Lessons of the Past

by Chloe Maxx

  “Okay,” she agreed. “I think you need to do something this weekend besides sit on the couch watching TV.”

  “Why are you on my case? I’m perfectly happy watching TV and vegging. And it’s only Monday, I have plenty of time to decide what I’m doing this weekend.”

  “It’s never too early to plan some fun,” she replied.

  I downed my wine. “What do you suggest? Jessica invited me to go out with the single girls from work, but honestly, I’d rather sit at home and paint my toenails.”

  Rebecca sighed. “You are just a big ball of fun.”

  I shrugged and petted Buster. His little face stared at me like I was the most precious thing in the world to him. Smiling, I said, “You want me to stay home, don’t you? Don’t you?”

  “Quit talking to him. You’re talking to me.”

  “He’s still really sexy,” I blurted.

  “Who?” she asked, confused. “Javier? Did you expect him to go downhill and get fat?”

  “I had hoped.”

  “I’m looking at his pictures and yeah, I agree. He’s definitely still got the hot thing going.”

  I rolled my eyes, but moved her laptop so I could see. The picture she had clicked on was one of Javier and an older Caroline holding a fish while standing on a boat, the blue ocean behind them. He was smiling and looked genuinely happy, but his expressive eyes were covered by sunglasses. He had on a sleeveless shirt and board shorts, and basically looked edible.

  “Fucking prick,” I muttered.

  “What?”

  “Why does he have to look like,” I pointed to the screen, “that? He needs to be ugly. He deserves to be ugly.”

  “You’re not bitter or anything.”

  I looked at my sister, my mouth open. “I think I have a right to be bitter.”

  She stood up and stretched. “I’m hungry. What do you want?”

  “Is Max coming over?” I asked, referring to her boyfriend.

  “I don’t know. He said he might have to work late.” Her eyes lit up. “Why don’t you call Courtney and Lane and see if they want to meet us somewhere? Courtney is great about getting your mind off things.”

  I pursed my lips, thinking it over. Although I was very happy my two best friends were happily in love, I wasn’t sure I wanted to see it. I just wasn’t in the mood to watch them hug and kiss and look at each other with adoring eyes. “No. If we invite them, we’ll have to eat Thai, and I don’t want that.”

  She arched an eyebrow. “You could always tell her you don’t want to eat that.”

  “Then she’ll remind all of us how she is five months pregnant. Even Lane is tired of being reminded.”

  “Good point,” she replied, nodding her head. “Let’s just go to…”

  “Taco Bell!” we both shouted in unison.

  Taco Bell was our go to spot anytime we were hungry and couldn’t decide what we wanted. “I’ll drive,” she said as she grabbed her purse.

  “Okay. Let’s roll.”

  ***

  A short drive later, we were munching on our favorite food. “I can’t believe you pigged,” Rebecca said, breaking the silence.

  I stopped mid-chew and glared at her. After a few seconds, I chewed and swallowed. “You would have, too! He acted like we were long lost friends who needed to catch up.” I took a drink. “But it was typical of him. Javier could be such an ass and then act like it never happened.”

  “But something about a man being an ass is kinda sexy.” I rolled my eyes, and she clarified, “I mean, as long as he is still loving. I don’t mean emotional and mental abuse.”

  “Oh, I know what you mean. And I agree. I hate that I agree, but I do. Even today, he still had the ability to make me…to turn me on.”

  She bit into her burrito. “I can only imagine. Being locked in an enclosed space with him…”

  “Stop talking. I don’t want to talk about him anymore. With any luck, I’ll never see him again.” I took a swig of my drink. “Let’s talk about you and Max.”

  “What about us? We’re boring.”

  “What the fuck ever! I was passed out asleep last night and your shouting woke me up. ‘Oh, Max, harder!’ It was kinda hard to go back to sleep while listening to my sister have sex.” If she was going to put me on the spot, I was putting her on the spot, too.

  “He’s good.” Her eyes rounded. “I mean good.”

  I barked out a laugh at her dreamy face. “Maybe we should get you home, let him come over.”

