Pretend You're Mine

by Crystal Kaswell

  I replace it with bourbon.

  Leighton isn’t in the living room—her purple hair makes her easy to find. I check the hallway. The bathroom. The kitchen.

  There.

  She’s sitting at the dining table, dipping carrots into hummus, nodding along to whatever Penny’s best friend Kristen is saying.

  Kristen’s dark eyes light up when she sees me. She leans in to whisper something to Leighton. From her posture, it’s clear it’s some gossip about me.

  “There you are, baby.” I move to the dining table with confident steps. “I’ve been looking everywhere.”

  Kristen’s face goes ghost white. She stutters something. Shoots Leighton an apologetic stare. “Ryan, hey. It’s been forever.” She pushes herself to her feet. Moves in for a hug.

  I offer her my hand.

  She shakes with a nervous laugh. “I forgot you aren’t big on touching.”

  “He’s not like that with me.” Leighton pats the chair next to her. “I was worried I was going to have to save you from a boring conversation.”

  “But weren’t you just talking to Penny?” Kristen clears her throat. “I mean. Um. Are you two good? You and Penny? Don’t tell her I said this, but it was awful the way she ended things.”

  The world is upside down today.

  Penny is admitting wrong doing.

  Kristen is apologizing.

  Leighton is… I don’t fucking know what.

  “Thanks.” I sit next to Leighton.

  She slides onto my lap. Curls her arm around my neck and rests it on my shoulders. “Doesn’t he look amazing in this?” She fingers the collar of my suit jacket. “I can’t get over it.”

  “Like high school graduation.” She smiles. “But more hair.”

  “Ryan had short hair?” Leighton runs her fingers through my locks. “Really?”

  “Oh, yeah. A buzz cut. And the glasses—do you still wear those?”

  Leighton runs her fingers along my cheek. She looks down at me. “A buzz cut?”

  “Penny likes short hair. She was really upset when he grew it out. Which is kind of ridiculous. Honestly, you look way hotter with long hair, Ryan.” Kristen blushes. “I mean…” She clears her throat. “Don’t worry. I have a boyfriend.”

  Leighton turns back to her. “I’m not. You’d have to be blind to miss how smoking hot Ryan is.”

  Kristen smiles. “Where’d you find someone so fun, Ryan? I expected to see you with someone more like you.”

  Leighton laughs so hard she doubles over.

  I slide my arms around her waist. “Baby, that hurts.”

  “I know. I’m such a bitch for laughing at that. But—” She bursts into another fit of giggles. “You know what vodka does to me.” She turns back to me. Stares into my eyes with every ounce of earnest in the world. “You’re fun. You just don’t let anyone else know it.”

  Her eyelids flutter closed.

  She leans in.

  Brushes her lips against mine.

  It’s soft. A kiss for show.

  But my body demands more. My palm plants on her soft thigh. My fingers dig into her skin. My tongue slides into her mouth.

  She tugs at my hair as she kisses me back.

  Fuck, I feel her everywhere.

  The taste of her. Vodka and lemon and something distinctly Leighton.

  The smell of that coconut shampoo.

  Her nails against my skin.

  I need more.

  I need all of her.

  I need her naked under me.

  She pulls back with a sigh. “Fuck.”

  Fuck is right.

  In too many ways.

  Kristen stares at us dumbfounded. She clears her throat. “I guess that’s one way to make it up to him.”

  She’s still as tactless as ever. I’ll give her that much.

  Leighton squirms in my lap as she laughs. Her cunt brushes against my cock—there too much and not enough fabric between us—and her cheeks flush.

  Her eyes bore into mine.

  They beg me to rip off her clothes.

  But this is still fucked.

  She’s still not mine.

  Even if it feels like she is.

  Even if every fucking second of this feels real.

  “You, uh… how’s the shop?” Kristen snaps a potato chip in half.

  “Good. Ryan’s a co-owner now.” Leighton slides onto her seat. Presses her knees together. Fights a blush. “He’s basically the boss.”

  “Oh, wow. Good for you. I always thought you were a good fit for tattoos,” she says.

  “Feels like I should take offense to that,” I say.

