Shades of Atlantis

by Carol Oates

  What did you promise to think about? he asked curiously, not looking at me.

  Nothing much, I said evasively. How did you know where to find me? I could feel the tension in his body; it rolled off him in waves. I heard you on the phone, he replied coolly, rushing me through the pedestrians.

  I winced. He’d been pretending to be asleep earlier. Why would he do that? I stopped dead on the pavement outside the hotel, and his hand wrenched my shoulder a little as he kept moving. He stopped and turned to me, concerned.

  I’m sorry, did I hurt you? Are you okay? His face was as tense as his body, his brow furrowed.

  No, you didn’t hurt me. No, I’m not okay. I felt my face crumple; one tear escaped, and I wiped it away with the palm of my hand.

  Why did I feel like Caleb was struggling in my presence, as if there was some great conflict going on inside his head? He moved closer to me, unwilling to leave much distance between us, his breath on my face, making it almost impossible to compose myself enough to speak. His anguished eyes were darker than usual, more the color of the ocean, like some great sadness was overtaking him. He sensed I was trying to read what was in them, and suddenly they became indifferent, no longer conveying emotion of any kind. The aching doubt lingered within me. I panicked that I was right; whatever feelings he had for me were fading, and he was getting ready to run again. The idea terrified me, and I yanked my hand from his and reached up to hold his face with both my hands. I tried to make my voice sound commanding like before when we were with John.

  What is it that you’re still holding back? I asked, looking deep into his eyes. I’m afraid, Caleb, but not of the Council. I’m afraid you’re planning to leave me again. So, I’m not moving from this spot until you tell me the truth. He took my hands from his face and held them in his, keeping his eyes unreadable. My heart thundered so hard I thought it would break.

  Eila and my father are upstairs, he said. They arrived just after you left.

  She wishes to meet you. He totally ignored my question and turned to start walking. I remained steadfast, my feet stuck to the ground as if glued to it.

  No, I shouted. People walking past turned their heads to us. I’m not going anywhere until you tell me. I can’t be expected to deal with things I don’t know about. I looked away from him, staring at nothing. My heart was pounding and aching at the same time. Are your feelings for me changing? My voice cracked.

  Caleb bent his knees so he could lower himself level to my face. I didn’t want to look at him right now. I didn’t want to see his eyes tell me I was right.

  I love you, Triona, he said clearly. I will love you until the day I die and on into eternity. I swear it.

  My stomach lurched. His tone was solemn, but there was more, so I still refused to meet his eyes. But? I asked hesitantly.

  He sighed; it sounded as if he was giving in, and I felt a strange foreboding that things were about to get much worse.

  Since we have established that you are the subject of the prophecy, since we found out what it meant, I’ve — well my family — your family too, have begun to wonder if you were meant — to be with a human. How can we be meant to be if you’re to bring us all together? It would make sense for you to be with a human.

  His words cut through me painfully; it felt as if I had been dipped in freezing water, and I swayed on my feet for a moment. Caleb held me up, supporting me in his strong hands.

  I am not used to being so uncertain, he confessed. I was never uncertain about anything before you. I was going to make things easier for you. I wanted to prepare myself to — step aside. It’s harder than I imagined. He laughed bleakly.

  I don’t understand. I love you, I wailed, keeping my eyes lowered. My breathing sounded strained.

  My father says you will have to make a choice. I looked up and searched his eyes. I want to be with you. I love you. I choose you. I lifted one hand to stroke his face. He took it in his own and turned it over, kissing my palm.

  The strained glances, sympathetic looks, his father’s horrified look to Caleb when he read the prophecy, it all made sense. Annice’s probing questions about my feelings, telling me I would have to take Caleb. She was warning me.

  I will be with you, I insisted. Then after a protracted silence, added hopelessly, You don’t believe me, do you?

  His expression stayed even; whatever he was feeling, he didn’t want to inflict it on me. I believe you believe it. I want it to be true, but if — well, something were to happen to me —

  Don’t even think that! I screeched. The Council won’t take him from me.

