Love TKO

by Selene Chardou

  Her pale green eyes glared at me with a mock look of hurt. “You wouldn’t really do that. What about Amelie and Angelo?”

  “What about them? Bella practically raises them and they would stay next door with her while I took over as guardian. Seriously, Sienna, this is not the time for you to wig out and act a fuckin’ fool.”

  “Why are you all dressed up? Got a ‘date?’” she teased in a condescending tone as she tucked her slim legs under her ass.

  “Get your dirty ass feet off my white sofa.”

  “It’s cream, Chiara.”

  “Well, it’s still light enough to show dirt.” I stood and began to pace nervously. “What do you want? I’m not telling you where the hell I’m going.”

  A look lit up her green eyes as she smiled slyly. “Ah, this guy is off the books, isn’t he? You’re ‘unofficially’ dating, which is in direct violation with your contract. How cool could this guy be for you to risk your professional life over?”

  “Pretty damn awesome but you’ll never meet him.” I walked over to my coffee table where a small ceramic box set and opened the lid, grabbed a pre-rolled roach and lit it with a lighter.

  “Whoa…I haven’t seen you smoke out in a while. Must be serious if you’re this nervous.”

  I held the smoke in my lungs as long as possible before I exhaled. “What do you want, Sienna? Seriously, you gotta get out of here. I need to be alone when he pulls up.”

  “Who. Is. He? I’ll call Raymond myself and tell ‘em you aren’t very good at following directions.” My sister stood and pranced over to me before she took my joint and dragged off it.

  “You wouldn’t do that—you’re lying. I’ve supported you with all the guys I have fucked, sucked and taken up the ass over the years. Cut me some fuckin’ slack. I’ve got about five months in this soul-destroying, fucked up business yet I can’t have secrets of my own? Christ, Sienna, get a fucking life already.”

  She handed the joint back to me. “Who is he?”

  I dragged deeply and slowly felt the effects as only good Chronic could produce. “Fine. It’s Torin Duffy.”

  “The hot mixed martial artist guy? Fuck, why didn’t you tell me before?” she screeched like a teenager told about the latest Justin Bieber concert.

  I rolled my eyes. “Christ on a cracker, Sienna, maybe because you can’t keep a fuckin’ secret for shit and we have to cool it for only a little while…plus, it’s short term. I have a client taking me to his fight this Friday.”

  “Oh no.” Her face fell. “That is such a Pretty Woman situation—”

  “Will you stop referencing that stupid fucking movie every time I bring up an issue with my career? Believe me, I’m not even a street walker and my life is far from glamorous. Unless you think fucking guys old enough to be your grandfather is a turn on. There isn’t some knight in shining armor that is going to save me and I’m just trying to enjoy the few days I have with Torin.”

  My sister grabbed the joint again. “How do you know he’s not gonna want you after he finds out what you do for a living?”

  “Because men like him use women like me,” I murmured as I crossed my arms against my breasts. “I’m not naïve, Sienna. He’s never gonna understand and ask me stupid questions like why didn’t I go to college and get a decent job? Or why took the easy way out by becoming a whore? Men like him don’t think too highly of a woman like me.”

  “You can tell him the truth.” She dragged from my joint before she handed it back to me. “You were accepted to UNLV and you couldn’t go because you had to institutionalize me because I tried to kill myself. Mom refused to give you any money for my care so you did what you had to do and begged Raymond for a job. Mental institutions are no longer free. He’ll understand if he’s any kind of real man.”

  I shook my head vehemently. “I can’t do that. It’s no one’s business but ours, honey. You’re my sister…not some trump card to be pulled out because I want to keep some guy who wouldn’t stay anyway. Not even if he knew the truth. Torin’s not like that…he’s…damaged like us. All he’ll care about is how much I deceived him.”

