Particular Intentions

by L. L. Diamond

  This morning, when Mr. Darcy was shown into the parlour, Mama inquired directly if Mr. Bingley intended to return to Netherfield, and I felt naught but an idle curiosity on the subject. At least until Mama said, “If he does not intend to return, then he should quit the place altogether.” I was mortified, Lizzy. Her tone was so rude! I am certain you would have scolded her had you been present. I must admit that your Mr. Darcy bore her improper declaration with aplomb, which is a testament to his love for you.

  Yet, I digress. I am in earnest in regards to Mr. Bingley. I anticipate attending your nuptials and do not have a concern of meeting the gentleman again. After reading your account of a London ball, I have no desire to be a part of that society. I would not deflect their barbs and harsh words with the ease and wit you display on a daily basis. I fear I would be made a fool and my feelings injured in the process. A smaller society, such as Meryton, would serve me better. I only hope I can convince Mama of my wishes.

  A footman was just sent to prepare Mr. Darcy’s horse, so I must conclude this letter in order to place it in his hands for his return. He is too kind to deliver this missive, and I am indebted to him for his generosity.

  Yours ever,

  Jane

  Elizabeth shifted in the window seat, folded the letter with care, and ran her finger across the folds. The honesty of her sister was in most cases absolute, but was Jane diminishing her feelings for Mr. Bingley? Her elder sister might if she felt Elizabeth would worry for her heart during the wedding.

  “Jane must have had some interesting news for you to read her note again,” observed Aunt Gardiner as she embroidered.

  She blew her fringe out of her eyes. “She spends the greater part of the correspondence claiming she feels naught for Mr. Bingley, entreating me not to have concern over them meeting again. I cannot decide whether she means to prevent my fretting, or if she is in earnest.”

  “You have no way of divining the accuracy of her statements without being in her presence. Even then, her serenity may be deceiving. My advice is to take her words as truth and enjoy this time of your life. You will only wed Mr. Darcy once.”

  She could not help the smile that overspread her face. With the exception of the day he spent traveling to and from Longbourn, Fitzwilliam had called daily. He never appeared without flowers or a book from his library for her to read. He was too good to her.

  “His small gifts and obvious regard do him credit. His love for you knows no bounds. Your uncle and I enjoy seeing his adoration for you so freely displayed upon his countenance. If we have not told you before, we like him very much.”

  “I am pleased you approve.”

  Aunt Gardiner placed her needlework in her lap. “As long as he was suitable, we could never disapprove your choice. We are just overjoyed to find him as in love with you as you are with him.”

  A movement on the street drew her attention to the Fitzwilliam carriage that pulled before the house, its crest unmistakeable to all who passed. As they expected Lady Fitzwilliam and Georgiana for tea, Elizabeth tucked Jane’s letter into the book of poetry she brought from her bedchamber and stood.

  Lady Fitzwilliam stepped down and glanced around her while she awaited her niece, who joined her a moment later, though not as composed. Georgiana fidgeted with her reticule as Lady Fitzwilliam put a hand to Georgiana’s elbow to steer her up the steps.

  “Lizzy?”

  She turned and joined her aunt at the sofa as Lady Fitzwilliam’s voice was heard in the front hall.

  The housekeeper entered and stood against the open door. “Lady Fitzwilliam and Miss Darcy.”

  Georgiana hurried over to Elizabeth and took her hands. “I am thrilled to be here. Thank you for inviting me.” Despite her words, Georgiana eyes darted about the room, and she shifted from foot to foot.

  “Please take a seat.” Aunt Gardiner motioned to the sofa and chairs, but Lady Fitzwilliam stayed her aunt with a touch to her aunt’s forearm.

  “I hope I am not being presumptuous, but if you have no objection, I thought we might have our own tea and give the girls a chance to become better acquainted.”

  Her aunt’s face lit with a smile. “I think it a marvellous idea. I have a small parlour we can use. You girls enjoy your tea.” Without ceremony, Aunt Gardiner led Lady Fitzwilliam from the room as Georgiana and Elizabeth situated themselves before the fire. Georgiana wore a thin-lipped smile. Why was she so tense?

