"Only to show that she couldn't keep her hands off me and that you needed to figure out who to trust. You chose her, some random ass off the street, over me, your friend." Then it got really quiet. "Is that what this is? Do you have issues that I got Mia first?"
"Enough!" I raised my voice, but they still didn’t hear me.
"You didn't get her first."
"I think I did. Because she showed up in my gym and decided to fuck me, didn't she?"
"Stop!" When Jay opened his mouth, I slammed my fists on the table. The glassware and dishes rattled. They stopped glaring at each other and looked at me like I just happened to pop up and be there. "Clearly there are more issues going on than I thought. So please just stop arguing, okay?"
They were still trying to calm themselves down.
"I'm sorry, Mia."
"Yes, me too."
I didn't realize I’d started to cry until my vision blurred.
Xavier rose to his feet, and stepped toward me, but I raised up my hand. "I don't think I can do this right now. Can we just..." I shook my head. He still tried to come after me, as did Jay. "No. Just leave, please. Both of you leave. I want to be alone." No theatrics, nothing hysterical. I just wanted them to go.
"I'm sorry, Mia. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings"
"He's right, lovely, nothing we said reflected on you."
"Please let us stay so we can show you how much you mean to us."
I didn't have the words to speak and I didn't trust whatever would come out of my mouth anyway. I just shook my head. Anything I might have said would have devolved into a heartbreaking sob that I didn't want to do in front of them.
I stood very still then and let them each kiss my cheek. They left my apartment.
I walked woodenly to the door and latched it. I collected the plates and food, cleaned, and packed things up for later. Then I marched myself to my bathroom to clean up for the night. I avoided looking myself in the mirror.
And then, under the spray of the hot water, I collapsed into gut-wrenching sobs.
CHAPTER 11
A WEEK AFTER THAT DINNER and we were still a little rocky. I had let them know I was fine and just needed some space. We were fine. I still wanted to be with them. That mollified them for a bit.
I checked my mail in my apartment building and saw that I had something large waiting for me. I went to the pickup window, curious. I almost never got mail.
I was dancing on my toes, really looking forward to seeing who sent me something.
The guy was kind of struggling with it. It wasn't heavy, just cumbersome. I told him I could manage when he offered to help bring it up to my apartment.
I already knew it was from Xavier. The address label said so. The thing that kind of freaked me out was the fact that it wasn't a properly addressed labeled, so it hadn't come to me through the post office. He’d dropped it off for me.
Why not just give this to me when we saw each other later? Or was that the reason? I hadn't seen him recently, and maybe he thought dropping something off would be like a fun surprise for me or something?
Whatever he was thinking, I was legit curious.
I opened it in my apartment and I couldn’t help gaping at the stuff inside. It was a luxury tote bag full of high-end items. A cashmere scarf. The bracelet I’d admired while window shopping. Electronic readers. An assortment of pens and notebooks. And a new laptop.
A note from Xavier fluttered from one of the smaller gifts.
I didn’t want him to think that I was ungrateful, but really, this was too much. I asked for space. I asked to be treated like a partner. And then this happened.
I was starting to suspect that Trin was right. I was being treated like a mindless pet, here for their entertainment.
I picked up the Ebook Reader. It was the model that I thought I’d like because it was waterproof as well as shatterproof. Instead of filling me with gratitude, it made me feel trapped.
CHAPTER 12
I REALIZED THAT THE more I threw myself into my work, the more my work was annoying the shit out of me. The more stuff I took on, the more I realized that I didn't want to do it. It was all administrative and I hated it.
Yes, I happened to be decent at marketing and advertising and figuring out how to talk to corporate sponsors, but doing that for myself was different than doing it for the magazine.
I asked them if I could work remotely full-time, and OG-1 let me. But even then I was feeling chafed and caged. This was the same feeling I’d had when I was with the guys, and I realized a very valuable thing.
Maybe the reason I felt like I was chafing had more to do with the fact that I felt unfulfilled at my day job than I did from my job on the side? And why did I think that my job on the side was going to go away? Like I was worried that my side job, which gave me more money and generated the same amount of income for the second month in a row, would somehow disappear.
I mean, didn't that happen with my work at Ampersand? Didn’t I worry that my seemingly more secure job was going to go away? And then I’d just work harder for it and boom, it was steady again.
So, if I really thought about it, my job was as secure as the work I put into it.
Just like anything in life.
Damn, I was a dumbass.
Wasn't this what the guys were trying to tell me before? That they’d noticed I was feeling unhappy?
And all I could hear then was that they were trying to run my life. I looked at their gifts as ways to make me feel inadequate and like I was some kept pet. Of course, none of those thoughts were true. I was the one who had the issues and kept interpreting their actions in light of my own insecurities and fears.
It was much easier for me to blame Xavier and Jay for my unhappiness than to admit that I was the one responsible for it. At least there was still time to fix this.
I wrote an email to my boss. And then deleted it.
Just like anything important, I had to show up for this discussion.
