Hot Mess

by Emma Hart

If he noticed, he didn’t let on. Instead, we walked the few feet to the diner’s front door, and Theo held it open for me to step inside. With a grateful smile, I entered the diner. I was immediately hit by the rich scent of all different types of food, and my stomach rumbled.

  I flattened my hand against it. Thankfully, it was too noisy for Theo to have heard, but it did confirm that a small packet of Doritos was not enough for dinner.

  A large one, however…

  “Well, if it ain’t my favorite person and my new favorite person here, havin’ themselves a dinner date!” Charity bustled over to us, and before either of us could open our mouths to tell her it wasn’t a date, she grabbed two menus and motioned for us to follow her.

  Great.

  Now she thought it was a date.

  Now everyone would think this was a date.

  “Here you are,” she said, taking us to the same table I’d sat at when I arrived in Creek Keys. “Y’all sit and I’ll be right back to take your drink orders in a second.”

  “She’s a whirlwind,” I said, watching as she left.

  “She’s something all right,” Theo said, pulling a chair out for me. “Sit.”

  “Well, aren’t you the perfect gentleman?”

  “Shh. Don’t tell everyone. It’ll ruin my reputation.”

  “What reputation?”

  “The one where I’m a rough-around-the-edges gentleman.”

  Laughing, I picked up my menu. “Oh, please. If anyone thinks you’re that, I’ll eat my socks.”

  “Get ready to grill your socks, Elle.” He raised his eyebrows in a challenge right as Charity came back. “Charity, settle something for us. Am I a perfect gentleman or a rough-around-the-edges one?”

  She looked at him, then at me, and frowned. “Child, the only thing rough around the edges about you is that beard of yours that needs a trim.”

  Theo pinched the bridge of his nose.

  “As for a gentleman, well I don’t know about that either,” she said with a wink tossed in my direction. “Now stop askin’ me stupid questions with stupid answers and tell me what y’all want to drink. I’m rushed off my feet.”

  “I’ll have a strawberry margarita, please,” I said.

  “Yeah, baby. Theo? I assume, if you’re on a date, that it’s a Coors Light.”

  “It’s not a date,” we both said at the same time.

  “Mmhmm,” Charity replied, writing on her notebook. “I think y’all doth protest too much.” She left with a flourish.

  “Well, that’s the first time I’ve heard that quote said like that,” Theo muttered. “Not that I’m surprised about who said it.”

  I fought back a smile. “She’s a human hurricane. Does she ever listen when you tell her something?”

  “Well, that depends.”

  “On?”

  “On whether or not she wants to hear what you’re telling her,” he finished dryly. “She wants to believe this is a date, and unless you want to get into a fight, I’d give it up.”

  “You sound like you have experience with it.”

  “The woman has been trying to marry me off for the last four years. At least.”

  “Have any of those attempts been successful?”

  “Not even remotely so.” He wiggled his left hand at me to show me the bare finger. “I couldn’t be more single. I don’t have the time to date, especially not in the summer when Ari is at home.”

  “Ain’t no excuses for the winter.” Charity swept back in like a breeze and set both our drinks down in front of us. “You’re just a stubborn old mule who doesn’t know a good woman when he sees one.”

  “We are not doing this,” Theo said firmly.

  I picked up my glass and hid my smile behind it.

  “Maybe you’ll marry this one. She’s nice. I like her.”

  “Charity.”

  “I’m just sayin’, child, you’re not gettin’ any younger.”

  “I’m not even thirty. Besides, there are men out there who are eighty who are having babies. Also, I have one.”

  Charity snorted. “Ain’t nobody but golddiggers wanna sleep with an eighty-year-old man, honey.”

  She made a good point.

  “Unless you’re eighty yourself, but you’re probably gonna put your back out. Lord knows I did that last week planting my tomatoes.”

  Another excellent point.

  “Are you going to take our order? I thought you were rushed off your feet,” Theo said.

  “Ain’t ever too busy to put you in your place, child. Now, whaddaya want?”

