Lessons of the Past

by Chloe Maxx

  “Okay. If something changes with your sister, call me.”

  “I will,” I said, plastering on a fake smile. Jessica walked away and I tried to get back to work, but it was difficult. My mind kept thinking of Javier, and my closure was turning out to be anything but.

  My desk phone rang. “Mr. Bradford’s office. This is Alex.”

  “The hot guy is up here again,” Sabrina whispered over the phone.

  My heart rate accelerated and a shiver raced up my spine. Mr. Bradford was out of the office for the afternoon, so I said, “Can you send him back here?”

  “Sure. No problem.”

  A minute later, Javier came into my view looking like sex on legs. His hair was perfectly trimmed in his signature look with a day worth of scruff setting off his beautiful blue eyes. I let my eyes travel down. He was wearing a white button-down that showed off the fact that he didn’t miss many workouts, and his black pants were perfectly fitted, as always.

  “Javier,” I said, standing.

  “Alexandria. You look beautiful.” He came to stand in front of my desk as we both drank each other in. My heart pounded and arousal pooled in my core. Javier may have wounded me deeply, but that didn’t stop my attraction to him.

  “How do you keep getting past security?” I asked, breaking the connection between us.

  His lips curled into a cocky smile. “Oh, I have my ways.”

  I laughed, shaking my head. “Have a seat. What brings you by?” I hated to admit it, but I loved that he was here. I had told myself I wanted closure, but I couldn’t help the smile stretching across my face.

  “I was wondering if you are busy tonight? I would have called, but I don’t have your number.”

  I bit my lip, thinking it over. I was definitely free since I had lied to Jessica about Rebecca needing me, but was it wise to go out with Javier again? I wasn’t sure. “What did you want to do?”

  “Dinner. I have no idea, I just knew I wanted to ask.” His eyes were shining with hope, but other than that, he gave a confident vibe.

  “As friends?” I asked.

  “Of course,” he replied. “Or, at least, I hope we can be friends.”

  We can be friends.

  Friends.

  My heart stumbled for a moment realizing he really didn’t want anything other than friendship. “Sure,” I told him, even though I suddenly felt sad.

  Javier had caused me so much pain. I had told myself I hated him, wanted to hate him so bad, but the truth was, I was still in love with him. He had stolen every single inch of my heart five years ago and he still owned it.

  His eyes lit up and a smile stretched across his face. “Great. Where would you like me to pick you up?”

  “Um,” I said, before giving him my sister’s address.

  “Great. Is seven too early? I know you’ll need time after work.”

  “Seven is fine.” I bit my cheek, hoping I wasn’t making a mistake. I may not hate him like I wanted to, and he may have still owned my heart, but that didn’t mean I trusted him.

  “Why don’t you give me your number? Just in case…”

  I gave him my number and he plugged it into his phone. “Thanks. I better get going. I have a class.”

  I nodded and stood, my conflicting feelings rendering me speechless. Javier rounded my desk, then came to stand inches from me. He raised his hand, brushed my hair back, and leaned in closer. “I mean it. Thank you.” Then, he kissed my cheek and left.

  I stood motionless for a good couple minutes, stunned by the tingling his lips left behind and the feeling of being alive pumping through my veins.

  My desk phone rang and I picked it up. Before I could even get my greeting out, Jessica was yelling, “Involved with someone, huh?”

  I closed my eyes, trying to gather my thoughts. “Yeah. He is.” I wish it were me. I wish things had been different.

  “Are you sure it isn’t you?” she questioned, a smile in her voice.

  “I’m sure,” I answered. “We’re just old…friends.”

  “Mmmhuh.”

  “I’m serious. I have to get back to work.”

  Hanging the phone up, I sat back down and tried to weed through my emails, answering the ones that didn’t take much thought. My head wasn’t in a place to tackle any actual problems.

  My phone beeped from the side of my desk and I couldn’t help the thrill the text sent through my body.

  Javier: You are still the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. I’m looking forward to tonight.

