by Carol Oates
It won’t bite, Caleb assured me.
I frowned skeptically and unwrapped the red paper. Inside it was a dark envelope. I lifted the flap and inside was a ticket voucher. It took a while for it to sink in, but I eventually realized that I was staring at a plane ticket.
A first-class ticket to London.
What’s this? I asked, waving the envelope in my hand.
A plane ticket. Caleb stated the obvious in a voice that made my heart jump.
A little wave of panic rolled over me. Was this his way of getting rid of me? Of making sure I went? There I was foolishly thinking we were just starting something, and Caleb was already planning to end it.
I can’t accept this. I pushed the envelope back into his hand, as tears pricked at my eyes. What the hell was wrong with me where he was concerned? Every emotion was ten times stronger.
Why? He looked at the envelope as if he was examining it for something offensive he hadn’t noticed before.
It’s much too expensive, for a start. I paused to gather myself when my voice broke. Secondly, I can get my own ticket. One tear escaped, and I rubbed it away with the palm of my hand quickly. You don’t need to bribe me to leave Camden.
Are you crying? Caleb exclaimed, horrified by the tears that were beginning to overflow faster than I could wipe them away. I looked away, but Caleb cupped his hand gently under my chin to turn my face. I resisted, and he didn’t force me.
Triona, look at me, he ordered, sounding frustrated. I refused to give in to him, crossing my arms over my chest stubbornly. Look at me, he demanded firmly.
This time I turned and looked straight into his eyes. My stomach knotted. Caleb laid the ticket envelope over his knee and brushed the tears away from my grimacing face.
Why are you crying? he asked with a concerned expression on his face.
You’re trying to get rid of me, I complained blackly.
He laughed. Rid of you! I thought I was prone to overreaction, but you — He didn’t finish. He took my hand with some resistance from me and placed the envelope in it. Look again, he instructed.
I grimaced, taking the envelope from Caleb, and pulled out the ticket, not sure what to look for. Caleb moved the first ticket to reveal it wasn’t one ticket at all; it was two. He had a mocking smile on his face.
You are delusional if you think I’m letting you go without me.
Oh, I sniffled, feeling stupid. Then it hit me, rocking me to my core.
You’re coming with me? I stammered. To London?
I can’t be without you. Caleb kissed my wet, tear-streaked face. I need to be where you are. If you’re going to London, I’m going too. The tears were coming thick and fast. It was like they had been building up behind my eyelids this whole time, since the day we met. They stung my eyes and poured down my cheeks, accompanied by aching sobs emanating from my chest. Caleb took me into his arms and held me tightly.
What’s wrong now? I thought this would make you happy. Am I wrong again? he whispered, and I could hear his desperation to console me.
I can’t believe any of this is true, I said.
Shush, he murmured, kissing my hair. Please don’t cry.
I can’t help it. I’m so happy, I sobbed, bringing on a fresh wave of tears and making Caleb laugh lightly.
Chapter 7
Temptations
I asked Caleb to leave before Lewis and Carmel came home from work, and made Ben swear not to tell them that Caleb had been at the house. I didn’t want to aggravate an already delicate situation further. Until they got over whatever was bothering them, it was best they didn’t know about Caleb.
More specifically, it was best that they didn’t know that after barely knowing each other a few months, we were already planning to move halfway across the world together. I didn’t want to imagine their reaction to that particular piece of information. Caleb offered to talk to them, convinced he could charm them the way he did the customers at the restaurant. I wasn’t so sure.
He came over again on Friday, shortly after Carmel and Lewis left for work, and spent the whole day with me. My ankle was perfectly fine by then, but Carmel made me promise to rest until Sunday, New Year’s Eve, if I wanted to go to Jen’s party. I hadn’t actually mentioned to her yet that my plans had changed. Caleb wanted to take me out somewhere to celebrate the new year, so I wouldn’t be going to Jen’s party after all. Jen and Amanda had been cool about it, but I didn’t think Carmel would be quite so thrilled.
Saturday was a nightmare, the whole day in my room with no Caleb.
