Poppy sat down at the old wooden table opposite him. She pushed several strands of hair off her wrinkled brow. “When a person has a piece ripped out of ’em, they lose their appetite. How are you doing, son?”
He shrugged, his large hands wrapped around the red ceramic mug. “I’ve been better, Mrs…. I mean, Poppy.”
“You’re looking pretty thinned out to me. You’ve been through a lot with Bay. And she’s leanin’ on you pretty hard from what I can see.”
Amazed at her insight, Gabe stared at Poppy. He’d told her nothing about the top secret mission. All she knew was Bay was an 18 Delta combat medic and nothing about Operation Shadow Warriors.
“Yes, ma’am…I mean, yes, I want her to lean on me. Bay trusts me.”
There was such strength in the woman’s deeply tanned features. She had Bay’s oval face and high cheekbones. In fact, he saw a lot of Poppy in Bay’s features. And that Hill grit was there, too. He sensed it, felt it.
“The reason I put you two over in the other cabin is because Dr. Torrance called me three days ago. She gave me a lot of information and said that Bay is progressing very quickly. Maybe too fast. What she’s worried about is her memory coming back too soon. I guess my daughter is having nightmares? And they sedated her so she could sleep at night?”
“Yes. But why not keep Bay here at your home where she’s close to you?”
“I only have three bedrooms in this house, son. Eva-Jo, me and a guest bedroom. I don’t think Bay and you are sleeping together yet?”
God, how he wished they were. “No…she sees me as a friend, a confidant, is all. Nothing more.” It hurt like hell to admit it.
“That’s what I thought. Well, there’s two bedrooms with a door between them over there in that smaller cabin. Floyd, my husband, built it years ago. He’d built that cabin for Bay. She wanted to get her degree to become an R.N. and then come back home to help serve the people of our mountain. The cabin was to eventually become her home.” Poppy grimaced. “It didn’t quite work out like we thought. But Bay knows that cabin. She used it as a teen and had her drawin’ supplies, her canvases and paints over there. Eva-Jo used to pester the daylights out of Bay, and she found the cabin a place of solace and was able to be alone for a while. My daughter needs time alone. It recharges her batteries.”
“Bay needs quiet,” Gabe agreed, sipping the coffee.
“More than ever right now. I’ll keep Eva-Jo plenty occupied. Right now, Bay doesn’t need the shadow of her little sister following her around like a lovesick puppy. My second daughter has the mentality of a ten-year-old. She’s improved with schooling, but once she sees Bay is home, I intend to keep her focused on other things. Dr. Torrance said Bay needs to do the things that appeal to her. And babysitting Eva-Jo ain’t one of ’em.”
Relieved, Gabe said, “Maybe I can help babysit Eva-Jo, then?”
Chuckling, Poppy said, “Eva-Jo will probably dote on you.” She peered at Gabe. “I can see why my daughter fell in love with you. You have a kind face. A quiet way about you. There’s no drama, no arrogance in your bones.”
Unexpectedly, heat rushed up his neck and into his face. He avoided her sharpened look, staring down at his coffee cup. His voice went hoarse. “I love her, Poppy.”
“I can see you do, son.” She reached out and patted his hand. “And I can see how much you’re suffering, too. Everything’s landed in your lap. You have a broad set of shoulders, but you’re bearing a heavy load. It will wear a good person down and out. I know because my husband Floyd contracted Black Lung for nearly ten years before he died. There were days when I felt lower than a snake’s belly in a wheel rut. I had two daughters to raise, a very sick and failing husband. Lordy, I know what it’s like carrying a loved one who’s sick, Gabe.” She wagged her finger in his face. “You come to me, you hear? You’re gonna need someone to talk to. To share your tears with. You’re a caregiver at this point in my daughter’s life. You need support, too, and I can help you out.” Poppy patted her shoulder. “My shoulders aren’t as large and wide as yours, but I’ve held hundreds of men and women as a Hill doctor and let them cry right here….” She patted her shoulder again. I’m good at holdin’ people together when they’re breakin’ apart during a long-haul crisis. Okay?”
Gabe managed a pained smile, or as much of one as he could muster. Poppy was fierce. Strong. Wise. All attributes that Bay had, too. “Yes, ma’am…I mean…sorry, I’m used to the military. We need to stay in close contact with one another. Dr. Torrance said that.”