  I snorted as I choked down a laugh. “I might never leave Creek Keys.”

  Charity winked at me. “I bet you won’t.”

  Theo shot her a look before he placed his order of the All-American burger, minus the pickles, and I did the same.

  With the pickles.

  Charity left us to it, sweeping away with her usual lively sashay.

  “Bloody hell,” Theo muttered, fighting a laugh. “I told you. She tried setting me up with her niece last winter.”

  “What? No!” I leaned forward, grinning.

  “She did. She had her entire family come and stay for Christmas, and her niece had just had a bad break up. My parents were here and my mum watched Ari for a few hours. We had the most disastrous date I’ve ever had in my life.”

  “Really?”

  “Yep. She was not ready to date but didn’t want to tell Charity no. She basically cried for half the date, then got drunk and texted him.”

  “Holy crap,” I breathed. “That’s literally Rachel in Friends before she dates Ross.”

  “Never watched it,” he replied. “But that was that. I banned her from setting me up with anyone else after that because it was a nightmare.”

  “I have to admit that I’d do the same thing.”

  He tilted his beer bottle toward me. “Thank you. Tell her that. She thinks I’m crazy.”

  “I’m not telling her anything. She scares me a little bit, to be honest.”

  “No kidding. She’s like a—”

  “Like a what?” Charity said, sweeping past us with a sassy smile.

  “Nothing,” Theo said quickly, grimacing when he looked at me.

  I hid my smile behind my glass again and looked out of the window. More than anything, I needed to break this conversation, because if I didn’t, I was afraid I would like Theo more than I should.

  CHAPTER NINE – ELLE

  Blaire leaned across the table, whipping her black braids over her shoulder. “You don’t have to date him. Just bang him!”

  Giggling, I covered the lower half of my face with my hand. It could have been the wine talking, but my new best friend was killing me. There also had to be something in the water in this place, because she was just as beautiful was Theo was handsome.

  “I’m not going to bang Theo!” I stage-whispered, trying not to giggle all over the snacks between us.

  “No, no, no, listen, hear me out!” Blaire’s dark skin was smooth under the glaring lights, and her wedding ring sparkled when it caught the spotlight. “He needs to get laid.”

  “Oh, not this shit again.” Theo sat in the seat next to me. “Blaire, not everyone who’s single needs to get laid.”

  “No, but all miserable bastards do!” She grinned, her dark brown eyes dancing with the laughter she was barely restraining. “I’m trying to do you a favor, buddy!”

  “Ignore her,” Theo said to me, pushing a glass of wine in my direction.

  “I don’t know if another glass is a good idea,” I said slowly.

  “It’s a great one!” Blaire exclaimed. “Get drunk and get laid!”

  “Ah, my wife, the romantic.” Alex took the empty seat next to her and handed her a glass of red wine. “Isn’t she so lovely?”

  I giggled again. “She is!”

  “We’re best friends!” Blaire declared, raising her fist to fist bump me.

  I obliged, knocking my fist against hers and exploding our finge
rs after.

  You know. Like the cool kids did. Maybe five years ago.

  “You can’t make people have sex, Blaire,” Theo groaned.

  “Tell that to porn directors!”

  Oh, my God. She was a delight.

  “Alex,” she said, grabbing his arm. “Elle Evans is my best friend. The vlogger our kid loves is my best friend. Do I get cool mom points or what?”

  My eyes widened.

  “You can’t say anything,” Theo said quickly. “She’s hiding.”

  “Yeah, because of the sex tape! But she obviously didn’t know about it!”

  I grimaced.

  Maybe I’d gone a bit hard on the whole ‘delight’ thing.

  So did Blaire. “Sorry. That was the wine talking.”

  “It’s fine. I have to get used to it. I suppose I’ll hear about it for the rest of my life.”

  She leaned forward. “I don’t know why you don’t just make a video and tell everyone to fuck off. Defend yourself. Tell the world what a jerkbag your ex is!”

  “She probably can’t,” Alex said. “Not if she’s pursuing legal action, which I’m sure she is.”