  “It’s clearly a compliment.” Leighton looks to Kristen. “Though I’m not sure what it means.”

  “You’re just so… counter-culture, I guess. I could always tell you wanted to be somewhere besides our stuck-up school. And you have that look. Like a damaged musician or something.”

  “I love damaged musicians.”

  “Oh my God, what about that one guy who moans twenty-four seven? With the blue eyes? Kind of like Ryan’s. But hotter. No offense, Ryan.”

  “I know exactly who you mean.” Leighton winks at me then turns back to Kristen.

  “He’s so hot, isn’t he?”

  “And so damaged.”

  “He’s a recovering drug addict, you know?”

  Leighton nods oh, I know.

  “Did you hear their latest album? It’s dedicated to his wife. And it’s just so… OMG.” Kristen fans herself.

  “Fuck. I miss something good?” Dean’s voice booms through the kitchen.

  “Yeah. We just finished a threesome. It’s too bad. We were desperate for a fourth. So desperate we considered you.” Leighton winks at Dean.

  Kristen laughs. “It’s good to see you too, Dean. You’re so tall now.”

  “I was this tall last time you saw me,” he says.

  “Really?” She taps her shoes together. “Maybe I’m shrinking. It sucks being short.”

  Dean nods maybe and moves closer. “You want to do something fun tonight, Kristen?”

  She beams over him remembering her name. “Sure.”

  “Twenty minutes. Out front. Limo.” He smiles.

  “Do I even want to ask?” Leighton shoots him a cutting look.

  “You don’t have to come to the real party if you’d rather go home,” he says.

  I’d rather take her home and fuck her senseless.

  Which is exactly why I need to go.

  “What’s the real party?” I ask.

  “There’s one thing you need to have at a bachelor party.” Dean smiles. “Everyone’s coming. And maybe some people will be coming. It’s supposed to be a classy joint, but you never know.” His smile gets wicked.

  Leighton whispers in my ear. “He doesn’t mean—”

  “Yeah, he does.”

  Chapter 26

  Leighton

  There’s a limo idling in the street.

  An actual stretch limo.

  I suppose there’s nothing strange about a limo on a Beverly Hills street, but this…

  Dean is insane.

  He smiles wide as he slides his arm around Kristen. His eyes catch mine. He nods to her like he’s showing off his conquest.

  I stick my tongue out in a show of disgust. I don’t object to Dean’s manwhoring ways. But bragging about a conquest? Gross.

  A chauffeur steps out of the driver’s seat and pulls the door open for us. He motions after you and extends his hand. “May I help you, madam?”

  I let him whisk me inside. Purple lighting casts the maroon velvet seats in an eggplant glow. But that hardly matters when Iris and Walker are sitting on the bench in the back.

  My shoulders relax.

  I’ve been swallowing this for a week. I can’t take it anymore. I need to talk to her. To explain everything. Even if it comes with a just tell him the truth.

  I plop on the bench next to her and throw my arms around her.

&n
bsp; She squeezes tight.

  “This something I’m gonna want to watch?” Walker chuckles.

  “You’re not invited.” I release her and settle onto the bench. Turn to the door to watch Kristen, then Dean, enter. “Aren’t we going to a bar?”

  Dean takes a seat on the bench on the right. Pulls Kristen onto his lap. “Sorry, but this is the end of your vodka train. California law. Booze or full nudity.”

  “Good. I won’t have to cart your plastered ass home.” Ryan steps into the limo and takes a seat on the bench to the left. His eyes meet mine. They ask for something, but I’m not sure what it is.

  Iris leans in to whisper. “What the hell did you do?”

  I break eye contact with Ryan to whisper back. “I kissed him.”

  She mouths fuck.

  I nod. Fuck is right.

  “Guessing it didn’t go well,” she says.

  “Not really,” I whisper.

  “You could have called.”

  “I know. I…”

  “Wasn’t ready to talk about it?”

  “How do you know me so well?”

  She laughs. “It’s a curse.”

  The driver presses the door closed.

  “Is this it?” Ryan asks.

