Trouble Comes in Threes (Fur, Fangs, and Felines Book 1)

by M. A. Church

  “Jesus fucking Christ!” Well, pissing was out of the question now. “What are you doing, Tiger?”

  “Mmmrawl.”

  “I’m trying to piss.” The damn cat just sat there, staring. “Would you leave?”

  Nothing.

  “Please?”

  That odd blue gaze raked over me once more, and then out he went.

  “Thank God.” I used my foot to shut the door. After a few seconds, my bladder unlocked, and I could piss.

  Just as I buttoned up, a white paw stuck itself under the door, looking for something to swat. “Oh, for crying out loud, you too?” Something told me the days of going to the bathroom alone were over. At least for now.

  After the bitching the cats did when I tried to get up, I decided I’d better bring the rest of the beer back to the den. I returned to the living area and joined them on the couch. We watched the ball drop in Times Square. People cried, threw confetti, and kissed. I finished off my beer and had another to celebrate the new year, which could kiss my ass if it didn’t go better than last year. When I finished the third beer, I was buzzing quite nicely.

  Which meant it was time to start on the fourth.

  By one in the morning, I was groaning at the sleazy phone hotline commercials. All they had were girls. Where were the studs? By two in the morning, I’d finished the last two beers and was telling the cats dirty jokes. By three in the morning, all I could do was giggle at nothing.

  “Whoo wee, boys, think it’s time to go to bed.” I held out my hands—like that would stop the room from tilting—and snickered.

  Tiger kneaded my thigh, and I flinched from the sharp prick of his nails through my denim. I really needed to get up, but the effort was too much. I yawned, then yawned again, my eyes watering. Snowball jumped down. Guess my breath didn’t smell too great. That brought on more giggles, followed by another round of yawns. My plan to get shitfaced was a success. Forget the bed, the couch was fine. I kicked off my shoes and undid my jeans. Flopping back, I pulled the blanket over me.

  I closed my eyes, the room lazily spinning while some ass on TV blathered on about something. The last thing I heard was someone telling me how to microwave an egg.

  “GAK.”

  Had that sound come out of me? Was that even possible, with my tongue stuck to the roof of my mouth? Okay, that was just unpleasant. My throat was so dry I couldn’t swallow. I peeled my eyes open—which took some doing, thanks to the eye boogers—and immediately slammed them shut.

  “Uggh.”

  Oh, fuck me, sunlight—and not just the regular kind of sunlight—oh no, this was sunlight reflecting off snow. Bright little spikes of eye-watering death rays that wanted to burrow into my brain. Pain drilled into me. Why was the sun even out? Didn’t it know I hurt? Even my hair hurt, dammit.

  A mad drummer pounded away inside my head, the steady thump, thump, thump making my eyes bulge… or would as soon as I opened them. If I opened them again. My stomach roiled uneasily as saliva flooded my mouth. Okay, I went from dry as the desert to slobbering all over the place. If I threw up, I might as well shoot myself, because oh my God, my head was going to fall right the fuck off. I buried my hands in my hair and pulled. Another flash of pain crashed through me, but the urge to puke retreated.

  For now.

  No sooner did I relax than an ungodly screaming filled the living area. One frightful scream after the other rolled through my house. Fucking hell, was someone being axe murdered right here? And would they do me next, please? One ear-splitting shriek in particular hit an especially high note, and my balls attempted to climb into my body.

  I sat straight up on the couch, heart thumping crazily and the urge to piss nearly unstoppable. My vision wavered and my head threatened to explode if that shrill screaming didn’t stop. It took me a second, but I figured out the screaming was from the TV I’d left on the night before.

  “Omigodomigodomigod, where’s the damn remote?”

  I hopped off the couch—not one of my better ideas—and promptly launched into an odd little dance of desperation that involved feet flying and arms flapping while trying to avoid stepping on the white cat under my feet. I’d have been ten thousand dollars richer if there’d been a video camera around to capture that insanity.

  Snowball yowled at me, then shot out of the living area, fuzzed up.

  “Are you trying to kill me?” I screeched after the cat, then grabbed my head. Oh, heaven help me, my head felt like there were screws drilling straight through my skull.

