Guardian of Eden

by Leslie DuBois

  My mother crossed the room and hugged me tightly burying her face in my chest. As I held her in my arms, we shared a special moment of understanding. Deep down I knew she loved me and she wouldn’t purposely let harm come to me. She was weak and had honestly done the best she could in the circumstances she was given. I still had a mental vision of her beating Joel with a broom stick in my defense and sitting by my bedside all night watching me sleep. Only a mother who cared would do that.

  “I promise I will never let you get hurt again,” she said as she pulled away with tears in her eyes. “No matter what I have to do. I promise, Garrett. I swear it.” Something about the determination in her green eyes, the eyes that were exactly like mine, made me believe her this time.

  The special day Eden planned for me began with breakfast at the Barnside Diner. It was a 50s style greasy spoon near the neighborhood where we used to live. It held a lot of memories for me and Eden. On weekends we had gone there to eat breakfast and to avoid my mother’s alcohol induced rages or drug induced stupors. We sometimes stayed there for hours playing our word game or writing poetry. The wait staff knew us by name and often gave us extra food. Though we never said anything explicitly, I think they assumed we had a difficult home life and tried to take care of us.

  As soon as we entered the door, Anabel and Darlene scrambled across the diner and tackled us with hugs.

  "Mi chula, mi chulo, it’s so good to see you,” Anabel said in her thick Spanish accent. She was a cute little El Salvadorian woman in her 20s who had been working at the Barnside since she was 15. This diner was her home, and for a long time Eden and I were her little brother and sister.

  “My God, you’re huge,” Darlene said to me. “And gorgeous as all get out. I swear if I were 30 years younger, you’d be in trouble.” Darlene then inspected my face for a moment. I could tell she noticed the bruises as a motherly expression befell her. She chose not to comment on them, however, and just gently rubbed my cheek as she said, “I’m glad you’re here.”

  “You two sit at the counter and order anything you want. It’s on me,” Anabel said as she took Eden’s hand and led us to our favorite spot.

  “Hey, Eddie, you owe me 20 bucks. I told you they would come,” Darlene yelled to the kitchen as she adjusted her massive bun of gray hair.

  Eddie poked his head out of the kitchen. “Welcome back guys. Happy birthday, Garrett,” he said then quickly went back to filling his orders.

  Eden and I spent the next two hours playing the word game with Anabel and Darlene. Some of the other customers even jumped in from time to time. It was the most fun I’d had in a long time.

  Suddenly a middle aged woman sitting in one of the booths said, “Wait a minute, this is you isn’t it?” as she stood and slapped a magazine down in front of my sister.

  Anabel snapped it up and took a look. “Oh my God, it is you!” she exclaimed. “Why didn’t you tell us you were a Gap model?”

  “I don’t really want to talk about it,” Eden said meekly as she started in on her french toast again even though it had to be cold by then.

  “But why not? You look beautiful,” Anabel prodded.

  "Hey, if she doesn’t want to talk about it, she doesn’t want to talk about it,” Darlene said in an authoritative manner that immediately put an end to the conversation.

  A hush fell over the diner as no one knew what to say or why Eden wouldn’t want to talk about something as glamorous and exciting as being a model. Even I was confused. But maybe she just wanted the attention for me instead of her since it was my birthday.

  “Well, thank you so much for breakfast,” Eden said after a few moments, “but I have a lot more surprises for Garrett and we gotta get going.”

  Anabel and Darlene came over and hugged us goodbye.

  “Don’t be a stranger,” Darlene said.

  “Yeah, you better come back for Eden’s birthday in a few weeks,” Anabel added.

  “We will,” I assured them with a smile.

  Next, Eden took me to the Folger Shakespeare Library on Capitol Hill. That wasn’t much of a surprise. It was my favorite museum because of the sessions of contemporary poetry it featured. I wondered when the actual surprises would begin.

  As we walked through the replica of the playhouse theater from Shakespeare’s time, I noticed a strange redheaded girl with dark glasses staring at us.

  “Do you know her?” I asked Eden after I realized the redhead was following us.

  Eden looked in the girl’s direction and smiled. “I’m going to the bathroom,” she said as she scampered off before I could say another word.

  I turned around and watched as the redheaded girl approached me slowly. It struck me how she licked her lips repeatedly.

  “Hi, Garrett,” she said when she stood in front of me.

  “Maddie?”

  Chapter 20: Angel in Disguise

  I couldn’t believe Madison McPhee was standing right in front of me. I now understood why Eden was so determined to get me out of the house today and what she meant by surprises. I couldn’t have been more surprised.

  Maddie and I stared at each other for a moment. At first my mind had a hard time registering that it was really her under the wig and dark glasses, but those lips were unmistakable. I missed those lips. I ached to touch them again.

  “Eden told me what happened with you and Joel. I’m so sorry, Garrett. I wish I could have been there for you. I'm glad you’re okay.” I couldn’t respond to this. I didn’t know how to. What was I supposed to say to that? She could have been there for me if she really wanted. She was just too afraid to let anyone know how she felt for me. Too ashamed to have a black boyfriend. I could have died, yet she stayed away just to keep up appearances.

