The Crashing Series

by Kristen Hope Mazzola

  Jim gave me a warm smile, nodded his head, and stood, helping me up. “Yeah, I’m probably being protective. You are my only daughter, for crying out loud. Walker’s a good one.” He wrapped his arm around my shoulder to give me a quick squeeze. “I’m sure if anyone was going to be looking after you, Randy would have wanted it this way.”

  We walked into a frozen scene of awkward staring. Jim nodded and smiled at Liz and she melted. “Oh, good. I have to say I’m thrilled.” She got up and hugged Walker, then me, and we were all able to enjoy our mouthwatering, delicious cake.

  Buck had frosting all in his grizzly beard as he went into the kitchen to grab seconds. “Mags, this is amazing. You’re going to have to make me one of these soon.”

  I beamed up at Buck’s glowing face. “I’ll make one for when you boys get back from your fishing trip. How about we do this again next Sunday? Other families have Sunday dinners, why not ours?”

  Everyone agreed that it was a plan. Mitch and Buck said their goodbyes first. Buck happily left with a quarter of the cake in a doggie bag, a goofy grin plastered on this tired face. It made me remember that it truly is the little things in life that matter. I needed to start letting go and just enjoying the ride. I figured dinner was a breakthrough of some kind, and I was ready to get the progress ball rolling.

  Walker and I sat on the couch with Liz and Jim for a glass of rosé wine and chatted. Jim told us that he finally planned on retiring at the end of the month, Liz raved about her new book club, and Walker and I soaked in their happiness. Even though it was odd how we were all glued together by a ghost, we had become family through it all. Maybe we were dysfunctional and broken, but what family isn’t?

  Twenty

  Sipping on our wine and laughing along with story after story and joke after joke felt amazing. Being able to not feel confined or restricted in my newfound happiness of my relationship with Walker was one of the most amazing feelings I could have ever hoped for.

  Jim leaned over, topped off Liz’s and my wine glasses with the end of the bottle of rosé, and winked at me. Our little scuffle fell into the past and our wonderful pseudo-father-daughter relationship went on as normal. Jim had always known about my father walking out on my family when I was just a kid, and from day one he’d made it his mission to treat me like a daughter. Even though the loving fatherly advice came with some hard pills of honesty to swallow, I would not have traded him for the world.

  “How has work been treating you, Margret?” Jim relaxed back into the couch, pulling his hiccupping, giggling wife into his arms.

  Sighing, I rolled my eyes. “There was an electrical fire.” Liz gasped and threw her hand over her mouth. “Oh, don’t worry. No one was hurt. It was my wing of the hospital, so where the offices are, not where the patients' rooms are.” Once Liz looked relieved, I added, “So I haven’t been to work for a bit, but they are still paying me. It’s been an awesome deal. I have to go back soon though.”

  “I bet.” Jim laughed to himself, shaking his head and smiling as he took another sip from his glass.

  Walker’s phone vibrated in his pocket and he got up to answer it. I continued to make small talk with my in-laws about what Jim was going to do in retirement. Even though he deserved to have some time for himself to relax after working as a mechanic for over forty years, I could tell that he was not thrilled about the situation.

  “Yup, I’m going to have loads of time on my hands. If you ever need something fixed around the house or on that old truck of yours, you’ll definitely know where to find me.” He huffed and grumbled a little and Liz shook her head.

  “I told him if he didn’t want to retire he could just cut back a little on his hours. But you know Jim, he’s an all-or-nothing type of guy.”

  Walker strode back into the room, yawning, and then beamed down at me. “That was, uh, Jeff.” He rubbed the back of his neck again, trying to find the appropriate words for where this conversation was going. Even though the McManuses knew that Walker and Randy were inked, it was not something they enjoyed hearing about. In this case, ignorance was bliss, and I could see Walker’s face twisting a little to find the words.

  I got up from the couch and looked at him with a playful smirk. “Do you want to go hang out with him for a bit?”

  Walker’s grin grew and he nodded. “Yeah, that would be great. He seems a little lonely right now. That’s usually the only time he ever calls.”

