Fragile Bonds

by Sloan Johnson

  “Don’t give me that shit,” Stacey seethes. I look from one woman to the other, beginning to wonder if there’s going to be a cat fight. “You are so fucking weak when it comes to Xavier that you will keep letting him walk all over you. The difference is that, this time, I won’t be there to pick up the pieces when you realize that you don’t even recognize yourself anymore. From what I hear, he already got you to quit your job. And seriously, do you think he’s going to stick around this time? You’re nothing but a comfortable fuck while he gets over his dead wife.”

  I look over Stacey’s shoulder and see the manager and a bartender making their way over to us. I jerk my head in their direction, making sure Melanie knows that our little party is about to be disbanded.

  “Stacey, you don’t have the first clue when it comes to what we have. You’re so fucking pathetic that you spread your legs for anyone who’s willing to stick their dick in you and then you wonder why you can’t find a good man to love you.” As the manager gets closer, Melanie’s words come out in a rush. “I highly suggest you get the fuck out of my life for good this time. I told you I was done with your crap when I got back from my cruise and you still felt like you had to get the last word in. This is me telling you, it’s done. If you try talking to me, I will walk away, if you try sticking your nose in my life, I will knock it off your face. You’re a manipulative bitch and one of these days karma is going to give you everything you deserve. Now, if you don’t mind, I would like to have dinner with my family.”

  The manager is standing behind Stacey, watching the interaction but not getting involved. I’m proud of my girl for staying so calm while telling Stacey to go to hell. It makes Stacey’s next outburst that much sweeter. “You’re a delusional bitch, you know that? And when you’re left on your ass, again, don’t bother crying to me because I’m so fucking done with your little soap opera life--”

  “Ma’am, is there a problem here?” the manager asks, tapping Stacey on the shoulder. She whips around and glares at him. You can almost see the gears grinding in her mind, trying to pin this on Melanie or me.

  “Sir, we’re trying to enjoy a night out and this woman came over attacking my girlfriend.” Okay, so it might be a slight exaggeration, but not much. And I don’t feel bad about it since Stacey is one of the most pathetic excuses for a human being I’ve ever seen.

  “Miss, we’re going to have to ask you to leave,” the manager informs Stacey. She stands there gaping like a fish out of water. When Stacey makes no move toward the exit, the bartender reaches for her arm, physically escorting her out of the building.

  “I’m sorry for the disruption,” I tell the manager, now a bit embarrassed for how loud we got. Every single word was deserved, but we’re adults and should act like it.

  “Are you kidding? That woman is in here every week running her mouth. It felt good to be able to kick her out for once.”

  “Feel better?” Melanie laughs, opening her arms to me. I don’t answer her, but yes, I feel as if I’ve purged a bit of the anger I’ve held onto for so long and, despite everything Stacey has done, we’re somehow back to being where we belong.

  Chapter 19

  United front. That’s the only way to describe how Xavier and I have been functioning for the past two months. Stacey being at Wing Stop the night we got back together turned out to be one of the best things that could have happened to us. Before that, I felt like she was this black cloud hovering over us, her lies a toxin to what we used to share. It was liberating to stand next to the man she tried to convince me had thrown me out like garbage and listen to him tell her that we’re stronger than ever because of her actions.

  Sometimes, it’s hard to imagine how things were between us when we were younger. What we have now is so much different, deeper. We still have our fair share of rough days, but that’s to be expected in any relationship.

  “Miss Melanie, will you make me a cake on Sunday?” Jacob’s eyes are sad when I look to where he’s sitting, watching me make dinner. Tonight, Xavier will be home from his last business trip and Jacob wanted to do something nice for him. I’ve quickly learned that Alyssa used to find all sorts of reasons to celebrate before she got sick and she’s passed that on to her son. It’s a bit awkward at times, and I do feel like I’m living in her shadow, but I’m glad Jacob feels that he can talk to me about his mom.

  “Why Sunday?” I ask.

