by Carol Oates
My voice was barely audible as I cried out, Caleb! 171
Chapter 12
Phoenix
I stood motionless, my heartbeat pulsing so strongly I could feel it in every vein. The room seemed to be spinning, making me sway. Caleb caught me firmly in his grip and held me at arm’s length. I couldn’t react. Everything seemed to merge in a fog Ben’s call, my reflection, Caleb standing in front of me, alive. Unless I was dreaming. But his grip felt real; his strong fingers felt real on my skin. It was sensory overload, and my brain was working overtime to catch up.
Triona. His face was anxious. I need you to stay calm and take a breath. What was he saying? His words made no sense; it didn’t make any sense that he was standing here at all. Maybe it’s a brain tumor, I thought. It would explain the headaches. Or maybe I had been struck by lightning; it would serve me right for standing in the open during a summer rainstorm. I didn’t remember dying but then maybe nobody remembers dying and my heart was pumping so hard. How could I be dead if blood was gushing through my veins?
Breathe! Caleb demanded, shaking my shoulders lightly.
My face felt hot, and my chest hurt. I gasped loudly, and the air rushed through my body while the pain in my chest eased. Caleb’s expression softened, and he exhaled hard. I got the full force of his breath on my face.
Waves of familiar pleasure flowed through me, and my skin prickled under his touch.
My voice sounded hollow. How?
His anxious face smoothed and became relieved. I will explain everything, I promise, he said, just as soon as you recover from the shock.
We were both unwilling to move. His hands still held me, and I was afraid he would disappear with the slightest motion of my body. Recover, I thought, that’s an understatement if I ever heard one. My breath continued in heavy gasps, and my eyes stung from crying, but I couldn’t take them off him.
His features were as perfect as I remembered, but better. His blue eyes sparkled at me, scanning my face, memorizing every detail. His lip twitched, almost grinning. I was dizzy, surrounded by his presence, his scent, his heart pounding to match my own, and the sound of his breathing. Everything was too real, the colors too sharp, and the sounds too strong. My lungs filled deeply, taking his essence into me. I had dreamed this, wished for it.
I shuddered and exhaled. Caleb responded with a wide smile that lit up his eyes; they creased up at the corners exactly as they had so many times before.
My body tensed, and I threw myself at him, wrapping my arms around him and covering him in feverish kisses. He lifted me from the ground lightly, one hand at my back and the other on the back of my neck holding me to him, and crushed his lips against mine. My fingers entwined in his hair, and I brought my legs up so they wrapped around his hips. Caleb held me tighter and groaned enticingly against my lips. My heart raced, and my body exploded, craving him and devouring his touch as the agonizing shivers of pleasure coursed through me.
Suddenly, my mind overflowed with images, images of Seth, the excruciating pain of my injuries, the house burning around us, and the two godlike creatures throwing themselves into battle among the flames. Caleb ready to die for me — everything came back, everything that was stolen from me a year ago.
I pulled away from him, panting, placing my feet back on the ground and forcing myself to push him away with two hands, when everything in me was telling me to seize him closer to me. I hungered for him. His eyes burned into me like blue flames, burning with wanting. His hand was still at my back, holding me within his grip, and suddenly my hands were all over him, frantically tearing at his clothes.
My passion was overtaken by my need to assure myself of his safety.
Tears streamed from my eyes again as I sobbed. A frenzied search for injuries consumed me, and I frantically scrutinized every inch of his body. I had to know he wasn’t hurt, wasn’t damaged in any way. Caleb was battling with me, his brow creased deeply in confusion as he struggled to hold me still.
What are you doing? he shouted.
Are you hurt? Did he hurt you? Tell me, I demanded.
It was like the last year never happened and we were back in his house on the lake; I had just been pulled from the fire that still licked up the walls of the house. He tried to get a hold of me, but I continued to squirm out of his grasp, moving over him.
Calm down, he begged. Please.
The fire, you ran into the fire! I cried, tears choking my voice.
