A Whisper Of Wanting

by Jamie Sobrato

“Okay, I’m a big wuss, and proud of it. Happy now?”

  “No, I want to see you ride the ride. I mean, how scary can it be?”

  “I get motion sickness, if you must know. So unless you’d like to see the remnants of a toaster waffle splattered all over your lap, you might want to reconsider.”

  “Jeez, Ethan. You’re no fun at all.”

  The ride stopped, and she stepped into place in line to get on. Alone, apparently. She glanced over at him standing by himself at the railing and felt a tiny bit bad for giving him a hard time.

  “I’m sorry. I’ll bring Dramamine next time,” he said, shrugging.

  “You must be a barrel of laughs on a cruise ship,” she said right before handing her ticket to the ride operator.

  Once she’d found a seat in one of the compartments, she felt immensely stupid to be sitting solitary on a kids’ ride. Why had she bothered getting on without Ethan? Because she was stupid and stubborn and wanted to prove something that didn’t even matter.

  She was about to unbuckle herself and climb out when she felt a hand grasp her arm, and she looked up smiling, expecting to see Ethan. Instead, she saw Jonas Pulatski. Older than when she’d last seen him, maybe a little more hardened around the eyes, but unmistakably him. With his free hand, he held a gun to her side.

  “Come with me, and don’t make a sound,” he said.

  Nicole glanced around frantically. She’d stupidly chosen a seat that wasn’t visible from where Ethan stood, and the plainclothes cop was nowhere to be seen. She suddenly feared for Ethan’s life as much as she feared for hers.

  She stood and let Jonas pull her toward the metal railing. “Climb over it,” he said, and she did, all while he still held her arm.

  Now he had the gun concealed in his jacket pocket, and she knew he could get her all the way out of the park without anyone finding them unless she acted fast.

  She didn’t have a plan though. She’d let herself get so distracted by her issues with Ethan that she’d stupidly let her guard down. She wasn’t even wearing a weapon now, she’d gotten so confident in having another cop watching all the time.

  She was profoundly, overwhelmingly stupid. She never should have believed they were safe to move about freely at an amusement park, not now, so close on the heels of the threats and phone calls. Part of her had even suspected luring Jonas out into the open would give the guys doing surveillance a chance to catch him. But Jonas was smarter than that, and she shuddered to even think what that might mean for her. Right here, right now.

  The key to staying alive though was to stay calm, and look for opportunities.

  “Where are you taking me?” she asked quietly, trying her best to sound relaxed.

  She almost did a convincing job of it.

  “I’m taking you someplace safe and quiet where we can have a nice visit. I’ve been waiting for you for a long time, Nicole. We have lots to catch up on.”

  He’d planned his capture of her eerily well for what must have been a spur-of-the-moment act. He was intelligent and incredibly opportunistic. He’d waited until he could slip her away without Ethan realizing she was gone for a minute or so, and then the route he was taking her by winding between buildings was completely counterintuitive to the way anyone might think they’d be going.

  And even if Ethan immediately realized she was missing and found them, he was unarmed. He’d get hurt—or worse—if he approached.

  “Did you kill the plainclothes cop?” she forced herself to ask.

  “Wouldn’t you like to know,” Jonas said calmly.

  “Actually, I’m not sure I want to know, but I need to know.”

  “Was he a friend of yours? Maybe someone you’ve fucked before, just like you’re fucking that reporter?”

  “You’ve been watching me closely,” she said evenly, glancing around as inconspicuously as she could, looking for any opportunity to get away.

  But he had a death grip on her arm, and the gun was aimed right at her side. She didn’t doubt he could hit her if she ran—he’d proven himself a keen shot in the past.

  People were passing by them without paying the slightest attention to the life-or-death situation subtly unfolding right there, in the middle of everything. That’s how it usually was. People were too wrapped up in their own lives to notice what was really going on.