  ***

  At five forty-five, I stumbled into my sister’s house, still in a daze. The house seemed quiet and I knew I was alone except Buster. I squatted down and rubbed his little head before I headed to my bedroom. He followed me inside and lay on my bed, as was his usual routine.

  After picking out a sexy, yet casual, outfit, I climbed into the shower. I let the hot water cascade over my body, relaxing my tense muscles. I had just worked shampoo into my hair when the door burst open. “Going out tonight with the girls from work?”

  Opening the curtain a bit and keeping my face neutral, I said, “No. I have…other plans.”

  Her brows furrowed. “Like what?” Then, she lifted her hand and pointed at me. “You are not staying home and watching Netflix! Not again.”

  “I’m not,” I told her. “I have plans. Just not with the girls from work.”

  “Then what are they?” She hoisted herself to sit on the counter.

  I shut the curtain and began rinsing my hair. “I’m seeing…Javier.”

  “Javier! What? When? Where? Holy shit!” she exclaimed, then the curtain was pulled back.

  “Stop it!” I shouted, but I was smiling. “I’m trying to shower.”

  She looked me up and down. “You better shave your legs! No need to make him think you’re part bear.”

  “Thanks, sis. You make me feel so pretty.”

  “You are beautiful.” She crossed her arms. “You’re seriously going out with Javier? Are you sure?”

  “Nothing is going to happen. He wants us to be friends.”

  She pulled her brows together. “And what do you want? I know I gave you a hard time the other night, but I don’t want to see you hurt.”

  I worked the conditioner into my hair and replied truthfully, “Honestly, Rebecca, I don’t have a clue what I want. He hurt me. Really bad. But I love him. I don’t think I ever stopped, and I’m not sure I ever can.”

  “Do you plan on telling him about…the miscarriage?”

  “No. Fuck no,” I said, closing my eyes. “He doesn’t need to know that. It’s over and done with.” Do not cry. Do not cry.

  “Just be careful.”

  I nodded, but didn’t say anything. I wasn’t sure I could be careful where Javier was concerned.

  Chapter 26

  Javier

  My last class ended and I couldn’t fucking wait to finish up the last of my office hours. Alexandria had agreed to go out with me as a friend, and although I wanted more, I’d accept whatever she would give me.

  I marched into my office, set my things down on my desk, and my mind went back to my old office at SUBC. That office held so many memories of Alexandria. Alexandria up on my desk, legs wide with my head between them, licking her into oblivion. Me fucking her from behind as she leaned against the window. Her giving me the best head of my life...

  Fuck ! I was going to make myself hard, and I was positive I’d have students showing up for help. Finals started the following Monday, which meant the last day of dead week would find students scrambling to understand the coursework they should have already grasped.

  I laughed to myself as I remembered what it had been like to help Alexandria. The first time she came into my office, I had wanted her. Wanted her so badly, it was hard to concentrate and actually help her with calculus. I had to fight the urge to hoist her up on the table and fuck her senseless.

  “Professor Rodriguez?”

  I turned my head to the doorwa
y where a student was standing. “Yes?” I had always been bad with names, and I couldn’t place theirs. “May I help you with something?”

  “I…uh…would you have the time to go over the last section we discussed in Calculus IV.”

  I sighed. “Take a seat.”

  ***

  After saying goodbye to Caroline for the weekend, I showered and dressed. It was six-thirty and according to the map app on my phone, I’d be arriving at Alexandria’s in about thirty minutes, which was perfect.

  On the drive over to her place, I recalled everything we had talked about at dinner the other night. When she had asked about the girl I had claimed to have slept with, I had no clue who the hell she was talking about. The hurt on Alexandria’s face let me know she hadn’t forgotten, though.

  It had been a split second decision to lie to Alexandria all those years ago and tell her I had been sleeping with another student. I needed her to hate me and I knew that was exactly what would happen if I told her I’d slept with someone else. Mission accomplished.