  “Because Mommy always made me a chocolate cake on my birthday,” he says quietly. I feel horrible for not knowing something as important as Jacob’s birthday. I can’t help but feel as if this is going to be the first major hurdle Xavier and I have to overcome in our relationship. Not only that, but it’s the middle of July and I haven’t heard Xavier mention anything about Jacob going to Kindergarten in a couple of months. As I put the pan of ziti in the oven and start cleaning up so there’s no mess when Xavier gets home, I realize the time has come when we’re going to have to have a long talk.

  Until now, I’ve been the one insisting that we take things slow, but I’m beginning to feel as if the only piece of our relationship that’s moving at a snail’s pace is communication. He’s nervous about overwhelming me or making me feel like he’s pushing for something more serious than I’m ready for, but that’s put me in the position where I had no clue Jacob’s birthday is coming up. That can’t keep happening.

  “I will absolutely make you a birthday cake,” I promise him. I lift him off the bar stool at the breakfast bar so we can take Brody for a walk. “What do you want for your birthday dinner?”

  Jacob appears deep in thought as we walk through the courtyard. It’s cute to see how seriously he takes such a decision. “Can I pick anything I want?” he asks, grabbing Brody’s leash out of my hands.

  “Anything at all,” I tell him, loving the look of bliss on his face. He’s grown so much since I met him, he’s losing the toddler pudge and his vocabulary has exploded. Thanks to spending every sunny day in the complex swimming pool, his skin is a deep olive color despite the fact that we always use sunblock on him. I sit on the park bench and just watch him as he plays with Brody. It’s funny how I used to do everything in my power to fill every possible minute and now, I can’t imagine not having my days free to spend with Jacob.

  Four days later, my kitchen looks like a bag of flour exploded all over. I thought about taking the easy way out and having Betty Crocker help me, but I want today to be special for Jacob. Thank God for the internet because I’ve never baked a cake from scratch. Given how long it has taken me to get to the stage where the cake is going in the oven, I probably will let Betty do what she does best from now on.

  No matter how many times I told Jacob he could have anything he wanted for his birthday dinner, he insisted on macaroni and cheese with hot dogs. I found a great recipe online and I’m hoping that it will meet his standards. I have a lot to learn about little kids, because I can’t imagine wanting the same thing you eat at least once a week as something special.

  Braydon knocks on my door as I finish frosting the cake. Since I insisted on all of this being a surprise, he was sweet enough to offer to come over and help me take everything, and the dog, over to Xavier’s place. “Smells great in here,” he says cheerfully. He gives me a peck on the cheek as he picks at the crumb topping on the casserole of pasta.

  “Thanks, now let’s hope it’s edible,” I laugh. I don’t consider myself a bad cook by any means, but I’m apprehensive because I have big shoes to fill today.

  “I’m sure it’ll be fine,” Braydon assures me, picking up the cake as he whistles for Brody. “This is freaking amazing,” he says, looking down at the chocolate cake decorated with monster trucks running over toy cars. I was nervous about the gift I’m giving him, so I figured putting toys on his cake will be my saving grace if the present falls flat.

  “Thanks. You think he’s going to like it?” I ask nervously. If my hands weren’t full, I would be chewing on my nails.

  “He’s going to love it.�
�� Braydon grabs my keys off the counter, following me into the hallway.

  When we walk into Xavier’s apartment, Jacob is already bouncing off the walls. I can only imagine what it’s going to be like trying to get him to go to sleep tonight after we pump him full of sugar. “Melly, did you make me a chocolate cake?” he asks as he runs into my legs, almost causing me to dump dinner all over the floor. Xavier wasn’t thrilled when I told him I wasn’t a huge fan of Jacob calling me Miss Melanie now that we’re a couple. It felt too formal, but Xavier argued that it’s a sign of respect. Eventually, I won, and it didn’t take long until ‘Melanie’ was shortened to ‘Melly’.

  After setting dinner on the table, I kneel on the floor, opening my arms for a birthday hug. I pull him tight to my body, holding on a little longer than normal. Xavier called earlier and said Jacob is having a rough day because he misses his mom. I’m not going to bring it up to him because right now he seems okay, but I wish there was some way I could take away that loneliness.