  “I hope you are well.”

  Her future sister twisted her hands in her lap. “I am, thank you.”

  Elizabeth leaned over and placed her palm upon her wringing fingers. “I know we have known one another for a short time, but if you are uncomfortable, you can tell me. I would like to help ease your distress.”

  “I have not left Clarell House in some time. I am afraid the experience has quite discomposed me.”

  Elizabeth shifted as close as the chair would allow. “My aunt and I would have travelled to Lord and Lady Fitzwilliam’s for tea. You need not agitate yourself to this extent to spend time with me.”

  “But I wanted to!” Her eyes filled with tears. “Please forgive me. I was not like this before…”

  Elizabeth pulled Georgiana from the chair and brought her to the sofa where she sat directly by the young lady’s side. One arm wrapped around her while she maintained a firm hold on Georgiana’s hands. The poor girl!

  “Should you ever need to talk, I shall listen. You can depend upon it.”

  “I cannot speak of it again.” Her voice came out as a tortured whisper. “I have spoken to my brother, Mrs. Annesley, Aunt Charlotte.” She shook her head. “I want to put it behind me, yet I relive the experience anew whenever I speak of it. Would you mind terribly if I give Fitzwilliam permission to tell you?”

  “Would you be angry if he already has done so?”

  Georgiana looked up from her lap and searched Elizabeth’s face. “He did?”

  “Do not be upset with him. He needed to relieve himself of it as well. Your experience tormented him and created a burden of guilt he needed to have absolved.”

  “But he is not responsible! He could not have known!”

  Elizabeth dabbed Georgiana’s cheeks with her handkerchief. “He is your elder brother and your protector since your parents’ death. I believe his reaction is natural even if he is mistaken.”

  “He and my aunt attempt to shelter me more than they should since Ramsgate.”

  “I am certain they believe it to be for your own good.”

  Georgiana covered her face with her hands and shook her head. “I love them for their efforts to protect me, but I do not want to be treated as a child. I need to be told the truth.” She grasped Elizabeth’s forearm. The anguish in her young eyes tore at Elizabeth’s soul.

  “I was ill last month. Did you know?”

  “Your brother may have mentioned it.”

  “Did he tell you why?” she whispered.

  “No, before I journeyed to London, your brother was satisfied because your spirit seemed improved by your letters. We have never had the privacy required to speak of your illness since my arrival.”

  “When my brother first returned from Hertfordshire, I was terribly excited to hear about Mr. Bingley’s ball and his evening with you, so I hurried from the music room to my aunt’s sitting room. I heard them before I could knock upon the door. The butler must not have closed the door tight as it was open just an inch—enough to allow me to hear what they discussed.”

  Elizabeth rubbed Georgiana’s clenched hands. “What did they say, Georgiana?”

  “My aunt concealed the true reason for my illness from me, but I listened to every detail as she enlightened my brother.” A strangled sob tore from her throat. “I heard him cry, Lizzy. I have never heard much less seen him express himself in such a way.”

  How Elizabeth wanted to grip any object without mercy until her knuckles were white. Fitzwilliam indicated he had news of Georgiana to share with her, yet as she had told his
sister, they had not found the opportunity.

  “Did you not tell Fitzwilliam or your aunt what you heard?”

  “No, I did not know how. I feigned sleep when he sought me out an hour later. I needed time to think.” One of the girl’s hands pulled from hers to rub back and forth across her stomach as she rocked in her seat. “I never slept that night, but my aunt’s revelation was not what kept me awake. Once I accepted what happened, I was so ashamed, Lizzy.”

  Georgiana looked to Elizabeth wide-eyed and desolate. “I lost a child. I lost a child and God forgive me, I was relieved.”

  Elizabeth’s palm rubbed Georgiana’s back. “Oh, dearest.”

  “I could not live with such a reminder. I wanted the ordeal done and finished. I could not have a baby.”

  “Your feelings are understandable.”

  “I am selfish,” she spat.

