Return to Bluebell Hill

by Rebecca Pugh

  Not long now, she mused. She placed her forehead against the glass and watched the outside world as it passed by.

  ‘Off on your holidays?’ the handsome stranger asked.

  He must have noticed her suitcase. ‘Something like that.’ She glanced at it, too. It sent her stomach violently lurching into what felt like a washing machine spin-cycle. She looked away, determined to ignore its existence. Stupid thing.

  ‘Anywhere nice?’ he continued, oblivious to her discomfort.

  ‘I’m off to Cornwall,’ she replied quickly, blurting out the first thing that came to mind. ‘A few days by the sea. I can’t wait.’ An image popped into her mind of herself wearing a pretty sundress and taking a happy stroll through the seaside town. There were seagulls, ice-cream, sand castles and the scent of the sea-salt whistling through the air. It was a shame that her reality looked nothing like that but he didn’t need to know the not-so-pretty version. They were strangers. She could pretend to be anyone doing anything right now, so why bother with the nasty reality of where she was really going and what she was really doing there? Right now, she wanted to be that sundress-wearing, carefree young woman rather than the one carrying the world on her shoulders and struggling beneath the weight of it.

  ‘Oh, nice. I haven’t been to Cornwall in years,’ he said with a smile. ‘I love it down there, though. The sea, the sand, the little cafes and seaside shops. Excellent choice.’ Another smile crossed the space between them.

  ‘What about you?’ she asked, while trying to understand just how he could be so damn attractive. He really was out of this world. ‘Where are you off to?’

  ‘I’m not off for a few days by the sea, sadly. Just off to visit the parents and then back home. I’ve been to see my brother out in the sticks. A nice way to spend my morning, with his kids clambering onto my back and telling me to pretend that I’m a horse. I must have done about fifty circuits of the lounge carpet.’

  Jessica giggled at the image of such a hunk of a man allowing his nieces and nephews to ride around on his back. It was amusing to say the least, and quite adorable. ‘That sounds lovely.’

  He rolled his eyes playfully, although it was obvious he’d enjoyed himself. You only had to look at the sparkle in his eyes to see that. ‘It would be lovely if my bro wasn’t such a show-off. He’s got a gorgeous home, beautiful wife, fantastic kids. He likes to remind me of what I’m missing out on. But you see, he doesn’t actually realise that while he was gifted with all of that, I was the one gifted with the good looks and the easy charm.’ He winked playfully. ‘So, who’s the real winner here, hey?’

  As she laughed once more, she took note of how much she was enjoying his company. He was so open and friendly and she was glad that she hadn’t mentioned her real destination and the reasons behind it. If she’d attempted to chat to a stranger back in London, they no doubt would have walked off and thrown a worried look over their shoulder before hot-stepping it to the other side of the road with 999 on speed-dial. He was refreshing. And oh, what she wouldn’t give to be able to visit a brother or sister, or any family members for that matter. For just a second, her body flooded with envy. She didn’t have anyone to go and visit. Not really. ‘You’re lucky,’ she commented quietly, staring down into her lap and hoping that he hadn’t heard her.

  The remainder of the journey slipped by. Jessica found herself dozing off, her forehead wobbling against the glass as she slipped in and out of sleep. She jolted upwards and glanced about herself more than once, panicking that she’d arrived, but each time she did so, she was relieved to find that the train was still juddering along through the small villages that lined the way. Every second that passed was a second closer to her life before London and it was terrifying to say the least.

  ***

  It was late afternoon when the train began to slow down, preparing to stop at the next station. Jessica’s mouth went dry as she realised that this was her stop. A handful of passengers began to retrieve their bags from the overhead containers and prepared to depart, excitable chatter and farewells filling up the train. She was even more horrified when her handsome companion stood up. Apparently, this was his stop, too.

