by Carol Oates
The snow thawed, and so did the atmosphere between my aunt and uncle and Caleb. His persistence, constant politeness, and old-world manners were paying off. One evening when I was clearing up the kitchen with Carmel after dinner and Caleb was with Ben and Lewis in the TV room, she even went so far as to admit maybe they were wrong about not trusting Caleb at first. She said it was clear to anyone who had seen us together that he simply adored me.
The restaurant reopened in March, and by then Joshua had returned from New York. Seth, however, stayed in Europe, and by late spring still hadn’t come back. Caleb didn’t seem particularly eager to see him return, and I knew he was dreading telling Seth about our relationship.
Hey, Triona, I’m leaving now, Jen called from the kitchen door of the restaurant. Jonathan’s outside.
I was hanging out in the dining room while Caleb talked to Joshua.
Bye, I replied, absently folding and unfolding a napkin.
She hesitated a moment, turning toward the kitchen and then back before approaching. Did you ask him yet?
I scowled. I knew what she was referring to. Not yet. She rolled her eyes. Triona, what is the problem? It’s not as if he’ll tell you to go ahead and take someone else.
I know, I sighed, scrunching the napkin in my hand. But prom? It’s so high school.
Jen flicked her hair over her shoulder and gave me a disparaging look, blowing out air through her tightly pursed lips. You are in high school, she said pointedly.
I knew that, but Caleb wasn’t in high school, and I wasn’t sure how to ask him to take me to such a teenage rite of passage. He was so mature for his age, I just couldn’t see him wanting to go, but yet again I had stupidly promised my friends that I would.
Jen sighed and rested one arm on the top of the counter. Look, Triona, she started determinedly, Jonathan and I are going to Boston in the fall. Amanda’s going to be off decorating the planet and making it a more beautiful place, and you’re going to Europe with Caleb. We’ve got prom and graduation, and that’s it. Then we have to grow up. Can’t you just try to enjoy it? The irritation in her tone was only very thinly veiled.
I silently played with the crumpled napkin.
You could ask Chris, she suggested lightly.
My head shot up, but she was grinning sarcastically. Chris had avoided me like I’d contracted some deadly disease ever since Caleb’s return at Christmas.
Okay, okay, I conceded, breathing out heavily through my nose. I’ll ask him. Happy?
Jen nodded, smiling. If he will go as far as London with you, I’m sure this will be a breeze. She smiled again and headed back to the kitchen. See you.
Not if I see you first, I muttered dryly under my breath.
Just as she was about to push the door, it pushed in toward the dining room, almost hitting her.
Jen! Caleb exclaimed, visibly shaken. Are you hurt?
No, not at all, she said, grinning easily. It’s fine. You didn’t get me.
Are you sure? he asked anxiously. He held his hands up as if ready to catch her if she fell.
Absolutely. Her eyes darted to me, confounded.
Caleb’s arms settled by his side and his brow furrowed. He still looked concerned, like he didn’t believe her. Okay, then, if you’re sure. I’ll see you on your next shift.
Yep. She frowned. Looking forward to it. She looked back to me, and when she raised her eyebrows, I shrugged. She mouthed the words Don’t forget to ask him before she left.
Caleb was by my side with astonishing speed; it always shocked me the way he moved when we were alone. Sometimes it was almost like he didn’t notice he was doing it, like he forgot he was playing a role. He took my face in his hands and placed a long lingering kiss on my lips. The silken feel of his lips never failed to reignite the ache inside me or make my heart beat faster.
What was that about? I asked conversationally as I tried to regain my equilibrium before standing.
I was distracted. He attempted to dismiss what had just happened, but his jaw was tense, and the little vein on his neck stood out.
Distracted by what? I pushed. I kept my expression even so he wouldn’t know I wanted him to admit why a minor accident would concern him so much.
Caleb was stronger than the average person; it was one of the things I wasn’t allowed ask about. I was getting used to it, watching and saying nothing. I noticed things, even if my rational mind debated and then ignored them. His blue eyes gleamed as he placed the napkins I hadn’t managed to mangle back in their place.