“You cry much, son?”
Startled, Gabe stared at her. “Pardon?”
“Cry? You know? As in tears?”
Gabe saw that determined look snapping in her narrowed blue eyes, her lips pursed. Damn, she was like a laser-guided JDAM, just blowing the hell out of his cover. How did Poppy see beneath his game face? Feeling naked in front of her, Gabe managed, “Not if I can help it. I stopped crying when I was a young boy.”
Snorting, Poppy muttered, “Well, ya better get in touch with your emotions again because I can sure feel that nest of snakes writhing inside you, Gabe. It don’t do anyone any good to pretend you don’t feel. You love my daughter, I can see that plain as day. But you’re hurting her and yourself if you don’t cry. Tears heal. Did you know that?”
Gabe eyed her wryly. “Yeah, your daughter said the same thing to me more times than I can count.”
“Oh, I betcha Bay’s said it more than a few times to you. You’re a tough one, you are. But love has a funny way of making even the strongest man drop to his knees. You’re human, Gabe, and I know loving Bay and getting her well is going to be an unadulterated, living hell on you. So, keep your hankies ready!”
*
GABE WAS RESTLESS. On edge. It was midnight, and he lay in his bed, the moonlight streaming through the curtains at the window. It was plenty light enough to see the open door that led into Bay’s bedroom. He ached to be with her, holding her, giving her that sense of safety she needed.
Bay’s first day at home had energized her, but it also tired her out. She’d gone to bed shortly after dinner, not wanting to take the sleeping pill. Gabe didn’t feel good about it. Would a nightmare stalk Bay tonight because she hadn’t taken her medication?
He was tired to his soul but completely alert and waiting. For what, he didn’t know. His mind refused to turn off, as it did on most nights. He felt utterly useless. Bay had treated him like a much-loved and trusted brother at the hospital. Sometimes, Gabe would briefly touch her hand, but not often. Or hug her, like a brother, not a lover. She’d always been glad to see him when he returned to her room. He lived to see happiness coming back to Bay’s eyes when her gaze rested upon him.
Damn, there was such unrelieved tension in him. Gabe felt torn. Poppy’s admonishment about crying damn near undid his massive control over his feelings. She was scary! And Bay had that same, homed-in radar, that same kind of clairvoyance. Poppy saw straight through him, warts and all, too. He was in big trouble with Poppy, but simultaneously, Gabe felt her love and care shower him, as well. She seemed to understand what he was going through.
Bay’s scream shattered his roiling thoughts.
Instinctively, Gabe leaped out of his bed and raced through the open door. He went to her room and found her huddled against the headboard, her voice growing hoarse with whimpering cries.
Gabe advanced to the bed, sitting down, facing her. Gently, he placed his hands on her shaking shoulders. “Bay…baby, it’s all right. You’re safe..safe….”
She lifted her head, breathing hard, her chest sharply rising and falling beneath her lavender nightgown. Dammit, he should have insisted on her taking the sleep med. It was too late now.
Gabe’s heart twisted in his chest as he saw that blank look in her eyes. That scared him even more. Her hair had partially fallen across her face, tears splattering down her cheeks. Groaning, Gabe said to hell with it and pulled Bay into his arms. He was supposed to talk her down, but he c
ouldn’t handle her cries.
Bay moaned as Gabe dragged her into his embrace. He stroked her hair, whispering to her, trying desperately to pull her out of the clutches of the nightmare that still held her prisoner. Gabe wasn’t sure if she’d scream and push him away or not. This was the first time he’d held her like this. Tears burned in his eyes, his mouth thinning as he absorbed Bay’s sobs, her warm tears running down across his chest. He hurt so damned much for her.
Gabe rocked her gently, as he would rock a hurt child, whispering softly to Bay, his voice trembling with barely held emotions in check.
Slowly, Bay’s sobs stopped. She began to hiccup. Gabe felt her burrow deeper, pressing her face against his shoulder and neck, literally trying to hide in his arms. Relief soared through him because Bay hadn’t pushed him away. And she could have. Closing his eyes, Gabe continued to rock her and move his hand across her unruly hair. Her trembling began to recede, and Bay’s breathing slowed down. Her hands were clasped between them.
