by Carol Oates
I’d almost forgotten how much I enjoy skating.
She smiled brightly, pleased with herself. We’re going tobogganing, and then we’re going to grab something to eat, then maybe tubing if the weather holds.
By the way she said we, I suspected her plans included me.
I’m not really up for it today.
Her smile slipped. You promised.
No, I didn’t, I protested. I promised I’d come, which I did. I even skied.
Please, she pleaded. She crumpled up her face and pressed her palms together as if in prayer.
That’s not fair, Amanda, I whined. I really, really don’t want to. You’ve got Ben, and Jonathan and Jen are here too, as well as everyone else from school. You won’t even miss me.
Would I ask if I didn t? she grumbled. You don’t seem to understand.
You’re like the sister I always wanted.
I narrowed my eyes at her. You have two sisters!
Yes, she agreed, smiling innocently. But you’re like the one I always wanted.
I’m not going, I told her firmly.
Amanda stamped her foot like an unruly child and pouted. I had to put my hand to my mouth to stifle a laugh.
I’ll see you later, I snickered as she stalked off.
I was probably being a bit stubborn. Amanda was big into avoidance and distraction when it came to her friends problems, and I knew that was what she was trying to do for me, but I didn’t need distracting. I hadn’t thought of what s-his-name in ten whole minutes a record so far so I was doing fairly well on my own.
I propelled myself forward and completed another full circle. I had just slowed to a gliding pace when I felt a familiar weight pressing on my lungs.
Hi.
I spun around, my toe pick catching in the ice and almost bringing me crashing down but for the hands that caught me. I locked my fingers around Caleb’s arms. Even with the unexplained brief warning I always got when he was near me, he still managed to catch me off guard.
Caleb. My voice caught, a strange combination of joy and shock.
What are you doing here?
He was helping me to stand, but I was still having some balance issues, not something that normally happened to me on the ice. My heart was beating furiously, and I tried desperately to control it. It wasn’t fair he could show up after two weeks of silence and my body reacted to him without my brain’s permission.
Eh, skating, he laughed, standing me up and circling backward in place as a demonstration.
I scowled. I meant in Camden?
I live here. He spoke slowly like I was suffering from a blow to my head instead of my ego.
Why aren’t you in New York with your A small boy of nine or ten rushed past behind me at lightning speed, sending me flying into Caleb’s chest. The force of the blow knocked me breathless. He held me in his arms for a moment, and I thought he wasn’t going to let me go. No, no, no, I wasn’t going to start thinking like that again.
I pushed away from him with both hands, refusing to look into his shimmering blue eyes, and skated away without another word. I knew he would follow, and I knew there were several pairs of eyes belonging to people from school watching our exchange. Caleb and his relationship status was still hot gossip for a lot of women in town, and our exchange was making me part of the gossip by association.
I think I probably owe you an apology, he sighed guiltily.
Caleb glided expertly, keeping pace with me and looking perfectly at home on the ice. I glanced at him, disgruntled. Unfortunately, he looked really great, wearing a dark blue jacket over a black turtleneck and jeans.
His gloves and skates were black too, coordinated and casual. Casual looked good on Caleb.
Stop it! I told myself.
I didn’t intend to be away for so long, but it was necessary, I assure you. I stopped abruptly, and the speed of his reaction surprised me. He stopped at the exact same time. You think I’m annoyed because you were gone so long? I demanded.
You’re not? His eyebrows knitted together in confusion.
I darted forward to leave the ice. Caleb skated beside me. I don’t know who I’m most annoyed at, I told him, you or me. My tone was harsh, but if I didn’t stay angry, the other feelings might come rushing back.
Caleb stalled behind me, but I didn’t stop. Triona, he called out. Wait. I sighed and turned, knowing I would eventually give in anyway. Of course, as soon as my anger was allowed to slip and I looked into his eyes, my stomach gave a jolt and my knees turned to jelly, not good when you’re balancing on two blades on top of a frozen expanse of water. My right blade caught awkwardly underneath my left, and I toppled over. A burning pain shot through my right ankle, and I landed heavily on my backside.
