In utter disbelief, Gabe stared at Poppy. Emotions rose swiftly, tightening his chest, filling him with renewed hope. There was so much to think about. To feel his way through. “I don’t know how to handle this, Poppy. Bay remembers the rape. I remember Dr. Torrance warning me big-time about not trying to get intimate with her after the memories came back. It could pressure her, or scare her…break the trust I’ve built with her.”
“Listen, you’ve always loved her! You know Bay, and unconsciously, she knows you. She’s always trusted you. Just be gentle, patient and slow with her is all. She’s like a horse that’s been beaten half to death. They’re always wary at first, but love and patience always wins them back over. Think about ways to do that, to give her a chance to show you she loves you. It isn’t always about the man taking the helm. Sometimes, you gotta let the woman set the pace and let her make the first steps forward. Okay?”
A slow grin worked its way across Gabe’s face, fierce hope tunneling through his heart. “I hear you, Poppy. I’ll take your words and ideas and make them work.”
She sighed dramatically and nodded. “Good, then. Come with me back to the house. I just made two fresh apple pies this afternoon. And that’s a favorite of Bay’s. Come over and pick one up and take it home as dessert for the two of you after your dinner tonight.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
CHAPTER NINETEEN
BAY LOVED OCTOBER. It was her favorite month of the year. She saw Gabe splitting wood on the knoll above the cabin, near the blue Ford pickup truck. He’d been cutting wood all day long and bringing it back to each of the cabins for the winter supply. For now, her mother wouldn’t allow the black-bearded wood man anywhere near the place. The sun was overhead, feeling warm on the slightly chilly day. Dried leaves crunched beneath her feet as she walked from their cabin up the knoll where the wood stack was growing.
Gabe had taken off his T-shirt, his upper body gleaming in the sunlight. Bay had always appreciated his lean, taut muscling. He wasn’t bulked up like a body builder, rather more like a honed, champion boxer. She watched his muscles flex and tighten as he brought the long-handled axe down on a quarter piece of wood. The sound of it splitting cracked through the air.
“Time for a break?” she called, approaching him. She placed a glass of iced tea on a post nearby. Gabe turned toward her, his face gleaming with sweat. His chest was covered with dark hair, a thin line down the middle of his flat, hard belly, disappearing into his jeans. It was his green eyes that narrowed instantly upon her that made Bay’s heart speed up.
Over a month had gone by since she’d remembered the rape. In that time, Gabe had changed a number of his habits. On most days, he was gone or out chopping wood. He came in for daily meals she cooked, but then left shortly after eating. In a way, Bay missed his constant presence, but in another way, it worked for both of them. Like her Mama remarked one day, about three weeks ago, she didn’t need Gabe fused to her hip 24/7. And they’d both laughed and agreed.
“Hey,” Gabe murmured, wiping the sweat off his brow with the back of his arm, “that looks good. Thank you.” He brought the head of the axe down, and it stuck in a larger tree stump he used to split the wood on. As he reached for the cold glass of iced tea, Gabe felt his entire body tighten with need for Bay. She stood unsurely before him, her hands clasped in front of her. The breeze gently moved her light brown hair around her cheeks. As he looked at her, he could see how she was finally starting to regain her lost weight. She filled out her jeans and pink sweater rather nicely.
Tipping the glass to his lips, Gabe drank thirstily, a hint of lemon and honey in the tea. The sour taste reminded Gabe of their awkwardness around one another in the last couple months. Poppy sent him on errands nearly every day. Or, he’d buy a load of wood and split it for hours each day. Poppy needed to have enough to carry the two cabins over the coming winter. Bay was content to stay on the mountain, not ready for crowds and strangers yet.
Poppy had been right: seeing less of Bay was strengthening her. He’d seen incredible changes, good ones in her, as a result. After finishing the glass of iced tea, he grinned. “Thanks,” he said before handing the empty glass to her.
Their fingers met and held.
“Dinner’s at six,” she said, glancing quickly at the sky. It would be dark about that time. “I made your favorite. Beef roast, potatoes and carrots.”
