Return to Bluebell Hill

by Rebecca Pugh

  Her eyes landed upon Bluebell House. Her chest constricted as she looked at it, sat beautifully in its rightful place, charming and, she realised, calling her home. She inhaled deeply, allowing the emotions to rush around her body, rather than trying to squash them down and ignore them. She’d been doing that for so long now it was almost like second nature to her, but not anymore. She refused to banish her emotions and take no notice of them. She’d done the same with Rueben. All along she’d been dying to hand her heart over to him, but she’d held herself back. She turned back to her suitcase, took hold of the handle, and set off with determination in her step, down the dusty lane towards her destination.

  It didn’t take long to find Rueben. She’d known that it wouldn’t. Well, he’d either be pruning the gardens of Bluebell House, or off with his new giggly girlfriend. Her heart danced when she saw him, kneeling down in a bed of flowers, wearing his muddy gardening gloves, hair messy in his typical way. It was ridiculous, but she thought he looked beautiful doing what he loved most. Completely in his element, focused entirely on the task at hand. He didn’t see her standing there, so lost was he to his snipping. She’d left her suitcase inside and quietly walked through Bluebell House, out onto the porch, and that was where she’d stayed, watching him.

  Realising he wasn’t going to turn around and notice her, she started down the porch steps and walked steadily across the grass towards him. His back was turned to her as she approached. She wasn’t entirely sure of what she was going to say to him, but as she drew closer, she felt herself smiling at the sight of him, and she couldn’t stop. Not that she wanted to stop, of course. When she was behind him, and close enough to hear the tune that he was humming, she cleared her throat and prepared herself for the moment when he would turn around.

  Rueben shot round at the sound of her throat clearing and frowned as he realised who it was. ‘Jessica?’

  Eyes on him, she shrugged. ‘In the end, I guess I couldn’t part with Bluebell House.’

  Rueben studied her face silently, his eyes flickering all over, until he looked down to the ground. ‘What do you want me to say?’

  ‘Whatever you need to say, I suppose.’ She took a step closer. ‘Whatever comes to mind when you look at me.’

  He looked up from the ground, his face stony. ‘You left and didn’t say goodbye. That was harsh.’

  ‘I know, and I’m sorry, Rueben. At the time, I thought it was for the best.’

  ‘For who? You?’

  She sighed. ‘Yes. For me, but partly for you, too.’

  ‘It was selfish. And it hurt.’

  She didn’t know what to say that. She licked her lips. ‘It hurt me, too.’

  ‘You told me to forget about you.’

  ‘And you did, by the sounds of it.’

  Rueben blinked. ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘When I phoned you that night, to tell you about everything that had happened, I heard giggling in the background.’

  ‘What?’ Rueben screwed his face up as he tried to think back, then his expression softened. ‘My mother? She was showing me how to make pasta from scratch. I kept messing it up. She thought it was funny.’

  ‘Oh.’ Jessica’s cheeks burned. She felt so foolish at thinking he had had another woman so soon after she’d left. ‘Well, I didn’t know that.’

  Rueben smirked. ‘Were you jealous?’

  She’d come all this way. She may as well the truth. ‘Yes, I guess I was.’

  He smiled, the same old smile that made her heart skip a beat. His green eyes glittered. ‘Do you think I just kissed you in the bluebell woods for the sake of it?’

  She felt a shiver run up and down her spine at the memory of it. ‘No, I know you didn’t kiss me for the sake of it. You’re not the type of person to do that.’

  ‘Then why on earth would I have moved on to someone else so soon?’

  She shrugged. ‘I don’t know, do I? I just jumped to conclusions, I guess. And I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have. I should have known better.’

  Rueben’s arms crossed over his chest, his forearms tanned. ‘Why are you back? I thought Bluebell House was as good as sold?’

  Jessica looked at it over her shoulder, resplendent in the sunlight. ‘It nearly was, but I changed my mind. I couldn’t go through with it in the end.’

  A flash of admiration momentarily changed Rueben’s features. He watched her carefully. ‘So, what happens now?’