It’s nothing.
I sighed in exasperation and looked down to my hands. At this rate we won’t be able to talk about anything.
Caleb gently placed a finger under my chin to lift my face and bent his knees to bring himself down to my eye level. His expression was soft, still uneasy but open. It’s nothing doesn’t always mean I can’t tell you.
Sometimes it’s just nothing for you to worry about. I placed my hand against the smooth golden skin on his face and told him straight, If it worries you, it worries me. He smiled. Of course. Forgive me.
I took my hand away and placed it on his waist instead, holding him close to me.
It’s Seth, he began bleakly. I don’t like the people he’s been mixing with.
Oh.
And Joshua. He stopped as if listening for something and then placed a hand on my shoulder and leaned in closer whispering into my ear. He’s having a few women problems. His voice was so low I had to strain to hear him.
Oh, I muttered again. I couldn’t imagine Joshua having women problems other than an excess of admirers. What kind of women problems? I asked in a hushed voice almost as quiet as Caleb’s.
His lips formed a straight line as he considered his answer. I’m not really sure. He refuses to discuss it.
Again I struggled to hear. Why are we whispering? I kept the volume as low as I could.
Caleb opened his mouth to tell me when the kitchen door swung in.
Joshua put his head round, glowering at Caleb.
I’m leaving now, so you can stop whispering out here, he said, his tone harsh.
I cringed and felt the color rise in my cheeks. I couldn’t believe he’d heard us.
Sorry, Josh, Caleb said contritely.
Joshua’s handsome face looked strained; he looked like he hadn’t slept.
He was paler than usual, and his eyes had dark shadows below them. Until now, I hadn’t taken my eyes off Caleb long enough to notice anyone else.
Just do me a favor and forget it, okay? he pleaded. His voice had an undertone of pain to it. My heartstrings gave a little tug of pity. I couldn’t imagine a girl who wouldn’t want to be with Joshua unless she was already with someone else. Bigger issues to deal with. Remember? Joshua sighed
,and his eyebrow rose.
Caleb nodded with a solemn expression. My eyes flickered between them, trying to fathom the meaning in Joshua’s words. I could only guess they were still talking about Seth. Joshua’s expression changed suddenly, becoming bright and casual. I recognized it as the same mask Caleb could transform his features to on demand when my eyes probed too deeply.
I’ll talk to you later. He directed his words to Caleb; clearly their conversation wasn’t over.
Bye, Joshua. I flashed a beaming smile, a mask of my own I’d perfected for moments just like this, so Caleb wouldn’t know I still spent an inordinate length of time musing over the things he didn’t say.
Caleb placed his hands on my face, and when he exhaled, his scent filled my lungs. His sapphire eyes gazed at mine, scrutinizing me. I watched as tiny lights in the blue danced like reflection from sunlit water. It could have made me feel self-conscious if it weren’t for the smile that threatened at the corners of his lips, but it did make my stomach flutter.
What are you looking for? I asked, intrigued. He’d done this many times over the last months.
His hands lowered to my waist, and he smiled a shockingly brilliant smile, making my breath catc
h. After a moment, when he didn’t answer and I was still holding my breath, he sighed happily.
Breathe please, darling. I do prefer pink in your cheeks to purple. I exhaled a staggered breath. Caleb led me through from the dining room and the kitchen to the locker room, flicking off lights en route and, as always, holding the doors open for me. His manners were impeccable.
Well? I coaxed when I didn’t receive an answer, widening my eyes to emphasize I was still waiting.
It’s ridiculous. You’ll laugh, he muttered, wincing a little.
Now I really wanted to know. I took my jacket from my locker, pursing my lips, and groaned. Caleb, we have enough secrets. Just tell me. His eyebrows knitted together. Hmm.
Spit it out, I ordered as I put my jacket on.
He was beside me before I could blink, taking my hands again with both of his. He moved backward to the table and sat on the edge. He made a face, then smiled sheepishly. I’m trying to remember you.