  I wanted to die.

  If I didn’t get that TV turned off, I just might. Now that I had a cat-free zone in front of me, I hoped, I lurched across the room and manually shut the damn thing off. Silence swept through the house, the last screaming echo drifting off into nothingness.

  “Thank you, sweet baby Jesus,” I whispered. Now all I needed was for the bastard to stop jackhammering in my head. The pressure in my bladder was getting harder to ignore too.

  After one of the most satisfying pisses ever, I dragged my ass to the kitchen. The clock informed me it was two in the afternoon. I glanced out the window. Man, it was ugly outside. I hoped we didn’t get more snow. In just a few more hours, it would be dark. I hated this time of the year.

  First thing to do was take something for this headache. There’d better be some generic, over-the-counter pain pills in there, or I was going to cry like a baby. I fumbled around, scooting stuff out of the way, until I found the bottle. Pouring a glass of water, I then counted out four pills and popped those babies.

  As soon as the water hit my stomach, it gurgled, reminding me how unhappy it was with the situation. Soup—I needed something to eat, and soup I could handle.

  “Meerow.” Tiger sat on the counter, watching me fix my meal. Was it me, or did he look… irritated?

  I ignored him, but that freaky stare of his was burning a hole through me. I hunched my shoulders and finally gave in, meeting his eyes. “Okay already. Just stop with the dirty looks. Yes, it was stupid of me. I don’t drink often, and a six-pack was too much. Sorry.”

  Snowball poked his head around a cabinet and let out a sad little cry. Well, now I really felt like an ass. I hadn’t meant to yell at him earlier. Sighing, I went over to him. I crouched down and held out my hand. Snowball, body low to the ground and ears laid back, eased a few steps over to me.

  “Come on, pretty kitty.” I wiggled my fingers, trying to entice him closer. “I’m sorry, Snowball. I didn’t mean to yell. I just feel like shit, and yeah, who’s to blame for that, right? I’m not used to having cats around, okay? I didn’t think about you being under my feet. Don’t be mad, please?”

  Blue eyes studied me, tail whipping behind him. He finally sniffed my fingers, ears relaxing. Relieved, I ran my hand down his back several times. “Guess we’re okay, huh?” I scratched his ears but eased him back, the purring making me grin. “Yeah, we’re okay.”

  I stood up and brushed off my jeans. That reminded me. I hadn’t taken a shower last night, and I needed to check the litter box.

  “Huh.” The litter box was clean. “Nothing. Did you guys not need to use it any last night? Want to go outside instead?”

  Both cats stared at me.

  “I promise I’ll let you back in.”

  They both headed toward the door. I let them out, and damn, we definitely got the foot of snow they forecasted—if not more. I had to laugh as they tiptoed through the fluffy white stuff, then disappeared around the back of the house. Soon, they came prancing back. Relieved, I let them inside.

  “Okay, brrr.” Opening the tuna prompted many excited cries. Man, they were vocal. I laughed, which surprised me.

  I put the plates on the floor, to the joy of both cats. “Thanks, guys. It’s been a while since I had a reason to laugh. Now, if I could find a guy willing to put up with my bad luck….” I didn’t see that happening.

  I warmed the soup up on the one working stove eye, watching the cats eat. The black one was the more
dominant of the two. Hell, if I wasn’t careful, the black one could end up bossing the white cat and me around. Which was amusing, since I wasn’t exactly a small guy.

  After I finished eating, I felt better. Both cats had settled in the big window in the living area. While they bird-watched, I started a fire with the wood I’d brought in last night. I heated the house with the fireplace; it was damn sure cheaper than bumping up the thermostat. Once I had the fire going, I closed the screen. Didn’t want to burn the house down while taking a shower.

  I made my way to the bathroom, took a long shower, then dried off. Wrapped in the towel, I stepped from the bedroom. Throwing the towel on the bed, I hunted up clean underwear, jeans, a black sweatshirt, and a thick pair of socks out of the clean clothes I’d dumped in an old recliner.

  Snowball bounced across the room and dive-bombed my pile of clean clothes.