  She shrugged. ‘I have no idea. I don’t have a plan. I have no idea what I’m doing. I do know two things, though. One, I can’t let anybody else have Bluebell House. The thought scares me. I’m still trying to figure out why that is, and I’m sure I’ll get there soon.’

  ‘And two?’ Rueben asked curiously.

  ‘I can’t let you forget about me. I know I said that you should, but I’ve changed my mind. I don’t want you to. Is it too late?’

  Closing the gap between them, Rueben stepped closer. ‘It never would have been too late.’

  Jessica caught her breath. ‘Never?’

  ‘Never,’ he confirmed. ‘Because I never would have been able to forget about you.’

  A surge of emotion rushed through Jessica as she gazed back at him. Rueben grabbed her waist and kissed her passionately, and she kissed him back with every ounce of feeling that she held for him. When they finally pulled apart, she beamed as she clung to him.

  ‘Are you home?’ Rueben whispered, brushing his lips against her ear.

  ‘I think I am,’ Jessica replied. ‘But…’

  ‘But what?’

  ‘I don’t think this place could ever be a home without you beside me.’

  He glanced down at her. ‘Are you going to stay in Bluebell Hill permanently?’

  She shrugged. ‘Like I said, I don’t have a plan. It doesn’t seem so scary anymore, not if I have you by my side.’

  ‘I know someone who would love to see you,’ Rueben laughed, tugging on her hand as she moved across the grass. ‘She’s missed you terribly, too.’

  ***

  They approached Esme’s cottage, Jessica bubbling over with excitement at the surprise Esme was about to receive. She had no idea that Jessica was back in Bluebell Hill, and she was going to love it.

  ‘What shall I do? Just knock and then say hello?’

  Rueben pushed Jessica up the path towards the door. ‘Just standing there with your goofy smile will be enough, I reckon.’ Rueben stood behind her, but reached forward to knock on the door. His knuckle rapped against the wood, and Jessica held her breath as she heard shuffling coming from inside.

  ‘Hello, Esme.’ Jessica smiled as Esme’s brain caught up with what her eyes were seeing.

  ‘You’re back?’ Esme whispered, hardly daring to believe it. ‘Jessica? What are you doing here?’ She began to cry as she stepped forward and wrapped her arms around Jessica’s body, squeezing her tightly. ‘Come in. Come in. Let’s have a cup of tea, and please, tell me what’s going on!’

  Sitting down to tea with Esme and Rueben, Jessica brought Esme up to date on everything that had happened. ‘I’ve made a decision. A big decision. When I went to the meeting with the estate agent yesterday, I couldn’t go through with it. I couldn’t bear to part with Bluebell House. The people who were interested signed the papers, passed them along to me, and the thought of signing Bluebell House away absolutely terrified me. It had taken me a while to get there, but I realised that Bluebell House has always been a part of my life, and whether I like it or not, always will be. So, I ran. I left the buyers arguing in the office, and ran home. All the way back to my apartment. When I got there, there was only one thing on my mind and that was coming back here to Bluebell Hill, to see you and Rueben again.’ She felt Rueben squeeze her hand beneath the table and smiled to herself at the feel of his fingers curled around hers. ‘I packed my case, got on the train, and came back.’

  Esme positively glowed. ‘So, are you going to stay here permanently?’ she asked, bobbing up and down in her
seat.

  Rueben’s dark eyes met Jessica’s. She swallowed. ‘It’s not definite yet, but I can tell you that it’s a possibility. I need to chat to work, see what they think. I’m hoping I can possibly move departments or switch specialties, something that allows me to work from home would be good, but I’ll have to see what happens. I know there are some openings in their online department, writing articles for the company etc. I think I could have a good go at those. But anyway, I’m getting way ahead of myself. I can you tell you in all honesty though, that the thought of living in Bluebell House doesn’t seem so frightening anymore.’

  Esme’s eyes brimmed over with tears of happiness. ‘I’m so very pleased for you, Jessica, dear. So happy. I truly hope that things work out. If you move back to Bluebell Hill permanently, then I’ll be a very happy lady. I can promise you that.’