OG-1 WAS PART OF THE old guard of the workplace, and it was kind of funny to see him tottering around. I’d really enjoyed working here, but had definitely outgrown the place, and there was no real reason for me to stay loyal to a place that didn't need my loyalty.
"Ah, Mia, please sit down." He gestured to a chair. "Now, what can I do for you?"
"Hey, Mr. Grant. I just wanted to first tell you that I will always be grateful for what you've done for me and for being my first real job as a writer."
"But?"
"But this isn't what I need right now. All of this extra stuff, it's not for me."
"I know, my dear. You have the unfortunate ability to be good at everything you do. I love that about you. But I also know that's not fair, is it?"
"If I wanted to own a business, maybe, but I don't. At least not like this."
"You were hired as a writer and that's what you want to stay, is that it?"
"Yes, sir."
He came around the desk and sat beside me, rather than opposite me. "What if I told you that I'm on the final round of interviews for hiring a personal assistant and an ombudsman? What then? Would you be open to staying on as just a Featured Columnist?"
I smiled at him broadly. Featured Columnist was all I had ever wanted here. I nodded. "So long as that's all, then yes, I’m willing to stay."
OG-1 smiled. "You helped do that, you know. All that other work you did. You led to us having extra sponsors and investors so that we can finally have the position available for you. Of course I recognize that."
Oh. My.
I didn't want to cry. Not here.
He patted my hand. "Well, why don't you go to the Assignment Editor and get that going? We were thinking you could just write whatever interests you. Seems to be working out just fine that way."
I nodded, afraid to speak.
"Why don't you take the rest of the day off? You're all caught up, aren't you?"
I nodded. Of course I was all caught up, because I had intended to quit today. Instead, I’d gotten a raise and promotion. And he thanked me for my work. I couldn't believe it. This all felt overwhelming, but I was excited for it.
I bit my lip.
I knew I needed to show up for something else, too.
CHAPTER 13
IT ALWAYS SEEMED TO come down to this. I was scared. I ran off. I burned bridges. I found new people to casually be friends with.
Aside from my current girlfriends, I didn't have many long-term friends. And even my girls had only known me for the past two years. I didn't want that anymore. I didn't want the shallow. I was ready for deeper.
Hopefully it wasn’t too late.
I stood outside Jay’s apartment building. Luckily, the doorman recognized me and buzzed me in. Even luckier, the elevator was going up.
I knocked on the door and hoped I wasn't going to make a fool of myself.
When Jay opened the door, I had to do a double take. I looked up and down the hall to make sure I had the right apartment. His face was a turmoil of feelings that basically ended with him opening his arms out to me. I walked into them and he breathed me in.
“Hi,” I whispered.
"I've missed you." There was such longing in his voice that I could barely stand it.
"Mia?"
Jay let me go and I slid around him to run into Xavier's open arms. "Oh my goodness, I missed you."
"I wanted to—wait, why are you both here? I thought I was in the wrong building for a second."
"We've been talking and hanging out. Trying to get our groove back, that's all."
"Ah. Well, this makes things easier, honestly." I raised my hand to Jay while letting Xavier wrap his arm around me. "I wanted to apologize and say that you were right."
It was like a record scratched, and they froze for a moment.
"Wait, what?"
"Right?"
"Ha, you were. I realized that without you guys making me happy and balanced, I really didn't like my job. That you two were the only things keeping me sane."
Xavier hugged me closer. "Oh no, lovely, did you quit?"
I nodded. "Yeah, I quit."
Jay hugged me from my other side. "Well, whatever you need, darling, we'll be able to support and take care of you."
I smiled, cupping his cheek with my hand. "I know. And that's where I should say, 'thank you.'" I looked at both of them. "That's been my issue. I've been trying so hard to tell myself that I could do things on my own and that I was happy with my choices. I had to learn that I was allowed to grow and evolve and want different things. And that was okay."
"Yes, baby, it's okay. And if you need help finding another writing job, I'm sure we have contacts."
I smiled. "Well, you see, I should have said I tried quit. And then OG-1 offered me the Featured Columnist gig. He figured my efforts to save Ampersand led to the ability to create that position anyway, so he gave it to me. Completely remote. Write what I want." I said it in a whisper. It didn't sound like a big deal, but to me it was because it was what I'd always wanted.
They responded exactly how I’d hoped they would. They took turns loudly congratulating me. I giggled and laughed as they twirled me around.
"So do you want to join us for dinner then, lovely?"
"Well..." I bit my lip.
"Something tells me that our lovely Mia wants to be our dinner," Jay said. He raked his teeth against my neck. I hissed out a breath.
"Yes. With the understanding that I apologize for making you feel left out in any way, Xavier," I said.
"You did nothing. I was the jealous one. I never thought I would ever be afraid of losing anyone." He kissed me deeply. "So, just how sorry are you?"
I pouted, which was very difficult when all I wanted to do was smile. "Very, very sorry."
CHAPTER 14
I BACKED XAVIER TO the couch and made him sit down.
I peeled off our clothes, then straddled him. "Today is all about you. For bringing us all together. Thank you."