What? I chuckled, hiding my resentment at his answer. Am I that easy to forget?
He released one hand and brushed the back of his fingers across my flaming cheek laughing. You are funny. I did say that you wouldn’t understand. I made my face as stern as possible. Try me again. I tightened my eyes.
Without insulting me, I warned.
It’s just — I feel I’ve always known you, before this. His brow creased waiting for my response.
Like a past life?
Caleb looked down, nodding, and started to trace a circle on the back of my hand. I don’t know what I mean. I just can’t help feeling I’m missing something when I look at you sometimes. He peeked up from under his impossibly long, black eyelashes, measuring my reaction.
I shrugged. Even when he did tell me what he was thinking, I still had no idea what he was talking about.
Don’t pay any heed to my ramblings. He flashed a blinding smile again.
What is it you wanted to ask me?
Urgh. I’d almost forgotten Jen mentioned it in front of him to force me into action.
That bad? He chuckled lightly.
I raised one eyebrow. Worse. Prom.
Oh.
You don’t have to go, I added quickly.
He smiled. I wouldn’t dream of allowing you to miss it. What’s the theme? He was still tracing circles, and the hairs on my arm were beginning to stand because of the tingles I felt.
Thirties Hollywood glamour.
He chuckled again; he was finding something funny.
Really, you don’t have to go, I insisted.
Caleb glanced down and then looked at me again, grinning guiltily.
You knew already! I I I stumbled over the words I wanted to berate him with. He already knew and he made me ask.
Of course. You’re in high school. It doesn’t take a genius and — He stopped.
And? I demanded, glaring at him, though I didn’t pull my hands away.
He chuckled again, his shoulders shaking. Oh, your friends have mentioned it more than fifty times.
I gave him a furious look and finally wrenched my hands away, folding them across my chest. Well, thanks. You could have spared me that. I didn’t recal anyone mentioning it around Caleb, but he must have over-heard when Jen and Amanda were going on at me about asking him. His face turned serious all of a sudden.
Triona, do you love me?
I shrugged, still pouting, and turned my eyes away. He exhaled frustrated.
Do you love me?
Of course, more than anything. I can’t believe you have to ask.
Enough to last a lifetime?
I looked back to him. His face was completely unreadable, and his eyes gleamed with intensity.
Yes, till death do us part, I swore without hesitation, then flinched at my unintentional wedding vow reference. He didn’t seem to notice.
His eyes relaxed again, and he put his arm around me and led me to the door. Good. Then I can safely promise you a prom night you will never forget. Just leave it all to me. I even have a dress for you. I came to a dead stop. What, you bought me a dress? I knew my eyes were wide.
Caleb started me to the door again. No, he clarified. Trust me, it’s perfect.
I made a childish face, and he grinned, making my heart skip two beats.
Trusting him enough that he didn’t have to explain his — quirks was one thing. Letting him pick my prom dress was another thing entirely.
Chapter 9
The Envelope
I sent a text to Jen and Amanda, simply stating deed done. The next time I saw Amanda, I filled her in on the rest, but I didn’t see Jen again until Monday. We didn’t have any morning classes together, so by the time I got to our usual table in the cafeteria, she was positively gagging for information. Jen was beside Amanda with Jonathan on her other side, and Ben was opposite Jonathan ready to turn to the guys at the other end of the table as soon as our conversation turned in any way girlie. I took the seat beside Ben and dropped my bag on the floor at my feet.
Well? Jen asked excitedly, pushing a tray of half-eaten food away.
Amanda already knew what happened, but she was still watching and waiting too, with her head tilted to the side like she was thinking. She seemed to be doing that a lot lately. I turned an apple over in my hand, twisting it until the stem broke off between my fingers.
Well, I really didn’t have much choice but to ask, seeing as you set me up, I scolded, trying to make my expression hard.