  Damn it. She’d been such a fool. She’d broken all the rules she had so carefully followed up until today, and Jonas had been there, ready to pounce. He’d known she would let down her guard sooner or later. He’d known her better than she knew herself, and that, almost more than anything else, pissed her off.

  “You have no idea how much I know about you, Nicole. I know what kind of panties you like to wear. I know about your sisters, and your mother, and I could hurt them too if I chose. Such easy targets…”

  He was baiting her, she knew, but he’d found one of her weak spots.

  “Don’t even think about it, you bastard,” she spat, and he squeezed her arm tighter.

  “Now, now. We both know you’re the one I’ve been waiting for.”

  Nicole realized he was guiding her toward a door marked Employees Only in the back of a maintenance building, and her throat tightened. They’d almost reached their destination, and despite whatever he’d said about a long talk, she knew he would kill her before he’d let her escape. There would be no escape at all unless she could somehow gain the upper hand, even for a few seconds.

  Where was Ethan? He had to have noticed she was gone by now, had to be looking frantically for her, had to be calling 9-1-1. But it would be too late, unless she did something now.

  “I’m not surprised you were able to find me,” she said to Jonas.

  “Don’t try the flattery tactic. It’s completely transparent,” he said evenly, his voice revealing neither malice nor amusement.

  “You can’t expect me to go down without trying everything possible, right? Wouldn’t you be disappointed if I didn’t put up a fight?”

  “Now you’re trying to distract me with conversation. Still transparent, Nicole. Give it up.”

  They were only a few feet from the building now, and Nicole’s pulse kicked into overdrive. She felt cold sweat dripping down her rib cage and down the back of her neck. She was terrified as she never had been before.

  No, once before. The first time she’d encountered Jonas Pulatski.

  That had been the first time she’d been paralyzed by fear. Her fear had caused the death of another officer. And if she let it seize her again, it would cause her death too.

  Her throat tightened as he pressed the gun into her side and led her through the Employees Only door. She fought off the fear, forced herself to breathe in and out, forced herself to believe she could find a way out of this.

  But as she stood in the dark cool room and the door slammed shut, followed by the sound of Jonas locking it, her hope began to slip away.

  16

  THE IMAGE OF THAT goddamn ride spinning around without Nicole on it would be burned into Ethan’s consciousness forever. How could he have been so stupid as to let her leave his side even for a second? And where the hell were the police when he needed them?

  He frantically scanned the people milling about the area, his heart thudding like mad in his chest, his breath suddenly quick and shallow.

  Nicole. He had to find her fast. Where was she? The question echoed over and over in his head. Where was she? Where was she? Where was she?

  He took off toward the other side of the rides, the direction she would have had to go in for him not to have seen her, and when he couldn’t see the plainclothes cop anywhere, he broke into a run.

  Twenty minutes later, he felt as if he’d searched every square inch of the beach boardwalk area, and he’d given a description of Nicole to the area security, who’d also alerted the police. And he had nothing to do but wander aimlessly, praying he’d somehow stumble upon her safe and sound, perhaps having decided to play an extremely cruel joke on him to pro
ve her point about security.

  The fear of her in danger had made something abundantly clear to him, though. He didn’t just like Nicole. He wasn’t just sexually attracted to her. He was falling in love with her.

  And if she came to any harm, he would die a thousand deaths.

  Then he felt something collide with the back of his head, and searing pain. And then nothing. Just black.

  NICOLE STOOD in the dark room, her breath coming out in shallow little gasps, her heart racing, and for a moment she was paralyzed by her predicament. Paralyzed by fear again. But she would not let that character flaw cause her inaction a second time. What if Jonas was going after Ethan now?

  What other explanation was there for him leaving her alone? He could have been going back to his car to get some weapon or equipment he needed to deal with her… Either that, or he wanted Ethan now, too.

  She would not stand by a second time and let someone she’d vowed to protect get hurt—or worse. Memories of watching Max Robbins get shot crowded her head, and she felt tears sting her eyes. Then she sprang into action.