  He went silent; he was in as much turmoil as I was. I could see that now for the first time. This whole thing, all the changes that were happening to me, everything was changing just as quickly for him too. He was as afraid for our future as I was. All the doubt I had last night and today with John vanished, leaving only the certainty that we were made for each other. Caleb was my destiny. I didn’t exist without him. I pulled myself to him and held my head to his heart, feeling it keep pace with mine, sounding like one.

  Do you hear my heart? I whispered into his chest.

  Yes. He held my head to him, kissing my hair.

  We stood like that for several minutes outside in the busy street. It seemed to me we were alone in our own private world.

  Finally Caleb pulled back and said, We have to go in. They are waiting. I held onto Caleb’s hand while walking into the suite, and he kept his body tightly by my side. Somehow things between us didn’t feel as resolved as I would have liked better than they were, but not resolved. I found myself making a mental note of every heartbeat, every luscious breath filled with his scent, and the soft skin on his hand as if I would never get another chance to experience them.

  Ben and Amanda were the first people I saw when we walked in the door. She was sitting in a chair by the window with Ben standing behind her. His hand rested on her shoulder, and she was stroking the backs of his fingers. Samuel sat on one of the couches close to Annice, and Joshua lounged casually, leaning against the wall behind them, his legs crossed at the ankles. Casually, that was good. But the way Samuel’s hand was clamped onto Annice’s almost to the point of his knuckles being white and stretched, that was very bad.

  I didn’t notice Eila standing by the other window at first. It was almost as if she belonged there she had blended so thoroughly into the background, until she turned. Her shoulder-length, blond hair glistened like millions of tiny points of light, like golden sand sparkling in sunlight, but there was no sun in this room. She seemed to emanate a light of her own. She turned her hypnotizing, dark golden eyes to me. I gasped, startled by her beauty.

  Her skin was the color of caramel, and when she moved it seemed to be in slow motion. Although I was aware that it was probably just me, my mind was so overwhelmed taking in the details of this real-life angel that she just seemed to move slower.

  Ah, you’ve been able to join us after all. Her voice was so smooth and cool, and the hairs on the back of my neck stood. There was kindness in her tone, but I still felt like I was back in school and late for class.

  Caleb placed his hand at my back and pushed me forward; my legs seemed to have stopped working by themselves. Eila approached slowly, gliding toward me. In a reflex, I raised my hand to shake hers, and then, still unsure if she was friend or foe, I took it back. Then, realizing she would have already noticed, I put it out again. She took my hand warmly. It felt strangely like touching a child’s hand; it was so small and delicate in con-trast to her firm grip. She studied my face suspiciously with her eyebrows knitted, creating two tiny lines between them. Her expression of curiosity only served to make her more attractive. Caleb rubbed my back, the tingles shocking me back to the present.

  Triona, this is Eila, he said. Eila, this is Triona. I gulped one low deep gulp that I hoped no one heard. She smiled fully; she was genuinely breathtaking. I wondered if the human part in me was why I didn’t resemble one of these Guardians that looked as if
they had dropped straight out of heaven.

  Hello, I whispered meekly, feeling my cheeks flush. That embarrassed me, and I blushed even harder.

  Ben sniggered, and I glanced at him just in time to see Amanda smack-ing his hand. Eila laughed lightly.

  Really, child, she said warmly. There’s no need for you to fear me. I’m not here to harm you.

  The inflection on the me part of the assurance made my eyes widen for a moment. I knew no one could lie in her presence, but I had never thought to ask if her gift made her incapable of lying herself. I watched colors swirl and mingle around her: white, silver, and green leadership, healing, and honesty. I understood now that this was an instinctual gift; I knew what the colors meant without having to think about it. My racing heart began to relax.

  Won’t you take a seat? she suggested, pointing to the empty couch beside us.

  Clinging to Caleb’s hand, I pulled him down beside me with such force he almost fell over, landing on one knee before lifting himself from the floor and taking a seat beside me. He rolled his eyes.

