Particular Intentions

by L. L. Diamond

  Now, if only she would agree to be in the same room with him!

  “You asked to see me, Papa?” Elizabeth stood in the door as her father glanced up from his papers.

  He peered over his spectacles and leaned back in his chair. “I did. Why do you not come in and close the door behind you?” Once she was seated in her usual chair, he picked up a paper to his side. “A few days after the ball at Netherfield, I penned a letter to your Aunt and Uncle Gardiner, requesting you stay with them in London for a time.”

  What was she to say? Her aunt would be a welcome relief from her mother’s laments over the loss of Mr. Darcy, but she could not hide from the world in London. Her aunt would not tolerate it.

  She opened her mouth to speak, but he held up his hand. “I felt your aunt’s counsel would be beneficial. I became more convinced of the usefulness of my plan yesterday when you refused to even set eyes upon the poor man.”

  “I know I must face him. I have attempted to pen a letter, but I do not know what to say. I cannot find the words…” Her chest constricted when his eyes closed for a moment and he frowned. His disappointment had always been difficult to bear.

  “I pray your aunt might break through what is holding you back before you destroy the affection that man carries for you. He is everything I could have hoped and dreamt for your future—intelligent, honourable, and loves you beyond reason. I know you harbour deep feelings for him. Do not wait until it is too late. You do not want to be left wondering what if.”

  Her chest was heavy and made it difficult to get air. “When do I leave?”

  “Early tomorrow. Our carriage will take you as far as Waltham Abbey where your uncle’s coach will meet you and convey you the remainder of the journey to London.”

  Her father stood, came around his desk, and, taking Elizabeth’s hand, made her to stand. “I daresay you will not miss your mother’s wailing in London, but I shall find this house lonesome without you.” He enveloped her in his arms. “I want what is best for you, Lizzy. I would not part with you unless I found it necessary.”

  She rested her chin upon his shoulder. “I am no longer angry.”

  “I am glad of that, but you need to speak with him.”

  “I know, Papa.” She choked down a sniffle. “I know.”

  Chapter 15

  Elizabeth gave her gown a last straightening before she peered around the corner into her aunt and uncle’s parlour. The children’s voices floated into the hall, and brought a smile to her lips.

  “Will Cousin Lizzy be much longer, Mama?” whined Madeline.

  “She will read us a story, will she not?” Grace’s voice was excited, yet when was that girl not exuberant about something?

  “As soon as she has refreshed herself and has had dinner, I am certain Lizzy will spend time with each of you, as well as your baby brother.”

  “But James does not understand that it is Lizzy!” objected four year old Lewis, who sat beside his mother. “He is too young!”

  Quietly, Elizabeth stepped into the room. “I happen to enjoy babies, and I shall know I have spent time with little James.”

  “Lizzy!”

  Before she could move, she was almost toppled over by the three children and had three sets of arms wrapped around her waist.

  “If you knock her to the floor, she might not do any of your bidding while she stays with us.” Her aunt’s tone was gentle but held a warning.

  Elizabeth laughed. “They know me better than that.”

  Her aunt pursed her lips. “I know, but you could play along.”

  “Will you read us a story?”

  “Lewis, you are aware your dinner awaits you in the nursery. If Lizzy is not too tired after her trip, she can read to the three of you and James before bed.”

  “Will you?” Madeline’s big brown eyes were filled with such happiness. How could she say no?

  With a nod, Elizabeth stroked the six year old’s head. “Yes, of course.”

  Her aunt rose from her chair. “Go on with you. Your nurse awaits.” Lewis, Grace, and Madeline ran from the room with tremendous smiles upon their faces. They were the sweetest children. Perhaps they would lighten her mood while she remained at Gracechurch Street.

  When she turned, her aunt examined her with a crease between her eyes. “Your father was not exaggerating when he said you have been unhappy.”

  “Papa does not typically exaggerate.”

