Surrendered

by LP Lovell

  “You know everything.” She whispers, almost to herself.

  I cup her cheek, bringing her focus back to me. I crouch slightly, so that my eyes are level with hers. “I know everything, and I love you all the more for it sugar.”

  I tilt my head, pressing my lips to hers. Her lips part slightly, and I wrap my hand around her nape, pulling her in. As quickly as it starts, she rips her lips from mine, and pulls away from me.

  I frown. “Lilly?”

  She flicks her eyes to the floor. “We don’t have to do this right now.” I say nothing, because I don’t have a fucking clue what she’s talking about. “I mean, after what I told you…and you probably don’t…want me. Like that…right now. If you need time, it’s fine.” She stumbles over her words, blowing them off with a casual shrug, whilst her eyes tell me she’s anything but. So that’s what this is all about.

  “Are you fucking serious?” I say a little too harshly.

  She drags a shaky hand through her hair, but doesn’t respond. I wrap my arm around her waist, pulling her up against me. I step forward, pushing her back into the breakfast bar. I grip her arse, pulling her into me and grinding my pelvis against her.

  “Does that feel like I don’t want you?” I say through gritted teeth.

  I always want her. I will always want her. She’s like a damn drug. She’s sex and sin, luring me in at every opportunity. I roll my hips again and her breath hitches a little. Anger, frustration and lust mix together in my mind. How could she think that I wouldn’t want her? If I have to fuck some sense into her, I fucking will. “I’m going to forgive that quite frankly insulting accusation, because I know you’re not yourself right now.” I slam my lips over hers, giving her no time to think. She needs to stop thinking, and just feel. I swear, sometimes I have to fuck her into thinking straight.

  I move my hands from her waist, tracing the lines of her curves. The tension slowly leaves her body. She’s like a statue coming to life. Her lips slowly part as her fingers inch over my chest, creeping up my neck, and eventually into my hair. I grasp her hair, pulling it and yanking her head to the side. I drop my lips to her exposed neck, kissing, licking and nipping my way up to her ear. Her fingers claw at my neck, pulling me closer. I smile and graze my teeth across her ear lobe. Her breaths are ragged, her movements frantic. Her control slips inch by inch, until I have her right where I want her, willing, compliant, desperate and most importantly, with no doubt as to just how much I fucking want her. Any reservations or fears dissipate under my touch.

  I grip her around the waist, lifting her until she’s sat on the breakfast bar. I grab the hem of her top, ripping it over her head in one swift movement. She reaches behind her and releases her bra. Her eyes dance seductively. This is my Lilly, confident, seductive and sexy as sin. He may have taken something from her, but this…this is what I do to her. This is who she is now, and fuck, I love her more than anything in this damn world.

  I dive for her, sucking a nipple into my mouth. She moans and thrusts her chest toward my face.

  Her fingers go to the hem of my shirt and slip underneath. She traces the muscles on my stomach, making them clench and quiver under her electric touch.

  I move back to her lips, kissing her with no restraint. “I will always fucking want you.” I growl against her lips. “You drive me crazy.”

  “Show me.” She gasps between desperate kisses. It’s more than just a lust filled plea, it’s a genuine need.

  I lean forward, forcing her back. She stretches her arms out behind her, supporting her weight. I step between her thighs, forcing her to spread her legs wider. My lips never leave hers as my fingers skim over her stomach, until I reach the button of her jeans. I release the button, and slip my hand inside her underwear. Her eyes flutter closed and her head falls back as I brush her clit gently.

  “Look at me sugar.”

  Her eyes snap open, meeting mine in a lust filled haze. I push two fingers inside her wet pussy and she moans. Her skin flushes pink as her breath hitches. It’s beautiful to watch. Her eyes hold mine as my fingers move inside her. I work her until she looks ready to eat me alive. I remove my fingers, yanking down her jeans and underwear in one quick movement. She lifts her hips, allowing me to drag the clothing down her long legs. She kicks off her heels, and they hit the ground with a loud thud. She’s now completely naked and spread out on my breakfast bar. Fucking beautiful. Her red hair falls around her shoulders, brushing her erect nipples. My eyes trace her sculpted stomach and down to her long legs, which are spread wide, her beautiful pussy on show. I bite my lip, as my cock twitches impatiently against my fly. She cocks an eyebrow at me and drops her eyes to my crotch. I don’t need any more of a hint than that.