  “He just texted that he’s leaving work in fifteen minutes and heading over. Remind me to order something for him before we leave.”

  I tilted my head and looked at my little sister. She was in such a happy place, and I loved that Max had helped get her there. As crazy as it might sound, even though I had been cheated on twice, I never questioned whether good guys existed like some women in my position. Lane and Max proved that to me. Even Caleb. I really didn’t have any harsh feelings toward him. I loved him and wanted to see him happy. I knew he never meant to hurt me.

  “I know you and Max are at that spot…I know y’all are talking about moving in together. He knows I’m just temporary, right?”

  “We are not at that spot. Besides, if we ever do get to that spot, it’s a two bedroom house. He can still move in and you can stay as long as you want. I don’t see any rush for you to leave.”

  “Really?”

  “Really.” She eyed my food. “Are you finished?”

  “Yep. Let’s go. I have some work to do and emails to answer.”

  Rebecca ordered Max’s food and we drove home listening to a classic radio station, belting out the tunes as loud as we possibly could.

  Chapter 23

  Tuesday passed in a blur. I didn’t have a lot of time to think about Javier, but I had looked over my shoulder a lot more than usual. I wasn’t exactly sure what I would’ve done if I saw him, but a part of me wanted to find out.

  My desk phone rang and I picked it up as I closed a spreadsheet. “Mr. Bradford’s office. Alex Collins speaking.”

  “Hi, Alex. It’s Sabrina at reception. I have a Javier Rodriguez here to see you.”

  My stomach tumbled and my throat dried. He was at my damn work? What the hell was I supposed to do? I cleared my throat, swallowing the lump that had formed. “Okay. I’ll be right there.”

  I sat at my desk for a couple seconds and tried to get a hold of my thoughts and feelings, but I couldn’t. He was at my work! Standing, I smoothed my gray pencil skirt with my hands and took a shaky step toward reception. My mind reeled the entire time, wondering what he could possibly want to say, here, where anyone could listen.

  I rounded the corner and my breath caught. He was dressed almost identical to the way he was when I first saw him—dark suit and blue shirt, both tailor-made to fit his body perfectly.

  Why the fuck does he have to be so handsome? So utterly sexy?

  My clacking heels alerted him to my approach and his eyes snapped in my direction. His throat worked as he swallowed, then his lips parted. I hoped that meant I was having the same effect on him. Not that I wanted anything to happen, but I still liked knowing he found me attractive.

  “Alexandria…”

  “Javier. What are you doing here?” I asked, coming to a stop in front of him, but not too close.

  “You look beautiful.” His hand scrubbed over his face and he looked at Sabrina, then back to me. He grabbed my arm and led me out the glass door into the foyer. “Sorry. I just didn’t want an audience.”

  “What are you doing here?” I repeated, needing to get this over with.

  Javier placed his hand on the back of his neck. “I was…I was hoping you were free for dinner.”

  I opened my mouth, then promptly shut it. My first thought was to tell him to fuck off, but then I thought about everything Rebecca had said the other night. “Hoping I was free for dinner.” I bit my lip, still thinking it over. Would I have the guts to say and ask the things I wanted? “W
hat time?” I heard myself blurting.

  Javier waited to reply as a man stepped out of the elevator into the reception area. “Whatever time you are free. I have until about nine o’clock.” His lips stretched into a hopeful smile.

  I glanced at my watch. It was four-thirty. “Give me thirty minutes.”

  His smile grew, revealing his perfect teeth and lone dimple. “I can do that. I’ll wait downstairs.”

  “Okay,” I said, then turned around and walked back to my desk. Sitting back down in my chair, I heaved a deep breath and closed my eyes. I hoped I was doing the right thing. I knew he had a certain power over me, and I didn’t want to fall back into my old ways. He cheated on you, then dumped you. I repeated the mantra to myself the entire time I cleaned my desk and shut down my computer.

  By the time I was in the elevator, I had repeated it so many times, I was beginning to get pissed. How dare he come back into my life and stir shit up from the past? I had enough shit to worry about.