  “You are still young, you were violated in the worst of ways, and you did nothing to cause the loss of the child. You have done nothing to draw censure. Your relief is not shameful or selfish.”

  “I wish I could believe you.”

  Elizabeth cupped Georgiana’s face in her hands. She appeared so young, yet so old at the same time, her eyes reflecting the torment within. “You are not to blame, and I shall repeat those words daily until you accept them. Do you understand?”

  “What if I never believe them?” Her agonised whisper rent Elizabeth’s heart.

  “Would I lie to you?”

  Georgiana’s eyes searched hers. “I do not believe you would. Despite our brief acquaintance, I trust you.”

  “Good, then I shall tell you often for I cannot have you place confidence in such false notions.”

  “What have I done!” With a swift movement, Georgiana stood and hastened to the mirror. “I told myself I would not unburden myself upon you, and I have done just that. I have ruined our afternoon.”

  “You have done nothing of the sort.” She turned Georgiana by her shoulders. “Do you not know that sisters confide in one another? We share our deepest, darkest secrets because we know we can trust our truest friend. You have not shocked me, I shall never think less of you for what you have revealed, and you will seek me out should you require this service in the future. I shall brook no opposition on the subject. I am quite decided you see.”

  Georgiana hiccoughed as Elizabeth drew her into a hug. “You do not have to endure this alone. Your brother, the colonel, your aunt, and I shall not allow it.”

  She held Elizabeth tight. “I do not deserve such kindness.”

  “You are wrong, dearest. You deserve our love and more.”

  A noise drew Elizabeth’s attention to the door. Lady Fitzwilliam peered inside, but before she could enter further, Elizabeth gave a slight shake of her head.

  “Are you certain?” mouthed Lady Fitzwilliam.

  Elizabeth did not respond other than to place her palm upon the back of Georgiana’s head as she rocked her from side to side while Lady Fitzwilliam backed from the room without a sound. “Why do we not get your face washed and dried? By the time we return, the maid will have brought tea.”

  The girl took in her appearance. “I look affright! What will my aunt say?” She dabbed at her face with her handkerchief.

  Elizabeth tugged Georgiana towards the stairs, but the young lady pulled back. “While I feel safe in my uncle’s home, I need to be able to live in the world again. I want to shop on Bond Street, I want to enjoy the theatre, and have Fitzwilliam take me to art exhibits. I do not wish to hide behind my relations and in my uncle’s or brother’s house for the rest of my life.”

  “You will do all of it and more. We will make sure of it.”

  Georgiana’s posture relaxed as she wrapped her arm around Elizabeth’s. “I am fortunate to be gaining you for a sister. Since I have not made mention of it before, thank you for marrying my brother.”

  Elizabeth smiled as the girl’s head rested upon her shoulder. “I am the fortunate one. I shall be gaining a wonderful man for my husband and you for my sister. I shall certainly have no cause to repine.”

  A rag with cool water aided Georgiana’s tear streaked face, and when folded and placed upon her eyes, helped reduce the swelling. The redness, however, would linger for a time.

  Their tea was laid out when they returned to the parlour, and they took places on the sofa to enjoy the repast. Georgiana ate little, but did take a second cup of tea while Elizabeth began a discourse on music. Since Georgiana adored the subject, she might not dwell on topics which were unpleasant and discomposed her. The ploy was successful as they spent the next two hours in a discussion of composers that, as good conversation often does, wended its way into other subjects.

  Eventually, Elizabeth entreated Georgiana to play the pianoforte. She was reluctant at first, but relented since Elizabeth was her only audience. Fitzwilliam’s young sister may have been meek and mild in person, but what a transformation occurred before the pianoforte! Her insecurities disappeared, and she commanded the instrument and its keys as though she had played since birth. Her fingers danced with a light touch as they moved nimbly across the instrument while she was engrossed in the tune she knew from memory.

  The most beautiful rendering of Bach’s Fantasia in C minor flooded the drawing room as a movement at the servant’s entrance gave away the cook and housekeeper, who peeked from a crack in the door to listen. Even they recognised the young lady’s talent.