  “Was I supposed to make you a cake?” I ask, tickling his belly so he’ll know I’m joking.

  “Yep, you said you’d make a cake on Sunday, and that’s today.” I groan as I pick him up. I swear he’s going through yet another growth spurt, which is crazy to me. His eyes grow wide as they land on his cake. “Is that for me?” he asks, in awe of my creative prowess. If only everyone was so easy to please.

  “I don’t know, your uncle saw the cake and said he wants it for himself,” I tease.

  Jacob shakes his head, glaring at Braydon. “Your birthday isn’t today. This is my truck cake!”

  We all laugh and I put Jacob on the ground so he can take a seat in the chair that has so many Mylar balloons tied to it, I’m half expecting it to take flight any moment. With Jacob satisfied, I turn my attention to Xavier. “Hey, babe,” I say as he circles my waist. His mouth lowers to mine, his firm lips taste like the slightest hint of Scotch. “How are you holding up?”

  Xavier doesn’t like to talk much about Alyssa, so I’ve been picking and choosing when to bring her up. Today, it’s understandable, expected really, for him to be thinking about her since it’s Jacob’s first birthday without her. I only knew her for a few months and I’ve caught myself thinking about her quite a bit. I can’t imagine what Xavier is dealing with in his mind.

  “As well as can be expected,” he says with a shrug. “But better now that you’re here. Thank you for taking care of all of this.”

  “You don’t need to thank me, Xavier.” He pulls out the chair next to Jacob and I sit. “I’m glad I was able to give him a bit of normalcy today. Any more problems?”

  Xavier shakes his head as he walks around to the other side of the table. I have a feeling there’s a lot to be said in that simple movement, but this isn’t the time or the place for that discussion. We focus on Jacob through dinner, only bringing up things that will make him happy. Fortunately, the mac and cheese was a hit, so much so that he’s already requesting that I make this every week. I swear, the kid could eat the stuff three meals a day if he was allowed.

  Braydon lights five candles on the birthday cake and turns out the lights. When the cake is in front of Jacob, we all watch as he closes his eyes tightly before blowing out the candles.

  “What did you wish for, buddy?” Xavier asks as Jacob starts pulling the toy trucks off the cake. I cringe as I watch him drag the frosting covered wheels across the table. Oh well, it’s his birthday, might as well let him have fun.

  “I can’t tell you, silly,” Jacob giggles. “If I do, my wish won’t come true.”

  “Good plan,” Xavier responds.

  “Are you sure you’re okay?” Mel asks me as we clean up from dinner. “You know this is the last chance you have to back out before he opens his presents. I can tell him we’ll take him shopping after preschool tomorrow.”

  “No, I think it’s the perfect gift.” She’s standing at the kitchen sink, rinsing all of the dishes before loading the dishwasher. No matter how many times I tell her that she doesn’t need to pre-wash them, she does it every time. I move behind her, pressing my chest against her back. “I love you, Mel.”

  She turns around, brushing her hip against my dick, which has almost gotten used to the constant state of blue balls. I curse myself for vowing to wait to take our relationship to that level. Not only do I want to make sure that our first time together after so long isn’t a quickie where we have to worry about Jacob knocking on the door, I also need to know that what we have is going to last. I feel like a complete puss every time I remind myself of that fact, but it’s the truth. I know what it was like to get over Melanie once, I don’t want to do it again.

  “You know, you almost never call me Melanie anymore,” she points out, looking up at me with those dark brown eyes that melt my heart. “Why?”

  I hadn’t realized it, but now that she’s brought it up, she’s right. “Because I was the only person who called you that. That’s what I called you before, and when you showed up last year, it was the best way to keep some distance between us. Your friends call you Mel, and that was when I was trying to not be your friend.”