  “No, he does not, but I did not expect your melancholy to be so evident upon your countenance.”

  She gave a rueful laugh. “Why thank you, Aunt.”

  “You were not made for sorrow, dear.” She gestured to the sofa and rang for some tea. “We have time before your uncle returns home. Will you not tell me what has you so upset?”

  Elizabeth sat and clenched her hands in her lap. “What has Papa told you?”

  “He wrote from his perspective. I wish to hear yours.”

  She glanced to the window, even though not much could be seen through the panes as the sun had already set. Her stomach clenched, and she shifted in her seat. “It is a painful recollection that I fear does me no credit.”

  Aunt Gardiner sat beside her and placed a hand upon Elizabeth’s, halting its fidgeting. “Yet perhaps speaking of it will provide comfort.”

  Her chin dropped to her chest. “I have been so foolish. I do not even know where to begin.” Her voice cracked as she spoke, and she swallowed hard.

  “Your father indicated you and Mr. Darcy had a disagreement at the ball. Why do you not start there? What began the argument?”

  “I… he…” She shook her head.

  Her aunt’s arm came around her shoulders. “You may not believe so now, but it will do you good to tell someone.”

  With her aunt’s gentle coaxing the dam broke and the entirety of her acquaintance with Mr. Darcy poured from her lips—their initial meeting, their being confined in the Netherfield library, the morning walks, and finally the ball. She finished her tale as she dabbed her eyes with her handkerchief.

  “My goodness, Lizzy,” whispered her aunt. “I confess I had hoped you were wrong when you said the quarrel did you no credit.”

  Elizabeth nodded and sniffled.

  “You do understand that you must see him. You must discuss what has transpired between you.”

  “I miss him, but I am afraid to face him.”

  Her aunt took Elizabeth’s hands in her own. “What has brought on such a lack of confidence? The Elizabeth Bennet I know is fearless.”

  Aunt Marianne’s forehead creased while she studied Elizabeth’s eyes. “I certainly hope this has nothing to do with your mother.”

  “Pardon?”

  Her aunt stood and faced her in a whirl of skirts. “Your mother has belittled your beauty and worth in comparison to Jane and Lydia for years. While the criticism never appeared to bother you, you have never before had a gentleman take a serious interest in you.”

  “Mama’s comments never upset me because they are the truth. I am not handsome like Jane or as amiable as Lydia. I have never appreciated her voicing those opinions aloud, but I learned to roll my eyes and ignore her.”

  Her aunt sighed. “You learned such indifference from your father, but do not pretend you are as unaffected by such statements as you seem. I shall not believe it of you. Not anymore.”

  Elizabeth’s heart began to pound against her ribs, and her mouth became dry. “I do not understand what you believe me to be hiding.”

  “While Mr. Darcy courted you and showered you with attention, you gave little thought to much else. I think you were too overwhelmed by his notice. After your misunderstanding and his departure, you had a moment to sit back and question why a man of his consequence would choose you. I also suspect that it was your insecurities which drove you to refuse his explanation the night of the ball.”

  With a few rapid blinks, Elizabeth shifted upon the sofa. Her aunt was reaching close to the mark, and she could not bear to hear another pers
on say it!

  “You have allowed your mother’s untrue and biased words to influence you. If only your father had checked your mother years ago.” She shook her head. “There is no use weeping over spilt milk now.” Aunt’s Marianne’s arm wrapped around Elizabeth’s shoulders. “How I wish you had spoken to Jane or your father before you turned Mr. Darcy away! They would have told you, without question, that your mother’s words are falsehoods.”

  A warm dampness rolled down Elizabeth’s cheek. “I do see myself in the looking glass. I am not blind.”

  Her aunt lifted her chin. “You have allowed your mother to colour what you perceive. You are a beautiful young lady inside and out, and neither your uncle nor I were surprised Mr. Darcy showed a preference for you. I admit we were a bit stunned he acted upon the inclination, since his family is certain to have expectations of wealth and connections for his marriage.”