No one even blinked at me sitting on the ice; falling was par for the course when skating. But Caleb laughed, pressing his hand over his mouth to muffle the sound. It wasn’t working. I could clearly hear his joviality at my embarrassment. My cheeks, reddened already, began to flame in frustration at myself for letting him affect me. I pushed my hands onto the ice and attempted to stand. The burning flashed through my ankle again making me yelp. Almost instantly Caleb was there, helping me to stand yet again.
What have you done to yourself? His laughter stopped. Now he actually looked angry with me. Are you that eager to get away from me?
It’s nothing, I insisted, putting my damaged limb back onto the ground.
Ow! I recognized the pain of a broken bone, but I wasn’t about to admit that to Caleb.
He put his arm around my waist and supported my weight as he guided me off the ice.
I think you’ve just managed to land yourself a visit to the emergency room, he scolded.
Again I noticed my classmates were watching us, but none of them rushed to help. My humiliation seemed to be providing great entertainment lately. Where was Amanda now? Where were Jonathan, Ben, and Jen? Any other time they would be hovering over me. I felt dizzy and wasn’t sure if it was because of Caleb or the pain.
It’s your fault, I muttered as he lowered me onto a bench.
His jaw clenched, his whole body tense. And I’ll take full responsibility. I’d feel guilty for that later.
He squatted down in front of me to lift my now throbbing foot onto his knee.
What are you doing? I demanded, watching him unlace my skate.
I’m taking this off before your foot swells and the circulation gets cut off, then I’m taking you to the emergency room. I rolled my eyes. It’s just a sprain, I lied.
Caleb sighed, and then his lips formed a straight line. He looked into my eyes, and I could see his agitation, although I wasn’t sure of the source.
Was it because I was hurt, or had he seen our reunion going differently? I just sat concentrating on my breathing while he got back to my undoing the laces. Caleb was so careful that I hardly felt him removing my skate. I felt plenty of other things, though. My breathing was a little loud, but I hoped he’d put that down to my injury. His fingertips brushed the skin on my leg when he pushed my jeans up just a little, and I felt his long fingers wrap around my calf when he eased off the skate and then my sock. I felt butterflies go crazy in my stomach.
Luckily, I’d put on an over-sized pair of socks, so the skate came off easily with no tugging. I winced when Caleb, holding my leg just above my ankle, touched the tender joint with his other hand.
I think it’s broken. He frowned.
It’s just a sprain, I insisted.
He placed one of his hands into the snow for a few moments and then laid it across my ankle. It felt so strange, soothing the burning in my foot and leg but creating a burning of its own inside me. Caleb examined my expression closely, musing over something.
Why are you so mad at me? he asked. If it’s not my horrendous sense of timing.
Was he actually going to make me say it out loud in my weakened state?
His eyes widened slightly, urging a reply.
It’s me. I exhaled hard. I
’m mad at myself for letting you kiss me. My ankle burned painfully, but I was sure after my last break that it should hurt more.
Caleb looked pensive and hurt by what I just said. I don’t understand. Again he pushed his hand into the snow and then across my injury.
His fingers were turning dark pink from the cold, but it didn’t seem to bother him. I looked down to my hands, not wanting to say it out loud. I didn’t understand why he should need an explanation at all. The butterflies in my stomach were fluttering wildly. I wiggled my toes; it hurt, and my foot throbbed with each hard pump of my heart. Still, it wasn’t as bad as the last break. Maybe it really was just a bad sprain.
You have a girlfriend, I reminded him in a whisper. Ouch, I shouted when his fingers tightened on my leg making my joint ache.
Oh, sorry! He winced. Girlfriend? What are you talking about, Triona?
You’ve lost me completely.
I glanced at him from under my eyelashes. He looked entirely confounded, and he was searching my face for an answer. What was he up to?
I looked sideways and saw Jonathan and Jen heading toward us. Ben and Amanda were behind them, but Ben was running and overtook the others.