  I rip my shirt over my head and yank my jeans and boxers down in seconds. I step between her thighs, pressing my bare chest against hers. She wraps her arms and legs around me, pulling me in close. Her nails drag gently across the back of my neck. For a long moment, we don’t move. Everything suddenly stops. There’s no desperate frenzy, no hard and fast fucking. She just holds me close, and I wrap my arms around her tight. I press my face into the crook of her neck, inhaling her scent, the smell of her shampoo. I grip her waist and pick her up. Her smooth thighs instantly grip my hips. I walk her through the living space and lay her down on the sofa carefully.

  She tilts her head to the side, her red hair, splaying out around her. I kiss her, slow and deep. Her tongue touches mine tentatively, as my hands survey her body. She rolls her hips up to meet mine, her wet pussy sliding along my rigid cock. Fuck, she feels amazing. I glide one hand down the inside of her thigh, spreading her wide. Her eyes never leave mine as I press my cock against her entrance.

  “I’m going to come inside you and make you remember just how much I fucking want you.” I growl against her parted lips. I press my lips to hers, my tongue caressing hers. Her body relaxes as her fingers start to claw at me, trying desperately to pull me closer. When she’s mindless with need, I slowly thrust forward, pushing into her just an inch. I close my eyes as she clenches around me. Fuck. I grit my teeth, fighting the animal instinct to fuck her, take her, claim her. I edge forward, another inch, as my muscles tremble under the strain. She throws her head back, a low whimper escaping her lips, as her fingers grip my biceps, her nails biting into my skin. I press my forehead to hers and close my eyes. Her warm breath washes over my face as she pants beneath me.

  “Nobody makes me feel the way you do.” I grate. “Nobody has ever wanted another person the way I want you.” I roll my hips, thrusting inside her completely. “Fuck!” I growl.

  “Theo.” She rasps in that husky, sexy voice. I grin and nip at her bottom lip quickly. Her breath hitches, her body shaking underneath mine.

  My hips move of their own accord, my cock pumping into her. I run my hand down her leg, gripping her calf. I hook her knee over my shoulder. God fucking bless her dancer flexibility. She moans as I slide deeper inside her. Her back bows, as her hips attempt to find some friction. I love watching her lose control. It’s here, when I have her like this that she’s completely exposed and at her most beautiful. She’s shaking, her skin covered in a sheen of sweat, her cheeks flushed, her eyes wild with desire. Fuck, I could come just watching her.

  I feel her start to tighten around me as her eyelids flutter closed. “Oh god.” She cries. Her nails gouge into my back. Heat rushes through me as I watch her come apart, and when she’s writhing and screaming my name, I come inside her. Everything detonates, leaving me with black spots across my vision. My entire body tenses and trembles with after shocks, before leaving me feeling completely numb. I press my lips to the crook of her neck, inhaling her perfume, mixed with the smell of sex.

  She runs her fingers over the stubble of my jaw. “I love you.” She whispers.

  This is what I need from her, this feeling of peace that comes from loving her, from being loved by her.

  “I love you too.” I manage to gasp.

  I stay t
here for a while, whilst my breathing slows, and my pulse returns to normal. I lift myself up onto my elbows and glance at Lilly. Her eyes are closed, a blissful smile on her face.

  “Lilly?” I whisper.

  “Mmmhmm.”

  I smile. “Just checking I hadn’t fucked you to sleep.”

  She snorts. “You wish.”

  I watch her for a few minutes. “So, do you want to tell me where you really were tonight?” I ask.

  She opens her eyes and releases a heavy sigh. “Okay. Just let me go shower first.”

  Ten minutes later, I’m sat on the sofa with a glass of Scotch in hand. I’ve got jeans on, but no shirt. Lilly drops onto the sofa next to me. She’s wearing one of my t-shirts and I swear to god, she has never looked sexier. She curls her long bare legs underneath her.

