Wrong Kind of Love

by Amanda Heath

  I sigh and put down my paint tray. “Teag, I haven’t seen your keys. That’s what the shrug meant.”

  She rolls her eyes, which is something I expect of her. “I have to go pick up Declan. Him and Jaden got into a fight on the bus back from training camp. The coach kicked them off and told them to get rides home.”

  I feel my eyebrows rise up under my hair. “Say what?” I mumble in shock.

  Teagan chuckles turning away from my room. “Yeah something about Declan told Jaden he’s an idiot. Jaden didn’t like that too much and started throwing fist. Busted up my baby’s face.” I can imagine the pout on her face right now.

  As if on cue my cell phone starts ringing. Mom flashes across the screen. Dammit. “Yeah?” I say when I answer.

  “Honey, do you think you can go pick up your brother. He got kicked off the bus for fighting.” She pauses and I hear her voice muffle like she covered the receiver. “I would but I have to watch Hailey tonight. I tried to get Teagan too but she refuses.”

  “Well I don’t blame her for that. He did bust up her boyfriend’s face mom.” I chuckle when I hear her sigh on the other end.

  “This isn’t the time to be cute, Caden Gabriel Harper. Go pick up your brother before I come over there and smack you around.” She would do it too. Crazy woman.

  “Okay fine. But if I bust up his face it’s your fault.” I say looking around for my shoes.

  “Well if he busts up your face, then it’s your fault. Going after his girlfriend like that. You should be ashamed of yourself.” She says and my entire body goes cold.

  “Excuse me?” I ask, my voice full of venom.

  “He said you tried to take Grace from him. Honey I don’t know what has gotten into you but that’s not what family does.” She explains, making me see red.

  I don’t care whose feelings I hurt or the repercussions of what I’m about to say. “Look here mom, if you and Dad would pull your heads out of Jaden’s ass and realize he’s not all rainbows and butterflies, things would be a lot better. You put so much into him that you don’t realize neither of you put much into Teagan or me. As for Grace, yeah I went after her. She turned me down. This was after Jaden and I agreed to both stay away from her. So excuse me if I felt she was fair game.” I take a deep breath before going in for more. “And that was two freaking years go. Let it fucking go.”

  There is dead silence on the other end. Typical. You tell your mom she isn’t as perfect as she thinks she is, things are about to get ugly. “Why you little rotten boy! I have done everything for you! Everything! You will not say things like that to me! I am your mother. I gave you life and I can take it away!” she screams into the phone making me cringe.

  I don’t really care at this point what happens. It took awhile but I’m starting to see just how bad of parents they are. “Yeah you may be my mother, but you sure haven’t been the best you could be! How are we supposed to learn from anything if you stay with a man who cheated on you! And got another woman pregnant right after he knocked you up! Yeah you may have made me that studio but that’s because you were tired of me making a mess in the rest of the house.” I pause closing my eyes and taking a deep breath. “And what kind of a mother finds out her son was being molested and didn’t call the cops? I don’t care if he was already in jail. You didn’t want the scandal it would bring us. So you can go suck a dick mom.” And I hang up.

  That was years of pent up shit I had wanted to say to her. It might not be everything I wanted to say to her, but it was close enough. Don’t get me wrong, I love my parents, but sometimes you have to point out their flaws. Especially if they refuse to see them and it starts hurting other people. Teagan is innocent in all of this and mom wanted to put the blame on her. It’s Jaden’s fault he’s a dick and probably Moms too. No need to go on letting Mom think she can get away with putting Jaden on a pedestal.

  “That was really epic.” Teagan whispers, looking at me with stars in her eyes.

  I laugh right out at that. “You have been wanting to say the same things to her for years.” I reply sitting down to put my shoes on. I found them under my bed.

  “You’re still going to pick him up?” she asks sitting down next to me on the bed.

  “Well yeah. Just because Mom thinks Jaden shits gold, doesn’t mean he can fly himself home. That’s what family is Teag. We tell you when you’re being a retard and then we still pick you up when you’re down.” I nudge her shoulder and wink.