  Her aunt and Lady Fitzwilliam entered without a sound and seated themselves where they could watch as well as enjoy the music. With the exception of the pianoforte, the room was silent.

  When she completed the Bach, she moved on to Scarlatti without much pause while Elizabeth watched, enraptured, until a hand rested upon Elizabeth’s shoulder. With an abrupt jolt, she about jumped from her chair as her palm flew to her chest. She looked up to find Fitzwilliam and frowned as he pursed his lips to restrain his mirth. A shaking finger pointed to the nearest chair, yet the insufferable man shook his head and remained where he was. Of all the nerve!

  When Georgiana released the final note and returned from the music, her eyes lifted to Lady Fitzwilliam and started. “I did not hear anyone enter.” She then scanned the room to find Fitzwilliam, and her expression shifted to happy surprise. “Brother! I did not expect you to join us.” Her hurried steps rushed her forward to hug him.

  “I finished my business early and wished to call upon Miss Elizabeth. I hoped I might join you before your return to Mayfair. Is that acceptable?”

  Aunt Gardiner nodded. “You are always welcome. Is he not, Lizzy?”

  “He is, indeed. I am pleased you could come, Mr. Darcy.”

  “I shall have the maid bring fresh tea.” Aunt Gardiner made to pull the bell, but Lady Fitzwilliam moved beside Georgiana.

  “None for us, Marianne. We have spent several lovely hours in your company and should be returning to Clarell House soon.”

  Fitzwilliam stepped forward. “I wanted to invite all of the Fitzwilliams, the Gardiners, and Miss Elizabeth to attend church with me on Sunday. After, we could dine at Darcy House and spend an afternoon in company.” He looked to Aunt Gardiner. “Your children would be welcome should you not wish to be separated for the day. The nursery has not been used in some time, but I am certain it should suffice.”

  “I would be pleased to accept your invitation, Mr. Darcy. My husband and I do not yet take the children to services, so they will remain behind.”

  Lady Fitzwilliam reached for her reticule and passed her niece her own. “We shall see you at church, but your uncle and I have a previous engagement that afternoon with Catherine, Anne, and Mr. Bingley. Georgiana might welcome a day at home rather than alone at Clarell House. What do you say, dear?”

  “I would like to come.”

  “Even to church?” Fitzwilliam’s tone rang of his concern.

  Georgiana shifted and swallowed. “It is the last Sunday before Christmas, and I have not been once. Yes, I shall go to
church.”

  His brows were still drawn and his lips tight, but he nodded. “Then you can come with Aunt and Uncle to the chapel, and depart with us.”

  “Thank you, Brother.” Georgiana stepped up on her toes to kiss his cheek and gave a quick hug to Elizabeth.

  “Allow me to walk you to the door.” Aunt Gardiner followed Lady Fitzwilliam and Georgiana from the room, leaving the door ajar.

  “Georgiana either slept very ill, or she has been crying,” observed Fitzwilliam.

  “She confessed the cause of her illness last month. She knows.”

  He paled, closed his eyes, and dropped into the closest chair. “I cannot bear to have you say it. Did she mention how she is aware of such matters? My aunt has taken great pains to conceal—” His voice broke as he attempted to rein in his emotions.

  “Georgiana, in her excitement to welcome you back from Hertfordshire, unintentionally eavesdropped on your aunt revealing the information to you. It is my opinion that she required time to come to terms with it on her own. She has no wish to cause you further upset, so she has remained silent.”

  “As of late, I have done all I could to hide my anger and hurt at Wickham’s actions. How could she be aware of my struggles?”

  She knelt before him and took his hands. “Your sister is neither blind nor deaf. I have noticed your sadness not only when you speak of her, but also when you look at her. She also heard you cry when your aunt told you of the child’s loss.”

  His forehead rested upon her knuckles. “I do not know how to help her.”

  Elizabeth stroked his dark curls. “You can do no more than be her brother—offer her a shoulder on which to cry when she requires it, protect her from further harm, listen to her troubles. You are not infallible and keeping secrets will cause her more anxiety than your honesty.”