  “Gee, thanks,” she laughs, pushing me away. I grab her wrists in my hands, pulling her with me. She sucks in a sharp breath when I pin both of her hands behind her back. While we’ll never have that type of relationship again, it’s fun to watch her react when I take control. Of course, it also sends the blood racing straight to my cock, which I know she can feel pressing against her stomach.

  “You know what I mean.” I lean down and kiss her quickly before we make our way into the living room, where I can already hear Jacob tearing the paper on one of his gifts.

  Given the fact that there are three adults and ten gifts, it’s pretty apparent that Jacob is one spoiled little boy. We watch as he opens each package, declaring it the best gift ever before moving on to the next best gift ever. Mel curls into my side on the couch and, for the first time today, the world feels right to me. I still miss Alyssa, but with all of the effort Mel put into making Jacob’s birthday special, I have no doubt that Alyssa is here with us in spirit.

  It’s nearly ten o’clock by the time I get Jacob out of the bathtub. “Daddy, does Brody have to sleep in his bed now?” he asks as I pull his new dinosaur pajama top over his head. His beautiful blue eyes lit up when he opened his last gift, a dog bed for Brody. We thought we would have to explain that Brody is going to be staying at our apartment from now on, but he picked up on that immediately. I asked Mel if she was sure about giving Jacob her dog as a birthday gift, and she said it made sense. They’re best buddies and she’s at my place most of the time as it is, so this will make life easier on everyone. I bit my tongue to keep from asking if Brody’s mommy was going to move in with us anytime. Half the time, it seems like that’s the logical next step, but the rest of the time I know that it’s way too soon for that level of commitment.

  “I think he can still sleep with you, but why don’t we check with Mel?” Jacob races out to the living room, coming to a halt at the end of the couch. “What’s wrong, buddy?”

  I step behind my son and see Mel passed out on the couch. “Should I wake her up to ask?” I shake my head and usher Jacob back to his room, not wanting to wake my sleeping beauty. “Daddy, will Melly be here tomorrow morning? She makes better breakfast than you do.”

  “I don’t know bud,” I say as I pull the blankets up to his chest. Right on cue, Brody jumps onto the bed and settles in beside my son. I have a feeling that dog bed is going to go unused, but it’s here as a symbol of our lives starting to come together. “I’ll tell her you said that if she wakes up.”

  “Thanks, Daddy. I really love Melly, is that okay?” His voice is tentative, as if he’s expecting to get in trouble for his admission. “I mean, would Mommy be mad if she knew I said that?”

  I lie down next to Jacob, sliding one arm under his neck as I drape the other over his waist. “No, buddy. Your mom would be happy that you have someone
as special as Mel in your life. When Mommy was sick, she knew we were going to be sad sometimes and she actually asked Mel to make sure that we’re okay.”

  My little boy burrows himself against my chest and we sit in the dark for a while. I’m just about to slide my arm out from beneath him when he turns to face me. “Is it okay for me to miss Mommy?”

  “Of course,” I say with a shaky voice. “You know, I think we’ll both always miss your mommy and that’s okay.”

  “Okay. I love you, Daddy.” Jacob wraps his arms around my neck and kisses my cheek. I wrap my arms tighter around his body as I feel a tear rolling down my cheek.

  “I love you too, buddy.” I give him one more kiss on the forehead and leave the room before I completely fall apart.

  I leave the door to the balcony open in case Jacob or Mel need me. The silence in the apartment now that both of them are sleeping is closing in around me. “Dammit, Alyssa,” I sigh into the darkness. “How am I supposed to do this without you? I know you want us to be happy, and I’m grateful that you gave Mel and me your blessing, or whatever the fuck you call it, but Jacob needed you and you fucking left.”

  It’s rare that I’m angry anymore. I’ve gotten past feeling like she abandoned us, but my heart feels like it’s been shoved through a meat grinder right now. I want to hate her for leaving me here to answer these questions.

  “Hey, you,” Mel whispers as she sits in the chair next to me. Now I feel like an asshole because I know she probably heard me ranting about my wife having the audacity to die of cancer, as if she had any choice in the matter. “Do you want to talk about it?”