  “Hey, hey! Come on, cat! Those are clean.” I hurried across the room to where Snowball was rolling around on my fresh laundry. “Off! Get off. Jesus, there’s going to be hair everywhere.”

  Damn cat was having a field day. I lifted him off my clothes and held him, his purring suddenly filling the room. Well, someone was certainly happy. And wow, I kept forgetting they both weighed a ton. Maybe not a ton, but he had to be close to thirty pounds. Big, big cat. I petted him, then carried him out of the bedroom—away from the clean clothes.

  Tiger followed me, and we made our way to the living area. For the next several hours, I did chores around the house, watched a little TV, and played with the cats. I happened to glance outside, then cussed long and loud. Fucking hell, it was sleeting. As much as I hated snow, ice was much worse. I needed to bring more wood in before it got wet.

  “Okay, guys, wood run.” Both cats cleared out. I put on my boots and heavy coat, determined to do this as fast as possible. Taking a deep breath, I stepped outside.

  “Shit, this didn’t just start.”

  No, there was a film of ice everywhere. Already the ice was thick enough I could see it on the trees and shrubs. Hurrying to the woodpile, my foot slipped. Cussing a blue streak, I slowed down. The last thing I need was to fall. I hauled several loads of wood inside, moving carefully. I left the door cracked so I didn’t have to deal with opening it every time. One more trip should do it.

  A cold breeze rushed through the room, and both cats shot off deeper into the house, away from the door. I didn’t blame them. I’d get as far away from that door as I could too. I walked back outside, and immediately my foot slipped. Shit. I’d better pay attention. The sooner I got the damn wood inside, the better. Which reminded me, I needed to call my wood guy, Sam, and have him deliver me another cord or two. I didn’t know where the money was going to come from, but I had to have that wood. Rumor was he’d opened a new restaurant not long ago. I wished I could afford to eat there. I’d heard it was good.

  Of course, if it weren’t so horribly cold…. I glared at the ice forming on the trees. As far out as I lived, it would take the electric company forever to get electricity back out here. While I loved living out in the middle of nowhere, it did have its disadvantages.

  “Fucking cold,” I complained, stepping on up on the porch. Just a few more steps and I’d be inside. “Damn fucking cold. Hate this… aw, shit!”

  One moment I was hauling wood… the next I was flat on my back, wood raining down. Something heavy hit me on the side of the head. Pain screamed through me. My vision narrowed to a point and something wet dripped down my face. My fingers touched the dampness. Shit. I stared at my fingers. That was blood. I tried to lift my head and agony exploded. My pain-filled cry followed me into the darkness.

  Chapter 5

  Kirk

  A SWEET scent teased my senses. I sniffed, trying to place that aroma. It reminded me of a burning candle I’d smelled at some little gift shop I’d been in long ago…. Cinnamon. And, oh God, it smelled really, really good. The blood in my body headed south, my cock going hard immediately. I kicked the sheet off and grasped my cock, stroking quickly. I couldn’t remember the last time I was this horny. My balls pulled up tight.

  Wow, this was going to be the shortest jack-off session in the history of all jack-off sessions.

  The sound of a strangled gasp made me open my eyes. There sat the sexiest guy I’d ever seen. Big blue eyes, long, white-blond hair, and a masculine face that belonged in magazines captured my attention. He just sat there, staring at me. Actually, he was staring at me stroking my dick.

  Ahhh, I got it now. I was dreaming. I totally planned to take advantage of this because, outside of a dream, a guy who looked like that? No way he’d waste a glance in my direction. So, fuck it. Cutie over there was going to star in my wet dreams by sucking my cock.

  I even told him so. “Suck it.” I shook my dick as I informed him of what I required—just in case there was any question. Oh, how cute. He made this little “eep” sound. I waggled my cock at him again. “Come on,” I whispered. “You know you want it.”

  Was he hard of hearing or something? This was my dream, and Cutie needed to get with the program because I wasn’t going to be left hanging. I opened my mouth to enlighten him of this… and whoa. He pounced on me. He took me down to the root, and my eyes rolled back in my head.

  “Please, please, please…,” I pleaded as I fell into the void.