  “Do you like the hair?” She tried to lighten the mood as she patted her wig. “I always wanted to be a redhead. People say redheads are like fiery and brave and bold and stuff. Blondes supposedly have more fun, but I don’t find that to be true. I’d rather be brave, you know?”

  I nodded at her nervous rambling. I’d missed that too.

  “I’m sorry I can’t take it off. Someone might recognize me.” Maddie looked over her shoulder observing the other people in the library. Her gaze lingered on a huge black man standing in the corner. “That’s my bodyguard, Roscoe. He’s a pretty cool guy, but it took a ton of convincing for him to let me come here today.”

  “Why did you come here today?” My voice came out weak and small. I think I was still in shock from seeing her after three weeks. I cleared my throat and repeated the question in a more manly voice.

  “I wanted to see you and I wanted to wish you a happy birthday. Plus, Eden has been calling me every day for like two weeks. She’s a very determined little girl when she wants to be.”

  “I’m sorry she’s bothering you. I’ll tell her to stop.”

  “No, it’s fine. She’s not bothering me at all. We’ve started talking and getting to know each other. It’s nice to have someone to talk to. I get pretty lonely on the road with my dad sometimes. I kinda wish you would call me too.”

  “Are you sure that wouldn’t hurt your father’s campaign?”

  Maddie breathed in sharply like my words physically hurt her. I couldn’t believe I’d said that. What was wrong with me? I’d dreamed about seeing her face for three weeks and now that I had her right in front of me I was intentionally mean to her.

  “I guess I deserve that,” she said. She took off her glasses and dabbed her eyes with the back of her hand. She looked at me with her incredible eyes and I felt like even more of a jerk for making those cherubic blue eyes sad.

  “No, you don’t deserve that. I’m sorry Maddie.” I wanted to hug her, but I didn’t know if that was allowed. I didn’t know whether her bodyguard would leap across the room and command that I not touch her. I also didn’t know whether Maddie would welcome a hug from me or not. I thought it best to just keep my distance.

  “No, I do deserve it. I was awful to you. I must
have made you feel like garbage the way I was so obviously ashamed of you. I didn’t mean to make you feel that way. I’m so sorry I hurt you.” She grabbed my hand and squeezed gently. “Eden tells me you’ve been in bed for weeks.”

  A surge of embarrassment flooded my emotions. Why did Eden tell her that? She made me look so weak and pitiable. Of course, that was the way I’d been acting, but the last thing I wanted was for Maddie to know that. I didn’t want her to know what effect she had on me.

  I shook my hand free. “You didn’t hurt me. I’m completely over you. I was in bed recovering from the stab wound.” I still can’t believe those words came out of my mouth even though I heard them in my own stubborn, cocky voice. Pride prevented me from telling the truth. The truth being that I still wanted her with all my heart and that I would give anything to just hold her in my arms for the rest of the day.

  Maddie looked away abruptly, probably to hide the tears running down her cheeks. Her bodyguard started walking our way and Maddie waved him off.

  We stood in silence while Maddie tried to collect herself in order to continue our conversation. Why didn’t I just reach out and put my arm around her? Why didn’t I try to console her?

  Finally, she put her sunglasses back on and said, “I’m sorry you’re over me, because I’m not over you.” Then she handed me a slip of paper. “Happy birthday.”

  I looked down at the paper and saw the address and phone number of someone named Peter Lawson. “What is this?” I asked. I had to repeat the question a little louder as she had already begun to walk away.

  She took a couple of steps back toward me and said, “That’s the police officer that was assigned to your grandfather’s murder. You were on my mind so much that I started to research your parents’ past like I said I would. He’s retired now, but I’ve talked to him and he remembers the case vividly. I thought you might want to call him and finally get some answers.”

  I looked back down at the sheet of paper. I couldn’t believe she had done this for me. I guess she really did care. But I felt it was too late to change what I had said earlier so I just said, “Thank you.”

  Instead of responding, she closed the gap between us and flung her arms around me, burying her face in my stomach. I’d forgotten how little she was. I instinctively hugged her back and bent down to rest my chin on the top of her head. Maddie gave me one last tight squeeze then ran away.

  I stood there for a moment contemplating what had just happened. Maddie had done something so completely selfless and caring and all I had done was try to break her down with my words. How could I be so cruel to someone I loved so much? I couldn’t let this be the end. I couldn’t let her walk out of my life forever not knowing how I truly felt. I ran after her and caught her right before she exited the main door. I grabbed her arm and pulled her off to the side. Once we were somewhat secluded, I took off her glasses and pulled her close to me. Without saying another word, I seized her mouth in a powerful kiss.

  At first I kissed her hungrily and possessively, but the kiss quickly morphed into something slow, passionate, and meaningful. It represented all that we had meant to each other and all that we still needed from each other.

  “I missed you so much,” she said after I’d pulled away and began to kiss her forehead, her cheeks, her eyelids, her chin.

  “I missed you too,” I whispered before kissing her lips again. I held her tight against me molding her body to fit my own. I wanted her so badly. Why didn’t she want me just as much?