  She gulped. Her voice was sure to crack! “He indicated he has no need for further wealth or connections.” Her shoulders relaxed. Her voice wavered, but did not falter.

  “Then you are truly a fortunate lady. He seeks your hand for nothing other than admiration and love.”

  “Yet, I have driven him away.”

  Aunt Marianne took the seat beside her once again and clasped Elizabeth’s hands within her own. “We do not have any reason to believe he has abandoned hope. Perhaps you should compose a small note, indicating you wish to see him, and your uncle will enclose it in a letter of his own. We shall ensure he understands he is welcome here.”

  “What if he does not come? I refused to see him but two days ago.”

  With a soft touch, her aunt brushed a tear from her jawline. “Then we shall do our best to cheer you. We have been invited to a ball, and you will accompany us. Lewis and Madeline will lure you into all sorts of games and stories, and do not forget James’ big grins and happy chatter.”

  Elizabeth put her hands over her face. What had she done? She had suppressed the voice in her head that whispered she was not enough for a man such as him for a time, but during their argument, the whisper became more pronounced. Her fears had been her worst enemy.

  “For what it is worth, I believe he will appear at our door the moment he discovers your presence in London.”

  “Oh, Aunt!” Elizabeth placed her head upon Aunt Marianne’s shoulder as the older lady took her in her embrace.

  “Your father has likely already written to Mr. Darcy and informed him of your journey here.”

  She sat straight, wiped her eyes, and gave an unbecoming exhale by noisily blowing out her mouth. “I need to think of something else. What of this ball?”

  Her aunt smiled and squeezed Elizabeth’s hand. “It is two days hence and is given by a new friend of your uncle’s. Edward made the gentleman’s acquaintance when Oswald Gardiner, your grandfather’s nephew, passed, and he inherited his estate. The man was a friend with your late cousin, as they had attended school together, and he wished to maintain the friendship between the families.”

  “He does not mind Uncle’s roots in trade?”

  “He has invested in your uncle’s business, so I would think not. He has also indicated an understanding for why Edward has not sold his business.”

  “Papa said you would be moving in the new year?”

  “Yes, the house in Mayfair is not let at the moment, and we have reason to believe we may require a larger home in the near future.”

  Elizabeth covered her mouth with her hand and placed her palm to her chest. “Truly?”

  With a smile, her aunt bobbed her head. “I have not felt him yet, but the sickness is beginning to wane. He should not leave me wondering for too much longer.”

  “I am so pleased for you and Uncle, though I shall miss this home since it has contained so many happy memories.”

  “We shall make memories just as dear in the larger house. It will not be as convenient for your uncle, but he has worked more at home and less at his warehouse as of late. He is fortunate to have a good man to oversee the employees while Edward handles documents and other work that arises.”

  “I had no idea Uncle was so busy.”

  “Not much more than he was prior to the inheritance. Leasing the estates has helped quite a bit. He has excellent stewards in place, and is mostly notified when his advice is required or there is information Edward has requested.”

  “Where is my lovely wife?” came a booming voice from the front door. Uncle Edward was an excellent man, and his obvious affection for his wife was one of his most endearing attributes. Even after nearly ten years of marriage, he was still besotted.

  He stepped into the doorway and grinned. “There she is, as well as my favourite niece!”

  Elizabeth laughed as she stood. “Poor Jane!”

  After a wave of his hand, he hugged Elizabeth and then kissed Aunt Marianne upon her cheek. “She is aware she shares the title with you.”

  “Yet, you did not say ‘one of my favourite nieces.’” She lifted her eyebrow.

  Her aunt giggled. “You know Lizzy will argue with you just for the sport of it.”

  “I must admit I am glad she is willing to quarrel with me.”

  His wife placed a hand to her uncle’s arm. “You will need to pen a note to Mr. Darcy later, inviting him to call upon Lizzy.”