  “Penny and Frank are meeting us there.” Dean laughs. “They probably want to fuck first. Or after. You’re all gonna want to fuck after.”

  “He got this guilty look in his eyes then said he was sorry,” I whisper.

  “Does he know you’re in love with him?” Iris asks.

  I clear my throat. “I…”

  She shoots me a get real.

  “No. He doesn’t.”

  She pushes me toward him. “Sit with your boyfriend.”

  I move to the bench next to Ryan. Shoot my best friend an I hate you glare.

  She smiles back I love you too.

  Walker whispers something in her ear.

  She whispers back.

  Then he’s not quite whispering. I only catch the word come. But I’m sure it’s dirty from the way she’s blushing.

  “I texted Kay to invite her. Since we’re finally hitting an eighteen plus club. But she texted back something about not bothering her with my bullshit at work.” Dean shrugs how ridiculous.

  “Brendon’s gonna deck you,” Walker says.

  “He still hasn’t,” Dean says.

  “That’s shocking.” Ryan wraps his arm around my waist then stares at it like he’s not sure how it got there.

  Dean shakes his head. “I know. I need to up my game.”

  Kristen looks around the car confused.

  Dean leans in to whisper something in her ear.

  Her dark eyes light up.

  They’re dirty talking too.

  The limo pulls onto the street.

  I let my eyelids flutter together as I rest my head on Ryan’s shoulder.

  He says nothing as he draws lazy circles on my forearm.

  It’s a sweet, intimate gesture.

  But I don’t know what it means.

  Bright white light bounces off a shiny pole. A woman’s manicured hand wraps around the silver cylinder. Then it’s the inside of her knee.

  She spins until she’s a blur of bare skin and lingerie.

  The hip-hop song shifts to the next. She dismounts. Looks out to the crowd—there are a dozen people seated at the stage and another two dozen at tables and booths.

  The crowd looks back. Claps and hoots as the woman in red unhooks her bra and drops it beneath her.

  Dean motions to an empty table in the back. Cuts through the room as the dancer leaps onto the pole. Upside down. Her hair hangs off her head. Her boobs fall toward her face.

  It’s an awesome trick—she’s upside freaking down—but it’s weird watching her do it topless.

  I follow Dean to the table. Ryan pulls out my chair for me. A gentleman even at a strip club. That’s so Ryan. And this whole thing is so Dean.

  The dancer dismounts, struts around the pole, grabs onto it and spins.

  “This place is classier than I expected.” Ryan sits next to me. “For you.”

  Dean chuckles. “I have exquisite taste.”

  Iris looks to me and raises a brow. “She is really acrobatic.” She looks to the stage curiously.

  Walker chuckles as he wraps his arms around her. “Getting ideas, sweetness?”

  “Maybe.” She slides onto his lap.

  He pulls her closer. Presses her lips to her neck.

  “Shit. We didn’t have to come here. We’ve got a free show.” Dean claps.

  “You shouldn’t upstage her.” Ryan chuckles.

  “What if we get her blessing?” Walker murmurs into Iris’s neck.

  She mumbles some sort of yes, please, don’t stop.

  “Fuck, we lost ‘em.” Dean shakes his head. How wrong. His eyes light up as a blonde in a school girl outfit approaches us.

  “Would you care for a dance?” She tugs at Dean’s tie.

  “Later. I’m waiting for the guest of honor.” He shoots her a sweet smile.

  She looks to the rest of us with invitation.

  Kristen stares with curiosity.

  Walker and Iris continue necking.

  Ryan shakes his head no thanks.

  Her eyes fix on me.

  I clear my throat. “Maybe later.”

  She nods, spins on her Lucite heel, and leaves.

  I scoot closer to Ryan. “It won’t hurt my feelings if you want a lap dance.”

  His blue eyes narrow. “Think about everything you know about me and reconsider that statement.”

  “Most guys enjoy attractive women in their laps,” I say.

  Dean nods true that.

  I roll my eyes.

  “Am I most guys?” Ryan asks.

  “No, but you are a man,” I say.

  “I don’t hug people.”

  “Most people aren’t naked women.”

