If Only In His Dreams

by Schertz, Melanie

  “How old is the boy?” Darcy asked, trying anything to keep his mind from returning to Elizabeth’s illness.

  “He is near nine now. Mr Jones is surprised with each year that goes by, as he was quite sure that the boy would have perished years ago.”

  Another knock alerted the couple to the surgeon’s arrival at their room. “If you do not mind, Mr Darcy, I wish to speak with your wife alone before examining her. Mrs Hill will be here momentarily to assist me with the examination.”

  Reluctantly, Darcy stood and left the room. He encountered his cousin in the hallway, as Richard was looking for the surgeon. “Anne is quite ill this morning, though she will not admit to it. She has a queasy stomach and the smell of my soap made her lose her breakfast.”

  “Elizabeth is ill as well. Perhaps they ate something that did not set right with them.”

  Both men looked at the stairs when they heard Mrs Hill coming up to Elizabeth’s room. Darcy stepped closer to the housekeeper. “Mrs Hill, I am concerned that my wife and my cousin’s wife may have eaten something that was not cooked properly. Both of the ladies have queasy stomachs and I know that my wife is quite fatigued, even though she just woke from a night of sleep.”

  “I will speak with the surgeon and express your opinion. As soon as he is done with Mrs Lizzy, I will send him to Mrs Fitzwilliam’s room.” Hearing the housekeeper’s statement, Richard nodded his head.

  Mrs Hill was aware that many men were frightened of their wives increasing. It was a time of great changes in a woman’s body and it was difficult for men to understand and be supportive in the way their wives needed. Mrs Hill’s own dear husband was quite intoxicated when their children were born for he was unable to withstand hearing his wife’s cries.

  Stepping to the side of the bed where Elizabeth was laying, she smiled and took hold of her dear girl’s hand. Listening to the questions that were being asked of Elizabeth, and the answers that she was giving, Mrs Hill was becoming more and more certain of the diagnosis. When the surgeon pronounced his same beliefs, Elizabeth burst into tears.

  “Mrs Lizzy, whatever has caused these tears? This is good news, as a babe will bring such joy.”

  “My husband told me just moments ago that he dreads our begetting a child as he has had dreams of me taking ill and dying from giving birth. He will not be pleased with the news, not at all.”

  “He will come to be pleased, I am quite certain of that. Do not fear, dear girl. We will aid you in making him see the wonderful news for what it is. Oh, and I believe we have another patient in the same condition down the hall. Mr Fitzwilliam stated his wife is having a difficult time keeping her breakfast down. Neither of the men are aware that the condition that their wives are in, for they believe that the ladies have eaten something that did not settle well on the stomach.”

  “What should we do?” Elizabeth looked extremely frightened. “My husband was quite adamant that he fears our having children. I am certain that he will be displeased with the news.”

  “Mrs Lizzy, do not fret so. I believe that Mr Darcy will come to be pleased with the knowledge of a babe coming from your love. We must give him time to adjust to the notion. And once you deliver safely, he will be calm for any further confinements you might have.” Mrs Hill patted Elizabeth’s hand as she spoke in a motherly tone. “Remember how Fred was worried when his Leah was with child? And they now have five children. He loves each and every one of them.”

  Tears were welling up in Elizabeth’s eyes as she listened to Mrs Hill. “I only wish that William can be as pleased with the news as I am. I am thrilled to know that we will have a babe. A life, growing inside of me that was created by my love for my husband.”

  “That is the way it should be, Mrs Darcy.” The surgeon told her as he stood to leave. “I will go now to check on Mrs Fitzwilliam before I take my leave. I will only tell your husband that you are sound and healthy, and that the queasiness will subside. You will speak to him on the possibility of your increasing; I will not speak of the matter to him unless he has questions after you tell him the news. I do not see any impediment to your delivering a healthy child without trouble. You are healthy and strong, all should be well. And as to the trouble your mother had which led to her death, as you have said, she took a terrible fall and the injury is what took her and the babe’s life, not the confinement itself.”

  “Thank you, Sir. Will you be returning soon to check on Lady Catherine?” Elizabeth wished to change the subject.

  “I believe I will be back in two days, and if the lady continues to improve as she has, she should be able to be out of bed for several hours at a time. She will need to take things slowly and carefully; otherwise, I see no difficulties in a full recovery very soon.”

  “That is truly a relief to hear.” Mrs Hill stated. “I have been fretting over those two, dear ladies that protected our dear Lizzy. I am so very grateful for not only their defense of our girl, but that they will soon recover.”

  Chapter 27

  After the surgeon had left Longbourn, both Richard and Darcy went to their wives. Anne, having learned of her cousin’s fear of Elizabeth increasing, knew that she would need to speak with her husband to keep their news from Darcy for a while, until Elizabeth was able to convince him that the news was indeed good. Being somewhat frightened with the news of his wife’s condition, Richard was able to understand his cousin’s feelings. He thought it might be best if he were to have a chat with Darcy and discuss their fears for their wives. They had been able to speak of their joys at being married, it was only right that they now discuss their trepidation.