  I nodded. “My lawyer is working on it, and I have a private investigator tracing the origins of the tape. As soon as I have proof, the police can deal with it.”

  “She’s smart,” Blaire declared, raising her red wine. “You should totally do her, Theo.”

  “It’s remarkable,” Theo said dryly. “A twenty-eight-year-old mother of one speaking like she’s a teenager.”

  “I’ll act like one, too.”

  “Maybe you need to get laid, Blaire.”

  “As a rule, yes, I do.”

  I laughed into my glass, while Alex merely shook his head and smiled. I got the impression this behavior was normal for Blaire and everyone was used to it. I got that.

  Video Elle and Real Elle were two different people, too. Mom Blaire and Friend Blaire likely were as well.

  I assumed she didn’t talk like this around her daughter, anyway.

  I hoped not.

  While they talked and joked, I peered into my wine. Maybe it was the wine talking right now, but Blaire kind of had a point about me doing a video. It wasn’t like my lawyer, Bethany, had said I couldn’t. I would of course check first, but maybe I did need to get out my side of the story.

  It had to be better than the continuous ‘no comment’ replies my agent and publicist were giving everyone right now.

  Plus, it would be on my terms, in my words.

  But it would also mean going online and seeing what people were saying, so it probably wasn’t going to happen yet.

  “Ready to go?” Theo asked, nudging me.

  I nodded and smiled. Yeah, I was ready to go. I’d had more than enough wine, and all I really wanted to do right now was pass out in my bed.

  We said goodbye to Alex and Blaire and turned in the direction of the beach. Creek Keys really was small enough that you could walk literally anywhere, and Theo grabbed my arm and put it through his.

  Thank God I was in flats.

  We walked in silence. The only noise was that of our feet hitting the concrete, but that was joined by the distant crashing of waves as we got closer to the beach. It was a peaceful walk, and for the first time in more than a week, my brain was silent.

  No endless thoughts, no whirring, no going over everything one thousand times.

  It was nice.

  The houses came into view right as we turned onto the dirt path. I stumbled on a stone, but thanks to having my arm linked with Theo, I stayed upright.

  He peered over at me with a smirk. “Graceful, you are not.”

  “Not even the slightest,” I replied. “I’m a bit of a hot mess, to be honest.”

  “I hadn’t noticed.”

  “Shut up.”

  He laughed, and we walked past his house to mine. “I’ll walk you to the door. Make sure you don’t trip over your feet on the steps.”

  “Ha, ha, ha,” I replied dryly. I slipped my arm out of his at the top and fumbled inside my purse for my key to unlock the door. After twisting it in the lock, I pushed open the door, then turned to Theo. “Thank you. For tonight. It’s the first time in a long time I felt… normal.”

  Slowly, his lips pulled into a smile that lit up his entire face. “It was fun. Sorry about Blaire. She doesn’t always think before she speaks.”

  “Neither do I,” I muttered.

  He laughed gently. “Try not to fall over yourself on your way inside.”

  “I think I can make it past the doorste—” I tripped on the frame, stumbling into the house.

  Theo was lightning fast as he grabbed me, first by my wrist, and then by my waist, righting me before I really fell over.

  “Yep. Looks like it,” he drawled.

  “Shut up,” I murmured, turning around.

  His hands were still on my waist.

  And mine were now on his chest.

  I peered up at him, trying to ignore the thundering of my heart against my ribs. This was the closest I’d ever been to him, and I was sure it was only because of the wine, but a part of me really wanted to reach up and kiss him.

  Just once.

  A tiny peck.

  But I didn’t.

  I took a step back, releasing myself from his hold, and cleared my throat. “Thank you.”

  “Anytime.” Theo stepped back, too. “Try not to fall going up the stairs.”

  “I think I’ll sleep on the sofa.”

  “Probably a good idea. Night, Elle.”

  I swallowed. “Night, Theo.”

  He stepped outside and closed the door behind him. I sighed, following his footsteps, and leaned against the door.

  Damn it.