  “I guess.” She pauses and looks me up and down. “Why didn’t I know about the…molestation…thing?” she questions gently.

  I shrug. “We thought it was something you didn’t need to know.”

  “That’s really messed up she didn’t tell the cops.” She replies standing up.

  “Yeah well I kind of said I didn’t want her to. Still though, now that I’m older, I don’t understand why she didn’t. If I had a kid that happened to, no matter what the kid wanted I would talk to the police.” I stand up with her after I get my shoes on.

  “I’m going to go get Declan now. See ya when you get home.” She kisses my cheek and walks out of the room.

  I grab my keys off my dresser and make my way out of the house. This right here is when my world stops. This right here is when everything changes. If I had known what was out here I would have run out of that house like the hounds of hell were on me.

  Kayla stands right next to my car. Her top teeth bite into her bottom lip and I feel myself falling forward. She runs over to me so fast her blonde hair trails behind her like a shooting star. “Caden!” she exclaims, catching me before I fall.

  “Kayla.” I whisper my fingertips just barely touching her cheek. She sits me down on the sidewalk and cups my cheeks. “What are you doing here?”

  She looks deep into my eyes and her nose crinkles. “Umm…I decided to come back.” Like that explains anything.

  “That tells me nothing.” I state pushing her back so I can stand up. I’m glad she came back from wherever she was, but right now I have to pick up my brother.

  “Are you sure you’re okay to stand?” she mumbles backing away from me.

  “Yeah I got it. Grace.” I say her name with poison.

  Her blue eyes start to become shiny and I feel my insides turn. “I’m sorry.” She whispers and the sound gets caught in the wind.

  Then I become mad. Like mad enough to hit a girl. Don’t worry I’m not actually going to hit her. Though my mustang takes a beating when I slam my fists into it over and over again. I guess I scared Kayla enough she comes over and stops me with a hand on each elbow. I spin around fast and just start yelling. I don’t care who hears. “You were gone for two fucking years and all you have to say is you’re sorry? Well that’s not fucking good enough for me! Where the fuck were you when I was so worried, I thought you were dead, I had to take anxiety pills? Where the fuck were you when Jaden called to tell me you fucked him after I told you I loved you? Where the fuck were you period? I’m done with this shit, Kayla. My heart is ruined because of you. I will never be the same.” Tears leak out of my eyes and I feel ashamed for that fact. Who is she to see my tears.

  Kayla backs away from me slowly tears pooling in her own eyes. She starts out with a whisper but quickly picks up speed. “I’m sorry, okay? I never meant to hurt you. Those words you spoke to me, they scared me. I didn’t know how to handle that. I didn’t mean to sleep with him. It was the biggest mistake of my life.” She starts to sob and has to take a break before going on. “Daniel was spotted on campus, so Aiden and I took off. I didn’t want to leave you. But I couldn’t tell you and I couldn’t call you. My life was in danger and I refuse to put you or anyone else’s life in danger because of me.”

  “I would never have put you in danger! I loved you with everything in me. You were the stars in my sky and the beating of my heart. It would have killed me to hurt you.” I let out a harsh laugh and turn away from her. “You wouldn’t know that though. You were too busy thinking of yourself. Too
busy to see that other people care enough about you, that won’t betray you. The only thing that matters in your head is you. You don’t care who you hurt, as long as you’re okay.”

  And with that I climb in the driver seat of my car and peel down the driveway. It takes me a few hours to get to Jaden but the second he gets in the car, I drop the bomb. I hope it hurts him just as much as it hurt me. “Grace is back.”

  And I still fucking love her.

  Here’s the run down. I lived with Aiden in a pretty nice two-bedroom apartment out in Tuscon, Arizona. For two long years I sat around thinking about Caden Harper. And maybe a little about Jaden Harper. Aiden tried very hard to get me to date someone down there but my brain and heart wouldn’t let the twins go. Aiden finally got tired of it and shipped me back. He figured after two years, Daniel wouldn’t be here looking for us.

  I made sure to stop by my dads to check. Aiden was right, Daniel hadn’t been spotted in the two years since we left. Aiden stayed in Arizona and is dating a very nice young man. I’m going to miss him but I wish him the best. I just couldn’t stay away any longer.