  When Darcy returned to his wife’s side, she could see the worried look on his face. “Please, dearest, there is nothing to worry over. I will be fine.

  “I do not believe the surgeon thoroughly investigated the situation. Perhaps it would be best to send for another physician, one that specializes in ladies illnesses.”

  “William, that is not necessary. Now, if you will assist me in dressing, I wish to see your mother and spend some time speaking with her. Jane will be extremely busy with plans for her wedding. And from what I discovered this morning, it may be a double wedding as well.”

  “Double?” Darcy looked at his wife with confusion. “Who else is marrying?”

  “My brother; he finally got around to asking my friend, Charlotte Lucas, to marry him. Jane and I have known of his favoring her for several years. I could not be more pleased for him.”

  “That is indeed good news, Lizzy. Please, my dearest love, do not place your health in jeopardy though.” Darcy looked into his wife’s eyes.

  “I promise you that I will refrain from any misdeeds. And, with your mother and my sister nearby, not to mention my dear friend, I will be kept from mischief by all of them.”

  An hour later, Darcy made his way to his mother’s room. “William, it is a pleasure to see you. How is Lizzy? I heard she was ill earlier.”

  “She was ill with a queasy stomach. I have been assured that it will pass and that she is well.”

  Lady Anne could see that something else was weighing heavy on her son’s mind. “What is wrong, William?”

  Giving his mother a slight smile, Darcy walked over to the window to look outside. “You have always known me, Mother. I have never been able to hide anything from you.”

  “Nor should you hide your feelings from me. What has happened?” Lady Anne held out her hand to her son when he turned around.

  “Mother, I have told you time and again about the dreams I have had over the past years, especially those pertaining to my wife.” Seeing his mother nod, Darcy continued. “I have not told you of the nightmares of losing Elizabeth. The nightmares are of my wife becoming heavy with child and then dying when giving birth.”

  With a knowing look, Lady Anne squeezed her son’s hand. “And now you are afraid of Elizabeth having children?” Darcy nodded his head. “William, you know it is a natural course in a marriage. Children are a blessing. Do not throw a
way your happiness over these nightmares. Elizabeth is strong and healthy; there is no reason to believe that she would not be able to survive giving birth to your children.”

  “You nearly died from birthing Georgiana. Grandmother died shortly after giving birth. How am I not to fear this could happen to my wife? Her own mother died in childbirth. I must find a way to prevent this from happening.”

  “This is foolishness. You are allowing your fears to control your actions. Your grandmother had a weak heart before giving birth, and she had been told not to attempt to carry another child. I had suffered from a fever for a week before giving birth, so I was in a weakened state. And I believe that Mrs Bennet had suffered a fall which led to her death. Elizabeth is not like any of us. She is strong and capable. She will be able to carry with no problem, I am quite sure of that.” Lady Anne took hold of her son’s hand and brought it to her cheek. “My dear boy, I cannot begin to tell you just how much it means to me to have you and Georgiana. My life would be empty without you. Do not deny the same joy for yourself and Lizzy. It is the greatest joy you will ever know.”

  “Perhaps, in time, I will be able to accept this, though I pray that it is many years from now.” Darcy leaned forward and placed a kiss on his mother’s forehead. “Now, I believe that it would be pleasant for you to be able to be out of this room for a while today. Alex has a chair for you to be moved around in and we thought it would be pleasant for you to be able to join the other ladies in the preparations for Jane’s wedding.”

  “William, be practical. You need to accept that, though your dreams of Elizabeth have been on the spot so far, it does not mean that life will continue to follow as they did in your dreams. I am quite certain that our girl will bear children well.”

  “I will take your advice, Mother. Thank you for your insights.” After placing a kiss on his mother’s head, Darcy left the room.

  After Darcy left the room, Lady Anne shook her head at her son’s fear. “Oh, my dear boy; if I am correct, you will have to come to terms with this much sooner than you planned. I am quite certain that your dear girl is already carrying the next generation of Darcys.”

  An hour later found Elizabeth in Lady Anne’s room, wishing desperately to speak with her mother in law. After confirming that Lady Anne was correct, Elizabeth broke down in tears. “How will I be able to tell William? He has told me that he does not wish to have children with me.”

  “Lizzy, it is not that William does not wish to have children with you, it is his fear of losing you. He has come to believe in the dreams that he has had for several years, especially now that most have come true since he found you. You are the woman he dreamed of, now his wife and his lover. I do not know the extent of his dreams, but from what he has told me, they were quite real in his mind. At times I believe it is difficult for him to separate the real Elizabeth from the one in his dreams. Forgive him, Lizzy, for he truly loves you. In time, I believe he will come to love the fact that you are carrying his child. I know his father filled with pride when I was carrying William and Georgiana. William will feel the same in time.”

  “Should I delay telling him of the babe? I was told that I may have more bouts of queasiness. I do not wish for William to be panicked over my being seriously ill.”