  But where I got so wrapped up in my own pain of losing Alexandria and forgetting about that lie, it was written all over her face that she had never forgotten and still felt betrayed. And fuck me, there was no way to prove I hadn’t slept with that girl whose name I still couldn’t fucking remember.

  “Fuck!” I roared into the dark SUV as I drove closer to Alexandria.

  I’d just have to do everything in my power to make it up to her. Start as her friend, then be her best friend—someone she could trust with anything—then be her everything. Lord knows she had never stopped being my everything.

  I pulled to the curb of the address she had given me. I didn’t know whether this had been her house while she was married or she had just moved in, but I really hoped it was the latter. The thought of being in a house she had shared with another man made me sick…and a little jealous.

  Stupid since I was the one who had pushed her into his arms, and I had shared a home with another woman while I was with Alexandria. Stupid, but I still felt jealous.

  With one big, deep breath, I opened the door and hopped out of the vehicle. I wanted to take my time and relax, but I found myself striding toward her door—to her.

  I knocked and a couple minutes later, the door opened. A girl with dark brown hair stood in the doorway, arms crossed. She looked similar to Alexandria and had the exact same scowl. “Javier, I assume,” she asserted, looking me up and down with disgust. Good to know her family approves.

  I stuck my hand out. “Yes. Is Alexandria ready?”

  “I’m Rebecca.” She let go of my hand and gestured for me to come inside. “She’ll be ready in a minute. I’d offer you something to drink, but I don’t really like you.”

  What the fuck do I say to that? “I’m not thirsty.”

  “So, you’re a professor?” she asked, sitting on the arm of the couch.

  “Yes.”

  “Do you still fuck your students for fun and games?”

  “Rebecca! Shut up!” Alexandria said, coming into the room. She looked at me and my breath caught. She was dressed in a red sweater dress, black tights, and ankle boots. She looked sexy as hell. Then again, she’d look sexy in a trash bag. “I’m so sorry,” she finally said.

  “That’s okay. Your sister was just defending you,” I replied. “Can’t fault her for that.”

  Rebecca glared at me. “Hurt her and I’ll cut you.”

  “I don’t plan on it.” I looked to Alexandria. “You ready?”

  “Yes.” She hugged her sister and whispered something to her. “Let me grab my coat.” It was December and although it wasn’t cold in Houston, it was chilly.

  I helped her put her coat on then opened the front door, not wanting to spend another minute with her sister. “So…I guess your sister isn’t a big fan of mine.”

  She laughed as I opened the passenger door for her. “She’s actually more of a fan than she let on. She was just putting on a show.”

  “Good to know.” I shut the door and rounded the SUV. Taking a deep, calming breath, I opened the door and got inside. “Thank you.”

  “For what?” she asked, her brows pulling in.

  “For coming tonight. I know I’m not your favorite person.” She began to say something, but I held my hand up to stop her. “Rightfully so. I deserve every bit of your hatred.”

  Alexandria looked out her window, then back to me. “I want to hate you. I really, really do. And I convinced myself that I did. But I don’t think I do. I’m just really hurt.”

  “I understand. I promise, if you’ll let me, I’ll make it up to you.”

  She nodded and I started the car and pulled onto the street. We drove in silence for a minute. “Where are we going?”

  “A surprise. I hope you like it.” I had racked my brain the entire afternoon on where we should go tonight. Now that I had her in the car, I wondered if it was a mistake. “Do you have a certain time you need to be back?”

  “No. My parents said I didn’t have a curfew tonight.” She laughed at her smartass reply and I found myself laughing too.

  “I see you haven’t lost any of your sass.”

  “Nope. Not a chance.”

  We drove for an hour and a half, talking about mundane things. She talked about her job and how demanding it could be at times, but she seemed happy. I talked about my job and Caroline. Nothing too personal. By the time we arrived at our location, we were in a comfortable place.

  We pulled into the parking lot of a restaurant and I killed the car. “You used to like the beach. I know it’s a little chilly, but I thought we could eat here since they have a heated patio, and then maybe take a walk.”