  I should have just kissed him. I would probably regret it in the morning, but still. I could have blamed the wine.

  Double damn it.

  Two knocks rattled the door, and I opened it with a frown. Theo was standing on the other side, and before I could ask him what he wanted, he stepped inside again, pushing me back, and cupped my face.

  Then, he kissed me.

  It was firm and hot, quickly moving from just a peck to something deeper. He slid one hand to the back of my neck, and I put my hands on his waist, fisting his shirt. Shivers cascaded all over my body, and my heart thundered once again.

  I couldn’t believe he was kissing me.

  I couldn’t believe he was kissing me like this.

  His tongue stroked along the seam of my lips, and he kissed me one more, deeply, before he slowly pulled back and rested his forehead against mine.

  “That was a surprise,” I whispered.

  “Sorry,” he murmured. “We’ll probably regret that in the morning.”

  “Probably.”

  He stepped back, his fingers trailing away from my body softly. “Goodnight. For real this time.”

  I flattened my hand against my chest. “Goodnight.”

  Theo left again, and this time, he didn’t knock.

  I locked the door and, after swinging by the fridge to get a bottle of water, went upstairs to bed.

  I would think about this in the morning.

  ***

  I groaned as the bright light from the sun glared through the window. My head felt like I’d headbutted a cliffside fifty times, and my mouth was all gummy and dry.

  I forced myself out of bed to close the drapes, then dragged myself into the bathroom to brush my teeth. When the gumminess had been replaced with minty freshness and I’d downed the bottle of water I’d brought to bed last night, I sat on the edge of the bed and cradled my head in my hands.

  I blamed Theo for this hangover.

  Theo.

  Shit.

  He’d kissed me last night.

  I dropped back on the bed and then winced when my head throbbed. How was I supposed to look Theo in the eye now? How was I supposed to talk to him?

  Why on Earth had he kissed me?

  It had to have been the
wine. Or the beer. Whatever. There were no two ways about it. It was purely alcohol-fueled after a fun, boozy night, and an accidental trip over the doorframe.

  Circumstance.

  That was it.

  Nothing more.

  Jesus Lord, I was in trouble.

  My phone chirped from the nightstand, and I dragged myself up the bed to check it. It was a text from Noelle, the P.I.

  NOELLE: Can you talk on the phone right now?

  I could, but my hangover said I probably shouldn’t. Still, I had to.

  ME: Sure.

  She must have had my number pulled up, ready and waiting, because the call came through three seconds after I hit send.

  “Hello,” I answered.

  “Hi! Elle?” she said in a voice with a deep Texan twang. “Good morning!”

  I blinked hard. “Morning. You’re up early.”

  “It’s eleven o’clock here in Texas. Did you just wake up?”

  “It is? Crap.” I checked, and yep, it was just past midday. “Too much wine last night.”

  She laughed. “I’ll keep this short and sweet, then. We still haven’t conclusively proven it was your ex, but we do know that a tabloid magazine paid for the tape.”

  “Wait, what?”

  “Mhmm. Thirty thousand dollars, from what we know.”

  “Someone paid thirty grand for a tape of me having drunk sex in a dimly-lit broom closet? What would a tabloid want with that?”

  “You would be surprised what people will pay for an exclusive. They’ll have made it back in five minutes after breaking the story from revenue and people swarming their website. They also now own the tape and there’s a chance they could sell it on—to, you know. Porn sites.”

  Shit. Shit, shit, shit.

  “How do I stop that? I didn’t consent to the tape. I didn’t know it was being made. Surely that can’t be posted.”

  “Well, I’m no lawyer, but I have worked on revenge porn cases before, so I’m aware of a few things. I don’t believe a website can post the video if you have an ongoing case. It would make them complicit, in my opinion, and potentially open them up to legal action.”

  “I was afraid you’d say that.”

  “Look, I think we can find out who they paid, or at least trace a bank account. If we can do that, you can file a report with the police in New York to prevent it happening. I’ll also send you the report on the tabloid so you can have your lawyer deal with it. They might be able to put a freeze on any potential sale.”