  “Will you call me after you talk to Mr. Lawson? Just call my cell phone. My father doesn’t have to know. Then maybe we could meet somewhere. Maybe another museum or something. I think this disguise really works. We could probably even do dinner or something.” Maddie spit out her words with ferocious velocity unable to contain her enthusiasm. Her eyes were full of hope and what I thought could possibly be love, but I wasn’t sure. How could I be?

  I rested my forehead on hers and sighed. A pain entered my chest. This wasn’t going to work. I couldn’t be in a relationship like that. I couldn’t be someone’s clandestine boyfriend.

  “Maddie, I’m sorry. But I can’t be with someone who has to put on an elaborate disguise just to be with me in public. I can’t be your dirty little secret.”

  “But you’re not. Y-you wouldn’t be. I’m gonna tell him. I am.”

  I closed my eyes and shook my head. I thought about my parents. This was probably exactly how it was with them; my mother hiding her relationship with my father from her father. When she finally did reveal it, her father didn’t accept it. Look how it turned out for them. I didn’t want to turn out like my father. That’s not to say I would ever consider killing Senator McPhee, but I’m sure my father thought the same thing about my grandfather. The situation just didn’t feel right.

  “Look, when you love me enough to make me a part of your life, come back to me. I’ll be waiting for you.” I kissed her gently on the lips then walked away. She called after me, but I kept walking.

  “Where’s Maddie?”Eden asked when she found me sitting alone on the front steps.

  “She’s gone.”

  “But why? I have tickets for a play and I thought you guys could go together. She said she wanted to spend the day with you. Why did she leave?” Eden was on the verge of tears as she frantically fished the play tickets out of her pocket and presented them to me.

  “Come here, Bug,” I said as I seated her on my lap. “Thanks for trying to get us back together. It was sweet of you. But it’s just not going to work.”

  “But why not?” Eden crossed her arms and pouted.

  I sighed. I had to make her understand that Maddie and I might never be able to be together without making Maddie look bad and without making Eden feel worse. “Maddie has a lot going on in her life right now. Her father is running for president and I don’t exactly fit in with the family of a presidential candidate.”

  Eden stared at me intently for a moment. “So, you think you’re not good enough for her?” I shrugged not wanting to admit out loud what I knew to be true. “But, Garrett, you are. You’re the best thing to ever happen to Maddie. She told me herself. And her father will love you once he gets to know you. Y-you just have to meet him and…and tell him how much you love his daughter. He’ll accept you. I know he will.”

  “Even if what you say is true, Maddie isn’t ready to take that step. She’s not ready for me to meet her father.”

  “But-”

  “Eden, please, just drop it. It’s over.”

  Eden didn’t feel like going to the play with me. She claimed she was tired. Instead, we went back home ending my birthday celebration early. I didn’t really mind. After my encounter with Maddie, I didn’t feel like celebrating anything.

  “Back so soon?” My mother asked when we entered the house. She gave us both a hug and a kiss.

  “Yeah, Maddie ruined all my plans. I don’t think I like her very much anymore. She’s hurting my brother. She didn’t even get him a real present. Just some address of some guy named Peter Lawson. What a horrible girlfriend. I’m going to take a nap.” Eden marched to her room dramatically tossing her coat on the couch as she went. I was actually relieved that some of her flair had returned. It was like having a goal and working towards it had brought her out of the funk she’d been in. She reminded me of how she danced around on the metro the day she saw me writing a poem to Maddie. I felt like she was getting back to normal.

  “Peter Lawson? Peter Lawson. Where do I know that name?” My mother tucked her straight blond hair behind her ears and looked pensive.

  “Eden’s exaggerating. Maddie and I were never boyfriend and girlfriend. Not officially anyway. So, technically, she couldn’t be a horrible-”

  “Detective Lawson,” my mother interrupted me as a proverbial light bulb went off in her mind. “Garrett, listen to me, I absolutely forbid you from talking to him. Do you understand me? He’s a crazy old man that has no idea what he’s talking about,” she s
aid seriously. I should have realized that she wouldn’t like me investigating my grandfather’s murder. It never occurred to me that Eden would bring it up in conversation. I had just planned to see Mr. Lawson without ever telling my mother.

  “What?”

  “I’m serious, Garrett. Stay away from him.”

  My curiosity was piqued. Staying away would be the last thing I’d do.

  Chapter 21: Facing the Truth

  I didn’t want to wallow in self-pity anymore. I realized that accomplished nothing. I still wanted Maddie, but I had to find some way to get her off my mind. Peter Lawson and my mother's past were a perfect diversion.

  Several different scenarios of a first meeting or conversation played in my head. Maybe my father killed my grandfather in a violent outburst after he refused to let him marry his daughter. Maybe after months of hiding their relationship, my father decided the only way he could be with my mother was to get rid of her father. Maybe my mother and father planned the murder together. Maybe my mother was actually in jail for the first five years of my life and that’s why I didn’t know her. No, that wasn’t possible. I think I would know if my mother did jail time.