  Jessica smiled fondly at the woman across from her who had known and nurtured her throughout childhood. Then she turned to Rueben, gazed into his eyes, and swallowed down the onslaught of emotion that quickly appeared. ‘I hope that things work out for me, too, Esme. I really do.’

  Epilogue

  ‘Is that the last of them?’ Jessica asked from the porch, shielding her eyes from the sun’s glare as she watched Rueben close the doors of his white van and turn to her with a triumphant grin.

  ‘I think so.’ He hopped up the steps, taking them two at a time, and grabbed her round the waist, pulling her body into his. ‘Now that the hard work’s done, can I take you upstairs and have my wicked way with you?’ His mischievous grin appeared, turning Jessica’s insides to mush.

  She laughed loudly and tugged herself out of his arms, shaking her head. ‘Nu-uh. Not until you bring that last box in, Mister. Then, perhaps, I’ll think about it.’ She smirked playfully as he rolled his eyes and went back down the steps to pick up the last box.

  ‘Happy now?’ he asked as he stomped past her and into Bluebell House like a stroppy teenager.

  Jessica giggled as she followed him inside and closed the door behind them. She picked her way carefully through the piles and piles of boxes that were scattered throughout the hall, piled high, some of them beginning to split open at the corners.

  ‘There. Done. That’s the very last box. Now please can I take you upstairs?’

  She shivered at the sexy growl that rose up from his throat as he turned and began to stalk towards her, top teeth sinking into his lower lip. The desire was obvious, and Jessica felt exactly the same way. How could she not? Rueben was and always had been utterly divine.

  ‘Oh go on, then!’ She squealed as Rueben flung her over his shoulder with ease and carried her up the stairs as if she weighed nothing at all. Once on the top floor of Bluebell House, he pushed open the bedroom door with his foot and chucked her onto the bed, the duvet billowing up around her as she landed.

  ‘God! You could at least be a little bit gentlemanly!’ Jessica pouted, but she couldn’t help the smirk that crept onto her face as she looked up at him, stood sexily at the end of the bed.

  Rueben raised his eyebrows and cocked his head to the side. ‘You never said you wanted a gentleman, so you can’t change your mind now, Miss McAdams.’

  ‘Who said anything about changing my mind?’ Jessica looked at him once he’d crawled his way onto the bed and propped himself up on his elbow beside her.

  ‘You wouldn’t change a single thing?’ Rueben asked, gazing into her eyes. He stroked a finger along her bottom lip, watching her mouth as he did so. ‘Not even a teensy, tiny thing?’

  ‘Not a single thing,’ she confirmed, leaning close to him and kissing him slowly, softly.

  ‘Good. I wouldn’t change a single thing either.’

  ‘We should probably go and unpack,’ Jessica said, not at all meaning it. She eyed the open door with amusement.

  ‘We probably should,’ he agreed, nodding fervently.

  ‘Go on then.’

  ‘No, you go on then.’ He pulled his t-shirt over his head revealing his washboard abs, smirking as her mouth dropped open.

  She licked her lips, her eyes hungry. ‘Or we could leave it till morning?’

  He grinned, crawling over to her. ‘Okay,’ he said, capturing her lips in a devastating kiss.

  ***

  Walking along one of the many lanes in Bluebell Hill the next morning, Jessica finally slowed down enough to think about all that had passed since she’d first travelled back to Bluebell Hill.

  She’d changed jobs at work, allowing her to work from home. Eleanor had been gutted to see her switching departments, but she’d been happy for her nonetheless. ‘If you ever decide to come back to marketing, there’ll always be a job waiting for you here.’ Jessica had smiled. It was good to know, but she was certain she wouldn’t be going back. Despite knowing she’d always love the job that she’d been working in for such a long time, it was time for a big change in her life and it had taken a lot of courage to make it, but now that she had, she wouldn’t go back to her life in London, not even if someone were to pay her.

  Sarah remained firmly in London with Luke, but she and Jessica spoke regularly, neither of them able to go more than a couple of days without catching up with each other. Their plan for a sun, sea and sand holiday was still very much in place, only now it would include Luke and Rueben. Jessica didn’t mind. Sarah was dying to meet Rueben, and she couldn’t wait to have them together. She had a feeling that some new friendships were about to be made.