  We hugged Liz and Jim goodbye, confirming our new plans of Sunday family dinners. Once the door was safely shut behind us, Walker threw his arm around me and started to walk us back to my house.

  “Jeff has enough time to do the tattoo I wanted tonight.” His eyes lit up, shining from the streetlights lining our short walk home.

  I could feel the excitement oozing from Walker’s pores. “You’re going to finish your leg tonight?” I looked up at him and couldn’t help but smile at his goofy, grinning expression.

  “Yes. But I have kind of a new idea. It’s going to be perfect.” He tugged me until I crashed into his side for him to hold me and opened up the passenger’s door of his truck for me.

  I stopped short of getting in, and he looked down at me with a questioning eyebrow raised. I looked up at him, put my hand on his cheek, and smiled. “Let’s take the Mercedes! She needs to get out of the garage, and that way you don’t have to drive after your tattoo.”

  Walker leaned down and kissed me softly on my forehead, breathing gently. “You’re the best. That would be amazing.”

  I ran inside and grabbed my car keys off the holder next to the door. I drove it so little that I did not feel the need to have the keys bulking up my key chain. My bag already felt like it weighed a thousand pounds most days. I needed all the help I could get to lighten it up.

  I opened the detached garage door and slid into my comfortable tan leather seats. Walker climbed in after me and took an obnoxious breath in. “She smells new!” He shot me a quick smirk and rested his hand on my knee. “Thanks again for driving and coming with me. I feel better about getting work done when you’re there.”

  Before starting the engine, I looked up into Walker’s warm stare and melted. “Walker, I’d do anything for you. Just like you would for me. Now let’s go get a needle driven into that leg of yours.”

  It was so surprising how quiet and smooth my car was compared to Randy’s old truck. I knew the main reason I drove it was for comfort and memories, but driving the Mercedes again reminded me why I had fallen in love with it during my test drive. It took turns perfectly, had an upgraded sound system with satellite radio, turn-by-turn navigation, seat cooling and heating, all leather, power, and wood grain; she was completely decked out.

  Once the chime over the door dinged, making our entrance known to the empty tattoo shop, my heart started to race. Even though I was not the one about to get a new piece of work, I still felt anxious. Memories of my recent endeavor sent chills down my spine as I rubbed my hipbone. My tattoo had healed wonderfully and it just felt like skin again, but I didn’t think I would ever be able to forget just how it had felt to get my bird inked into my skin.

  With a big, beaming grin, Jeff came out to greet Walker and me in the lobby. “Hey, guys, come on back. I just finished drawing out the new stencil of your compass. It’s going to be fucking sick, man.”

  Walker walked over and half-hugged Jeff. “Yeah, for sure! I’m stoked. Let’s go check it out.” Walker’s arm wrapped around my shoulders and he brushed his lips against my forehead before starting to head back into the tattooing section of the shop.

  Jeff’s station was all prepped and ready to go for Walker. I chuckled a little when Jeff pulled out the razor and started to shave Walker’s lower leg.

  Walker shot me a playful smirk. “What’s so funny, punk?”

  I crossed my arms over my chest, taking my seat a few feet away from the table Walker was lounging on like he was at a spa instead of a tattoo shop. “Oh, nothing. I just think it’s funny to see my boyf
riend’s leg getting shaved by another dude, that’s all.” I smiled back at him with a cocky grin until I looked at Jeff’s awed expression as he stared at me and then Walker.

  I threw my hand over my gaping mouth at my casual title drop. I had never used that term to refer to Walker before, and the realization of how comfortably it had rolled off my tongue took me aback.

  Quickly, Jeff’s expression turned excited and he beamed up at Walker. “This tattoo makes more sense now. Congrats, guys, I’m happy for you!”

  I appreciated the sincerity in his voice, but didn’t understand what he meant by the tattoo making more sense. I hadn’t seen the sketch yet and assumed Walker was still getting the compass as he had planned to get months back.

