Malice in Wonderland Bundle 2
Page 29
“Ah, I see, so that’s why you aren’t afraid of me right now.”
“Yes, but he would be.”
“You know, I could understand when you were afraid of me when I was 13, but I’m 15 now, no longer a little girl.”
He says, “Phobias aren’t always rational. But when I had my phobia, your being 15 was close enough to ‘little girl’ to terrify me. And yes, right now, I no longer have that fear, but the price I’m paying is turning out to be much too high.” He hangs his head in shame.
“So if I understand it correctly, there is a golem facsimile of you with half your soul who wants to kill you and take your place, who’s been stuck with your petrifying fear of little girls.”
“That sums it up. I’m asking you to have pity on me and help me fix my mistake.”
“I could appoint some of my guards to slay him…”
“No, he’s a supernatural being, a product of dark magic. But there is a way, but I need your help. It’s his fear of little girls…”
“I told you, I’m no longer a little girl!”
“According to his phobia, you’ll do just as well. Please, you’re the only one who can scare him out of his skin, so to speak. That will send my half a soul back into me and end this whole ugly mess.” He clasps his hands in front, in a pleading gesture. “Please, I know I messed up, but please have pity on me, and help me fix this! I don’t want this doppleganger madman roaming around Wonderland creating havoc. He must be stopped!”
“But you said there was a containment field.”
“It won’t hold him once he grows smarter and stronger. But right now, after he’s just been created, we have the chance to destroy him.”
“But isn’t he basically made up of half your soul?”
“Yes, once he’s destroyed, my soul will return to me. Please, if we take care of this now, it’ll all be fixed. No one shall be hurt, and no one shall have to know. Please, I’m begging for your help.”
Malice sighs. “Just what is it that you want me to do?”
“Scare him out of his skin, so to speak. Since my soul hasn’t firmly settled in yet, all it’ll take is a major fright to exorcise my soul from the golem.”
Malice pouts. “Scare him? But I’m not scary.”
“Just your appearance would be scary to him. But for this to work, you must do more than simply scare him, you must terrify him. When I possessed my phobia, my greatest fear was of being actually touched by a little girl—I would have nightmares of little girls hugging me.”
“Wow, so you want me to hug him?”
“Yes, you must startle him if it is to work. But if he sees you coming, he might fight you or hide. So you must get close without him realizing.”
“What? Do you want me to become invisible?”
“No, I have a plan.” He holds up what looks to be a floppy brown caterpillar. “It’s a fake mustache.”
“Oh, codswallop!” she exclaims while severely rolling her eyes. “You want me to pretend to be a man?!”
“Yes. I know it sounds a little preposterous, but yes. I think you should pretend to be his squire.”
“He would have to be a complete idiot to swallow that tripe.”
“That is exactly what he is. In this time period right after being created, his mental abilities are still weak and the world will be completely new to him, as if he were a child. That is why I think the trick shall work. He’s extremely gullible right now.”
Malice groans. “So you want me to get close to him, then rip the mustache off and scare him?”
“Yes, that’s the gist of it.”
“And it’ll scare the half-soul back into you.”
“Yes.”
“And will that be the end of it?”
“Yes, you won’t have to deal with the issue anymore, and I’ll be forever in your debt.”
“Fine. Give me the mustache, and let’s get this over with.”
They approach the Knight’s cottage. What looks to be a bubble of glass surrounds it.
“That’s the containment field,” the Knight says. “You can walk through it with no problem. He’s inside. I’ll stay out here.”
Malice is wearing the fake mustache. The Knight had explained how, much like a child, the golem determines gender by very superficial and simple criteria—he believes men have facial hair and short hair and flat chests—so she’d pulled her hair back and put on a loose tunic over her dress—she didn’t feel like getting dressed for this simple nuisance chore.
She opens the door and enters the cottage without knocking. There aren’t very many rooms. She finds him in the study, sitting upon the couch, throwing a ball in the air, then catching it while murmuring, “Whoa” and “Wow”.
My, what a simple pastime, she thinks.
Just as the Knight had described, the golem looks like the Knight, except he’s made of clay. He wears a tunic of actual cloth, with no armor. The sword in a scabbard on the floor is real, though. She’ll have to make sure it doesn’t get unsheathed.
“Hello, my liege,” she says loudly to get his attention, making her voice low and more masculine.
He’s startled and drops the ball. “Who you?”
She smiles. Again with the deep voice, she says, “I’m your squire.”
He smiles a dopey grin. “I’m a knight.” He stands up.
“That’s right. You’re a knight and you need a squire. I want to shake your hand.”
He points. “Mahvelous mustache, dahling. I’m so jealous, I could die.”
Malice arches a brow. “Um, thank you. Um, no, your mustache is so much better than mine.”
He giggles.
She holds out her hand. “Let’s shake hands.”
“Shake hands?!” He holds his hands up and wiggles them.
Malice groans. “Very good. Now let’s touch our hands together, as a way of uh, starting to be squire and knight…”
“Oh! Okay!”
