Pouring water into a glass, Gabe eased his arm beneath her shoulders. Bay was incredibly weak, her head lolling against him, unable to hold it up. Frightened, Gabe gently maneuvered her around, and he pressed the edge of the glass to her lower, chapped lip. He was heartened as she began to drink and swallow the liquid. It made him want to cry. Bay was awake. She was in his arms. She was drinking water. How the little things in life became suddenly so critically important. Milestones.
Dragging in a deep, slow breath, Gabe watched Bay drink the entire glass of water. That had to be a good sign, right? Now, he wished Dr. Torrance was here to walk him through it, tell him it was a step in the right direction.
“More?” Gabe asked quietly, holding her upturned gaze. Bay was looking at him, and for the first time, he could see her trying to identify him. Her brows moved up and then down, confusion coming to her blue eyes. Her lips glistened from the water she’d drunk. Lips he’d worshipped as he’d made love with her. Damn, he ached for her in every possible way.
“Bay? Do you want some more water?” Short sentences. To the point.
It took all of Bay’s efforts to move her head to one side just slightly, a “no” to his question. She felt warm and cared for as he held her easily beneath his supporting arm. Nostrils flaring, she inhaled his familiar male scent. Just his unique fragrance chased away a darkness she felt stalking her. Her name was Bay. Yes, she knew that now that he’d mentioned it. Her mind was doing slow cartwheels. She closed her eyes, suddenly exhausted, brow falling against his jaw.
Gabe set the emptied glass on the tray and watched her eyelids droop closed. There was a flush to Bay’s cheeks, although the green-and-yellow bruises on the left side of her face hid it. Her face was half as swollen as before, and she was able to fully open her left eye. Damn, Gabe was euphoric. He wanted to scream with joy. Bay was alert! Her eyes followed his movements. Dr. Torrance had told him to watch to see if her eyes tracked him. If it didn’t happen, they were in deep shit.
His heart pounded with hope as he gently laid Bay down. Feeling shaky and needy, Gabe sat in the chair, holding her hand and waiting. Dr. Torrance warned him she would be very, very tired and most likely sleep a lot, wake up for five minutes and then crash again.
THE NEXT TIME Bay awoke, she felt heavier, more “here” than “there.” She slowly moved her hand across the nubby texture of a blanket across her stomach, luxuriating in the sensitive awareness in her fingertips. She heard or felt movement near her, and this time, it was much easier for her to open her eyes. She stared up into a set of green eyes, focused like an eagle upon her. Oddly, Bay didn’t feel threatened by the man. Instead, a warmth flowed through her, chasing away the cold she felt in her extremities.
She slowly licked her lips and was mesmerized by his hard, expressionless face. But his eyes…yes…she could see a fierce glint in them, and she suddenly felt surrounded by an incredible feeling of love. She absorbed it. Thirsted for it without reason.
For long minutes Bay was simply a sponge, his roughened fingers upon her own, grounding her. He fed her energy. It was a feeling. A fierce, quiet, intense feeling that made her become a starving beggar, absorbing everything he would infuse her with. The continued flow of warmth curled gently through her, easing the anxiety that hovered in the wings of her mind.
Gabe watched her, breath suspended. Did Bay recognize him? He swore she did. He felt it, dammit. He saw it in her eyes, as if she knew him. Nothing was more important to Gabe. He stood there, icy fear bolting through him. His mind twisted with the possibility Bay didn’t recognize him. What then?
Dr. Torrance had slowly gone over what he should say. Not what he wanted to say. His mouth felt dry. His heart continued to hammer in his chest. Just being able to hold Bay’s hand in his meant the world to him. At least she hadn’t pulled her hand out of his. But maybe she was so damned weak, she couldn’t?
Gabe saw her struggling, her brow wrinkling, her eyes growing dark. She had to be trying to place him, and he sensed her panic. “It’s okay, Bay. You’re safe. You’re here with me….” Instantly, he saw her struggles cease. How desperately Gabe wanted to smooth those wrinkles away on her forehead.
Dr. Torrance had warned him not to take for granted that she wanted to be touched. Rape played out differently in the survivor, and she told him until he knew for sure that she was not threatened by his presence as a man, he had to keep his hands to himself. That meant not kissing her, either. He’d have to communicate with Bay, watch her body language, listen to her voice and facial expressions in order to make her feel safe. Not threatened.