Gabe wanted to stare at Bay like a lovesick puppy. Her cheeks were flushed, and he was moved by her sudden shyness, not quite holding his gaze for very long. She’d been like that with him when she’d been with his SEAL team in Afghanistan. Gabe wanted to reach out and slide his hand along the clean line of her jaw, tilt her head and kiss her. How many times had he entertained that thought? A hundred times a day. “Gravy, by any chance?”
Bay laughed. “It’s easy to see what you want.”
There it was again, that invisible protection surrounding her like arms embracing her. How she had missed that sensation, along with that heat in his gaze. In the past few months, it had returned, and never had she felt such utter relief. It was as if they were once more invisibly connected to one another.
As Gabe stood casually with his large, spare hands resting on his hips, Bay wanted to blurt out her growing love for him. How would he take her admission? What man wanted a woman who had been defiled as she had been? Bay was afraid of his answers and couldn’t get up the courage to speak to him about it.
Wiping his brow with his long fingers, Gabe gave her a wry look and said, “Men are simple to read in comparison to women, believe me.”
“Oh, you’re so prejudiced, Griffin,” she said, chuckling, and turned away, walking down the knoll toward the cabin.
He grinned and watched the soft sway of her hips. Her legs…God, her legs were a mile long, shapely beneath those loose-fitting jeans she wore. He’d entertained running his hands up and down them way too many times. Every day it was getting tougher for Gabe to stop his physical reactions toward Bay.
He turned, grabbing the axe. When to touch Bay? Where to touch her? Would his hand in the wrong place trigger her again? Send her into crumpling pain and panic once more? Gabe couldn’t stand seeing Bay suffer. She was looking him in the eye again, instead of always looking off to one side. He couldn’t jeopardize what she’d rebuilt in herself.
The coolness of the breeze hit his sweaty body. It felt good. Now he needed a truckload of ice cubes to put his hungry body into permanent deep freeze.
*
BAY SAT ON the couch, Gabe sitting on the floor, leaning against it, inches separating them. They’d had dinner earlier and gone to the living room to have dessert. It was becoming a nightly ritual Gabe looked forward to. They listened to classical music on a radio. This was their quality time. A time to share what each had done during the day.
Gabe held a plate with a huge piece of apple pie slathered with whipped cream in his hand. A sense of tranquility settled around him as they ate in silence, the clink of the fork against the plate one of the few sounds. Flames cracked and popped in the fireplace, sending heat radiating throughout the cabin. The soft snap and crackle of the wood burning provided a sense of peace to the cabin.
“I finished my canvas today,” Bay told him, setting her empty plate on the side of the lamp table. Poppy had pushed her into getting back to her painting. So had Gabe.
“Can I see it?” Gabe finished his pie and set his plate to one side. He tipped his head to the right, catching her expression. He saw some worry in Bay’s eyes as she rose. “Hey,” he called softly, catching her hand and gently tugging on her fingers. “Come down here for a second? You’ve got some whipped cream on your nose.”
Bay colored fiercely, absorbing his strong, warm hand around hers. “Oh, jeez,” she murmured, embarrassed. She lifted her hand to wipe it off.
“Uh-uh,” Gabe murmured, smiling as he coaxed her to come and kneel next to him. “Now, if you sit real still, I’ll get it….” He caught the tiny white stuff on her nose
with his index finger. Gabe popped it into his mouth and gave her a wicked grin.
Bay sat back on her heels, feeling lighter. Happier. She loved these moments when he was intimate with her. Gabe had showered earlier and wore a cream-colored long-sleeved corduroy shirt. His dark hair was still damp, and stubble emphasized the lean planes of his smiling face. Bay drowned in his green eyes and sighed. She sat down, wanting to get closer to him. She caught the scent of the pine soap he’d used, the sunlight on his flesh and Gabe’s special male scent that was only him. Her gaze focused on his strong, well-shaped mouth. How many times a day did she think of getting up enough courage to kiss this man? Fear had stopped Bay because she was afraid of Gabe’s reaction. Friends didn’t kiss one another.
“Uh-oh,” Gabe teased, “I see a second spot of whipped cream. You’re in trouble.”
“Oh, you’re kidding me.” Bay’s eyes widened with distress. “Where?”