  “Then tell him now—”

  “Are you smokin’ crack? Let’s just ruin a few days of bliss I could get since he doesn’t know.” I dragged on the joint again before I stubbed it out in a crystal ashtray. “No. Everything between us stays just as it is and he’ll find out on his own on Friday. That’s fine with me and I can live a fairytale a few days. I’m cool with that.”

  Sienna rolled her eyes. “Even though you really aren’t. If you can’t pull out the ‘crazy sister’ card then what good am I, Chiara? I suffer from a mental illness, and you have always been there for me. Through a husband, two children, a divorce…and what have I been through with you? Just a few johns who roughed you up but they were handled by Raymond.”

  “Torin should be here any minute.” I pasted on a smile as I walked over to my sister and guided her towards the front door. “I really think you should go home.”

  My sister strolled through the open door before she turned around. “Allow him to see the real you, Chiara. You deserve to be happy too. Or at least experience happiness for more than a goddamn week. Do you think so little of yourself that you won’t throw me under the bus? I don’t mind. It’s not like I haven’t returned the favor.”

  “I want to be a better person and how does me telling him what I do really help him? It assuages my conscience but it destroys the little faith in women he has and that’s not a good thing. He’s already tragic and broken…I’m not going to destroy him—I can’t.”

  Sienna shook her head sadly. “You see? You’re so fucked in the head, you don’t realize that you are destroying him by not telling him.”

  Before I could come back with a snappy comeback, my sister had walked off.

  Ugh! Why was it my bipolar sister who always shined a spotlight on the truth I’d rather not face in between all the bullshit she talked? I slammed my front door and leaned against the door.

  I wasn’t a fucking coward.

  I couldn’t tell Torin because I didn’t want that look of hope and admiration to turn into one of disgust and abject horror.

  What man wanted a whore for a girlfriend, let alone a wife? Not one who was psychologically sane, that was for sure.

  TORIN ARRIVED TWENTY minutes after Sienna left.

  I grabbed my cross body purse, spritzed myself with Pure Poison and popped a couple of mints in my mouth before I opened the door.

  He looked drop dead sexy as usual and all I could think at that moment was how I was unworthy of his love and affection. Hell, I didn’t even know how he felt about me but if his smile was anything to go by, he was falling hard and I wasn’t being fair to him by not telling him the truth.

  Then again, if I admitted what I truly was, would that be to assuage my own guilty conscience or to break his heart—if it could be broken by me—and make him run as fast as he could out of my life?

  These thoughts raced through my broken mind while my body worked just fine. I smiled back and before I could stop him, he embraced me and his face fell into the crux of my neck.

  “Nervous, babe? You don’t have to be, not around me.”

  “What makes you think that?” I questioned defensively as we separated and he held me at arm’s length.

  “You look good enough to eat and although you smell divine, I have a pretty good nose. You’ve been smoking a joint.” He held on to my hands with his own and refused to let go.

  I sighed out loud. “Of course I’m nervous as hell. Yes, we’ve been on an amazing dinner date but that was clouded with expensive wine and candle light. Now you get to see me in all my glory in the daytime and I was afraid…I wouldn’t live up to your expectations.”

  His eyebrows raised and he awarded me with the most gorgeous blue-eyed stare. “How could you not meet my expectations? You’re this beautiful…goddess…and I know that sounds a bit gay but seriously, I would be lucky to have you. Look at you.
Striking, confident and intelligent. It’s a dangerous combination, Chiara.”

  My name rolled off his tongue and I couldn’t help it if my smile grew a bit wider. The man had a way with words that lit up a million butterflies dancing in my stomach and I felt girlish, carefree and young.

  Had any man ever made me feel like I forgot what I did for a living?

  That would be a hell to the no.

  They always had their ways of reminding me I was nothing but a piece of meat they’d paid handsomely for and expected their money’s worth.

  Torin made me forget my occupation and that was a feat unto itself. He made me lose myself in him and no longer did I think about all the movies about prostitutes getting lucky and finding their Prince Charming. I felt like a regular woman who’d stumbled onto the treasure of a lifetime and perhaps I could have my happily ever after.