“Bay?” he asked, his voice low. “Do you know me?” Adrenaline leaked into his bloodstream as Gabe watched her closely. He ached with fear over her response until her eyes went soft. Bay slowly licked her lower lip, and he could see her thinking. He could feel it. His hand tightened imperceptibly around her fingers.
“I— You seem so familiar to me….”
Shock struck him. Gabe forced himself not to respond, the ache in his chest turning bitter and helpless. “My name is Gabe Griffin.” He choked back his terror and did what Dr. Torrance had told him to do. “I’m a good friend of yours. I’m here to take care of you.”
“Th-thank you,” she whispered, suddenly looking tired. Her eyes kept closing, and she slurred her words. “Thank you for being with me….”
*
DR. TORRANCE SAT with Gabe outside of Bay’s room. She’d listened to everything he told her. He’d kept his voice low. He’d brutally shoved his feelings into his kill box. After giving the doctor the lengthy report, he raised his head, staring into her gray eyes. He wanted to scream in frustration. In fear. Bay did not recognize him.
Reaching out, Dr. Torrance gripped his slumped shoulder. “This isn’t a bad beginning, Chief. Give Bay a few days. A coma puts the brain in park. It’s got to fire back up, get back online. From my perspective, she’s coming out of it fast. She’s strong and she’s tough. All that works for her, not against her.”
Gabe was numb with grief. His hope was destroyed, and not even Dr. Torrance, who was very nurturing and kind, could dig him out of the pit he found himself in. “What now?” he asked hollowly.
“I’m keeping her here until I’m convinced she’s got her full brain function back.”
“And then?”
She smiled a little, patting his arm. “You can take her home, Chief. General Stevenson has been working with me behind the scenes to ensure she’ll have a rape counseling therapist, a neurosurgeon who will help her continue to thrive. Bay has a good team, but most importantly, she has you.”
Closing his eyes, Gabe rasped, “I don’t know about that.”
“Take it a day at a time, Chief. Expect nothing, receive everything. Her brain has to heal first. And then, memories will come, both good and bad. You’ve forged a strong emotional connection with Bay. You were the first person she saw when she became conscious. That imprint will work for you, not against you. I’m sure with time, the good memories will surface. She’ll remember you, remember your love and that she is going to marry you.” Torrance frowned. “The brain’s memory is another question. If the trauma is so powerful and the brain feels Bay will become unstable and be unable to cope, it won’t give up the details of the trauma.”
“What will it do then?”
“Sit there like a toxic waste dump.” Dr. Torrance sighed. “The body never forgets the trauma it experienced. The cells remember it. The spirit remembers it. Her brain will withhold the nature of the trauma until or if it feels Bay can survive the impact of those memories and emotions. If the brain feels Bay can’t cope, those memories will never download consciously to her. It’s a primitive knee-jerk system built into the brain to allow the person to survive. So, the brain becomes the keeper of toxic secrets, but the toxicity will leak out anyway, sooner or later, on an unconscious level. Bay may feel anxious. For example, strange men, sounds or smells may trigger and scare her. We don’t know yet what will spiral Bay in
to a defensive posture of feeling unsafe. You’ll have to watch her closely for reaction and learn what those triggers are.”
“But—” Gabe opened his hands, feeling desperate “—can’t you force the mind to dump this shit? Get rid of it?”
“I wish it were that easy, Chief, but only counseling, maybe hypnotherapy, can help pry open that door to that vat of worms. The other problem is if Bay remembers her trauma too soon, it can spin her out emotionally, and she’ll become unstable. There’s a lot of razor edges the brain is considering. We’re not privy to its reasoning or decisions it makes on Bay’s behalf. The brain will always make a decision to keep her stable and able to survive.”
“How can we know which will happen?” Gabe demanded hoarsely, never wanting Bay to remember what happened to her. It would break her. It would destroy her. He knew it would. Could he love her enough? Hold her close enough? Protect her enough so that she could survive those memories if they did come back? Gabe didn’t know, his anger mounting because he felt pinned down by the bastard who had done this to her. Gabe dragged in a ragged breath, miserable.