  All there was… was heat. Wetness. And fucking suction that would make Hoover proud. Jesus. The way Cutie moved his tongue while he tried to suck my brains out through my cock was impressive. Didn’t think I’d ever felt anything quite like it before, and I opened my legs to give him room to work.

  “Please,” I whimpered again. If I didn’t come soon, I just might die.

  I opened my mouth to beg or something, and suddenly… bam! I came. No warning whatsoever. The world exploded and lights flashed behind my lids. I came until my lungs seized. I jerked as a needle-sharp pain started at my groin and spread through me, but then it faded as another tide of pleasure rolled through me.

  I came again, and everything just faded out. I drifted for a while, enjoying the moment. Then I heard voices.

  “You did what?”

  O-o-okay, who was that talking?

  “He wanted it. He pleaded for me…. I-I couldn’t help myself. He told me to suck him… and I did. You didn’t hear him. And that scent of his! But I think he thought he was dreaming.”

  “He probably did, considering he just got whacked in the head with a log.”

  “He was jacking off in front of me. He told me to suck him, and I reacted to his tone. It was almost as commanding as yours. Almost.”

  “That doesn’t excuse the fact—”

  “That scent, Dolfoon. You know what that does to us. He’s ours. I… oh, dear.”

  Dolfoon?

  “Tal, what did you do?”

  Tal?

  “I started the process.”

  What process?

  “Well now, that changes everything.”

  Changes what?

  “I’m sorry. Oh, I’ve really messed this up. I knew I shouldn’t have blown him. I shouldn’t have touched him until he knew what was going on.”

  “No, you shouldn’t have, but I have an idea he’s going to be more upset about you starting the mating process than a blowjob.”

  What the hell is a mating process?

  “What are we going to do?”

  Do? Do about what?

  “You know what you have to do.”

  Well, that sounds ominous.

  “Oh goddess, we have to tell him, and soon, now. Think he’ll believe us?”

  Goddess? Who the fuck says goddess? And believe what?

  “Oh, he’ll believe us. It’s hard to deny the proof when it’s shifting right in front of you. As for the rest of it, we’ll deal with that too.”

  Shifting? Shifting! What the fuck is this? My eyes snapped open. The cutie from my dream was sitting in front of me, and he… oh shit. He was real.

  “Who the fu
ck are you? How did you get in my house?” I whispered as I struggled into a sitting position. Wait, sitting position? Wasn’t I just outside? “How the hell did I get in my house?”

  “I-I-I….”

  “What do you want?”

  “I-I-I….”

  “And what the fuck is a Dolfoon?”

  “Not what, but whom. I am Dolfoon, but call me Dolf, please.”

  I damn near jumped off the bed, he startled me so badly. Bye-bye stiffy. All this blood rushing from one point to another was making me dizzy. I stared at the guy. Damn, he was hot. Tall, too. Really tall, along with fucking full, lush lips, jet-back hair and… damn. More with the crazy blue eyes. Heaven help me, now I smelled apple pie along with the cinnamon.

  While the other guy was sweet and cute, this one projected strength and control. Power just oozed from his pores, filled the room, and demanded obedience. A demand I found myself tempted to… obey. Which made my head want to explode. I didn’t take orders well.

  “Well, nice to meet you. Now, why the fuck are you in my house?” I think I’ve fallen down the rabbit hole.

  “As I said, I am Dolf, and that is Talise. I call him Tal. We saw that you fell and were hurt. You hit your head, and there was blood. Between the two of us, we got you inside, undressed, and into bed. I cleaned the wound as best I could. Also, you’re undressed because your clothes were wet.”

  “Uh-huh. My drive is a half-mile from the road, and the wood I was hauling is in the backyard. I remember going outside to get some more. So, you want to explain how you just happened to see me knocked out in the backyard from the street, while it’s getting dark, to boot?” I wasn’t buying it.

  “I never said we were at the road.”

  “Right. So where the fuck were you, then?”

  “In your house. I’m the black cat, and he’s the white cat.”

  Forget the rabbit hole. Welcome to The Twilight Zone. “You’re the cats I’ve been taking care of?”

  “Yes.”