We spent most of it on the Internet, instant messaging, firing questions at each other about our likes, dislikes, and our families. He told me Joshua was in New York and Seth had gone to Europe until the restaurant reopened.
I told him about Ben and about my friends. I still had some questions I wanted answers to, like why had he ignored me for so long and what was so important in New York. Why did people act the way they did around him, Joshua, and Seth? Whenever I went anywhere near those subjects, he turned the conversation in another direction. Caleb had so many secrets, but the one thing I was certain about by Saturday night, the most important thing I had learned, was that I never wanted to spend a full day away from him again. I wasn’t sure I even could.
Sunday morning I got up early. It was the end of one year and the beginning of another; I couldn’t wait to spend it with Caleb. I still couldn’t grasp whatever strange twist of fate had caused this. What amazing thing had I done in my life that I deserved Caleb? I was meeting him in the late afternoon, as soon as it was reasonable enough to convince Carmel and Lewis I was going to Jen’s to get ready for the party. I arranged with Jen to go over to her place later to stay; that way I didn’t have to be concerned about curfews. I did feel a tiny bit guilty about lying to Carmel and Lewis, but what options did I have if they were going act like insane people now that I had actually started dating? I wasn’t sure the term fit how I felt about Caleb, but if they couldn’t handle dating, they certainly couldn’t handle the all-consuming, heart-stopping emotions taking over every cell of my body.
I arranged to meet Caleb at the restaurant so I could leave my car there, a subversive but essential part of the plan. His jeep was already there when I arrived. My breath caught as soon as I saw him. I parked, and he was out of the jeep and opening my door before I had the engine turned off.
Hello. His voice was warm and sensual; it made my heart skip a beat.
How did he do that?
Hi, I replied, getting out of the car and moving straight into his embrace. He kissed me fiercely, as if we’d been apart months, as if the hours we’d spent apart were as difficult for him as they were for me. Caleb’s presence took over every sense of my body. I could feel his lips moving greedily over mine and his heart rapidly beating. His taste and his scent filled my head making it hard to breathe, and his low moans blocked out all other sounds. Was this what it felt like to be in love? Was this the way Jen felt about Jonathan? Or how my aunt and uncle felt? Or my parents? I couldn’t imagine how anyone could possibly have felt this way before.
Caleb pulled away, leaving me breathless, his arms still locked at my waist. I pulled myself forward to kiss him again; I hadn’t had nearly enough yet. He pulled back, grinning, leaving me pouting in frustration.
Don’t you need to breathe now and then? he chuckled.
Ha, I scoffed. Oxygen I can do without; you I can’t. He very gently placed his lips against mine, so lightly that I barely felt them touch, and then he held us there, frozen in an endless moment. I couldn’t breathe, my heart couldn’t beat. In that moment, I knew with perfect clarity I belonged to him. I never truly existed without him. The world was spinning around us, but Caleb was my anchor, the only thing holding me still. All doubt evaporated. I knew, however crazy it was, that I loved him.
It was a silent drive. I watched Caleb from under my eyelashes every now and again, but he gave nothing away. Other than that, I spent my time staring out the window
with my eyes focused on nothing at all too bound up in the atmosphere inside the car with Caleb to take anything in.
When we got to Hope Road I eventually asked, Where are we going now? He turned his head a little and smirked, but didn’t answer.
We drove up a steep hillside on a dirt road through imposing pine trees.
The road widened as we approached a clearing, and a small timber house came into view ahead of us. It had one large window, covered from the inside with a pale flimsy material, and a simple paneled door. Beyond it, I could see the water of a huge lake. Caleb drove in a semi-circle, slowing to a stop at the door.
What do you think? he enquired turning to me.
About what? I answered, a little bewildered. He grinned widely and got out, walking around the front to open the door for me. It was cold, and I felt slightly nervous; the familiar butterflies started to gather in my stomach.
Caleb engulfed me tightly in his strong arms, enveloping me in his warmth. You’re shivering, he remarked and kissed my hair.