  My life there was empty and boring. Nothing could make me forget the twins and while I shouldn’t base my life around a guy or two, I just couldn’t let go. So here I am sitting outside Declan’s house and wondering why in the hell I even came here.

  Caden is seriously pissed off. I don’t blame him. I’m pretty sure I fucked up our entire relationship. I wish I could say I didn’t want to sleep with Jaden, but unlike the first time with Caden, I was completely sober. I knew what I was doing. I’ve hurt him with doing that and I don’t know what to do to forgive myself. Or for him to forgive me.

  I start to feel weird about sitting outside, so I walk back into Declan’s house. I haven’t been in here since the party I meet Caden at. So I have no idea what room is his. I slowly walk up the stairs, my hand trailing on the rail. My shoes don’t make any noise as I walk along the carpeted floor.

  I start opening doors until I find the one I know is Caden’s. It’s not hard to figure out. There is paint all on the blue carpet. Plus there is an easel with a half painted canvas sitting in the middle of the floor.

  The bed is pushed up against the left wall and there is a huge TV and entertainment center on the right wall. When I see the PlayStation 3 I think I nearly faint. Losing myself in a game right now is exactly what I need.

  I don’t even fight it as I find myself turning on the console and picking up the controller sitting on top. I go through his games and I’m pleasantly surprised to find he has amazing tastes. Fallout 3, Borderlands, all three God of War’s, Bioshock, and something I haven’t even gotten to play yet. Borderlands 2!

  I quickly pop in Borderlands 2 and go sit on the bed, Indian style. When Short Change Hero by The Heavy starts playing I feel excitement course through my body. Borderlands had an awesome opening and Borderlands 2 is even better.

  When I pick my character and start playing I get lost in what I’m doing. Killing bandits and bullymongs has a way of making me feel at peace. I love gaming that much. To be someone else for a little while, mostly someone who has bigger problems then I do. Like an evil dictator with a mask for a face. Or having to move an entire town with my special siren abilities.

  I’ve never been able to explain it to anyone else the way playing games makes me feel. If I had a choice I would do this for the rest of my life. I’ve heard of gamers who get to test out the games before they are released. I would love to do that. It has always been my dream job.

  I don’t know how much time has passed before Caden drags his tired body in his bedroom. He does a double take when he sees me sitting on his bed playing video games. “I would never have guessed you were a gamer.” He says walking over to sit beside me.

  I give him an impish grin and pause the game. “I have always been a gamer. Life got way too hard for a while so I escaped to another world. My problems couldn’t reach me when I was playing. Hell they can’t reach me right now.”

  He smiles softly at me. “I know what you mean. That’s painting for me. Except I could make whatever I want to. The canvas is a new world and I can paint anything I want. It’s freeing and relaxing.” He lays back on the bed and stares at the ceiling. “I also like to nerd it up on the PS3 whenever I have the chance.”

  I nod my head. I get what he is saying. We have that much in common. “You have an amazing collection. I haven’t gotten to play Borderlands 2 before. Borderlands is my favorite game ever.”

  He smirks looking over at me. “Borderlands is pretty sick. I’m more of a God of War guy though. Marcus likes two player games so I picked up Borderlands to play with him.”

  “I’ve never played two players on it.” I pause looking away from him.

  The tension from earlier is still between us, but I can tell he doesn’t want to fight anymore. I don’t want to fight anymore either. It seems pointless. I don’t know what I want from either twin but I do know it makes me feel amazing to even be spending time with Caden.

  He sits up and uses his left hand to bring my face towards his. “Never had someone to play with before?” he asks softly.

  I shake my head. “Aiden played with me when I was younger but he out grew games.” I shrug trying to turn my head but Caden doesn’t let me.

  “Why don’t you play with me? It’s more fun with two players…I promise.” And suddenly I don’t think he is talking about the video game.

  “Okay.” I tell him quickly getting out of reach and picking up the second controller. I hand it to him and sit on the floor. Caden surprises me when he grabs me under the arms and pulls me up on the bed. I let out a squeak and smack him on the chest.