The blonde in New York, Caleb, I muttered dryly.
Caleb’s face was completely blank for a short moment and then he started to chuckle. The sound grew until he was laughing out loud and his face lit up.
What’s so funny? Ben asked, jogging up to us and eyeing Caleb suspiciously.
Caleb grinned. Your sister. Even in pain she’s unbelievable. I grimaced at him. How did he know Ben, and what was so damn funny, anyway? Ben sat down beside me.
What happened? Ben asked.
It’s nothing. I just fell over, I grumbled, dismissing my injury with a wave of my hand. Caleb helped me off the ice.
I think it’s broken, Caleb contradicted, still holding his cold hand against my injury.
Ben’s eyes darted to Caleb, and he didn’t look happy. I hadn’t told him anything that happened with Caleb at least not enough for him to be glaring at Caleb the way he was.
Are you a doctor? I snapped sarcastically as Jen, Jonathan, and then Amanda reached us. I saw recognition and then appreciation cross Amanda’s face. She smiled and winked at me.
I frowned. Sorry about this, Amanda.
She made a dismissive face and tutted. Don’t worry about it.
Hi, Caleb, Jen chirped. What did you do, Triona? Anything to get out of skiing.
She needs to get to a hospital, Caleb said.
I’m okay, I objected, stronger that was probably necessary.
I’ll make sure she gets to the hospital. Ben answered Caleb with a tight jaw, as if I hadn’t spoken at all.
I’ve got my mom’s minivan today, Jonathan offered. I can take her, if you take Triona’s car, and then I can swing back later and pick up the others who came with me.
Ben nodded to Jonathan in acknowledgment. My heart gave a little thump knowing I was about to be ripped from Caleb’s presence again.
Despite everything, I didn’t like the idea. He seemed to sense what I was thinking immediately.
I’ll come by later and see how you’re feeling? Caleb suggested.
Why? Ben was still glaring.
Ben! I couldn’t believe it; I’d never known my brother to be so rude.
Caleb never took his eyes off me. There are a few things I think I should clear up. He smiled.
Was I still missing the joke? Caleb stood up, holding my leg so that it didn’t move until Ben carefully helped me to stand. Then Caleb handed me the skate and sock he had removed. Maybe I was delirious from the pain or from Caleb’s return, but the excruciating pain I’d experienced on the ice wasn’t there anymore. It almost felt as though I’d done nothing more than twist it. Caleb stood back as I hooked my arms around Ben’s and Jonathan’s slumped shoulders before I limped off toward the parking lot with Amanda and Jen close behind. I peeked over my shoulder. Caleb was laughing again.
At the hospital, the staff x-rayed my ankle, then left me to wait on a curtained exam bed in the emergency room with my swollen foot raised up on a stack of pillows. A slight shadow of blue and purple tinged my damaged ankle already. The nurse had given me painkillers when I arrived, but I didn’t think I really needed them; it still didn’t feel that bad. I could wriggle my toes, and I could even move my foot, although that did hurt enough that I didn’t try it a second time.
The whole situation brought my mind back to the last time I had been laid up here not that I remembered too many of the exact details. The clearest memory was the feeling that someone was trying to rip my leg off somewhere between my ankle and my knee. It wasn’t the first time I’d skied, it wasn’t even the hundredth. So, at thirteen years old and testing the brand new skis I’d found under the Christmas tree, no one was more surprised than me when my ski turned in too far and I somersaulted. I was with Amanda’s family at the time it happened. When Carmel and Lewis arrived at the hospital and were so frantic, it had scared me a little. I was already terrified and convinced I would lose my leg, it had swollen so badly, but once my injury was explained and I was given a copious amount of drugs, everyone felt much better.
It was a simple accident that had landed me in plaster for six weeks, but I cried and swore I would never ski again. Carmel told me it could have happened to anyone; she was very reassuring and calm about the whole thing, nursing me gently back to health and then coaxing me back onto the slopes.