I repositioned my hands under his jacket, wrapping them around his back, enjoying the sensation of him so close and feeling the heat of his body.
My knees trembled when he pulled me even closer.
That doesn’t help with the shivering, I muttered affectionately into his chest. He chuckled. I knew before I looked at him that his eyes would be creased up at the corners. I pulled back, and my guess was right. I pressed myself tightly into his body again and buried my face in the heat next to his heart.
Let’s get you inside, he said.
I waited as Caleb unlocked the door and held it open for me.
Holy crap! I exclaimed, stunned.
The little house was just an entrance hallway. It led into a small balcony that opened onto an enormous room built into the hillside that was, apart from the doorway, invisible unless you saw it from the water. I walked to the rail and looked down on the room in wonder. It was two stories high, and the opposite wall was completely glass. Beyond it I could see a wide deck with a simple planed table, chairs, and loungers. Against the side wall there was a stone fireplace stocked with logs, and in front of it a low, aged ottoman sat between two dark brown couches.
Caleb stood back to watch my reaction. I descended slowly into the room, a few steps at time. On the other side of the stairway I could see a rectangular table that was made of a long glass sheet over two tree stumps.
Around it sat eight high-backed, dark wooden chairs. Caleb followed me down the stairway in silence. Reaching the bottom, I turned to see that the room went further back into the hillside to a kitchen behind an island with three more wooden stools. To the side of the kitchen, another large couch faced a flat screen television positioned on the wall over a broad cabinet.
Do you like it? he asked, slipping his hand around my waist.
My breath caught, amazed at how beautiful it all was. Every little piece fit perfectly. I couldn’t think straight.
Where’s the bedroom? I flinched almost immediately, my brain catching up with my words. He threw his head back and laughed as my cheeks turned crimson again.
Slow down, tiger, he teased.
I made a face and sniggered sarcastically. Keeping his hand at my waist, he brought me to a door by the kitchen and again held it open for me to pass through first. It was another large, glass-fronted room, as long but not as high as the main room. A gigantic bed sat by the window overlooking the water.
Wow! It was the only word I could think of.
So you approve? He beamed with satisfaction.
I nodded slowly. Caleb moved himself around in front of me, letting his fingers linger across my back, spreading chills up my spine. His other hand held my face gently. I hooked my thumbs through the belt loops on his jeans, and my fingertips crushed into his hips. His eyes burned; staring into them made my heart speed, and I tried to concentrate on keeping my breath even. Following the movement with his eyes, he used his thumb to trace the shape of my lips, parting them slightly. My hands shook so I crushed them harder to him. I watched his lips part and softly come down on mine before my eyes closed and I pulled him closer. My heart raced wildly; his taste filled my head, and I ached in the pit of my stomach. Caleb’s body pressed firmly against mine, and his kisses became more urgent.
Too soon his mouth moved away from mine, leaving me gasping, trying to breathe while his lips feverishly worked over my face and down the side of my neck. Water lapped outside, and I was abruptly aware that we were in Caleb’s house, in Caleb’s bedroom, beside Caleb’s bed. His insistent lips moved to mine again, kissing me deeply. My body stiffened, and I held my breath. He pulled back, sensing my unease, and stared passionately into my eyes.
I didn’t bring you here to seduce you, Triona, he said quietly.
His voice was seductive.
My mind was taking a while to catch up, owing to the lack of oxygen.
Why?
A smile lit up his face. It’s not that I don’t want to, he said. I blinked and gave him a disparaging look.
I meant, why did you bring me here? I clarified.
Caleb lowered his hand from my face and pulled me down onto the bed beside him. He held my hand between his, running his thumb in circles over the back.
I want you to know me. He hesitated. Or to know me as well as I can allow myself to let you. He glanced down on his last words. I waited reluctantly; for some reason I instinctively knew Caleb’s answers would only come in his own time. For as long as I can remember, I’ve always been moving. I’ve blindly followed Seth and Josh from place to place, and it didn’t matter. I squeezed his hand, urging him to continue. One place was always the same as the next. I came here because this was another stop. I tensed. Was he telling me he was leaving? He noticed and smiled, lifting my hand and placing a lingering kiss on my palm.