  He seemed like my hero, larger than life and always there, and how he saw the real me was amazing. He could sense how broken and battered I was emotionally and he always found a way to cheer me up, even if he was beyond fixing himself.

  We brought out the best in one another and together, I felt like we wanted to make one another better people. That was a good thing, a positive feeling and that’s the precise reason why I couldn’t let him in on what I did for a living.

  He would run as fast as he could in the opposite direction because I would become disgusting and used goods in his eyes. I wouldn’t be fresh and appealing but gross and he’d wonder what he’d subjected himself to while I played the innocent.

  The tears sprung from nowhere but I hid them quickly with several rapid blinks.

  “Is it too bright out here for you, baby? Let’s get you on the Harley so we can get to Death Valley in good time. I already packed lunch and it is designated healthy and delicious. I am determined to see you enjoy a real meal.”

  I shook my head. “You are completely incorrigible. Lead the way.”

  He let go of my left hand while still holding on tightly to the right and guided me to his Harley. I burst out laughing when I realized it was from the series that looked like a grown man’s tricycle. I’d had bonafide, badass bikers as former clients, one being the Vice President of the Lucifer’s Saints MC in Northern Nevada. Torin’s Harley was no hog but something professional men like himself picked up because they were great for getaways like we’d planned today.

  “Mmm, nice wheels,” I jibed as I climbed on the back without his help.

  Torin handed me a helmet. “Stop making fun. I had to take lessons for this Harley too you know.”

  “Yes, I know. I’ve just been on the real thing though…you know the Harleys that have two tires instead of three. They’re pretty badass too.” I slipped on my helmet and secured it in place.

  “Well, I have to be careful as a mixed martial artist. I’ve had broken bones in the past, and Neil would kill me if anything happened to me on my day off because I was simply trying to impress a girl.”

  “Ha!” I laughed out loud. “Please tell me that girl wouldn’t be little ole me. I’m no one you have to worry about impressing. I think you accomplished that Friday night and yesterday evening. Don’t worry, I’m impressed plenty.”

  Torin paused and turned toward me, his icy blue eyes intense with genuine warmth and overwhelming feelings I didn’t want him to transfer to me.

  My whole body felt alight and I couldn’t believe how much everything had changed between us in the past couple of days. He felt like my boyfriend, not a trick or a mark, and I never wanted that feeling to end. He wasn’t paying me and we weren’t on the clock. I wanted to feel special and normal; I desperately needed to know what it was like to be an ordinary woman because in less than six months, I would become one.

  Why couldn’t I have met him then when there would be no time limit on how long we were allowed to spend in this state of bliss? He deserved so much more than me but I wanted him all to myself and that was selfish, I knew that, but I deserved happiness too, didn’t I?

  Face it, babe, you took the easy way out, and now your past is coming back to haunt you, my inner thoughts tormented me.

  Your sins will find you out.

  No one deserves to end up with a whore like you.

  Do you even know how many men and women you’ve fucked? How many threesomes and foursomes you’ve been involved in?

  You’re a whore, just like your mother. The apple never falls too far from the tree.

  No!

  I couldn’t take it anymore. I was my own worst enemy while I was worried about what this drop-dead sexy man would think? Maybe it was time to clean out my own mental closet, and stop thinking so badly about myself.

  “Hey, beautiful, where did you go just now?” Torin wondered with a look of worry on his face.

  “Nowhere, sweetie. I’m right here,” I responded, my breath rushed out in waves.

  “Okay. You ready to hit the road?”

  I tried to smile but remembered I had my helmet on. “As ready as I’ll ever be.”

  He grinned back at me before he slipped his helmet on and climbed on the Harley.

  Today would be a great day because this was my chance to start anew and I wouldn’t blow it now, not when I could feel myself falling, and it’d never felt so good.