  She fiddles with her fingers in her lap. I wait. “I went to see Cassie.” She says quietly.

  “Why?” I grate.

  She shrugs. “I don’t really know. I suppose I feel sorry for her. She’s all alone, pregnant, and fighting an addiction.”

  “All of which she brought upon herself.” I growl. I watch her bristle under my abrasiveness. I know this isn’t her fault, but as soon as I think of that woman, I get angry. I don’t want Lilly anywhere near her, so what does she do? She decides to make her a bff.

  She narrows her eyes at me. “What is it with you? You’re fine, and then the second I mention her name, you shut down. You act like she’s evil incarnate.”

  “You went to see her…fine, but after everything that has happened over the last two days, do you really want to talk about this right now?” I snap.

  Her eyes blaze, her infamous temper coming to the fore. “You asked where I was and I told you. Do not get fucking pissy when I answer. This should not be an issue Theo.” She matches my tone.

  “What do you want me to say, Lilly?” I bark.

  “Nothing, but you need to sort your head out. I get that this sucks. I get that you don’t want to be in this situation, but you are. You need to deal with it!” She says brusquely.

  “I don’t know how.” I drag my hand over my face.

  “Well then figure it out.” She wraps her arms around her legs and rests her head on her knees. Her eyes meet mine. “I love you, Theo, but I need you to do the right thing here.” She needs this. I have no idea why, but this is hurting her.

  I say nothing for a long time. “How do you manage it?”

  “Manage what?” She asks quietly.

  “You should be angry, or upset, or…something, over this shit, and yet, you’re the strong one.” She amazes me.

  She shrugs. “People make mistakes. We all have our part to play. If I hadn’t run, you may not have slept with her. If you weren’t so bloody charming the first time you slept with her, then she may not have fallen in love with you, and tried to trap you.” She cocks an eyebrow. “Note. Next time, just let her see you’re an arsehole. You don’t need to pretend to be nice to get into a girls pants. You look like that.” She rolls her eyes, a small smile on her lips. “My point is; we all have regrets, but we also have to deal with the consequences of our actions. I take responsibility for that. I help Cassie, because you won’t, but you know as well as I do Theo, that it’s not my place. It’s yours.” I say nothing. How do you force yourself to be okay with something when you really aren’t? Lilly takes my hand. “I’ll help you.” She says that now.

  “How are you going to feel about all this when she has that baby Lilly? You’re disturbingly rational now, but you can’t possibly be okay with it. I don’t want to cause you any more pain.”

  She sighs. “I can’t say how I will feel, but I will stand by you.”

  I lean close to her and stroke my fingertips over the soft skin of her cheek. “I don’t deserve you.” I whisper to her. Right now I’m angry and upset, and I’m pissed that she won’t drop it. I can also see that she’s genuinely trying to help.

  She smiles. “More than you know.”

  I reach for her and pull her across the sofa until she’s straddling me. “I know.” I whisper. I take her face in my hands and kiss her gently.

  “Just, promise me you will try, Theo.” She says quietly. “You were there for me, and although you can’t see it now, this is me doing the same.”

  I nod. I’m not ready to discuss this properly. I can’t even explain where I’m at with this. I resent Cassie, and I’m terrified I’m going to resent my own child. Everything feels tainted by this one thing. I’m a selfish bastard. With Lilly by my side, I have the perfect life. Cassie is an imperfection, a dirty smudge on the sparkling veneer. Then there is Lilly. Beautiful, strong, fearless Lilly. She deserves better. She deserves perfect. I don’t want to feel like this, but I do. I can’t help it. Lilly is right. I need to sort my shit out.

  “Okay.” I say quietly. This isn’t something that I can talk out. I need to do this on my own.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  LILLY

  Today is the day where Harry will either come home or be charged, and I feel like I’m going to throw up. I wake up ridiculously early. I can’t sleep.