I kissed him. He was rapidly growing hard, but I didn't want that, not yet. I knew how much he loved to lick me, so I asked him, "How about I ride your face, and Jay here can keep your dick hard for me however he wants?" I looked over my shoulder, and Jay was already taking his clothes off.
I turned back to Xavier. "That okay with you?"
He held my head as he kissed me hard. "Give me your pussy."
I stood, using the wall as a brace. He wrapped his arms around my hips, and feasted on me like I was his last meal.
I squirmed against him, but he held on to me tightly. I looked over my shoulder as he hummed against me to see that Jay swallowed him down. The view made me so hot I almost tipped over the edge of my climax.
Xavier came up for air. "Jay, move." They helped me center over Xavier. I slid over his slick cock with a sigh. "Jay, fuck her mouth for me."
Without hesitation, Jay got up on the couch and guided my head toward his dick, holding it there so I could ease him into my mouth.
Xavier thrust up into me; Jay pumped into my mouth. I was screaming in no time.
"I can't hold on," Jay groaned.
"Just go."
I swallowed Jay down, my throat convulsing around him. He dug his fingers into my scalp. "Fuck! Mia, your mouth is to die for."
Xavier worked his thumb over my wet clit and I was mindless with pleasure.
After, Xavier and Jay kissed and made up. Literally. I asked them to and I got so turned on—especially when they started touching each other.
"You know what would make me happy?" Jay asked.
"You wanna tie her up, don't you?"
"Yes." Then Jay added, “As long as you both are cool with it.”
Xavier nodded like he was weighing out pros and cons. “I think I’m cool with it for now. Lovely?”
I nodded an enthusiastically. “Yes, please!”
Somehow, Jay produced a few lengths of black satin ribbon from a hidden drawer. They stretched me back so that I was arched over the ottoman. My wrists and ankles were lashed to the ottoman’s feet so that I was stretched on display for them.
Jay skimmed his hand over me, my body completely open to him. "You are so beautiful to me,” he murmured.
"And me," Xavier added.
Jay put his mouth on me and kissed, licked, and sucked whatever he could touch. He trailed down my body until he settled between my legs and he didn't stop eating me out until I was incoherent with screams of pleasure.
He moved my liquid around, up and down my slit until he was coated. He slipped his fingers between my ass cheeks. My mouth opened in a wordless cry.
"I can't stand just watching." Xavier gripped his throbbing erection.
"I have an idea. Lube up inside her. Then fuck me while I’m fucking her."
Oh. My. The muscles in my legs and stomach clenched at the thought. I shuddered in a mini orgasm.
Jay kissed my puckered nipples. “You’re not coming right now, are you lovely?”
Xavier rolled on a condom with one hand, testing me with his other. “She’s always so hot and wet.” He replaced his fingers with his wrapped up cock, dipping into me nice and slow. “Even with a condom, it’s like I can feel it.” He moved out of the way, and Jay moved in, sinking his large cock into me, his erection stretching me, filling me.
Xavier rose up behind him. I could tell Jay was being penetrated, the play of emotions on his face raw and intimate. When Xavier was fully lodged inside of Jay, all movement stopped.
"Fuck. I don't know if I can last," Xavier groaned.
"You're telling me."
Xavier gripped Jay's hips, and as if guiding J's cock, he thrust forward, both of them groaning at once.
I nearly came at the sight of them. Jay started off slow, making sure that I could feel every single inch of him as he slid inside me. He picked up the pace
, driving steadily into me as X slammed into him.
My eyes rolled back, the sensations too much, and I gave into the racking feelings concentrated between my legs. Each thrust rubbed against me deliciously until I bowed my back, lost to sensation.
It didn't stop them. They kept thrusting, harder and harder. Xavier wrapped his arm tightly around Jay’s body as he plowed into him. It was almost as if Xavier would fuck his way through Jay and into me. It was all too much and I pulled on my restraints and screamed.
They took care of me, untying me from the ottoman. Carrying me to the shower. Keeping me between them so I didn't slide down.
As far as I knew, I was dead and had gone to heaven.
CHAPTER 15
THERE HAD BEEN A COUPLE of places here and there that we all looked at, but nothing stood out until we toured a beautiful townhouse. It had a much better feel to me than an apartment. I loved the neighborhood and the fact that it was right by our favorite restaurants and that there was enough privacy from our neighbors.
The best part for me was that it had two full staircases.
The moment I saw it, I knew that I wanted it. It was exactly the feel I had in mind. Full of history and character without being off-the-wall. It had the old world charm that I loved, with exposed bricks and all that goodness.
I still checked out every floor, just to make sure, from the very tip-top attic to the newly renovated basement. I didn't question how much this house would cost. I just wanted to know if it would work for me.
Jay and Xavier had already decided that they would love whatever would make me feel comfortable, so it was basically just up to me.
And I adored it. When the realtor excused herself, I found myself imagining the living room full of books and a comfortable chair. The space had awesome lighting from the stained glass window accent and the built-in fireplace.
"Do you love it?" X looked at me. "We can keep looking if you don't."
"Yes, there are always options. This is just one of many," Jay said.
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