  I jumped up once the stencil was in place to see for myself what was going on. Already on Walker’s leg was a tattoo of a red fish on a line and a boat with a fisherman who had caught it. Just like planned, there was a compass ready to join the collage, but I couldn’t understand what Walker’s new idea was or what Jeff had meant by his comment. Instead of getting to the bottom of it, I decided to approve of it when it was finished.

  Walker clapped Jeff on the shoulder, excitedly checking out the outline of the image that would soon be on his body forever. “Jeff, that’s perfect! Let’s do this!”

  Walker’s body relaxed back onto the table and found a comfortable position. When he gave Jeff a swift head nod, the buzzing sounded and the gun went to work. The entire time, Walker stared at me with loving eyes, talking to Jeff and me about nothing too important. Soft jazz music played in the background, and I clung to Walker’s hand. It flexed every time Jeff passed over his bone or got close to the tender sections of his ankle.

  Stopping to wipe the sweat from his brow and stretch out his back, Jeff looked down at us. “Walker, you wanna get this color in here or call it a night?”

  Walker’s eyes shot me a questioning look and I shrugged. “If you want to finish it tonight, I don’t mind.” I didn’t have anywhere to be and it was only eleven.

  Walker nodded at me. “Yeah, let’s get this sucker finished.”

  Taking his seat, Jeff smiled and got back to work without another word, concentrating on color combinations and making sure the water and compass blended in seamlessly with the boat and fish. I glanced over a few times to see the masterpiece that was starting to become amazing.

  “Babe, it’s awesome!” I squealed. Then curiosity took over and I had to ask Jeff, “Where is everyone? I’ve never seen the shop empty before.” It was odd to me that we were the only ones in the shop that night; every station was empty. Not even the burly owner was there.

  “Well, I actually bought the shop last week and am going to keep the shop closed on Sundays.” Jeff seemed so stoked about his newfound status as owner-artist-operator, and I could not have been more thrilled for him.

  “That's wonderful! You’ve wanted to open your own shop since I can remember. Congratulations!”

  Walker smiled at my enthusiasm, flinching a little when the white started to go in for the finishing touches.

  Jeff stopped for a second to shake out his hand. “Yeah, I’m going to use Sundays to tattoo my friends and shit and give the guys a night off. They bust their balls all week, and if they’re not careful, they’re gonna get fucking arthritis and ruin their careers. No amount of money is worth me losing one of my best guys from overworking them.”

  I nodded my head in approval of Jeff’s decision. The notion of him truly caring for his staff was comforting, and I was glad someone that kindhearted had finally caught a break to follow his dream.

  Next thing we knew, Walker’s ink session was finished and he was checking out his new piece in the mirror. “Jeff, it’s perfect! Mags, come take a look.”

  I bent down to get a good look at his freshly tattooed shin. The water was deep blue and rolling under the boat, splashing up over the fish breaching and then crashing into rocks where a compass lay on its side.

  Then I saw it—a mistake—and I gasped. “Wait, Jeff!” He looked down where I was pointing, obviously not seeing what I was. “Jeff! That’s an M! Not an N for north!”

  He looked down at me like I was a crazy person and then shot a swift look over to Walker before speaking. “Yeah, that’s what he wanted, and now that you guys are together, it makes sense why he changed the design of it.”

  I gaped at Walker, hoping he would say something, but he just stood there, staring at the floor, digging his hands in his packets. “Well, Walker, explain this right fucking now or I am leaving your ass here and you can goddamn walk home!”

  I was furious and confused and panicking. Walker jumped up off the table and wrapped his arms around me, drawling charmingly in my ear, “Please don’t be mad, babe. But Mags…” His eyes were pleading as he pulled away just enough so I could look at him, still scathing mad. “You’re my true north. No compass would point me in any other direction but to you.”

  My mouth fell open and my throat went dry as tears started to well up in my eyes. I did not know how I felt about the tattoo, but I knew Walker’s words dripped with sincerity and that they were some of the most beautiful words I had ever heard. I pulled his shirt, making him get as close to me as possible, and then hugged him tightly.