  ‘This is my stop,’ he announced cheerfully. A sliver of toned stomach was revealed to her as he stretched his arms above his head and emitted a yawn, his grey t-shirt riding up. She had to admit, it had been a long journey. ‘Still a while to go until Cornwall,’ he said, smiling down at her. ‘I hope you have a nice time while you’re there. Say hello to the seagulls for me.’ His eyes lingered on hers for a second or two longer until he offered a devastating smile, showing off every single white, shiny tooth in his mouth, and held up a hand to say goodbye. Jessica watched him disappear. If she hadn’t been so panicked, she probably would have said goodbye too, but as it was, she watched him leave without another word.

  This was it. She was here.

  She stepped down onto the platform with a slow exhale. On the outside, she imagined she looked calm and collected but on the inside, a storm was raging.

  She searched the sea of faces to ensure that her handsome companion had definitely left the vicinity, otherwise there’d be questions regarding a trip to Cornwall coming her way. Just her luck it had turned out that he’d been getting off at the same stop as her.

  She lingered beside a vending machine and waited. The train left the station a few minutes later and it was then that she realised there was no going back. London was too far away for her turn back around and leave now, even though she had the overwhelming urge to do exactly that. She clutched the suitcase handle for support and allowed her eyes to rest on the hazy blue sky that stretched out in the distance. It didn’t take long for the busyness of the platform to settle down. It was eerily quiet once it did but that was nothing new for this place. It had always been the same. Peaceful, lazy, and a world away from the setting she’d left behind.

  She closed her eyes, counted to ten, and told herself that she could do this.

  Chapter Two

  ‘Jessica? Is that you?’

  She spun round on the grey concrete. Her eyes fell upon Esme. It was amazing how just the mere sight of someone had the power to soothe and calm you.

  All pretences fell as she walked towards the woman she hadn’t seen for almost ten years. She’d been building herself up for this moment. She’d wanted to appear strong and capable. She wasn’t a little girl anymore, after all. She was a grown woman and she could deal with things perfectly well on her own. Or so she’d thought.

  Seeing Esme with the same old patchwork shawl draped elegantly across her narrow shoulders, her warm and welcoming face, her tiny hands clasped together just below her stomach. It was too much, too familiar. Jessica was desperate to feel the stability of her love, the only real, true love that she’d ever experienced. She bundled herself into Esme’s waiting arms and breathed her in.

  ‘It’s really me,’ Jessica laughed, inhaling the scent of lavender. ‘And is it really you?’ She stepped back to take a good look at her. She couldn’t believe that Esme was standing in front of her. ‘You haven’t changed at all, have you? You still look exactly the same as when I left.’ The same greying hair, although thinner now, was pulled back into a cosy bun. A few wispy pieces fell down around her apple-round cheeks, framing her face prettily.

  Esme laughed. ‘Don’t be ridiculous, dear. I’m almost a decade older than I was the last time you saw me.’ Her eyes travelled greedily around Jessica’s face. ‘But look at you! So beautiful, so grown-up.’

  Jessica blushed at the words before turning her attention towards the red-brick entrance of the station. On the other side lay a world she hadn’t stepped foot in for a very long time. ‘Would you like to lead the way? It feels a bit strange… You know, being back.’

  Esme nodded and linked their arms together. ‘My pleasure, dear.’

  The station was positioned at the top of one of the many hills that surrounded the outer edges of the area. A solitary road led away fr
om the station which eventually joined forces with a winding, twisty lane that would lead them into the heart of the village. The oaks that grew in the area were ancient and creaked like old wood with or without the wind’s help.

  The two women left the station and were hit by a blast of late spring sunshine. Squinting, Jessica could see the viewing point up ahead.

  ‘I can’t believe that old bench is still there,’ she commented as they drew near to it.

  Esme laughed. ‘Shall we take a look?’ She didn’t wait for a reply but instead hurried towards the viewing point that looked over the village, and allowed her wrinkled hands to rest on the splintered handrail which had, like the bench, lived way past its sell-by date. ‘Won’t you come and take a look?’ she asked over her shoulder.

  ‘I think I’m okay, actually, Esme. Why don’t we—’

  ‘One little look won’t hurt. Just come and see how beautiful it is.’