Gabe eased his hands around her shoulders. “Come here, I’ll show you….” He pulled her across his lap, hoping like hell she wouldn’t react negatively to his action. Gabe couldn’t help himself any longer. He had to touch her. He craved intimacy with Bay so damn badly, he was barely sleeping anymore at night. He felt her thighs meet and slide across his. Looking up into her face, he saw surprise, not fear. Not yet…
Keeping his tone light, Gabe brought Bay against his body, her arm easing around his shoulders. “Now…” He slowly brought his hand up, not wanting to startle her with too swift a movement. Gabe keenly monitored her reaction, feeling how her body was responding against his. If, at any moment, he felt her freeze up, he’d instantly stop, knowing it was triggering something bad inside her.
“It’s right here,” he rasped, moving his thumb across her pouty lower lip.
Bay’s eyes widened momentarily and then grew deliciously drowsy, telling him she liked his touch. Gabe slid his fingers along her left cheek, gently turning her a bit more and angling her such that he could lean up and capture that soft, waiting mouth of hers. His body thrummed with scalding lust. He felt himself growing hard, hoping like hell Bay wasn’t aware of it. This wasn’t where this was going. At least, not yet.
Gabe looked deeply into her confused blue eyes, gently trapping her chin. “I have a confession to make.”
“What?” she whispered, barely able to get the word out, entranced with his eyes burning with heat. He was going to kiss her, she just knew it. Her whole body trembled with excitement over that sudden realization.
He grinned and said, “I lied. There’s no more whipped cream on you.” Gabe’s smile faded, and he held her warm gaze. “I want to kiss you, Bay. May I?”
She blinked once, caught in a scorching daze of hunger. His hand was on the center of her back, his other roughened palm cupping her cheek. She opened her lips to speak, and her mind disappeared. The serious look in Gabe’s eyes brought her back to earth. He was patiently waiting. Watching her. Watching for reaction. Gulping, she managed hoarsely, “Yes…I’d like that….”
“But, listen, baby, we need to get some ground rules set here first. Okay?”
Bay nodded, resting her hand against his chest. Beneath her palm, she felt the slow thud of his heart. “What rules, Gabe?” And then she shook her head. “Yes…I’m sorry…I forgot for a moment….” About the rape. About what triggered her pain. Gabe’s eyes darkened for just a moment, his male mouth tightened imperceptibly.
“You’re in the driver’s seat, Bay. You have to be, after what’s happened to you.” Gabe caressed her flushed cheek with his thumb, feeling the velvet softness of her flesh. “I don’t know where that line is with you. I can’t read your mind, baby. You have to tell me if I scare you or…God forbid, hurt you. I live in a special hell worrying I’ll accidentally harm you. If something frightens you, doesn’t feel good to you, stop me. Okay?” Gabe’s gaze dug into her sad blue eyes. She tucked her lower lip between her teeth, and he watched her confidence dissolve. Dammit, this had to be talked about. Gabe couldn’t do anything without Bay’s help. She had to speak up. Patience… He gave her a tender smile and saw her respond gamely to it.
“You’re right,” Bay replied in a hushed tone. “I’m not afraid of you, Gabe. I know you won’t hurt me.” And her voice broke as she looked helplessly down at him.
His heart shattered. Bay was struggling, the flush disappearing from her cheeks. She was scared, and he sensed it, saw it.
“Baby,” he cajoled, sliding his fingers through her hair, “we’ll be patient with one another. Okay?”
She swallowed hard and in strangled voice asked, “How did you know, Gabe?”
“Know what?” he asked, searching her eyes.
“Th-that I wanted you more than just as a friend.” The words rushed out of her, fearful-sounding yet filled with yearning. For him. Afraid to meet his eyes, Bay sat very still, so afraid of Gabe’s reaction to her whispered admission. Had her silly heart led her wrong? It had told her he loved her, too. He drew her against his chest, her head coming to rest against his. “You have no idea, baby, how long I’ve been waiting to hear you say that.” His voice shook with emotion, and Bay lifted her head away from his, shock registering in her expression. Good shock, not bad. The corners of Gabe’s mouth slowly pulled upward. Her lips parted, amazement registering in her blue eyes. And then, the look he’d been waiting so damn long for: yearning for him alone.
Time slowly ebbed to a halt as Gabe lifted his hand once again and slid it against Bay’s jaw, guiding her down, guiding her lips toward his. A burning ache built rapidly within his tense body. Never had he wanted anything more in this moment than Bay’s lips settled against his own. God, he’d waited months for this one, exquisite moment….