“That’s right, baby, just lay here in my arms. You’re going to be okay. The nightmare’s gone, it won’t come back tonight. I’m here…I’ll hold you….”
Bay felt Gabe’s warm, hard arms around her dampened nightgowned body. She desperately clung to his rasping words. She fought against the things she’d seen and felt in the nightmare. Her lower body ached. What had happened to her? What was wrong? Flailing between raw fear and anxiety, Bay found solace in the gentle rocking motion in Gabe’s arms. His warm, moist breath whispered across her cheek. He felt safe. Oh, God, she needed to feel safe!
A black, bearded face leered out at her. Bay choked on a sob and winced. Gabe’s arms tightened in response. Those black eyes…oh, God, he was dangerous to her! Her heart started to speed up as his face hung there, an apparition from her unknown past, haunting her. Scaring her until she almost became paralyzed with fear.
“It’s okay, baby. I’m here….” Gabe reassured her. He could feel how damp Bay’s nightgown had become. She was sweating profusely, shaking, a frightened rabbit in his arms. What the hell should he do? What would help her? His mind spun, his emotions twisting violently within him.
Trying to still himself, Gabe homed in on his heart. It was the only voice he could trust right now. What did Bay need? What could he do to help her stop sweating and trembling like this? Her sobs began again, soft and halting at first. Her fingers dug into the flesh of his chest. What the hell kind of nightmare had this kind of hold on her? Frustration ripped through him. He felt as if he were going to die if he couldn’t fix this.
And then, Gabe said to hell with all of it, following his heart. “Come on, baby, lay down here beside me. I’ll hold you. Whatever you’re seeing, it can’t hurt you anymore. I’ll keep it away from you….”
Gabe eased Bay down onto the bed. She was still caught up in the nightmare, her eyes wild-looking and unseeing. The moment he got up to move to her side, she cried out, tucking herself once more into a fetal position of protection. Patiently, he lay down beside her and pulled the sheet over them.
As soon as Gabe gathered Bay into his arms, she calmed down. He brought Bay firmly against his body, and she nestled her face against his shoulder, her brow against his jaw. She was burrowing against him, as if to try and hide once again. From something. From someone…
Soon, Bay stopped shaking and finally breathed with a slow, even cadence. Her fingers, once curled tightly against his chest, relaxed and eased open. Every once in a while, Bay would hiccup, her body spasming. And then, she’d quiet once more. He’d do anything to get those nightmares out of her head. Anything.
Gabe let her fall asleep. Holding her was such an incredible gift to him. He’d unexpectedly gotten to hold Bay for three nights at the Bagram hospital. That time with her had fed his starving heart and soul. And now, he got to hold Bay once more. God, he needed this intimacy with her so damned badly.
Gabe closed his eyes, a shudder moving through him, his heart aching for Bay. Her scream…Jesus…he’d never forget that ear-shattering scream. Exhausted, Gabe didn’t want his mind going to that dark place within him. He didn’t want to try and imagine why she’d screamed like that. Shutting his eyes tightly, he nuzzled his face into Bay’s silky, curled hair. He inhaled her natural fragrance, and it fed his broken soul in every way. Gabe continued to hold the woman he loved more than his own life. Sleep stole in, and all his demons dissolved. For one night, Bay was here, beside him and in his arms, where she belonged.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
BAY AWOKE SLOWLY, sunlight streaming in through the white, lacy curtains. The window was open, and she could hear a robin singing outside. Had she been dreaming? As she opened her eyes fully, she tried to remember. Had Gabe held her last night? Or was that just a wish fulfillment?
She sighed brokenly, rolling over on her side. Gabe was more than a friend. She knew it but couldn’t remember. Since she’d become conscious at Landstuhl, she ached to be touched by him. Held.
Once she dragged herself out of bed, she pulled on her purple robe over her nightgown that was stiff and smelled of sweat. Bay needed some coffee and shuffled out of the room and down the hall, barefoot.
Bay halted when she saw Gabe at the sink, his back to her, looking out the large window. An incredible feeling of love washed over her. He was dressed in a tan T-shirt that showed off his powerful upper body, olive green cargo pants and hiking boots. Just knowing Gabe was close steadied her. And then, he turned, meeting her eyes, as if somehow sensing she was standing there.