“There are so many unknowns here, Chief. I know you’re frustrated. There are no easy answers. You also need to work with the rape crisis counselor yourself. You’re a man. Bay was injured badly by a man. The counselor can give you tools to help Bay trust you, not see you through the filter lens of her rapist. It’s vital she trust you. If Bay can, it’s a bridge, a doorway, to her healing. If she can separate out you from her rapist, she stands a chance of recovery…. And so many rape survivors cannot do that. It’s a long, harrowing process then. We just have to wait and see.”
Leaning his elbows on his thighs, Gabe savagely scrubbed his face. How the hell was he going to do this? He was a trained SEAL who could go up against the meanest sons of bitches the world could throw at him, and he could deal with it. But this? Jesus! He felt absolutely incapable of handling it.
“Listen,” Dr. Torrance whispered, gripping his shoulder as she rose. “You’re overwhelmed, Chief. Don’t get caught up in details. Just monitor Bay. Be there at her side. Let her begin to tell you what she wants. What she needs. I think when you get her home to West Virginia, back to her mother and sister, she’ll settle in and her brain will start opening up to the past. To you.”
Gabe lifted his face from his hands, numb. The doctor smiled patiently at him and released his shoulder. Though he wanted so badly to vent his emotions, he turned and stared at Bay’s door. The Navy had taught him how to kill, how to survive. No one else had taught him how to do this. Bay was broken into a hundred pieces, emotionally speaking. Her body had been broken. And her spirit was fractured. And Dr. Torrance was asking him to pick up the pieces and glue her back together again. How the hell was he going to do that?
Gabe dragged in a deep, serrating breath. He was so damned tense, he felt he might snap in two. Maybe Dr. Torrance was right: get Bay home, to the safety of her cabin, the love of her mother and sister. Then, maybe she could begin to heal.
He wiped his face harshly. There were so many fine lines to walk. Oh, God, if he made a mistake…Gabe lived in terror of doing just that. Looking up at the ceiling, he felt his entire life slowly rotating in a completely new direction. It wasn’t Bay’s fault that she’d been injured and traumatized. Somehow, he was going to have his love for her guide him because he sure as hell wasn’t a shrink or a rape crisis counselor.
As Gabe stood there, he recalled Bay’s reaction when they’d walked the sand dunes in a small cove near La Jolla, California. She’d spotted a California gold poppy, dropped to her knees, gently cradling the bloom between her hands. Gabe had knelt beside Bay, sponging in the joy radiating from her beautiful face, watching her long hands gently cup the flower. She’d leaned down, nose in the bloom, inhaling its fragrance. It was such a simple act, but it had profoundly affected Gabe.
His mind clicked over so many powerful, emotional moments he’d shared with Bay. At home, she could begin to cobble her torn life back together again, one small step at a time. Holding one flower at a time within her cupped hands. Focusing her heart and soul on that one bloom, appreciating it, being one with it because he’d seen her do it before. Baby steps, Gabe warned himself. Baby steps and don’t screw this up, Griffin, because you won’t get a second chance…
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
GABE REMAINED NEAR the SUV as he watched Poppy Thorn come running to greet her daughter, who was making her way toward the cabin where she’d been born. His heart burst open as Poppy, who wore a beat-up straw hat on her head, threw her arms around Bay. Even better, Bay had instantly recognized her mother at the hospital. He’d shown her photos of Poppy and of her sister, Eva-Jo, whom she recalled immediately.
Both women sobbed against one another. Gabe felt guilty, wishing Bay would throw her arms around him like that. It was a selfish thing to think about under the circumstances. At least Bay recognized someone. That was good news, progress. Gabe tried not to feel jealous under the circumstances. Above all, he wanted Bay to have connection with those she loved.
The July summer heat was high and humid, but the tall trees surrounding the huge two-story log cabin shaded it and brought the temperature down a little. Gabe was sweating freely, glad he was wearing a black T-shirt, olive green cargo pants and boots. There was a bit of a sluggish breeze.
He studied the cabin that sat on top of the small hill. Bay had known she was coming home. The two weeks spent at Landstuhl had strengthened her on every level, thanks to Dr. Torrance and her team. He felt grateful for all the military nurses and doctors who had made Bay’s entrance back into the world a soft landing, not a hard, jolting reentry.