They step toward each other. Awkwardly, they shake hands. Malice feels like she’s dealing with a toddler who has no concept of manners and customs.
Malice says, “Now let’s hug.”
“What is ‘hug’?”
“That’s when a squire and a knight put their arms around each other.”
“Oh, yes! Let’s hug!”
They put their arms around each other.
Malice quickly tears her mustache off and looks up at him. “Look, I’m a girl!”
He looks down at her and giggles. “Nuh uh, silly.”
She sighs and pulls the band from her hair and shakes her luxurious mane, before going back to holding him. “Look! I don’t have a mustache and I’ve got long hair. I’m a girl.”
He looks at her with a puzzled expression. “Girl?”
She nods. “A little girl.”
He tilts his head as he looks at her, then his eyes go wide with fear. He shrieks. “Little girl touching me!”
And his eyes roll back in his head and he faints, collapsing onto the floor with Malice trying to soften his fall.
She looks down at him. His eyes are closed and he’s not moving. She nudges him with her foot. He doesn’t move. He’s like a sculpture of the Knight lying on the floor, carved of clay.
The Knight’s voice calls out, “Thank you! My half a soul has returned to me!”
“You’re welcome! Can I go now?!”
“Certainly!”
As she steps outside, she smiles at the Knight.
He shrieks and runs away.
Chapter 54
As has become custom, Sleepy B visits in Malice’s dreams during the night.
“Thank you for appointing the Jabberwock,” Sleepy B says.
Malice says, “You’re welcome. Maybe it shall signify the start of a beautiful friendship. I scratch your back, you scratch mine…”
“Most definitely, girl. So, you have one more enemy to vanquish?”
“Well, he’s my friend, and I don’t want to vanquish him, I want to revive him. Bu
t yes, it’s Tweedledum.”
“Ah, he was bitten by the Frog Princess.”
“Indeed. I’m curious to see how he turned out.”
“But after that, you’ll be all out of opponents. What are you going to do for stories and adventures?”
Malice narrows her eyes. “What are you getting at, girl?”
“I’ve been talking to the Jabberwock.”
“Oh? Have you figured out why you have a jabberwock name?”
“No, but there may be a way to find out, as well as solving all the Jabberwock’s problems.”
“Oh?”
“Yes. I want to travel with him to Jabberwock Valley and I’d like to invite you along.”
“What?! That sounds dangerous.”
“No, more like adventurous. With my powers and your authority as Queen of Wonderland, we’ll be in charge of the place! And we’ll be able to help the Jabberwock reclaim his vorpal blade and get a brand new body!”
“Hmmm. Well, I would like to help him…”
“Absolutely you would! And it will be an exciting adventure for you. A wonderful new story!”
Malice says, “I just might do it, partner!”
“Partner?”
Malice nods. “Quite.”
Sleepy B grins. “Thank you so much. Good luck tomorrow with Tweedledum.”
Chapter 55
Malice is sitting in a couch outside in the courtyard, reading a book, when the Storyteller approaches her.
She holds a finger up. “Hold on. Just want to finish this page.”
She can hear him shuffling impatiently.
“There,” she says. “All done.” She swivels to a sitting position. “Good morning.”
The Storyteller says, “I spoke to Sleeping Beauty this morning. I’ve revoked her storytelling powers.”
“Wait, what? You can do that?”
“Yes. She’s simply not ready for the responsibility. Maybe someday she’ll get her privileges back.”
“Maybe she just needs you to teach her.”
“Perhaps. But she’s not speaking to me, it seems. And there’s nothing that can be done about it right now, so let’s talk about your mission.”
Malice sighs. “Yes, Tweedledum.”
“Bitten by the Frog Princess.”
“Except she wasn’t really a frog, she only thought she was.”
“Yes.” He hands her a stake, and a buzzing bag. “This bag of a swarm of flies is pretty much as described. It shall release numerous flies that will buzz around in the same area and that are irresistible to amphibians. And that’s the gist of it. Ta-ra.”
He vanishes after unleashing his cloud of smoke.
Chapter 56
Malice had been expecting him to be sitting upon a lily pad, but as she approaches the pond, she sees the young man named Tweedledum standing next to the shore.
He waves at her as she approaches. “Queen Malice, are you here to do battle with me upon my battle-pad?” He points at the ground. The outline of a lily pad has been scratched in the ground, probably by a stick. The fake lily pad is about fifteen feet wide.
Malice assumes he must be delusional, just like the girl who bit him was. “Why are you on this lily pad and not the one out there in the middle of the pond?” She points at it.
“Well, because I don’t know how to swim…yet.”
She says, “I have to ask you. Are you a frog?”
He straightens his back proudly. “Why, of course. I’m a battle frog. Have been ever since I was twisted by the Frog Princess. And now my warrior name is Battle-dum. And you are here to do battle with me, correct?”
“Sure. But I’m a little confused. If you’re a frog, how come you’re standing upright?” It’s true. Tweedledum aka Battle-dum looks the same as usual, a boy in normal pants and shirt.
“I’m not.”
“You aren’t?”
“Nope. I’m hunched down like a regular battle-frog, which I am.”