  “You gotta stay up here. I need you close to me.” He says right next to my ear. My body shivers making me feel awful. That’s Caden for you though; he could never go five seconds without touching me. Even when he’s mad at me, he has to have me in touch range. Though I think he’s more then mad. I think he is beyond pissed with a butt load of angry.

  “Okay. But you have to stay on that side of the bed.” I point at the other side, trying to get him away from my body. I want to spend time with him and enjoy what I can. I don’t want to end up sleeping with him, which will happen if we touch for too long. I have so much shit to clear up before I can let myself do that.

  “Why?” he whispers not moving an inch.

  “Because everyone still thinks I’m with your brother.” I state and it’s like a cold bucket of water has been poured over him. He blinks and then moves away from me. When he is sitting at the other end of the bed I let go of the breath I didn’t know I had been holding. Cassidy is the first person I saw when I got back. I was shocked to find out I went off to be a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader AND I was in a long distance relationship with Jaden. Yeah I have a few choice words for Jaden.

  We talk but mostly about the game. We say what parts we like and what parts we don’t like. We laugh and I find I don’t laugh much anymore. I don’t think I ever really laughed much before I came to hide away in Arkansas. Caden seems to bring the laughter out of me.

  When my eyes start to get heavy I lay on my side with my feet propped up in Caden’s lap. It’s not long before I’m passed out cold.

  The next morning when I wake up, it’s because my phone is going off. The ringing just goes on and on. I groan before reaching over to my nightstand to answer the stupid thing. My hand hits wall and I shoot straight up in bed. My movements knock off Caden’s arm, which was around my waist. I hold in my screech.

  Why does it seem like I can’t get far enough away from him? Why do I always end right back here? Is life telling me something? I can’t be here. Damn it why do I keep doing this to myself? I spent two years away from him and now he’s right back where he started. The center of my attention.

  “Turn it off and stay in bed with me all day.” Caden says sleep clouding his voice.

  I groan again jumping up from the bed and reaching my phone. Jaden’s name f
lashes across the screen but I ignore him and turn it off. There will be a time and place for Jaden Harper to get his. And that will not be over the phone. You cant smack the stupid off of someone over the phone. “You know I can’t, Caden.”

  “Yes you can. You want to be here with me. And I don’t want you to ever leave.” He is sitting up now looking all sleepy and messy. His blond hair is tossed all over the place giving him a roguish look. His clothes are wrinkled and he doesn’t have on any socks.

  I close my eyes. Those are words I didn’t know I longed to hear. Those are words I never wanted to hear. Why does he keep doing this to me? I spent years and months forgetting him because we don’t belong together. It’s wrong what we have. “Just shut up. Okay? Please.” I say barely above a whisper.

  He gets up off the bed and is in my face before I can say sex appeal. “Why? Because you want me but don’t want to? How is that my problem? I think about you all day long. I dream about you at night. You are everything to me and I can’t do it anymore. I can’t see you with my brother and I can’t move on.” His hands land on his hips and he eyes narrow at me. “I have tried so hard to move on, Kayla. You can’t even imagine. Life seemed to move in slow motion without you. I’ve spent the past two years wishing I didn’t fucking know you, yet wishing you were with me. Not Jaden. It fucking kills me every time I saw you together. Kills. Me.” He says his anger rising up in his voice.

  “We tried to work out! But I can’t fucking handle you. You are too much for me, Caden. You are so wrong for me it’s not even funny.” I spit out turning on my heel.

  He doesn’t let me get far before he pulls me against his chest. “You can take that and shove it up your ass. We are fucking perfect for each other. The way you fit me when we fuck, is unfucking real. You aren’t really Grace, so therefore you are exactly what I want, need.” His nose trails down my jaw and my hands fist into the sides of his t-shirt. “I’m done watching you from afar. I’m done letting you pretend to be happy with Jaden. I will fuck up my entire life to be with you, Kayla. You are mine. I’ve told you this before but this time I’m reinforcing it. You walked away two years ago, I get that I really do. You were scared for your life, but you’re here now. I’m not going to just let you walk out that door. I have to fight for you.”