Caleb caught me finally and pushed me back onto the bed, forcing my arms above my head. One of his knees rested on the bed, keeping his full weight against my arms, holding me down. His horrified face was over mine, eyes wide.
It’s okay, Triona, everything is okay. Please — I’m so sorry — I didn’t know — this — I’m sorry.
You’re alive? I panted, trying to breathe.
Yes, he groaned anxiously.
My breathing slowed, and after a few minutes of silence, his grip loosened, and his features relaxed a little. Immediately I felt something bubble up inside me. My hands were free, and I pushed against his chest with all my strength, forcing him back from me. I instinctively swiped at him, my nails slicing easily through his shirt and skin. Caleb’s face contorted in dismay when my foot caught him in the stomach, violently slamming him backward into the mirror; it crashed into sparkling shards all around him.
I sprang to my feet and stood over him, enraged, my fists clenched into balls and my body rigid. He froze on the floor, half-sitting on the shattered mirror, one hand behind his back, holding him up. His eyes narrowed as he studied me, and I glared back at him with anger coursing through my body. Neither of us moved. Seconds turned to minutes, and still we were unmoving and silent.
My stomach twisted, and my fists began to unclench — the rage was slipping. His pained expression slowly brought me back from the brink. Caleb remained still, his eyes full of wariness. My legs gave way, and I dropped heavily to my knees with my face in my hands, wailing loudly. He enveloped me in his embrace and held my head against his chest where I could hear his heart racing. I clung to him desperately. My eyes burned painfully from the tears, and my distressing sobs echoed in my lungs. Caleb stroked my hair tenderly and kissed the top of my head. I felt his tears fall on my skin.
I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, he repeated over and over again into my hair as he rocked me in his arms.
It was still dark out when I woke in my bed, lying against Caleb’s chest.
His breathing was slow and easy; he was asleep. I took a breath, and my heart fluttered with relief; I didn’t know it was possible to be this happy. I lifted my head, gently pushing away from him, and saw his shirt lying on the floor near the bed, slashed and bloodied. I examined his torso, running my fingers over his skin, but there was no mark, nothing. Not even a shadow of a graze.
I eased myself from the bed. My eyes were still sore, and my throat felt dry from crying. Being very quiet, trying not to wake Caleb, I removed the crushed T-shirt and jeans I had worn all day and wrapped a towel around my body. I took a long last look at him; his chest was rising and falling peacefully.
I left the bedroom, being careful not to step on any of the shards of glass still on the floor, and went to the bathroom, passing Amanda’s closed bedroom door on the way. She must have come home while we were asleep.
The overhead light seemed brighter and more glaring than I remembered.
Looking in the mirror, I dropped the towel. My skin was unquestionably smoother and darker, a pale golden color. The skin on the back of my hand felt like silk. I saw that my eyes were still red-rimmed and slightly swollen, but the green in them sparkled in the light, and my face was radiant. These were all tiny changes that would only be detected by anyone who had studied my features closely, but overall, the effect made me look beautiful. I placed my hand on my face and then suddenly remembering Caleb’s shirt, I investigated my hands. They looked just the same, neatly manicured, but earlier they had cut through Caleb’s skin like b
utter. I stared at myself again. I wasn’t afraid, but I probably should have been freaking out. Earlier it had been Caleb’s reappearance that had made me act crazy.
This seemed somehow natural.
I stepped into the shower and let the water wash over me. It felt good.
Instead of feeling the water streaming over my body, I could feel each tiny drop landing softly. I knew this could only mean one thing: I was like him now. Caleb would have to explain it all to me. Ben would be here in another day, and going by what he told me on the phone, I had a feeling I would be meeting a handsome, golden-tan man with sparkling emerald eyes like mine and a smooth deep voice.
I turned the water off and dried myself before putting on the white silk robe that hung on the back of the bathroom door. I brushed out my hair, and it shone under the bright light. The swelling was gone from my eyes, and they no longer hurt.