  Jessica saw the pleading look in Esme’s eyes and gave in. ‘Fine, just one look. I’ve seen it plenty of times before, so I’m not sure what you think is going to—’ Her nonsensical rambling came to halt once her hands touched the wood and she looked down at the vision below them.

  ‘Welcome back to Bluebell Hill,’ Esme whispered.

  Bluebell Hill, the place she’d lived since birth and then left as soon as she’d been able to, reminded her of something out of a storybook, a place where fairy-tales could originate from. She could see the buildings in the village square, the top of the church, the thick patches of woodland, the school and the vivid green fields that stretched out for miles. Scattered around the edges of the village, the more expensive homes sat proudly, impressive chunks of brick against the blue sky. Her eyes caught on Bluebell House and she stared at it, trying to decipher how seeing it made her feel. Scared? Vulnerable? Angry? Like a child again? She swallowed.

  She leant forward and angled her head to look down at the hill they were situated on. The traditional bluebells of the village worked their magic and transformed the hill from a dusky green to an enchanting blue. They ran down the hill like a river and surrounded the bases of the oak trees. The ground was temporarily covered with a blanket of blue.

  ‘You’re right. It’s beautiful.’ Jessica turned to Esme and smiled. ‘It doesn’t change anything, though.’ And that saddened her greatly. If only it did. ‘It’s still Bluebell Hill. It’s still the place I escaped and for very good reasons.’

  Esme’s mouth turned down at the corners. ‘Come on. I’ve got a beef stew slow-cooking back at the cottage. I know it’s one of your favourites.’

  They set off down the dusty, sun-burnt lane.

  ***

  ‘Perhaps you should fill me in on what you’ve been up to since you’ve been away?’ Esme suggested as they strolled. ‘So much time has passed since you left. What happened once you arrived in London?’

  ‘Once I arrived, I found a cheap apartment,’ Jessica began. ‘The money you gave me really helped me. Did I ever say thank you for that?’ Esme smiled, nodding for her to continue. ‘It was only a small place, not exactly sparkling clean, but it was perfect for me. I met one of the girls who lived upstairs and she helped me out with finding a job. She put a good word in at the café she worked at and I got straight in. Sarah. She’s an angel. I really don’t know what I would have done without her.’ She smiled at the memory of working alongside Sarah for those first few months. They’d had such a great time together, their friendship blossoming into the incredibly strong bond that they shared now, all these years later.

  ‘How lovely of her to help you out. She sounds marvellous. Do you still see her now?’ Esme angled her head towards her.

  ‘She’s my closest friend.’ Jessica laughed lightly. ‘We do everything together. I went from the café to a bookshop around the corner which then led to my colleagues pushing me towards applying at Partridge & Co. which I thought was a ridiculous idea at the start but once I was sat back at home it became a bit of an obsession for me. In the end I took a chance and they invited me along for an interview. I was beside myself with excitement,’ she continued, unable to stop the grin from appearing on her face as she thought back to the day when she’d received the phone call. ‘Just a day after the interview I was called and offered the job.’

  Esme stopped walking and turned to face Jessica. ‘I’m very proud of you, Jessica. You do know that, don’t you?’

  Caught off guard by the unforeseen moment of tenderness, Jessica swallowed and tried to keep it all together. ‘Thank you, Esme. I’m proud of me, too. And of course I know that you’re proud of me. You’ve always been proud of me, haven’t you? Even the tiniest things, like getting myself dressed in the mornings or brushing my teeth.’ She smiled at Esme, basking in the glow of affection. ‘It took a while for me to work my way up through the company but now I’m a marketing manager. It’s so much fun and gives me such a buzz. I wouldn’t change it for the world. I must admit, I was a bit worried about being away from it whilst being here. I feel a bit lost.’

  ‘I’m sure they can manage without you, and just think how pleased they’ll be to see you once you’re back.’ Esme adjusted her shawl and allowed it to hang lower across her arms. The sun’s heat was surprisingly warm.