  I glance over at Theo’s sleeping form. The duvet is just grazing his hip bones, showcasing that amazing torso of his. The sight sends my heart skittering against my ribcage. His arm is thrown across his eyes, and the ink that decorates his arms and torso stands out stark in the faint morning light. I’m freaking out. Every ingrained instinct in me wants to scream, drink a bottle of vodka and go completely fucking numb. I don’t though, because of Theo. He brings this peace, which is like a drug in itself. I feel a sudden calm control, knowing that he will be there to catch me if or when it all goes to shit. Theodore Ellis may not be most people’s idea of stable, but he’s my rock. He’s always lent me his implacable strength. He keeps me centred. He’s my safe harbour. The knowledge once terrified me, hell it still does, but when you know someone loves you with everything they have, you trust them. I know Theo loves me fiercely, he knows no other way. With him it’s all or nothing. He couldn’t give a fuck about most people, but if he loves, then he loves wholeheartedly. So, I trust him with my heart. It doesn’t mean that it doesn’t scare the shit out of me to do so.

  He stirs in his sleep and rolls towards me. “Why aren’t you sleeping?” He says groggily, without opening his eyes.

  “I can’t. I’m too nervous.” I whisper to him. He reaches out an arm, feeling around until he finds me.

  A small frown line appears on his forehead. He still doesn’t open his eyes. “Why are you all the way over there?” He grumbles sleepily, before pulling me to him. He wraps his arms around me tight and tucks my head under his chin. His bare chest is like being pressed up against a radiator. “It will be fine, sugar. I won’t let anything happen to Harry.”

  I press my face against the hot skin of his chest. “Promise?” I ask quietly.

  “Of course.” I can hear the smile in his voice before he presses his lips into my hair. I feel myself relax instantly. It’s the strangest thing, as though all the weight has just been taken from me. Theo has this way of just shouldering all my troubles for me, even when I don’t want him to. That’s the essence of true love, is it not? When you love someone you share in their sorrows and their hardships, the good times and the bad. I feel like Theo and I have shared in each other’s ups and downs, although lately there seem to be more downs than ups. Either way, I feel like everything will be okay with him by my side. He makes the burden a little easier to bare. I also trust him. If he says it will be okay, then it will. I’ve seen Theo pull off some pretty impressive feats, and despite our turbulent roller coaster of a relationship, he’s never lied to me or failed me. So if he says he won’t let Harry go down, then he won’t.

  I lay there quietly trailing my fingers over his smooth skin and tracing the lines of ink across his chest. I listen quietly as his breaths deepen and he falls back into sleep. Theo is not a morning person. Hell, neither am I normally.

  My mind starts to g
o into over drive again. God, this is ridiculous. I’m up and down like a yoyo. I manage to extricate myself from his iron grip and get out of bed.

  I find one of his t-shirts and a pair of boxers.

  I love Theo’s open plan living space. The dull grey morning light spills through the enormous windows into the kitchen. I make coffee from his hideously expensive coffee machine. Expensive, but so bloody good.

  I take my coffee out onto the patio and sit on one of the sun loungers next to the pool. The morning air is fresh, and bites against my bare legs. I love London at this time in the morning. The patio is on the floor, and is more of an enormous balcony really. It allows a limited view of the city. There are no car horns, no distant hum of traffic. It’s quiet, and peaceful. I lay back and clasp my coffee in my hands. I take a sip and smile. Small things can make you so happy.

  I can’t stop my mind from sprinting at a hundred miles an hour. What if they charge Harry? I will have to tell them the truth. I can’t risk him going to prison. What if they find out about Shaun? Can they even find out about him? Fuck! All I know is that I will not let Harry go to prison for helping me. Part of my mind says that I can’t survive without him, whilst a small voice whispers to me that I can, because I have Theo. I stamp that voice out. No, if he gets charged today, then I will say and do whatever I have to, to get him out. He deserves more from me. I owe him everything.

  I let out a frustrated breath as my mind wages war with itself.

  A few golden leaves have blown across the pool, disrupting the perfect clear water. For some reason it really bothers me. I get up and find the little net thingy that’s tucked in the corner of the patio. I start scooping leaves out of the water. I don’t know why, but it’s something to do. Before I know it I’m sweeping the bloody patio, and watering the plants.