  The elevator doors slid open on the lobby floor and the seven other occupants stepped out while I evened my breathing. You can do this. I heaved a deep breath and exited the car. Javier was standing next to a pillar, his head leaning against it. He looked tired, but he hadn’t changed much other than that.

  As if he could feel my presence, he lifted his head and locked gazes with me. Javier’s beautiful blue eyes were shining, almost as if he couldn’t believe I was standing there. He pushed himself away from the pillar and walked toward me. “Ready?”

  “I guess,” I said, plastering on a fake smile.

  “Where would you like to go?”

  “It doesn’t matter to me. Just not Thai. I’ve had enough Thai food lately to last me a while.” I had no idea why I was telling him this.

  “Okay. How about a burger joint? I know a really good one.”

  I shrugged. “Sure. I’ll follow you there. Are you parked in the parking garage?”

  Javier nodded. “Yeah. But why don’t I just drive? I can drop you off at your car later.”

  “Um, okay,” I agreed, not having the energy to fight him.

  We began walking side by side toward the doors leading to the parking garage and I couldn’t help but inhale. He still smelled the same. Masculine and clean and…amazing.

  “You look beautiful. I don’t know if I told you that or not, but you do,” he said, and I could feel him looking at me.

  “You did. Thank you.”

  We reached the garage and walked up a flight of stairs before he led me to a black BMW X5 SUV. “Nice wheels,” I muttered.

  “Thanks. I needed extra space now that Caroline is in sports and she’s always got a friend with her.” He opened the door for me and held out his hand to help me inside. I stared at it for a second, but declined the offer and climbed inside.

  He shook his head, but didn’t say anything, and shut the door. He walked around the front, a pensive look on his face. A minute later, Javier opened the door and jumped inside.

  Deciding my time with him would be much more enjoyable if I stopped being a bitch, I said, “Do you have a thing for BMWs?” It was a stupid question, but I couldn’t think of anything else to say. I really wanted to ask how his wife and slut on the side were doing, but that would probably be classified as bitchy.

  He barked out a laugh and my stomach tumbled. It was a wonderful sound. “I guess. I never really thought about it.”

  “Well, it’s nice.”

  He pressed the start button and stared out the windshield. “Alexandria…” he trailed off, moving his eyes to me.

  “Yes?”

  “I know you don’t want anything to do with me, and I understand why.” He placed his hand on the gear shift. “I just want to explain things to you. Apologize. Thank you for agreeing and giving me the chance.”

  I swallowed the lump in my throat thinking he could apologize all he wanted, I’d never forgive him. He had played mind games with me. Made me fall in love with him. Told me he loved me. “Okay,” was all I could think to say.

  He pulled out of the parking space and exited the garage before pulling into traffic. I bit my lip, trying to think of something else to say. “So…do you live in Houston now or are you still in Beach Center?”

  “I live here. After Amy and I divorced, I got a job at the University of Houston.” I looked out the window, shaking my head. He said divorce so nonchalantly, you would think he was talking about the weather. Taking a deep breath, I turned to look at Javier. He was glancing between me and the road, biting the inside of his cheek. He looked nervous. “Amy and I have been divorced for a while,” he continued, “I thought I should tell you that.”

  “Why?” I asked, not keeping the anger out of my voice. “Why would I need to know?”

  “Alexandria, I—”

  I crossed my arms over my chest. “You know what, it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter in the least.” That was a complete lie. If he really loved me, why divorce her after we broke up? Why crush me when he was going to end it with her? My anger was about to boil over and I needed out of the vehicle. I needed air, I needed to slap the shit out of him—that’s what I really needed.

  We sat in silence the rest of the way to the restaurant. As soon as he parked, I jumped out of the SUV and slammed the door. Why the fuck did I agree to come with him?

  After taking a few deep, calming breaths, I rounded the front of the vehicle where Javier was waiting. “Alex—”

  “So, this place is good?” I interrupted.

  “Yeah. It’s really good.”

  “I’ve lived here most of my life and have never heard of it.” We walked inside and were immediately seated in a back secluded booth, unfortunately. I imagined couples on dates asking for a booth just like this one.