Bay wiped her eyes as she eased from her mother’s strong, loving arms. Tears continued to spill down her cheeks as she held Poppy’s warm blue gaze. At forty-nine, she was deeply tanned, healthy and vibrant. “It’s so good to see you, Mama, so good,” she quavered. Bay looked around. “Where’s Eva-Jo?”
Sniffing, Poppy gave her a wobbly smile and wiped her eyes with an embroidered handkerchief. “She’s in the lowlands being schooled in Dunmore. Eva-Jo will be back by three today, honey.” Poppy lifted her work-worn hand, gently touching the left side of her daughter’s face. “You look so thin and tired, Baylee. What you need is some good home cooking to put some meat back on your bones.”
Bay looked down at herself. She’d chosen a dark orange tee, jeans and some comfortable sandals to wear. It was true, she had lost weight. “I can hardly wait for some home-cooked meals, Mama.”
“Well, I’m gonna feed both of you. Come and introduce me to Gabe, your friend?”
Turning, Bay smiled over at Gabe. He waited, looking ill at ease near the SUV he’d rented at the airport. “Mama, he’s helped me so much. I know him, and it’s driving me crazy, but I can’t remember why I know him.”
“Tut-tut,” Poppy said, gripping her hand and leading her forward. “He’s your best friend, honey. Those memories will come back in time. He’s a good man.”
Gabe stood and watched the two women walk toward him. Poppy was just as tall as her daughter. She wore a short-sleeved simple white blouse, a dark blue skirt that fell to her ankles. He saw she was barefoot, and he managed a slight smile, liking her independent nature. Anxious, he looked over at Bay. Her cheeks glistened with spent tears, but for the first time, he saw real happiness shining in her blue eyes. His heart lifted with hope. Bay was smiling again. For the first time since…and Gabe shoved those thoughts into his kill box. All he wanted to do was see her smile, see life return and chase the shadows he always saw lurking in the depths of her eyes.
Bay was already having nightmares. Dr. Torrance had given her sleep medication, so she could continue to heal and stop the sleep interruptions. No sleep, poor recovery, she’d told Gabe.
“Gabe Griffin!” Poppy said, breaking into a warm smile. “Finally, I get to meet you in person!”
Gabe offered his hand to the woman with the elfin smile. She pushed his proffered hand a
side, threw her arms around his broad shoulders and hugged him. Surprised, he took a step back. And then, Gabe awkwardly put his arms around her. Poppy didn’t go much for social protocols, he realized. He glanced up and saw Bay watching him, her face radiant. God, the warmth of her smile shed light into his black soul, lifting him once more, making him feel a tentative thread of hope.
“Well,” Poppy said, releasing him, “you’re home, too, Gabe, whether you know it or not.” She grinned wickedly and stepped back, seeking and finding her daughter’s hand.
“Yes, ma’am,” he managed. He’d talked to Poppy about Bay and her rape issues before bringing her home. She knew not to refer to Gabe as anything except Bay’s close friend. Not her fiancé. Never speak of them loving one another. It had torn him up on that phone call, and Poppy had cried. She’d cried for him, understanding the untenable position he had been trapped within. “Pshaw. You call me Poppy or Mama. I don’t care which. Now, come along. I have your and Bay’s bedrooms ready for you in that smaller log cabin you see on the side of the hill.”
Gabe lifted his chin and saw a one-story log cabin about a hundred feet away from the main house. He frowned, not understanding why Poppy was putting them up there instead of in the main house. He glanced at Poppy and she gave him a sharpened look that said: keep quiet, I’ll talk to you later. Gabe nodded, sticking his hands into the pockets of his jeans, following the two women who walked hand in hand.
*
“IS BAY SLEEPING NOW?” Poppy asked, pouring Gabe a cup of hot coffee in the kitchen of the main house.
“Yeah, she’s pretty tuckered out. She usually goes down for a nap in the afternoon, and then she’ll sleep until early evening, wake up and not be hungry.” Gabe grimaced. Food seemed to repel her. Why? Bay had to eat to regain her strength.
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