I was fascinated looking at everything around the apartment. All the ordinary things that never stood out before now seemed brighter. My vision was more defined. I could see a layer of dust on the screen of the television, but I was sure I couldn’t see that before. I grabbed a tall glass of water from the kitchen and gulped it thirstily even water tasted better then headed back to the bedroom.
Caleb was still asleep; when I slipped into the bed beside him, he didn’t move. I leaned on one elbow and looked down at him with my clearer sight.
His features were perfect in every way; his breathing was slow and steady. I placed my face close to his chest and inhaled, smiling contentedly to myself.
I touched one fingertip to his forehead; barely touching his skin, I traced his profile down his faultless nose and the dent over his lip. I traced the shape of his lips, my heartbeat speeding when he quietly groaned in his sleep. My finger followed the line of his chin down his neck and continued over his flat stomach, only stopping where his jeans met his golden skin. His stomach retracted at my touch, and when I looked to his face, his eyes were blazing.
Instantly his body pressed down on me, and his mouth ferociously moved against mine, causing my heart to jump. He moved his lips over my neck, thrilling my senses with long, lingering, open-mouthed kisses. I inhaled, trying to calm my speeding heart.
Caleb, we should talk, I panted. My stomach was whirling. It was just like in the shower. His every touch, every brush of his lips, was more intense.
I’m calm now, I sighed, keeping my hands on the smooth contour of his back.
I’m not, he growled into my ear, moving his body seductively over me.
I’ve been going crazy wanting you.
My body tensed as he pulled the silk robe away from my shoulder and continued to graze my flesh with hungry kisses. I moaned at his touch, and my body gave in to the pleasure of it for a moment before tensing again.
This time he noticed and pulled away, breathless.
What’s wrong?
My cheeks flushed. Some things haven’t changed. It’s just I — I paused and swallowed hard. The air was thick with the electricity between us. I haven’t been with anyone since you’ve been gone.
Oh, he sighed. I saw the understanding flash across his face, and his lips turned up at the sides. Oh!
He lifted himself away from me, realizing why I was nervous, and propped himself up on one elbow and ran his finger over my cheek where Seth had sliced it open. There was no mark, but his expression became tortured for a moment. I wondered if he was thinking about me or about Seth’s, it now seemed, needless death.
I presumed. I’m sorry — He didn’t finish.
What? I prompted.
He threw himself back onto the pillow and sighed. I know you’ve been seeing someone, someone who spends a lot of time here. I presumed you were — intimate. He winced. The idea seemed to cause him physical pain.
I sat up and glared at him. You’ve been spying on me? I exclaimed incredulously. Even so, I couldn’t help but be secretly pleased he had been suffering in some way too.
Yes, he replied, and then hid his face behind his arm.
Well, you presumed wrong, I said with a huff. There’s nothing romantic going on with us.
Caleb lifted his arm and looked at me questionably. But you did kiss him? Tonight.
Oh my God. I picked up a pillow and hit him with it playfully, but probably harder than I needed to. You’re nothing but a Peeping Tom. He made no response. I touched his chest lightly, and my stomach clenched when he quietly gasped, making me forget my annoyance. I kissed him to test myself, I explained.
He sat up and ran his finger slowly and suggestively up and down the curve of my throat from my ear to my shoulder, urging me with his eyes to continue.
I wanted to feel something anything physically for another man.
You’ve been dead for a year, after all.
He nodded, defeated. He knew he had no argument against my kissing John, or anyone for that matter. And? he asked, watching my neck.
I didn’t feel anything, I told him honestly. I’ve never felt anything for anyone else. It’s you I want. Even when you were dead, it was only you, I added.
He smiled back at me, his eyes crinkling and lighting up. Then he leaned in and brushed his lips against my neck. I’m relieved, he said, still smiling and facing me again. I could never have expected you to wait, but I am relieved.
I returned his smile warmly.
We can wait now; we have time, he said.