  “It would be best for you to be honest with him. Once he knows, then we will do everything we can to soothe his mind. And we will all be there for him. In time, he will relax, I am certain of that.”

  Anne Fitzwilliam made her way to her aunt’s room while Elizabeth was still visiting Lady Anne. “Lizzy, I am pleased to see you up and looking so well. Richard and I have spoken of your…condition, and we are quite excited for you.” She reached over to embrace her new cousin. “I have also heard that William does not know as yet, for he is not looking forward to the blessed event.”

  “I have not been able to tell him, as he is frightened of the possibility.” Elizabeth had difficulties raising her eyes to Anne’s. Elizabeth was jealous of her new cousin being able to speak openly with her husband while Elizabeth had to hide the truth from William.

  Anne could feel the frustration coming from Elizabeth. “Richard and I spoke of William’s behavior and fears. My husband and yours have been close all of their lives. Richard is willing to speak with William, but only if you approve.”

  The pleading in Elizabeth’s eyes reached across to touch Anne’s heart. “Anne, are you certain that Richard is willing? William is allowing his fears to rule his thinking at the moment.”

  “I am quite certain, as Richard has said he would do so. William has always trusted Richard. They were closer than two brothers ever could be. I am sure that if anyone can get through to William, it would be Richard.”

  Richard found his cousin in the study of Longbourn, as Alex had made his way over to Lucas Lodge to speak with Sir William and Lady Lucas. Darcy had not worked on his ever rising pile of business that arrived daily, so he took the opportunity to sort through the stack.

  “William, I wondered if I could have a moment of your time. I have an issue that I need assistance with.” Richard asked.

  “Of course, Richard, you know you are always welcome. What is on your mind?”

  Taking a seat in the chair in front of the desk where his cousin was working, Richard took a deep breath before he began. “Well, are you going to wish me joy on Anne and my news?”

  Frowning, Darcy could not imagine what news he had not heard of. “Of what do you speak, Richard?”

  “Of my wife carrying my child, Anne is near two months with child. We will know for certain once the babe quickens, but we are quite certain from the symptoms that she has been experiencing.”

  Darcy quickly turned ashen at the news. “What symptoms? Is Anne well?”

  “She is quite healthy, William. She has had a difficult time with certain smells making her queasy, and she requires more rest during the day, but otherwise, she is very well. Thrilled, I might add, as she has been eagerly awaiting having a child.”

  Darcy stood and walked across the room to pour himself a glass of port. He was so absorbed in his own thoughts that he neglected to offer a glass to his cousin. After draining one glass of port, Darcy refilled his glass. “William, if you would be so kind, I would not mind a glass of port, unless you have plans to drink your brother in law’s entire stock.”

  Shaking his head, Darcy sat his glass down and picked up an empty one, filling it halfway with port. “Forgive me, Richard.”

  “There is nothing to forgive, Cousin. I can see that your mind is elsewhere. Would you care to enlighten me of your thoughts?”

  “I fear the inevitable conclusion of my married life with Lizzy.”

  “What could you possibly believe to be such a conclusion to your marriage? I have never seen a more loving couple than you and Lizzy, other than me and Anne, that is.”

  “I know that I shall lose my wife in childbirth. I know it, as I have dreamt it. All of my other dreams have come true, so of course I am dreading the day that I hear the words that my wife is with child. If I had any self-control, I would never have taken her as I have. I should have found some method of preventing children.”

  “You do not wish to have children of your own? To know that your love with your wife has made a new life?”

  “Do you not worry as to the possibility of losing Anne? Do you not know the dangers that come with carrying a child, not to mention giving birth? I cannot believe that you do not fear this for your own wife, as I know that you love Anne dearly.”

  Richard leaned forward in his chair. “William, I fear losing my wife. As you said, I love her dearly. Anne has been of a frail constitution for many years. But we have consulted with physicians, apothecaries, midwives, and even Catherine. We have been given the same answer each time. Anne can carry a child, so long as she is careful. If she needs to rest, then she rests. If she cannot eat certain foods due to their making her ill, then other foods will be provided. If my cigars and cologne cause her queasiness, t
hen I will refrain from their use. Anne is quite thrilled with the news, and seeing her eyes light up at the mention of her condition, I am quite thrilled as well.”

  “I know that I will not be as fortunate in the outcome if Lizzy were to become with child. I could not bear the thought of losing her, not to mention when I actually do lose her.”

  Standing, Richard walked over to stand beside his cousin. “William, you have lived these past years to meet with everyone else’s expectations. You were forced into taking over for your father when he died. You have taken care of your mother and sister, as well as Pemberley and your other holdings. All the while, you dreamed of the lady who you could love and who would love you in return. You have her, you found Elizabeth. She may be everything that the lady in your dream was, but tell me the truth, is Elizabeth exactly like the woman in your dreams? Is everything about Elizabeth exactly like she was in your dreams?”