  So, Eila said as she moved back toward the window. You feel conflicted about all of this?

  Yes, I do. My hand rocketed to my mouth, but the words were already out. This was going to be tricky. I wanted everyone to believe in me, that I could do this birthright thing and make Caleb safe again even if I didn’t completely believe it myself.

  She turned, focusing on me again and smiling. I looked around the room, but no one appeared to react to my response. Maybe they had already been subjected to this line of questioning. I lowered my head, and immediately Caleb put his hand over mine to stop me rubbing my leg.

  Do you believe you are the subject of the prophecy?

  No, I stated clearly. Again the words came out with no help from me; it felt like she was plucking the answers straight from my mind. She smiled gracefully at Samuel and Annice.

  If she doesn’t believe, is it worth risking what you may lose to protect her? They didn’t answer straight away. How did they do that?

  We believe so, Annice replied calmly. Her reply spread a warm sensation through me. I knew she couldn’t lie, and her words echoed in my head as a display of support.

  Joshua’s eyes followed Eila closely as she moved through the room. For a brief second she smiled in his direction, but her eyes flickered away quickly, her gaze settling on Caleb.

  Do you believe she is the one the prophecy describes?

  Yes. He answered with certainty, almost as fast as I did.

  Are you willing to sacrifice anything so that Triona can fulfill her destiny? He didn’t respond as fast this time; maybe the speed of his first answer had just been because of his certainty. He squeezed my hand.

  I don’t know that I can, he murmured, and his eyes lowered in shame.

  She frowned. I wasn’t entirely following the conversation; it was like walking in halfway through a movie and trying to figure out the plot. Eila’s expression changed; she smiled sympathetically at Caleb and then looked out the window for a moment. I placed my hand on top of Caleb’s. He peeked at me quickly from under his eyelashes, and I thought my heart would break, he looked so sad and yet so beautiful. Everyone was silent, almost to the point of eeriness for a couple of minutes, before Eila spoke.

  Triona, your family and I have already discussed this. My heart skipped several beats, and then jolted with happiness when I realized that she referred to the people in this room as my family.

  Zeal and Lucien have known about you and your brother for some time. I didn’t. I was — kept in the dark — Her tone on her last words was extremely disgruntled. They allowed you both to live this long out of some morbid fascination. They wanted to see how you would develop, and now the time has come to dispose of you.

  I looked over to Ben. His brow was furrowed, and the hand that lay on Amanda’s shoulder was rigid, but he didn’t seem shocked. I presumed that meant Ben had already heard all this while I was away. Caleb was staring at Eila, and I could feel his heart thundering from where he sat beside me.

  They will be coming, and they won’t be alone, Eila warned. A few others have joined them; I’m afraid I have not been able to convince them otherwise. I won’t join them at this time. I am still part of the Council, meaning I can’t face them with you. I have to maintain my position. In the event you don’t succeed, I will endeavor to work from within to expose the truth. I have done all I can for now.

  Shivers ran down my spine. They were coming for us, to dispose of us like garbage, as if we were a dirty secret, which I supposed to them we were. I looked at Caleb.

  You said we would still try to get to the Stone, remember? I said.

  He smiled reassuringly, but it didn’t reach his eyes. They were overly relaxed and guarded, hiding his true feelings again. I remember.

  Ben. I tried to keep my voice calm. Do you agree that we should try get to the Stone before

  Yes, he replied as rapidly as I had to Eila’s questions.

  Eila approached and sat casually on the arm of the couch. The Stone can only be woken at dawn on the morning before a new moon. The old ones used the moon cycle and the sun to measure time. I nodded, fighting against Caleb’s hand to rub my knee. I longed to look to Annice for reassurance, to try to read her expression, but I couldn’t tear my eyes from Eila’s.

  They will be there by then, she continued, keeping her gaze on me,

  and they won’t be alone. There may be as few as four or five, but they will be strong. Their arrogance is your weapon; they won’t attack until the very last moment.

  Again, I only nodded in response, holding my breath and hoping no words would escape. She narrowed her eyes, scrutinizing me.