His warm, moist breath caressed her nose, mouth and cheek. She closed her eyes, wanting Gabe so badly, her lips parting, pleading silently with him to kiss her. His mouth skimmed her lips as softy as a butterfly’s wings. Her heart skittered. Her breath hitched as she leaned more surely toward him, wanting his mouth firmly upon hers. His lips molded against hers, giving her his heat. All Bay’s fear and anxiety melted beneath Gabe’s slow, deliberate exploration of her. She felt cherished as he parted her lips, deepening their kiss. She moaned, but it was a moan of pleasure and need, not fear or pain.
Her world turned hot and needy as Gabe caressed her lips. A shudder worked through her as her body reawakened. Their breathing became uneven, and she gripped his shoulder, wanting more. He hesitated, as if silently asking her if this is what she really wanted.
Bay felt so damned greedy, wanting his mouth on hers, infusing her with life. Somewhere in the halls of her memory, Bay knew Gabe’s mouth intimately, had kissed him until her soul sang with joy. He smiled beneath her lips, a smile of a man who liked his woman’s audacity. Did Gabe love her?
Bay couldn’t help but get caught up in the fever of his mouth, his tongue sliding against hers, their hearts thundering against one another. Inhaling his male scent, she suddenly felt free in a way she hadn’t felt before. His hands ranged from her shoulders down her lower arms. His tongue moved teasingly against hers. Stroking her slowly and then moving boldly to meet her shy challenge. Bay gave a soft cry, her fingers sinking into his taut shoulders. She wanted the kiss to go on forever.
Reluctantly, Gabe eased from her swollen, wet lips, his breath ragged. Bay’s eyes were filled with arousal. It made him feel good. Feel whole, when he hadn’t felt that way in a damned long time. Gabe smiled into her blue eyes. “That was a good first step we just took.” His brows moved down as she didn’t respond. “Are you all right, Bay?”
“I’m fine…just fine….”
Gabe wanted to get up, carry Bay into his bedroom and make love with her all night long. His body ached, the pain nearly unbearable. He framed her face, watching the arousal in her eyes. Yeah, this was a good first step. No land mines. No terror. No screams. It wasn’t Bay’s fault, and Gabe knew that. But one wrong move could destroy her fragile state. And destroy her trust in hi
m.
Bay lifted her hand, trailing her fingertips along his cheek. She tried to smile, but seemed so shy still. Had they gone too far, too fast?
How could he tell her how much he loved her? Gabe’s heart lurched, ached and cried out in protest. She may have responded to him, but how did she really feel about the kiss, about him? He could still taste her on his lips. It would have to be enough for now.
CHAPTER TWENTY
GABE WORRIEDLY WATCHED Bay as she helped take a tray of Halloween cookies to Poppy’s burgundy Toyota minivan. The three women had baked half a day, getting ready to bring caramel-coated apples and dozens of frosted cookies to Eva-Jo’s school in the town of Dunmore.
Eva-Jo was decked out in a fairy costume wearing a glittery white skirt and bright pink blouse, along with a crown and a wand with multicolored ribbons attached to it. Poppy had created the fairy dress with Bay’s help. Gabe tried to settle his anxiety. This was the first time Bay was going to step out into a social function since returning home.
Eva-Jo was singing and dancing around the burgundy minivan as Poppy and Bay carefully stowed the food into the rear of it. Gabe was the driver, and he carried two gallons of apple cider, one in each hand, to the van. Eva-Jo was singing at the top of her lungs, caught up in her own inner world. Gabe would have appreciated her infectious joy more if he wasn’t so damned concerned about Bay. He’d tried to talk Bay out of going. Her therapist was actively urging her to begin to flow into mainstream society. Bay wasn’t ready, and Gabe knew it in his gut, but he couldn’t stop her. She chose to listen to her counselor over his advice.
Everyone settled into the van, midafternoon sunlight slanting through the woods, leaving beams of light shooting through the naked tree branches. Bay sat in the seat behind Gabe. Poppy sat up front in the passenger seat. She turned to make sure singing Eva-Jo was strapped in, too. Bay had already done the duty.
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