  Walker kissed my hair, breathing softly. “I’m sorry, Mags. I should have told you.”

  I nodded into his chest. “Yeah, you should have told me. That was shocking. But you’re cute, you know that?”

  From the background, I heard Jeff’s nervous chuckle. “Uh, should I leave you two alone or something?”

  I broke from Walker’s arms and wiped my face off with both hands. “No, Jeff, it’s all good. I’m going to get this big oaf home.”

  I winked at Jeff and his nerves melted into a warm smile. “All right, catch you guys later. Mags, when you’re ready for the next tat, remember Sundays are always open for ya.”

  I hugged Jeff goodbye. “Thank you, but I think it is going to be a while before I gather up enough courage to endure that again.”

  “Oh come on, you sat like a pro! You’ll want another sooner than you want to admit.”

  All I could do was smile shyly and give him a quick wave before I was out the door. Damp, sticky warmth engulfed my body as I stepped out into a light rainstorm. I hated the smell of hot, wet asphalt, and it made me scrunch my nose while I unlocked the car and slid into the driver’s seat.

  Walker got in right after me and nervously stared at his feet, rubbing his palms together. “So are you really not mad or were you just putting on a show in front of Jeff?”

  I could hear the distress in Walker’s voice, and I thought about his question for a moment. I wanted to be furious that he’d done something like that and hadn’t even warned me first, but the meaning behind it touched me so deeply that there was no way I could ever be mad at him for it.

  Finally, I broke the awkward silence, shifting to look directly into Walker’s hopeful eyes. “No, I’m not mad. Next time you are going to mark your body with something that involves me, let’s at least talk about it first so I don’t get blindsided.”

  Walker took my hand in his and promised, and that was all I needed to hear. I melted into the thought of how much Walker really cared about me, and my heart felt lighter than it had in months—and heavier all at the same time.

  Once we were home, Walker and I drank a beer and cuddled up together in bed after I rubbed his new tattoo with ice and washed it for him just like he had done for me not too long ago. I fell asleep cradled in his arms, content and happy with our situation and how well everything was finally starting to fall together.

  Twenty-one

  The next few days droned on. Since my office was not going to be ready before Wednesday, I decided to start working Monday morning, bright and early, from home. I could have waited, but I was already going to be behind enough as it was, and I knew I needed to step up. My boss and coworkers had been so understanding with me in the wake of Randy’s death an
d never pushed me to go the extra mile or even show up some days, always picking up my slack. I felt like they deserved for me to be a team player again.

  Some of my motivation came from needing to get back into the groove of normalcy in some way. Walker’s new tattoo really started to drive the point home that my life was changing, mostly in wonderful ways, but I was never good with change, and work was always my constant. I forced myself to get out of bed and dressed for a normal workday, leaving Walker fast asleep as I went to take a shower.

  I made a pot of coffee, grabbed my work laptop, and started to sift through all of my emails. That was where I pretty much stayed for the better part of two days. There was a mountain of messages to sift through, tons of calls to make, and too many asses to kiss for me not to feel sick by the end of the day on Tuesday. I had started to look forward to my sessions with Dr. Davenport more and more as they went on.

  I was proud of the progress I had been making. Even though I gave most of the credit to myself, I knew the jolt to kick-start all of my newfound confidence, happiness, and ability to cope with my loss was all in the hands of my pint-sized shrink.

  I sat in the freezing waiting room, damning myself for not bringing a jacket with me, finally entertained by a lighthearted romance novel I had shoved in my bag right before I’d left Liz and Jim’s. It was one that Liz had just finished reading with her new book club and I’d figured I would give it a try. I was caught off guard that a group of retired women were reading a smutty, new adult novel about a girl who moved halfway across the country to run away from her past that ended up following her anyway, but I guessed you could never get too old for a great read.

  I was enthralled by the main character’s description of her new love interest’s handsome build when an obnoxiously loud bang came from within Candice’s office. I shrilled and bolted for the door while the girl in the reception window cried out to me to not go in. I heard her talking to a dispatch operator, saying that there had been a gunshot in their office and to send police right away.