  Feeling around on the wall near the door, she found a light switch and turned it on. Under the glow of a fluorescent bulb, she could see the various cans of paint, brushes, brooms, mops, buckets and assorted other junk crammed into the closet around her. She tried the doorknob, knowing it would be locked and yet still having her hope slip a bit at feeling its resistance to being turned.

  She grabbed a small paint can from the floor and started banging it against the door, yelling for help as she did so. Over and over for a few minutes, she made as much noise as she could, hoping she’d catch someone’s attention. Then she caught sight of a crowbar on a nearby shelf and decided to try her hand at busting out the door, a maneuver that was never as easy in real life as it had seemed in her police academy training years ago.

  She continued to call for help as she put all her weight into prying the door lock open, but it did no good. Ten minutes later, her arms ached from the effort and her voice was going hoarse. Someone out there had to be hearing her though.

  And where the hell was Jonas? Since he hadn’t even restrained her or taped her mouth, she would have thought he’d be smart enough to come back fast. Unless…

  Unless he knew the real revenge against her would be to hurt someone she cared about again. To make her live with even more guilt. Maybe this was all about getting her out of the way so he could kill Ethan. It was diabolical, but she couldn’t deny what an effective means of revenge it would be.

  She cried out even louder now for help, and just when her hope was about to take a nosedive, she heard a key in the lock. A second later, the door swung open, and a security guard stood blinking at her.

  “My friend—he’s in trouble,” Nicole said, stumbling out into the bright sunlight, then looking left and right, scanning the scene desperately for some sign of Ethan.

  “You mean the guy who reported you missing? Are you okay, ma’am?”

  “I’m fine. His name is Ethan. Ethan Ramsey, and I think the man who locked me in that utility room is going to kill him if we don’t find them first.”

  “We’ve got police on the scene now, since you were reported missing. I’ll call in any information you have if you want to give it to me now.”

  Nicole spewed out descriptions of both men and all the relevant details she could think of in a matter of seconds as the security guard took notes. And then she took off running, but she didn’t know where to go, or whether she would be too late.

  “I’m going to go look for them, but I’ll need backup,” she called over her shoulder. “I’m heading to the beach.”

  Her instincts told her to go there, but she couldn’t say why. Over the years, she had learned to trust her gut as a detective. When she could hear what it said, she found it was rarely wrong. And five minutes later, when she saw a trail in the sand leading toward the ocean, and saw the lifeless form floating in the surf, she understood what her gut had known without seeing.

  “Ethan!” she cried as she ran toward the ocean, her feet sinking in the sand and making it hard to move fast. Overhead, seagulls shrieked, and from the boardwalk, people heard her and took notice finally of the body in the water.

  She reached the water’s edge and splashed into it, praying that somehow, Ethan was still alive. Praying she hadn’t failed in her duty to protect once again. But he was floating facedown, and she could see blood oozing from a gash on his head. Her heart sank as she grasped the back of his jacket and hauled him toward the beach.

  Only after she’d dragged him out of the water could she feel the bitterly cold water that had saturated her shoes and pant legs. And it was as if the terror that iced her veins had created the chill, rather than the ocean.

  When she had him on his back, she dropped to her knees and started to perform CPR. At the same time she could hear people gathering around them, and the shrill police sirens from a nearby parking lot. She was lost in the rhythm of the CPR though, mouth to mouth, then hands to chest, again and again, so that she barely registered when paramedics arrived and someone gently helped her up and away from Ethan’s body.

  Still lifeless. Because of her. Again.

  At first she didn’t realize that the keening sound was coming from her own throat, or that her face was soaked with tears. This was not her, not the Nicole who stayed in control and never lost her cool. This was someone else—the woman she’d tried so hard not to become.

  An officer she vaguely recognized was standing beside her now, urging her away from the scene and toward an ambulance parked in the lot next to the beach.