  ‘I miss Sarah already. But I can chat to her whenever I need to. She’s reminded me a million times that she’s only ever a text or a phone-call away which makes me feel so much better. I really don’t know what I’d do without her. She’s amazing.’

  ‘You should have invited her along. I would have loved to have met the woman who helped you out. She sounds fantastic. You can never have too many good friends.’

  ‘No, I don’t think she would have enjoyed it.’ Jessica shook her head and blinked up at the sun. ‘She’s got her own things going on at the moment. New relationship, work… Plus, I felt I needed to come here alone. It might have been awkward for her, with the funeral and everything.’

  Silence descended as they both thought about what lay ahead during Jessica’s time in Bluebell Hill. It was going to be a difficult time for both of them, not just Jessica. Esme had worked for the McAdams family for a long time.

  ‘Yes, I suppose you’re right. The funeral would have darkened the visit, so it’s probably best that she stayed at home.’ Esme nodded firmly.

  When they’d been following the lane for what felt like forever, Jessica finally saw the first signs of civilisation in Bluebell Hill. She glanced behind herself at the way they’d come, the bluebells looking resplendent cascading down the hill.

  ‘Nearly there!’ Esme announced cheerfully. ‘I can’t wait for you to see the cottage. The flowers are almost in full bloom and the garden looks splendid. And having you here with me? It’s going to be just like the old days.’ Esme stopped abruptly when she saw the expression that flickered across Jessica’s face. ‘Well, not exactly like the old days of course… Things are different now…’ She trailed off awkwardly.

  ‘It’s okay,’ Jessica decided as they passed a few homes on either side of the lane. ‘We’re not going to be able to avoid it forever. Anyway, we’ve talked about me. What about you? What have you been doing since I’ve been gone?’

  Esme waved to an elderly woman who was watering flowers in her front garden. ‘Well, I’ve just been pottering about, really. Nothing much has changed for me.’

  ‘And are you still enjoying living in Bluebell Hill?’

  Esme stopped abruptly. ‘I am, more so now because you’re here. Do you know Jessica, not a single day went by where I didn’t think of you, or wonder how you were, or how life was treating you. I’d always hoped that you’d return to Bluebell Hill sooner, but I also knew, deep down, that you wouldn’t. I knew how desperate you were to get away, so why on earth would you come back?’

  Jessica nodded slowly, unsure of how to reply. She knew that nothing would excuse the way she’d ran off and ignored Esme’s existence once she’d settled in London. The only answer she had was that she’d been so desper
ate to get away from it all and the strength of that desperation had led to forcing away the memory of Bluebell Hill, including the people who lived there. She felt guilty that Esme had held such hope that she’d return to visit, and that she’d never phoned or sent a letter, just to let her know that she’d been okay. She guessed she’d just got carried away with it all, and who could blame her for taking her new and exciting life with both hands and living it to the full?

  ***

  Esme beamed with pride as she looked upon her home. She paused in front of it and beckoned Jessica forward to share in her delight. Although the exterior of Esme’s cottage was a bit crumbly, the celebration of colour surrounding it was enough to make any passer-by stop and stare and completely overlook the cottage itself.

  Ruby reds, luscious pinks, dandelion yellows and sun-kissed oranges, it was layer upon layer of rainbow-like chaos and it took Jessica’s breath away as she stood still and admired it with an open mouth, seriously impressed.

  ‘It’s probably in need of a tidy-up,’ Esme commented as they drew near and Jessica was able to see the ivy crawling over the roof and the stone exterior of the cottage. It was a fairy-tale home through and through. Esme pushed open the wooden gate which emitted a small squeak and ducked beneath the wooden trellis, ivy twisting in and out of the framework prettily, tiny bursts of vivid colour poking through the greenery.

  ‘No, I think it looks lovely as it is. It’s so beautiful.’

  Esme smiled. ‘I’m so glad you like it, dear. It’s my favourite thing to look at. No doubt it’ll grow even wilder once summer is here. I can’t wait to see it. Anyway, come inside and let’s have a cup of tea. I need to check on that stew, don’t want to overcook it, especially as it’s your “Welcome home!” meal.’