  We sat down across from each other and I immediately picked up the menu. I couldn’t concentrate on what I was reading. I suddenly didn’t feel hungry at all. I needed to get everything out in the open and over with. The sooner we talked, the sooner I’d never see him again.

  I tossed my menu on the table. “Why did you ask me to dinner? Why are you doing this? You could’ve said sorry earlier when you showed up at my work.”

  Javier’s eyes were wide and he seemed to be thinking over what I had just asked. “Yeah, I could’ve said sorry earlier, but I wouldn’t be having dinner with you right now.” He swallowed and ran a hand through his hair. “I’m doing this because I’m still in love with you, damn it.”

  My jaw went slack and my eyes widened. I also felt like I might throw up. How the fuck could he tell me he was still in love with me? After five years? And then I remembered, not that it was ever far from my mind, he had never loved me. He had also slept with someone else.

  The waiter came, took our drink order, and left.

  “How’s Mia?” I spat.

  “Who the fuck is Mia?” He genuinely looked perplexed.

  I chuckled harshly. “Really? You want to go down that road? Let’s see, Javier.” I paused, letting my eyes narrow on him, and leaned forward. “I’m not sure what to call her. The girl you cheated on your mistress with? Your slut? Or was that me?”

  Sucking in a breath, he closed his eyes. When he opened them again, they were pleading. “Alexandria—”

  “Alex,” I interrupted. “My fucking name is Alex.”

  “Alex. What I said that night…” He shook his head and grabbed my hand. I tried to pull away, but he gripped me harder. “No. No, listen. Please, listen…I lied. I knew you were terrified I was sleeping with her, you’d told me. I also knew you could make me do anything. Fuck. Anything. I was scared I wouldn’t be able to end it with you, so I told you I slept with that girl so you’d hate me.”

  “Well, it worked.”

  The bustling waiter came back with our drinks and asked if we were ready to order.

  I shook my head. “You order first.” I was pissed, but I didn’t want to be rude to the waiter. It wasn’t his fault I was sitting across from a fuck face.
>
  “I’ll have the number three burger with seasoned fries,” Javier told the waiter and handed him the menu. Then, he proceeded to stare at me.

  Smiling sweetly at the waiter, I said, “I’ll just have a margarita.”

  He nodded and left, and I had to fight the urge to bolt.

  “I swear to you, I never cheated on you. Never. You had told me how you had spoken to your sister about us and it really hit me how much I was asking you to give up. I felt like you deserved better, and to be honest, I was scared we would get caught by more people. So, I lied.”

  I sucked in a breath. His words were exactly what I wanted to hear, but how did I know he wasn’t lying now? He was an amazing liar. I tilted my head to the side. “You really expect me to believe you? You are the biggest liar I’ve ever known.”

  “I swear, it’s the truth. I love you so fucking much. I did then, and I still do.”

  “Well, I’m married. So, it’s all moot.” A little bit of a lie, but still technically true.

  He eyed my bare ring finger. “You sure about that?”

  Five years’ worth of anger was threatening to spill out. “You fucking asshat, cock sucking, jerk-ass bastard!” I shouted. “I think I’d fucking know whether I’m married or not.”

  His eyes were wide as he stared at me, and I realized how loudly I had just yelled at him. Glancing around, Javier wasn’t the only one staring at me. I had the entire restaurant’s attention.

  Javier began to chuckle, and I couldn’t help but laugh, too. I had never in my life yelled like that in a public place. Behind closed doors, yes, but not in a room full of people. I didn’t know whether it was the emotions of just being near him or what he had just told me, but my laughter quickly morphed into sobs. Tears spilled down my face, but I couldn’t stop the emotions from pouring out.

  I covered my face with my hands, and two seconds later, I felt him sit beside me and wrap his arms around me. I tried to push him away, but he held me tighter. “Don’t touch me!”

  “Please. Just let me do this.”

  Not having the energy to fight him any longer, I clung to his shirt and let it all out. His hand trailed up and down my back, soothing me, and I couldn’t help but melt into him. Being with him had always felt right. Always comforted me. Always.