  “We just need to have you answer a few questions,” he was saying, “And make sure you’re okay.”

  “I’m not going anywhere until I know if he’s alive,” she said, not budging any farther from Ethan. “Jonas Pulatski,” she said, the name like ice on her tongue. “He did it.”

  “A patrol car caught up with him on the west side of the boardwalk. He’s being taken in right now,” the officer said, and Nicole felt robbed of any sense of relief she might have had, because Ethan was lying on the beach, maybe dead.

  She could not live with the guilt again. Jonas had found her weakness. He had gotten his revenge.

  She bit the inside of her cheek and shivered in the ocean breeze, watching, waiting, hoping.

  THERE WAS LIGHT, then darkness, then light again. Ethan struggled to open his eyes, but he could only see the fuzzy light and darkness, and he could hear himself moaning. He felt as if he were at the bottom of a murky body of water, trying to swim to the surface.

  He finally pried his eyes all the way open and stared at the glaring fluorescent lights above. His head ached, throbbed, felt as if it had been bashed against a brick wall. Fragmented memories flooded his mind of panic and searching, then…nothing.

  He became aware of someone’s presence beside him, and he looked over to see Nicole. Her face was tight, but immediately softened when their eyes met.

  “You’re okay,” she said, half question and half statement of fact.

  He watched her smile slowly, his brain taking in the fact that he was in a hospital bed, in a small white room.

  “What happened?” he asked.

  “You don’t remember?”

  “The last thing I remember was looking for you—”

  “It was Jonas Pulatski. He hit you with a shovel and dragged you into the ocean. You almost drowned.”

  He could see emotion in her eyes, intense emotion. Relief maybe? She carried the weight of the world on her shoulders in her duties as a cop, and she probably never would have forgiven herself if any real harm had come to him. He was touched by the fact that she clearly cared.

  Ethan lifted his hand up to the spot where the throbbing at the back of his head was most intense, and he felt a bandage there.

  “Don’t worry,” Nicole said. “They didn’t shave your head or anything. It’s just a gash they had to sew up and bandage. You’ll be good as new
in a few weeks.”

  “Oh good, so I’m not bald. At least not yet, eh?”

  “Alive and not bald. You’ve got your priorities straight,” she said, smiling wryly.

  Ethan could not think of a single person he’d rather see sitting at his bedside at that moment. Nicole, smiling and warm. Nicole, all his pure and impure fantasies wrapped up into one perfect package. Nicole, the best thing he’d ever seen.

  “And not shark bait,” he joked, but as soon as the words left his mouth, he remembered how dire the situation had been.

  He recalled the paralyzing fear of knowing Nicole was in grave danger, the horror at the thought that he might not be able to save her, the fierce adrenaline rush that had propelled him forward in the desperate minutes before his memory became a black void.

  He’d nearly lost her. And he had never been so thankful in his life as he was at that moment, knowing she was alive and well. And so was he. Two miracles for the price of one.

  “What happened to you?” he said. “Did he hurt you?”

  Her gaze dropped to her hands for a few seconds, then she met his again. “I’m fine,” she said. “He locked me in a utility room when he went off to find you, but security found me thanks to you, and I got out.”

  “Thank God. But why did he leave you alone?”

  “I’m thinking you were really his primary target. He wanted revenge—wanted me to suffer—and what better way to do that than to hurt someone he thought I cared about.”

  She seemed to realize belatedly how her words came out sounding wrong.

  “Wow,” he muttered.

  “I’m sorry, I mean, of course I care about you, but—”

  “He thought I was your steady boyfriend or something, right?”

  She nodded. “I think so. The police are still questioning him, so we might have the whole story eventually.”

  “So you rescued me then somehow?”

  “Not exactly. I spotted you in the water and dragged you out, but the ambulance crew revived you.”

  A weight settled on his chest, nearly choked off his breathing, and he felt a stinging in his eyes that had only been there hours before, when he’d first seen that Nicole was in danger.