I quickly kissed his lips. Tell me, I demanded.
Caleb leaned back against the headboard, and I curled myself into his body, putting my head on his chest close to his heart. He pulled the quilt up to my shoulder and enclosed me in his embrace, then lightly kissed the top of my head.
I’ll make this as short as I can, he began. The details can wait. He gave my shoulder a comforting squeeze, and I smiled, inhaling the warm air coming off his skin. You may be surprised how much you already know. I brushed my lips across his chest over his heart and felt its rhythm quicken. Please tell me, I pleaded, impatient to understand.
He took a breath. Well, I know you’re familiar with Plato. I kept my head still, but my eyes narrowed in questioning. The story we were talking about the first night on Mount Battie? He kissed my hair again before continuing. He was more or less right about some things — almost. He sighed. At the beginning of time there were two races of mortals. One race were strong beautiful beings with incredibly sharp senses, special gifts, and a very long life span. Each had a partner, and they shared a life force, which made them powerful. Separate beings but together whole
Soul mates, I interrupted and heard him catch his breath.
Exactly. The other beings were beautiful in their own way, but far more delicate. They didn’t have the same abilities; they were damaged easily and lived shorter lives. They were human. The first race took on the role of guardian and parent to the other, protecting and guiding them. It was a perfect society, a utopia. There came a time when the Guardians became curious about what lay beyond their home, so they left to wander the continents, promising their wards they would return. But time didn’t mean the same to the Guardians; they measured their lives in centuries instead of decades. When they returned, the land had turned savage. The humans had developed, had their own leaders, and had taken the Guardians land. They called themselves Formarians, and believing the Guardians descended from an ancient god, Danu, they named them Tuatha DÈ Danann — I sat up suddenly to look at him, and my heart skipped as I gazed into his exquisite eyes. Something clicked in my memory. You’re talking about Atlantis, aren’t you?
Yes. He smiled. You know about Atlantis?
I pulled myself to him again explaining. My mom, I remember I tried to recall something from the vaults of my memory. My mom told me a bedtime story about Atlantis, but I was so young, it’s just a jumble of words in my head. I looked up at him from under my eyelashes. He grinned widely.
I guess that explains something. He didn’t continue with his line of thought, instead returning to the story.
>
They were in Greece when they eventually bored of travel, and they greatly missed their own people, their land and home. The returned to Atlantis, arriving in clouds of magical smoke. It was the wrong decision; it scared the humans, who feared they were wizards or, worse still, demons, and although the Guardians were the rightful rulers of the land, they were forced to battle. They regained control, but the humans were restless, jealous and fearful of the DÈ Danann, no longer wishing to follow them. The DÈ Danann still thought of them as their children. Humans from everywhere repeatedly invaded, attempting to overthrow them. Eventually they grew weary of the battle. They were dejected and brokenhearted when the Milesians from the Iberian Peninsula approached the DÈ Danann. After requesting a three-day truce in an attempt to reach a peaceful settlement, the Milesians were allowed to remain anchored off shore.
A few DÈ Danann, afraid of more fighting with humans, used their powers to create a magical storm to chase the Milesians away. It failed completely and resulted in a great battle. The DÈ Danann were defeated because they had lost the will to fight against the people they loved. They were to be separated from their partners, since the humans believed their love was the source of their powers, and banished underground.
Child of darkness, I murmured quietly, remembering the phrase Seth used when he spoke about the prophecy.
Before this sentence was carried out, the Milesians met with three queens of the DÈ Danann. The beautiful queens beguiled the Milesians and convinced them to name the land they loved so much in their memory.
The land became known as …riu; later it became …ire. I looked up again in surprise. It was almost daylight, and Caleb’s golden skin gleamed, and his eyes sparkled in the early light coming from the window.
Ireland! I squealed. Surprised at the intensity of my need for him in that moment, I kissed his mouth hungrily before he maneuvered his hands to my shoulders and eased me away from him, gasping.