She smirks. “Well, can you jump real far?”
“Of course. Here I’ll show you.” He leaps about. “Boing. Boing!” he shouts as he performs each leap.
Malice fights to keep from laughing. “Impressive. And do you have one of those long tongues?”
“Of course! And I can pluck insects right out of the air with it!” He sticks his tongue out. It of course looks like a normal, not-overly-long, human tongue. “And now that I have demonstrated to you my impressive array of battle-frog abilities, we shall now do battle!” He draws forth a dagger. “Step inside the battle-pad!” He goes to stand on the far end of the drawn lily pad.
Malice steps into the side opposite.
They approach each other with scowls on their faces.
Malice reaches into the bag, steps forward and tosses out a handful of irresistible flies that form a buzzing cloud around his head.
“Flies!” Battle-dum exclaims excitedly before waggling and poking his tongue around to try to catch one.
He is so distracted, that Malice has no problem stepping in, and slamming the stake into his chest.
He shouts out. With a horrified expression, he grasps his chest. Weakly, he flicks a few more attempts to catch a fly with his tongue, before collapsing.
Malice watches as he goes through the process of glowing and healing, with the stake being pushed out his chest. Thankfully, the flies vanish along with the stake.
When he opens his eyes, she smiles. “Welcome back Battle-dum.”
“Thank you, but it’s Tweedledum.”
Chapter 57
As soon as Tweedledum and Malice step through the front door of the castle, they’re pelted with confetti.
Malice looks out at the friendly faces of her friends, and grins big.
Hatter says, “We all just wanted to thank you for saving us.”
And the cheers go up!
And Malice is absolutely thrilled that things are back how they were, and her friends are back.
Her eyes tear up as she looks out into the crowd—there is her dear Hatter, Humpty, the Tweedle twins. Even Sleepy B, the Jabberwock and F-me Shoes have chosen to attend.
And who’s that in the corner? It’s the Knight—still obviously too afraid to get close, but she waves at him and he waves back.
Callooh! Callay! What a frabjous day!
As the crowd breaks into a chorus of She’s a Jolly Good Fellow, she relishes this moment, reveling in the pure joy of being surrounded by her friends.
THE END. Thanks for reading. I plan to write more books in the series. To stay informed of future releases, simply subscribe to my newsletter by visiting loteyrose.com
The next bundle in the saga is now available, which contains all three books in The Jabberwocky Trilogy.
15-year-old Queen Malice and companions must set off to Jabberwock Valley to help the Jabberwock and to warn his fellow monsters. The Jabberwock needs help because he was formerly decapitated and needs a new body. And Wonderland itself is in danger, because a creature known as the Snark threatens to reunite the monster kingdoms and revive a realm known as Woeland, where the Monsters of Woeland shall reign supreme.
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Lotus, or Lotey, as he keeps trying to get people to call him, lives in Austin, an oasis in the heart of Texas. He attended the University of Texas at Austin, where he learned that frat boys are lame. He once watched a fraternity house burn down when they accidentally set their fake snow on fire after a party. After college, rather than get a real job, he decided to become a writer. He invented the corruptagram, a symbol he's trying to get banned in public schools. He enjoys Newcastle Brown Ale and black metal with blastbeats. Lotus Rose is not a frat boy.
His website is at~ loteyrose.com
Also by Lotus Rose, MachoPoni: A Prance with Death
In this “children's book for adults,” MachoPoni has no choice but to enter the Dark Kingdom, whe
re the undead ponies roam. He must rescue Dust, the poni he loves from the dark princess’s castle, using wit, creativity and his magic bouncy blue ball to survive.
A twisted parody of My Little Pony, The Care Bears, and other 80's staples. Warning: contains gore and mild sexual content.
Note: Other volumes in the Poniworld Chronicles are now available. They’re called Mein Poni-Kampf: A Biography of the Leader of the Nazi Ponies, My Brootal Poni: A Very Butch Poni Tale, and Dust in Your Eyes: An Erotic Poni Tale.
Also by Lotus Rose, SinEaster, the book that started the Twisted Holiday Specials
Like a naughty Easter version of The Nightmare Before Christmas mixed with Charlie and the Chocolate Factory… On the day before her 18th birthday, Charlee wasn't expecting to be transported to Easter Land. A princess informs her she must compete to decide which of three creatures will be the future egg deliverer. But a man tied to a dark holiday known as SinEaster is also aware of her arrival.
Books by Lotus Rose
More info at loteyrose.com
The Corruption of Innocence, The Doll Queen, Poniworld Chronicles
Twisted Holiday Specials
SinEaster
Merry XXXmas, Charlee Frown
BlackHearts Day
Gothic Lolita Series
Gothic Lolita
Gothic Lolita 2: Heirloom
Gothic Lolita 3: Pageant
Malice in Wonderland Saga
Malice in Wonderland Prequel
Malice in Wonderland #1: Alice the Assassin
Malice in Wonderland #2: Alice the Angel of Death
Malice In Wonderland #3: Alice the Girl Who Will Tear Your Heart Out and Show It To You Before You Die