  “Why am I not surprised you sat her down and forced her to unburden herself before she had time to unpack?”

  Elizabeth laughed. “She was not as forceful as you imply, Uncle.”

  “After your father’s letter, I am happy to hear you laugh. We have been quite concerned.”

  “I did not intend to cause so many such disquiet.” Their attention was drawn to a maid, who poked her head through the servant’s door.

  “Pardon me, ma’am, but when you are ready to eat, the cook has dinner prepared.”

  “Why do we not go into the dining room?” suggested her aunt. “We can discuss matters further while we eat.”

  Her uncle rubbed his slightly rotund belly. “I confess to requiring some sustenance before we begin discussing suitors and courtships. I do hope it will be another thirty to forty years before I need speak of it again.”

  With a grin, her aunt looked to the ceiling. “You know well that our daughters will marry long before that.”

  “They are my little girls. They will not leave me.”

  His pouting bottom lip and drawn eyebrows caused Elizabeth and her aunt to erupt into gales of laughter. Elizabeth hugged her uncle. “Regardless of who they wed, they will always be your little girls.”

  He offered her and her aunt each an arm to lead them into the dining room. “Well, perhaps I can practice my fatherly skills while you are here, Lizzy. Someone should ensure this young man is worthy of your hand.”

  “He is too good for me, Uncle.”

  His eyebrows rose. “Now that I find difficult to believe.”

  Elizabeth sat in the window seat. An open book rested upon her lap, but her eyes were staring unfocused through the panes of the window. People, carts, and carriages all blurred by but none of it was of interest.

  He had not come.

  Uncle Edward had enclosed her letter within his own inviting Mr. Darcy to Gracechurch Street and travelled to Grosvenor Square personally to deliver the missive. Unfortunately, Mr. Darcy had not been at home, so her uncle had been forced to leave it without so much as setting an eye on the gentleman in question.

  Tonight was the ball, but she was not in the correct frame of mind for such an outing. The desire to remain at home and sulk overwhelmed, yet she had no choice. Her best gown was pressed and ready—if only she could render herself so with as little effort.

  A wave from the pavement snapped her from her thoughts. She gave as much of a smile as she could muster when she recognised her aunt, who had left an hour prior to pay a call on a friend. Voices were heard in the hall as she entered the house, and but a moment later, her aunt entered the parlour.

  “Have you left your perc
h at all today?”

  Elizabeth leaned her head against the wall behind her. “Not since luncheon. I attempted to read, but I could not focus.”

  Her aunt sat upon the edge of the window seat and took her hand. “You know how these important men can be. I am certain he had business which could not be delayed else he would have been at our door at first light.” She smoothed a curl from Elizabeth’s forehead. “We do not know if he even received your uncle’s letter. It may have been put aside with other correspondence. Do not fret just yet.”

  “Perhaps you and Uncle should attend the ball without me.”

  “Elizabeth Bennet. You need to get out and away from your thoughts. You will accompany us to the ball and do your utmost to enjoy yourself. You cannot continue to wallow about this house for the entirety of your visit. I do not keep those gowns in the cupboard to collect dust.”

  From the time Elizabeth and Jane were old enough to join their aunt and uncle on outings, her aunt had always ensured they had a few gowns at Gracechurch Street in the event they were needed.

  “We shall also need to make a trip to the modiste in the next few days.”

  “I do not require any further gowns.”

  Aunt Marianne leaned forward to, no doubt, ensure she had Elizabeth’s eye. “Once Mr. Darcy realizes you are in town, he will wish to escort you to an event or two.”

  “He has to appear at the door first.”

  Her aunt’s hand cradled her cheek. “I wager he will appear before long. I am certain of it.”

  Elizabeth looked back out the window as a few droplets of rain streaked their way down the glass. “I hope your instincts are correct, Aunt.”

  “They are, dear girl. He would be a fool to let you go.”

  Chapter 16