  She’d moved all of her belongings from her apartment in London to Bluebell House, although despite looking like an awful lot in her little London pad, they’d barely filled a room back in Bluebell House. She loved it though, and couldn’t wait to fill it with furniture of her and Rueben’s choice. They’d started afresh, together, and it had been brilliant so far.

  As for her birth mother, Helen Parker, things were going pretty great between them, too. They’d been chatting non-stop since that very first meeting in Paris, sending emails regularly like old friends. They had a whole list of things to catch up with, considering the years spent apart, and she couldn’t wait to find out everything about her mother. Jessica had invited her to come and stay in Bluebell House whenever Helen was able to make the journey. She knew it would be an emotional moment when Helen looked upon the house where she’d left her little girl all those years ago, but she was firm in saying that she wanted to come and stay, she’d made sure that Jessica was aware of that.

  Jessica couldn’t see into the future, she wasn’t sure she wanted to, but she had a good feeling about Helen. A very good feeling indeed. Perhaps, one day, she’d even begin to call her Mum. It would take a while to get there, but it had taken her a while to come to terms with everything that had happened over the past couple of months, and she’d done it, hadn’t she? If anything, she had proof that she could survive whatever else life decided to throw her way.

  Also, she felt like she’d learnt an incredibly valuable lesson in all that had been uncovered during her time in Bluebell House. Life was far too short to bear grudges. They stopped you from moving on, from opening up to new things, new experiences, and new chances. She couldn’t live life that way. Not anymore. She’d lived like that for so long now. Sometimes she could feel hesitations and second-guessing moving back into her mind, but she was getting better and better at ignoring those pesky thoughts and just going for it.

  Esme was thrilled that Jessica was now a permanent Bluebell Hill resident. She’d been visiting non-stop since the day that Jessica had arrived, bringing basketfuls of food and homemade soup. Jessica felt at peace now that she was back near Esme. It was like coming home again. Back where she belonged, with the people who truly loved and wanted her. Looking back, she really wasn’t sure how she’d managed to live so much of her life without Esme’s presence, but she sure as hell would never be making the same mistake again. Esme was someone who she wanted in her life until… Well, until it was no longer possible. She loved strolling down to the cottage, admir
ing the flowers, sitting in the garden and drinking tea from her pretty teacups. Life seemed slower these days, more relaxed, and so much less confusing. It seemed that once she’d figured out what it was that she really wanted, everything else had fallen into place. It hadn’t been easy, but it had definitely been worth it.

  And Rueben? Well, he was Rueben. Sexy, rugged, handsome, green-fingered Rueben, who was still pottering about in the garden and throwing secret smiles her way whenever they made eye-contact. He hadn’t moved in permanently yet, but Jessica had a feeling that it wouldn’t be too long until he did. He may as well have already lived there, anyway. He was there all day long, late into the night, then early the next morning, making her breakfast and coffee in bed. They usually sat out back on the big wraparound porch together, looking out across the fields, holding hands, smiling at how everything had turned out in the end. She felt like the luckiest woman alive to be sat beside him. More often than not, she’d turn to see him smiling at her, and she always wondered what it was that he was thinking during those special moments. She hoped, prayed, that he, too, was imagining their future together in Bluebell House. Or, if she knew Rueben as well as she thought she did, he was probably imagining her naked. Either way, it sent a shiver up her spine and made her squeeze his hand extra tightly.

  She couldn’t say for sure that she’d gotten over her initial issues with relationships. There’d always be that tiny niggling at the back of her mind causing her to panic about whether he did actually truly want to be with her. Rueben didn’t mind telling her again and again that he did, though. Or that he loved her, or that he wanted to spend the rest of his life by her side, building up her trust and making her feel special. It was a brand new beginning, and she was on her way to building up a brand new mind-set.

  Bringing herself out of her thoughts and back down to reality, Jessica realised she had reached her destination. She straightened her shoulders, took a deep breath and nodded to herself, as if to confirm that she was ready. If she could do this, then she was capable of anything. She stepped into the church grounds, walked across the uneven surface of the bright white stones and headed around the back of the old, stone building.