, so maybe it was too personal.

  When we came to the lookout opening at the summit, Caleb stopped near the war memorial, a round stone tower decorated like a giant star for the holidays. He kept the engine and the CD player running but dipped the headlights. Far below us, the lights of the houses and businesses in the town and around the harbor flickered, competing with the stars in the clear sky. The beams of the full moon outlined Curtis Island in the bay, and white snow coated everything else. It was magical.

  You can see my house from here, I said.

  Yes. His lips started into the beginnings of a knowing smile, and he angled himself in his seat toward me, watching me take in the picturesque scene with a fascinated expression.

  What? he asked when I turned to him with narrowed eyes.

  What are you thinking when you look at me like that? I don’t understand.

  I was wondering what is so special.

  Gee, thanks, I grumbled wryly and felt a strange painful twinge in my heart.

  Caleb sensed my mood right away. I don’t mean I’m trying to find something special, he corrected himself with a warmer tone to his voice.

  I mean — he trailed off.

  His eyes held me. I’d never seen anything quite like them, other than Joshua’s and Seth’s, of course. The color was like glass over flowing silk. A sliver of another memory tried to break through, something from the distant past.

  What? I demanded when moments later he still hadn’t finished his explanation. His eyes widened for a moment as if he couldn’t remember what he was saying and then relaxed again.

  There’s something about you, about the way you look and move — He had an expression of deep contemplation. Everything is so — I can’t put my finger on it. I can’t work it out. He smiled briefly and turned forward, closing his eyes and curling his fingers around the rim of the steering wheel so tightly the skin over his knuckled stretched white. His long eyelashes fluttered against his golden skin before he opened his eyes again. So, the rumor is I’m off the market? He laughed lightly, an obvious attempt to turn the conversation again. He had good hearing.