  Ryan’s nose scrunches with distaste. “Kristen’s as cute as that dancer was.”

  She beams. “Thanks, Ryan. I think.”

  “Didn’t hug her,” he says.

  She nods yeah, that is weird. She looks up at Dean isn’t he weird?

  Dean laughs. “You have no idea.”

  “But.” I bite my lip. Where the hell am I going with this? Ryan doesn’t like touching. I know that. Of course he doesn’t want a lap dance from a stranger. But he… and I… and… “You hug me.”

  “You’re my girlfriend.” He plays into our ruse.

  I don’t. “But there’s a reason—”

  “It’s different with you, Leigh.”

  “Why?”

  “You know why.”

  “Damn,” Dean interrupts. “Look who the cat dragged in.” He waves to Boat Shoes and Penny as they walk past security.

  He smiles, completely at home.

  Her eyes go wide with surprise. But the good kind of surprise.

  She pulls him closer. Leads him to our table.

  Iris dismounts from Walker’s lap, but she stays pressed against him. Her eyes meet mine. She offers me that same are you okay? Look.

  I nod. I am. Maybe. Sort of.

  “I’m going to powder my nose.” She pushes herself up. Her eyes find mine. “Join me?”

  And leave Ryan alone with the ex from hell?

  No fucking way.

  “I’ll be right there,” I say.

  Iris’s eyes narrow no, now.

  I wave her away.

  She frowns, but she does leave.

  Penny sits in one of the black metal chairs.

  Frank sits next to her. “Thanks for the invite.” He squeezes her hand. “Didn’t think I’d ever talk you into this.”

  “Me either.” Her laugh is tipsy. “I’m so glad to not be at that party. Thanks for coming. Sorry it was so dull.”

  Ryan looks to Dean. “You owe me two hundred bucks.”

  “Night’s not over yet,” Dean says.

  A cocktail waitress in a black bikini
stops at our table. Asks for our orders. Though I guess she isn’t a cocktail waitress in a place that doesn’t serve alcohol.

  How do women strip in clubs that do serve alcohol?

  Drunk people are obnoxious enough when you’re clothed. When you’re naked and they think twenty bucks gives them permission to grope you?

  I shudder at the thought.

  We order sodas and iced teas then share that oh my God, how much is this going to cost look.

  “Aren’t you joining Iris in the bathroom?” Walker scratches his head. “What is that code for?”

  Penny laughs. “Girl talk. Of course.” She smiles at me. “Don’t let me stop you.”

  “No, I’m good right here.” I force a smile. I know Ryan’s trying to forgive her, but I just can’t. She destroyed him. And his heart still beats for her. It’s unfair. Wrong. Awful.

  Dean raises an imaginary glass to Penny. “Glad you finally found someone who suits you.”

  She stares at him, assessing his words. “Thanks.”

  Boat Shoes squeezes her.

  She giggles.

  I whisper in Ryan’s ear. “You think she knows that was an insult?”

  “Probably.” His breath warms my neck.

  Penny’s giggle gets louder.

  Ryan's lips brush my neck. “I tell you how fucking amazing your hair looks like this?”

  “No.” My cheeks flush. “Not yet.”

  “It does.” He plants a soft kiss on my skin. “Like you’re offering me your neck.”

  I break character. “You’re into—”

  “Yeah.” He pulls back with a heavy sigh. His eyes trace my body. They light up with desire. Then he blinks and they’re full of confusion.

  “You do look cute,” Kristen says. “Like a princess.”

  “My punk rock princess.” Ryan's fingers intertwine with mine.

  “Is that an actual nickname?” Kristen rests her hand on her chest. “That’s adorable. I’m in love.”

  “They are a cute couple.” Jealousy drips into Penny’s voice.

  It fills me with a deep, pure sense of victory.

  She has a lot. She has his head.

  But she doesn’t have his body.

  The waitress interrupts to drop off our drinks. Diet coke for me. Club soda for Ryan.

  I suck the dark liquid through a straw. Bubbles burst on my tongue. Mmm. Fake sugar.

  It’s the same as pretending with Ryan—it satisfies for a minute but leaves me craving sweetness.