Still, from then on, snow didn’t hold the same attraction for me that ice did.
Carmel hadn’t arrived yet, but any moment now I was expecting to hear her come bounding through the room to my bed. Ben said she was very anxious when he spoke to her on the phone.
As if on cue, the blue curtain pulled back, and I faced Carmel’s miserable expression.
What happened? she cried, her face crumpled in anguish.
I attempted to prop myself up onto my elbows, but Carmel pushed my shoulders back down onto the pillow.
Keep your voice down, I muttered, embarrassed at her theatrics. You’re in a hospital.
Sorry, she said, muting her voice a little. What happened?
Didn’t Ben tell you already?
He said you fell on the ice, but you’ve never fallen on the ice, at least not hard enough to hurt yourself. You were always such a natural right from the beginning.
I guess there’s a first time for everything, I said, pointing to my injury.
Carmel looked at my ankle. Have you seen the doctor yet?
I’ve had x-rays, I told her in the most soothing voice I could muster.
I just have to wait now, but I’m sure it’s not broken. Again as if on cue, the doctor appeared, her eyes on my chart as she pulled back the curtain.
A million dollars, I said aloud, hoping that would also appear when I thought of it.
What? Carmel asked.
Nothing, nothing, I mumbled.
The young doctor wore no makeup, and her dark hair was pulled back in a ponytail, exaggerating her child-like appearance.
Hi, she said, smiling brightly. I’m Dr. Swanson. How are you feeling? Her voice was high; this tiny girl couldn’t possibly be a doctor.
I’m fine thanks, I said. It really doesn’t feel so bad.
Let’s just have a look and see, then, shall we? She smiled. Carmel eyed her skeptically, clearly thinking the same thing as me, before moving around to the other side of the bed and out of the way.
Dr. Swanson’s narrow fingers played over my ankle, checking for tender-ness. Does this hurt?
No.
She frowned and moved her fingers again. This?
Ouch.
She took the envelope that contained my x-rays from the end of the bed. She removed the two black negatives, showing clearly the slim white bones of my lower leg and foot, and clipped them onto the light panel fixed to the wall beside us.
Hmm, she sighed. Well, your ankle isn’t broken, so it looks like you just hav
e a bad twist.
I could have told her that.
You could have fallen because of a weakness in the joint from the previous break.
I was about to say something, but Carmel got there first.
She’s never had a break in that leg, she informed Dr. Swanson.
Dr. Swanson checked the x-rays again pursing her lips. She pointed with a pen to a thin gray line over one of the bones at the joint. This break here, fairly recent I would say, not long healed.
I was sure I would have noticed if I had broken my ankle before today.
I think there must be a fault in your x-ray machine, or you’re just not reading them right, Carmel pressed. My niece broke her other leg a few years back, but she’s never broken that one.
She’s right, I added, not sure what else to say. Earlier I was so sure that my ankle was broken, but now I was being told I had broken it before and not noticed. How could that even happen?
The doctor looked over my chart and then examined my ankle again, looking confused. After she finished, she signed off on something on my chart.
I’m going to release you, she said crisply. I’m afraid I can’t find anything other than what I’ve already told you.
She needs another x-ray, Carmel snapped.
Carmel! I exclaimed, mortified by her rudeness. It must be something in the air first Ben and now Carmel.
She doesn’t need one, Dr. Swanson said, obviously irritated that anyone would question her diagnosis.
There is a break on that x-ray that wasn’t there before, so I say she does need one, Carmel countered forcefully.
Carmel! I slapped her hand. She was being totally unreasonable. I was fine. Carmel’s eyes darted to me. I saw something in them I didn’t understand. She was worried about my injury, obviously, but her reaction seemed entirely out of proportion to the damage I had managed to do to myself.
If you won’t authorize it, find me someone who will, Carmel demanded, her face flushed.
Dr. Swanson stared at her for a moment, measuring Carmel’s demeanor, and then scribbled on my chart again.
Okay, she sighed reluctantly. If you insist
I do, Carmel said, cutting her off.