  THE RIDE TO Death Valley was amazing.

  No words could describe the way it felt to be pressed against Torin with the wind on our backs on the back of his Harley.

  It ended too quickly and soon, we disembarked after he parked and began to explore the hiking trails.

  The place was known for its scorching temperatures during the summer but now that we explored this amazing area of California in the winter, it was cool yet perfect. We had nothing to fear from vicious reptiles or other unsavory life out there and we were free to just walk and talk.

  “I want to take you back to Northern Ireland so you can meet my mother.”

  Torin and I stood on a crest and could see the whole park spread out beneath us. The place was arid and dry but it was also crisp and cold. The air felt good against our sweaty skin. We’d definitely gotten a work out climbing hills and making our way to one of the observation points.

  I glanced at him and truly saw him—past the famous façade and all the other bullshit. He stood emotionally naked before me and there was never a better view.

  “Are you serious?” I breathed deeply before I continued. “I mean, what about your dad? You haven’t minced words over your hatred for him.”

  Torin looked away into the distance. “He’s dead, Chiara. He can never hurt me or my siblings ever again but my mother would love you. You’re everything she’s always wanted for me. I would be willing to break my own rules and have children with you, sweetie.”

  I laughed out loud. “We’ve only known each other for three days. You can’t know that about me. You don’t know much about me at all to be honest.”

  He touched my face and I stared at him intensely. “Is that how you measure how people know each other? Because they have known one another for days, weeks, months or years? There are people I have known my whole life—take my dad for instance. I never knew the bastard…at all. I mean, I knew how he ticked and what set him off but I truly never got to know him because he wouldn’t let any of us in.”

  “Okay, now you’ve just confused the hell out of me.”

  We began to walk as he grabbed my waist and pulled me close to him. “I knew he was a failed boxer and he drank too much. I knew he beat and raped my mother. But the essence of who he was as a person, or why he did the twisted shit he did—I can supposition but I can’t give you a straight answer because the man wouldn’t allow himself to be known.”

  Torin paused and we stood together, my body pressed against his. “When he died, our parish priest offered a few kind words and talked about my dad but what he said about my old man—I couldn’t relate. I didn’t think he’d ever been kind or taken my mom out on dates before they got married. I certainly didn’t know he a
sked her to marry him on their third date or ten months after they got married, I was born. I was completely dumbfounded and I just listened yet never shed a tear.

  “The old photos of him and my mom together—happy—seemed like snapshots from someone else’s life and I walked out of the funeral service. I remember I collapsed on the steps and sobbed. I didn’t know what else to do because the man I’d known didn’t seem anything like the man Father Connelly talked about and it…disturbed me.”

  “Okay,” I responded, deciding to play Devil’s advocate. “What do you know about me?”

  “Well, let’s see, I know some of your favorite foods, and what turns you on in bed. I know you bite your lower lip when you’re nervous and how you smoke a joint when you need to calm yourself down. I know you’re kind, generous and have a huge heart. You care about people and you would never leave anyone behind. You would sacrifice your own happiness for someone else’s and that’s love. True love.”

  Okay, the man had managed to freak me the fuck out because God knows I had no idea he was so damned observant.

  “And how do you know all of this?”

  “Well, I arrived earlier before I realized I’d forgotten plastic forks, knives and paper plates. I saw you and your sister—I’m assuming she was your sister though you two don’t look a damn thing alike though you are both very attractive women—and you seemed concerned about her. You mentioned she wasn’t well?”

  I smiled sardonically. “Well, physically, she’s fine. Maybe she smokes too much pot but she’s also an exercise fanatic and health freak. She’s manic depressive with a touch of OCD so combine all her mental health issues and it’s…hard. She’s got two children and I’ve hired a full time nanny for them when Sienna decides to go off her meds. Today is day one without her medication so I’ll see how crazy she’ll be on Tuesday. It takes a while for the Lithium and all the anti-depressants to work their way out of her system.”