I’ve never felt this deeply for anyone before, he murmured solemnly.
From the moment I first laid eyes on you, I needed to be with you. My insides melted at the sound of that word, the way his voice deepened with intensity. Caleb placed a finger of his free hand to my lips while the fingers of his other hand curled around mine, and he looked deeply into my eyes.
I brought you here to show you that for the first time in a very, very long time, I feel like I’m home, and it’s because of you. He took his finger away, and I smiled. His lips turned up in a grin, and his clear blue eyes shone. Unfortunately, I bought this place before you told me we were moving to Europe.
Ah. It dawned on me then; Chris’s father was a lawyer dealing mostly with real estate. That must have been how Caleb knew him. Did you ever tell Chris’s dad what happened?
I don’t honestly consider Chris the most important subject right now, Caleb said, his hand tightening around mine slightly. I didn’t miss how the muscles above his jaw line twitched, but he made an effort to cover his still simmering annoyance with humor.
Sorry, I said sheepishly.
When Seth and Josh leave for good, which they will, I will be staying with you, or leaving with you, whichever comes first. He paused. My breath was coming fast. He seemed to reflect on something and then push it from his thoughts. If you’ll have me? he asked.
I lifted my hand and caressed the side of his face. You’re like air to me. He closed his eyes, pressing his cheek into my palm. I need you too, I finished as I leaned closer to kiss him. I don’t understand, but I know I do. He pulled away first, placing his hands on my shoulders and inhaling deeply. Closing his eyes, he exhaled slowly, sending warm breath fanning across my skin. Finally, he opened his eyes.
I really didn’t bring you here for this, he said wryly. Then he said much more seriously, But I would very much like you to stay.
Yes, I replied immediately. Caleb smiled.
He took my hand and pulled me to standing, his voice light again.
Come on, before I change my mind, he said, motioning toward the bed.
I’ll make us some dinner.
I sat on a stool a
t the kitchen counter, my face cupped in my hands, watching in wonder as Caleb chopped vegetables and chicken. I never in my wildest dreams imagined that watching something so mundane would be so compelling until I saw Caleb doing it. He looked so completely at home, grabbing a bunch of leaves from herbs growing on a shelf nearby and tossing them into the pot with the other ingredients. I changed into the sweats and T-shirt I brought with me. It was more comfortable than jeans for just hanging out, and anyway, after Caleb had seen me in my teddy bear pajamas, wearing sweats and a T-shirt was a step up.
I had called in a favor from Jen and asked her to cover for me overnight.
Considering all the times I had covered for her while she was meeting Jonathan after work, she could hardly refuse, but she made me promise to call her when I got home and give her all the details. I then called home to wish Carmel and Lewis a Happy New Year, keeping up the pretense that I was with Jen. Finally, I was able to hang up the phone and turn back to Caleb.
It smells great, I said, sniffing appreciatively. Where did you learn to cook?
He glanced over his shoulder from where he stood at the stove. My parents both enjoy cooking, and I’ve picked up a few tricks over the years.
Where are they now?
He paused before replying, as if thinking about the question. They’re around. They travel a lot.
Like you?
He placed two plates of steaming food on the counter and walked around it to take the seat next to me. Not really like me. They travel very much for pleasure. They revisit places time and time again to see how they change over time. Apart from each other, it’s their passion. His flashed a grin. Eat up. I didn’t realize I was hungry until I took the first bite. It was delicious, and my plate was almost cleared before I spoke again. Tell me about Seth.
You guys really aren’t related?
No, Caleb said, shaking his head. Sometimes people think we are, but we’re not.
Then how did you meet him? I asked.
He stared down, pushing a piece of chicken around. I took another bite to fill the silence. After a long moment, the corner of his lip twitched, and he sighed. I couldn’t read his expression. My parents took Seth in a long time ago after his parents disowned him and he was alone in the world