Well, prom would have been over by the time you got around to doing it, Jen retorted smugly. I did you a favor. My eyes flickered to Amanda, staring off at nothing. A deep furrow had formed between her eyebrows as if she was concentrating on something very difficult. She pulled a strand of hair over her cheek with both hands. I was actually surprised that she hadn’t filled Jen in on everything already. I opened the salad box in front of me and spiked a cherry tomato with my plastic fork, holding it up and using it to point first at Jen and then Amanda.
Well, as it happens, because of you two, he had a heads-up already. I popped the tomato in my mouth and scrutinized Amanda’s face with narrowed eyes.
What? Jen demanded, flicking her hair over her shoulder. I caught the scent of coconut shampoo.
Well, I continued, still observing Amanda. He heard you talking and already has the whole night planned. I chewed my lip; I’d never seen Amanda sitting still for so long. Including my dress. Jonathan and Ben were talking football , pretending to ignore us. Jen snapped her fingers an inch from my face making me jump back and making Amanda blink and drop her hands to the table.
I asked, what do you mean by planned ? Jen pushed, looking somewhat put out that my whole attention wasn’t on her.
I didn’t answer her. Are you okay? I asked Amanda.
Oh, yeah. She forced a bright, artificial smile.
Jen rolled her eyes. She’s thinking about who’s going to take her to prom.
I see. I played with some lettuce, smiling. You’ve been so busy making sure I was going, you forgot to get yourself a date? Amanda rested her hands in front of her and started twiddling her thumbs. It’s weeks away, guys. She pouted. I have lots of time.
Why didn’t that apply to me? I grumbled, a bit irked.
Amanda glanced at me from under her eyelashes and then returned her gaze to her hands. You take so long to make a decision you needed the time.
Hardly, I snorted. I wasn’t about to ask anyone else, was I? If you don’t hurry up, all the good ones will be gone, and you’ll end up going with my brother again.
Ben looked at me with a mock horrified expression on his face, he winked at Amanda, and then turned back to his own conversation. Jen let out a long weary sigh, and Amanda blushed. I felt bad for teasing; she looked embarrassed at the prospect.
You’ll get a date, I assured her. Who wouldn’t want to go with you? She smiled sweetly, shifting around in her seat.
Jen threw her hands into the air and dropped them again. Oh, I give up! she moaned, getting up from
the table and taking her tray with her.
It was raining at the end of the school day, the kind of cold misty rain that soaks straight through your clothes to your skin before you know it.
Amanda, Ben, and I kept our heads down and rushed to my car as soon as we got outside. It was only while we slowly inched toward the road that I noticed Caleb’s jeep parked across the street.
That’s odd. Caleb was supposed to meet me at the house later, I mused aloud.
Amanda glanced up toward the jeep from the notebook she was scribbling in.
Ben, can you —? I didn’t need to finish.
No problem. Ben sat up straight, clearly eager to get behind the wheel of my little car again.
I stopped the car, not bothering to grab my bag, and got out to a chorus of horns beeping and hooting behind me. Ben ran around the back and jumped in the driver’s side. With a quick wave I dashed across to Caleb.
What are you doing here? I asking, grinning as I slid into his car. My heart was a little fast from rushing across the street.
Caleb smiled, making my heart speed even faster as he started the engine.
Can’t I meet my girlfriend without having an ulterior motive? But there was something underlying his tone. I squinted suspiciously at his carefully arranged casual expression. What’s going on? I demanded.
What makes you think there’s something going on?
Call it intuition, I muttered sarcastically.
Caleb’s eyes flashed to me, curious for a moment, and then looked ahead.
He didn’t reply, and a combination of anticipation and apprehension twisted in the pit of my stomach.
Caleb? I prompted, the stress made the pitch of my voice sound unnaturally high.
I have to ask for an exemption to the promise I made. Instantly my mind began to whirl, trying to figure out which promise in particular he was referring to.
Which one? I inquired reluctantly. If he was asking permission first, he wasn’t breaking anything in a good way. He sighed, but his face remained calm.
I have to go away for a few days, maybe a week — or two. I don’t know yet. The apprehension quickly developed into outright hysteria. You can’t go now! I need you here. School is almost over and