  You’re very brave, she said, laughing lightly.

  I pursed my lips, and my lungs burned for an instant before I blurted,

  I don’t feel brave, but I have to try.

  She laughed again, a long sweet laugh. I glanced at Joshua; his eyes were ablaze staring at her. Shades of pink and red surrounded him, and I recognized in an instant that Joshua was in love with Eila. I could see why; she was so beautiful and graceful, brave to refuse the Council, loyal to her position but also to Samuel.

  Can I ask you something? A question had just occurred to me, and it seemed she was the perfect person to answer it. My curiosity momentarily overshadowed my shyness. How long have the Council known about us?

  Was it when I met Caleb?

  She chuckled and flicked her hair away from her face with the back of her hand. Goodness no. They’ve known about you since you were born.

  I told you, they were simply curious to see how you would turn out. They are too egotistical to have ever considered you a threat, but the family that gathers to you, that’s a different matter. They may influence others. My eyes darted to Caleb, whose expression remained unchanged, and back to Eila. I seized the opportunity to release him from at least some of his guilt.

  So they knew anyway, I said slowly, and they used me as an excuse to remove Samuel from the Council? Caleb didn’t put me in any danger I wasn’t already in. I looked to Samuel; his hand was still placed firmly in Annice’s. He looked sad. It must have been tough for him to discover, like me, that he and his family were nothing more than pawns in an elaborate chess game played out by Zeal and Lucien for their own sadistic amusement.

  Eila slid into the seat beside me; Caleb moved over to allow her room. I felt the heat from her body and her sweet smell engulfed me. She swept stray hairs behind my ear in one smooth motion, and her eyes turned to Samuel.

  Samuel was apparently getting too close to the truth with his research, she said gently. And then his son meeting you and falling in love with you — the chances of that happening were astronomical. Unfortunately, my curiosity doesn’t match Samuel’s, a side effect of my little gift, so they didn’t see me as a threat.

  She waved her hand in the air in a dismissive gesture, her lips turned up at one corner in a self-effacing grin. Her eyes seemed vacant for a
moment, lost in consideration. I wasn’t sure exactly what she meant, but thought that it might be that she wasn’t used to anyone withholding information from her, and so she never thought to ask questions about me other than what she was told.

  She turned to me again and sighed; she smelled like sweet ripe fruit and spices. I believe I only found out the truth after I walked in on them midway through a conversation and simply asked what they were talking about. Joshua seemed to be picking at something on the wall, maybe distracting himself so she wouldn’t speak directly to him. Something occurred to me and made my pulse quicken. I gulped and looked over to Ben, but I saw nothing in his expression to suggest he might be following the same train of thought.

  My parents? I asked. If they knew about us — I struggled to get the words out. My hand gripped my knee, and Caleb’s hand tightened over mine. I looked to Ben again and could see the moment he realized what I was trying to ask.

  Did they murder our parents? he demanded strongly, stronger than I normally would have to this powerful Guardian.

  Eila’s eyes turned to Ben. Yes, she replied. It was something they took care of personally.

  Ben roared. It was a deep, painful sound filled with the horror of suddenly knowing our parents didn’t die in a tragic car accident like we always thought, that we lived without them for most of our lives, that they were murdered simply because they fell in love and had children. A painful splitting sensation rushed through my chest; the blood pounded through my body, feeling like acid. Caleb went to wrap his arms around me, but I pushed my trembling hand firmly to his chest, preventing him. I didn’t want comfort. I wanted answers.

  I wanted to cry, but the anger at Zeal and Lucien coursing through me prevented any tears. How dared they claim the right to choose who lived, who died, and who we loved? Over Caleb’s shoulder, I kept my eyes on Ben, collapsed to the floor beside Amanda’s chair, his head in her lap, but I couldn’t see his face. Amanda leaned over him, her arms cocooning him and shushing quietly into his ear. I could hear his hushed sobs, a grown man consumed by such sadness he was reduced to pitiful tears.