  She gasped. “Javier…” Alexandria glanced from me to the restaurant, then back to me. “I don’t know what to say. This is…really sweet.”

  “You don’t have to say anything. Just get out of the car so we can eat,” I told her as I opened the door. She nodded and a handful of seconds later, I joined her at the front of the vehicle. “Do you still like seafood?”

  “How could someone stop liking seafood? That would be crazy.”

  “True.”

  We went inside and were seated fairly quickly. The deck had heat lamps and was the perfect temperature. In the distance, you could see lights from boats and ships, and hear the waves slapping against the shore.

  “This is nice. I haven’t been to the beach in a long time.” She looked out at the water, a dreamy smile on her face.

  “Why?” I asked, staring at her.

  Alexandria turned to look at me. “Caleb never really liked the beach. He attended SUBC because he had a full ride academic scholarship.” She shrugged, as if it were no big deal, but I knew it was. Alexandria loved the beach. It was her place to go to feel centered.

  “I’m glad I brought you here.”

  She smiled. “Me, too.”

  “What can I get the two of you to drink?” the waiter asked, coming to stand beside our table.

  I pointed to Alexandria and she ordered a margarita, then I ordered a beer.

  We sat in silence for a few minutes, Alexandria looking out at the gulf while I stared at her. “You know,” she said, turning to look at me, “I’m glad it’s cold, because I would totally run out there, clothes and all, and jump into the water.”

  “I’d love to see that,” I blurted without thinking, but she just smiled. “Actually, I’d love to see it if you stripped down first.”

  “Javier, don’t be bad. We’re supposed to be trying to be friends.”

  I leaned forward and dropped my voice. “Friends can still turn each other on. It’s called friends with benefits.”

  “Oh really.” She leaned forward as well, a glint in her eye. “So, is that what you want? Friends with benefits?”

  “No,” I said, “I can’t do that with you. I couldn’t sleep with you then pretend nothing happened. Watch you date other men? Not a chance in hell. I’m not sure I’ll be able to just be your f
riend as it is.”

  We stared at each other, Alexandria not knowing how to reply and me waiting. Luckily for her, the waiter interrupted.

  He placed our drinks on the table and we ordered our food. As soon as he retreated, I said, “I’m sorry if that was too much. I really do want to be your friend. I just want to be more than that too.”

  “Javier—”

  “Let me finish. I know I don’t deserve to even be your acquaintance, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want more. I want everything with you. I want to be your best friend, your lover, and your partner in life. I’m still in love with you. I’ve never stopped loving you. I understand your…reluctance toward me. I do. But I just want you to know if you ever change your mind, I’ll be here. It was only ever you.”

  She stared at me for a long minute and swallowed. “I don’t know what to say.”

  I shook my head. “I don’t want you to say anything. I just felt like you needed to know where I’m at with this.” I picked up my beer. “Now we can just enjoy our evening.”

  “Okay.” She took a sip of her margarita. “Thank you for being honest, though.”

  “I’ll always be honest with you.” She arched a brow, so I added, “From here on out.”

  “You know, it’s weird. Timing. Caleb and I just split up last month, and now, here I am, sitting with the man who broke my heart. It’s just weird.”

  Fucking hell. I knew I had hurt her, but hearing her say I broke her heart felt like a punch to the gut. “Yeah about that…” I trailed off, not knowing how to tell her about Mandy’s involvement.

  “What?”

  “Who is your divorce attorney?”

  Her eyebrows drew together in confusion. “Davis Crawford. Why?”

  “And who does he work for?” I was deliberately drawing this out, but I didn’t want to upset her.

  “Raymond and Raymond. What the hell does that have to do with anything?”

  I took a deep breath. “Do you remember me telling you my mother’s family are lawyers?” Alexandria nodded but didn’t say anything. “Well, my mother’s name is Erica Raymond Rodriguez. Ring a bell?”