“How are you doing?” Gabe asked quietly, warily searching her drowsy features. “How about a cup of coffee?” he asked, pulling out a wooden chair at the table for her.
“Yes, that sounds good,” Bay managed in a whisper. Drawing the robe tightly around her, she walked up him. Bay wanted to swim in those dark green eyes. “Gabe, I feel like I’m imagining things….”
“Like what?”
She sat down. “Did I—I mean, did you hold me last night or was I dreaming it?” Feeling suddenly shy, Bay dipped her head, staring at her clasped hands in her lap.
Gabe crouched down, one hand on the arm of the chair, his other falling over her tightly clasped hands. “You’re not going crazy, Bay. You had a nightmare last night and screamed. I heard it and came in to try and help.” His voice lowered, holding her startled gaze. “You wouldn’t stop crying. I slid into bed and held you until you finally stopped sobbing, and then, you went to sleep. I held you the rest of the night.”
Biting her lower lip, his voice like a balm to her shattered confidence, Bay gave a jerky nod. “Okay…then I wasn’t imagining it.” She pulled her hands free of his and covered her face. “I hate the night!”
Her muffled words tore at Gabe. All he could do was stroke her hair, as if soothing a wild, crazed animal. She drew in deep breaths, as if struggling to calm down. “I know you do. I wish I could take those nightmares away from you Bay….”
Bay lifted her head. “Y-you did. I stopped seeing his face when you lay with me. I—I could feel your warmth, your protection, Gabe. He stopped coming after me.” She lowered her gaze, never feeling as weak as she did right now.
Grazing her temple, moving a few tendrils behind her ear, Gabe asked, “Who was coming for you?” He watched the fear enter her eyes, and it ripped his heart apart. His Bay, who had been so confident before the rape, was little more than a shattered mirror of her original self. But he could tell that his touch eased some of the fear, and he moved his hand across her tense shoulder.
“I’m not sure,” Bay whispered, fighting not to cry. “He hated me. He was coming at me. I saw him reach out toward me…I guess that’s when I started screaming?” She clung to Gabe’s searching, turbulent gaze.
“I don’t know, baby, I don’t know. I wish I did.” Gabe unwound and stood up. He gently laid his hand on her shoulder. “Do you want that coffee?” Gabe didn’t know what else to say. Or do. The question seemed so damned inane. Unimportant.
“Y-y
es, please.”
It gave him something to do. Anything rather than stand there, his guts in twisting knots, casting around, trying to say the right thing. Whatever the hell was the right thing to say? Gabe handed her the mug of coffee and sat down next to her with his cup. She took several grateful sips. At 0600, the sun was just cresting the tops of the trees outside the cabin. It was peaceful. No people, just the soothing, comforting sounds of nature.
As she felt more stable, Bay realized it was because Gabe was near her. He fed her strength. Stability. Hands wrapping around the cup, she looked at him. “I need you to tell me more, Gabe. I—I know I’m an 18 Delta combat corpsman. I know you, but I can’t remember from where.” Tears gathered in Bay’s eyes, and she reached out, gripping his hand on the table. “Please, tell me what I don’t know? I’m dying inside because my heart goes crazy every time you touch me. Last night,” she breathed softly, “I felt safe when you held me, Gabe. You have no idea how much solace and peace it brought me from this constant anxiety that just keeps bubbling up through me in the background.”
Her pleading gaze tore at him. God, how much to tell her? What was enough? Too much? Dr. Torrance had warned him about this. Gabe was scared of overwhelming Bay. Or triggering an avalanche of memories that could tear her apart. As her tears fell silently down her cheeks, he gripped her hand and shut his eyes. Crying…no, please, don’t cry, baby… God, anything but that…
“Gabe?”
Her trembling voice tore through him, and Gabe opened his eyes and held hers. “We’re good, close friends,” he told her, his voice unsteady. He told her how they’d met last year when she was assigned to his SEAL team in Afghanistan. Gabe feared saying much more than covering their four months of working together. He left out the soul-stealing kiss they’d shared the morning he was to leave for the States. He’d never forget that one, searing kiss with Bay. Their first kiss. A forever kiss indelibly branded on his heart and soul.
Never Surrender Page 17
